r/TwoHotTakes 28d ago

AITA for Thinking About Breaking Up After Supporting My Girlfriend Through an Abortion? Advice Needed

Hey everyone,

My girlfriend F20 and I M22 have been together for 2.5 years. Recently, we found out that she accidentally got pregnant out of the blue, and we decided to have an abortion, which happened earlier this week. I was there for her on the day of the abortion and for two days after, providing emotional support and caring for her needs.

Despite being there for her during this difficult time, I'm starting to question if we're truly compatible. I'm heavily involved in sports at a high level, which means I have to be strict about my training, diet, and sleep. My girlfriend, on the other hand, isn't actively involved in any sports. She gets frustrated because she feels we don't spend enough time together, even though I feel we're spending a sufficient amount of time together.

A couple of days ago, she got really mad at me for falling asleep early. I made a post in another subreddit about how she gets upset when I fall asleep because I need my rest for my demanding schedule, and she feels I don't spend enough time with her. She has expressed feelings of depression when we're not together and has mentioned not having anything to live for. She has also brought up suicide at times when she isn’t getting what she wants, and I have a feeling she might be manipulating me in that way.

The key factor for me thinking about breaking up is this recent incident of her getting mad over my need for sleep. I’m struggling to balance her needs with mine and am now thinking about breaking up with her.

I feel terrible for considering a breakup after all the hurt we've been through recently. AITA for thinking about breaking up with her after supporting her through the abortion?

81 Upvotes

112 comments sorted by

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91

u/OhbrotheR66 28d ago

Does she work, have friends or hobbies? Were you her emotional support person prior to the abortion? Do you share some mutual enjoyment for an activity(s)? Did she express feelings of depression and the need to be with you more often before the abortion, or is this new? She sounds depressed and could benefit from some therapy.

46

u/WetFoxTail 28d ago

This has been going on for months now, she doesn’t have any hobbies and I tried motivating her to go to the gym or do dancing which she really likes but she fell through with that, she recently quit her membership because of money issues that she has, I’ve paid for her membership in the past when she had issues with money

35

u/OhbrotheR66 28d ago

Maybe you could gently talk to her about what you are noticing concerning her mental health and recommend some counseling.

-21

u/Routine-Condition-21 28d ago

Keep your eye on the prize. You are an athlete and to succeed you can’t have distractions. It’s an easy decision does she fit within your lifestyle? The life you choose is a hard one but a rewarding one. I am a parent of two competitive athletes who have sacrificed a lot to get to where they are. Head down do your job.

4

u/Chrizilla_ 28d ago

This is honestly the correct opinion, like, obviously it’s not nice to the poor gf who can’t manage her own life, but OP really should be focusing on his goals.

10

u/GraciousGladiator 28d ago

I can sympathize with her. However, you shouldn't be codependent on your partner for your mental stability. That's just selfish. I think op needs to tell her this if/when he decides to break up with her.

If he treated her well and was a supportive partner, he shouldn't be blamed or feel guilty for what happens after the relationship, since it has little to do with him at that point.

If you aren't content with being alone, patient, or mentally stable, please please PLEASE do NOT seek a relationship with someone else. I'm sorry to say this, but you'd be more of a burden on your partner than an asset to their well-being and quality of life.

23

u/WetFoxTail 28d ago

she has one close friend but she often mentions she has no one except me and her world would sink in if I would ever leave her

40

u/LittleMsSavoirFaire 28d ago

Jesus Christ, that makes you a crutch, not a partner 

61

u/Top-Bit85 28d ago

She only thinks her world will sink if you leave her. Get out before you drown.

17

u/Ambitious-Island-123 28d ago

Ugh my brother “has only me as a friend” and now that his wife left him (apparently she wasn’t his friend) it’s phone calls every day, multiple times a day because I’m his only source of solace/entertainment/whatever and it’s sucking the life out of me:

5

u/JournalLover50 28d ago

Well she needs therapy

12

u/Neweleni7 28d ago

It obviously doesn’t obligate you to stay with her forever but it would be less callous and more kind of you could be with her and support her a little longer given what she just went through. And as others have said, maybe we she’s depressed so if you could plant the seed of getting therapy and/or antidepressants and set her on the path to recovery before you leave her so soon after the abortion.

(But also, there’s nothing wrong with sitting her down and explaining how important your sleep is to you and complaining about that is really unfair on her part)

4

u/Malipuppers 28d ago

That’s manipulative on her part. She needs therapy and to work on herself. From what you have posted you two don’t sound compatible. It’s ok to break up with someone who you determine you don’t see a future with.

-1

u/Rage187_OG 28d ago

Run. She’s an emotional vampire.

33

u/villagevolary 28d ago

NTA. You're not an asshole for considering a breakup. It's important to prioritize your well-being. If you decide to end things, do so compassionately and ensure she has support.

3

u/sikonat 28d ago

Things like a pandemic and lockdowns or death or an unexpected and unplanned pregnancy or a huge life changing event can be a catalyst for examing our lives and relationships.

NTA but you should seek counselling to try and get her to a better place so she can deal with her mental health which no doubt this unplanned pregnancy would be part of. You need to do this gently bc she’s had a huge life change/shock.

3

u/cleverlux 28d ago

Why ensure she has support? I fully agree with breaking up in a compassionate way but from then on she is not his responsibility. She is an adult and will be able to handle it. She will have to learn that she can survive something like this and later be able to be happy again. This extreme attachment to OP is not healthy for her either.

14

u/Awsugaa 28d ago

She’s also just had an abortion. Ofc he should care that she has support.

9

u/SweetLordyJesus 28d ago

I mean she just aborted his kid. I feel like at least tangentially he has some responsibility.

7

u/Simple-Dingo6721 28d ago

Uh, ensure she has support because she is suicidal. Commitment doesn’t even matter. Even if the person you dislike the most displays suicidality, you should still make damn sure they have support.

0

u/cleverlux 28d ago

I respect your opinion but still disagree. Because even if she would theoretically commit suicide OP would still not be responsible for that.

1

u/Simple-Dingo6721 27d ago

Dude, it’s not about responsibility. It’s about sacrificial love. That’s like the central tenant of humanity.

1

u/cleverlux 27d ago

If OP feels this way he sure can make sure she has support. My point is, he doesn't necessarily HAVE to from a moral standpoint if it is too much for him to feel the pressure of being the one responsible for her wellbeing. No one can be responsible for someone elses happiness.

11

u/senoritagordita22 28d ago

NTA. Your reasons for breaking up are irrelevant to the abortion.

That being said, you're in part why she needed the abortion. Its an extremely emotional choice and I think the honorable thing to do would be to wait maybe 3 weeks minimum to break up with her so she's had more time to process.

Reading other comments, I saw she only has one other close friend other than you. That sucks, but thats not your fault, and from other context it sounds like shes using the relationship to fill a gap in her life. Thats not fair on her part.

11

u/Dull-Geologist-8204 28d ago

Just an FYI, if you break up with her now she is going to tell people you broke up with her for having an abortion. Just be prepared for the backlash you may get.

45

u/MikeReddit74 28d ago

Break up. Her mental and emotional health aren’t your responsibility. Don’t let anyone guilt you into staying with them.

17

u/Impossible-Debt9655 28d ago

Dude. Mods need to make a post and pin it. about manipulation involving scuide because this a daily post. And I think people would benefit from some studies and research if we could make a awareness post with sources

13

u/Practical_Plant726 28d ago

Not everything is manipulation, at least not intentionally. She just sounds like a lonely, disenfranchised person who needs a lot of help. He’s not obligated to help her, but painting someone who’s clearly struggling in such a light is not productive.

4

u/jenorama_CA 28d ago

Yeah, anyone that threatens suicide as a manipulation needs help and OP isn’t obligated to be that person.

32

u/Top-Bit85 28d ago

Thank heavens the abortion is done and over. You were supportive. But you can't be her everything.

Your original issue with her is that she doesn't want you to sleep. Preventing people from sleeping is a form of torture. I could not put up with that, sounds like you are not loving it either.

Do any adults know what has been going on? This girl needs help if she is threatening to off herself. She needs more hep than you can give her, and this should not be on you anyway. Time to let her parents know.

3

u/Scary_Tip_7477 28d ago

I was your girlfriend and similar scenario except we decided to keep the baby. Seems like you're not compatible for numerous reasons. Different lifestyles and not being able to meet halfway. I had a rough pregnancy and I was VERY codependent on my ex. He checked out and then started to cheat because he felt unhappy and stuck. We stayed for longer than we should have, it was absolutely miserable. I think in your case, a break up is probably for the best and at the end of the day she is responsible for her own self. Looking back had I been more supportive of myself things would've worked out better. Maybe our relationship would have worked out or maybe I would've been more understanding that we were not compatible and I would have accepted a break up from the beginning. She needs help and only you can encourage it but you're not responsible for her happiness. I learned that the hard way.

3

u/n0nya9 28d ago

NTA. You don't have to stay in a relationship that is not working. You may want to give her some time to deal with the hormones shift. She did not impregnate herself. They really do mess with you, and 2.5 years is a long enough investment to give her a month, so you are not adding another devastating thing.

3

u/KMB00 28d ago

NTA, this doesn't seem to have anything to do with the abortion. Y'all are both young, and it's common to discover you aren't compatible especially in your early 20s. It is definitely manipulative to mention suicide when she's not getting her way.

6

u/Equal-Brilliant2640 28d ago

You are not her emotional support animal. Her stopping you from getting proper sleep is a form of abuse, her threatening suicide because she doesn’t get her way is abuse

You being her only friend/companion isn’t healthy

You’re on a very slippery slope right now. Please back up and end this relationship before it’s too late

If she threatens/mention suicide, ask her if she wants to call 911 (or your equivalent) or her parents for help

Odds are she’ll say no. Just end things now with her. And keep in mind, people that are really suicidal, almost NEVER tell folks they are and that they’re going to harm/kill themselves because they don’t want anyone to stop them

If you can, please talk with a therapist. They can help you identify problematic behaviours going forward so you can avoid getting into another relationship like this. You’re young and you may unconsciously seek out someone that shows similar behaviours to your current gf because that’s what’s familiar to you

-2

u/[deleted] 28d ago

[deleted]

2

u/Equal-Brilliant2640 28d ago

No I’m being practical. Her behaviour reeks of manipulation and abuse

And we seek out what we know, if you have an absentee father, you tend to seek out men like that. If a guy has a controlling/domineering mother, he tends to seek out women like that

We need to be aware of the trauma we go through, and to make steps to change our thought processes so we don’t continue the cycle of abuse

0

u/[deleted] 28d ago

[deleted]

3

u/Equal-Brilliant2640 28d ago

And you think he should stay with an abusive and controlling person? And I’m heartless

2

u/Krafty747 28d ago

This relationship has run its course. She needs a break up as an impetus for self growth.

2

u/RefrigeratorPretty51 28d ago

Run. Now. Get your stuff and leave. Threatening suicide to keep a partner is bat shit crazy.

2

u/BiigBrain 28d ago

Break up. A girl talking about suicide when you don’t listen ain’t a women you want to tie bonds with anyways. Doesn’t sound like she would bring much to the table in the long run.

2

u/duma0610 28d ago

I agree with many of the answers here. Don’t walk away from her, RUN!

2

u/Fabulous-Shallot1413 28d ago

Nope, as soon as she tries to do the emotional manipulation of ending herself because you don't give her enough attention, I'm out. The next step is a fake attempt to keep you. Time to move on

2

u/LatterFriendship6515 28d ago

Question: Is her depression related to the abortion? It can be a traumatic event whether people show it or not. Did either of you get any counselling following the abortion?

2

u/waltzingtothezoo 28d ago

I think it is best not to make big life decisions under great stress. It is hard to tell if you are scared and overwhelmed with the situation and are overthinking due to anxiety or if you two are genuinely incompatible.

The suicide talk is really serious, has that been since the abortion? It is important to say that manipulating your behaviour by threats of suicide is abusive. Is she trying to share her feelings since the abortion, you should consider getting her to see a doctor. You say she got mad at you for sleeping, is this during the 2 days you were with her post abortion because in that case I would cut her some slack.

An abortion is not just a physical process someone bounces back from in 3 days. There are all sorts of hormonal and emotional issues that come along with it. Tbh I'm not sure you can say you "supported" your gf through an abortion because you were with her day of and the 2 days after. You dont have to stay in a relationship with her but 3 days of your life isn't really supporting someone through this emotional ordeal.

2

u/Grouchy-Heron-95 27d ago
  1. You were there for her during the abortion like a man. Good job! I unfortunately wasn’t as much of a man as you were when I was your age in the situation.. I was your exact age actually. If I could do it different I would, so props to you. The fact you feel bad & thinking about her feelings says you were raised right and a good person. You guys are young & had an accidental pregnancy which both of you decided that you weren’t ready for, I don’t see the problem.
  2. Sounds cliche, but you gotta do what makes you happy man. You’re not having the best time with her now & you won’t play sports forever. I’d say focus on the sport right now while you got it, don’t want to regret anything down the road. 3.Relationships are a 2 way street but it sounds like with her , it’s only her way. That’s a recipe for disaster.

Be gentle with the break up if you choose to end it, sounds like you’ll handle it right regardless . But do what you feels best.

5

u/SaltierThanTheOceani 28d ago

You don't mention if sports are a hobby or your profession. I think that's important to the conversation. You didn't mention much about what your day to day life looks like, and very little about your girlfriend. I think all of that is important to this.

Just to be clear, are you hoping to salvage your relationship? Or that you've already made up your mind and you're just wondering how much of an AH you'll be if you break up with her a week after she had an abortion?

Has there ever been any happiness in your relationship? What has kept you guys together for 2.5 years?

1

u/mr_gexko 28d ago

You would be the asshole if you stay in this situation. It’s not good for her and it’s not good for you

3

u/MrsJingles0729 28d ago

I think you're gaslighting yourself. You say she doesn't think enough about you, but you want to dump her after putting her through an abortion. You're not the good guy here.

2

u/lacajuntiger 28d ago

It doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship for you, and perhaps not for her either. I don’t think her problems come from your training. From a relationship point of view, her actions would be very tiresome, and I could see why you would consider dissolving the relationship. Does she have family you can alert?

8

u/WetFoxTail 28d ago

Yes i’m in close contact with one of her family members, I’m set on breaking it off and will let this family member know

1

u/Relevant_Health 28d ago

This is the answer, OP. Break it off, and let her family member know so they can be there for her. Good luck in your future endeavors.

1

u/Upper_Day606 28d ago

I was simular when really mentally unstable a few years ago at the time I felt the whole world would end if he left me and then he did and tho it hurt bad for around a year after I don't think or care for that relationship anymore and haven't in years and I'm way more stable now without him so I think for the sake of you both you need to leave its not meant to be

1

u/m0stlydead 28d ago edited 28d ago

First of all, no one becomes pregnant “out of the blue.” It’s a direct consequence of having sex. It’s something that you did, your actions led to it.

Second of all - although technically adults, and I haven’t met either of you, I feel comfortable saying with complete confidence that neither of you is equipped to commit to a lifelong anything let alone a relationship. So much of a person’s life, any person, goes through so many changes in the early 20s. If you feel pulled to separate, follow that instinct. Just don’t be a dick about it, and then you won’t be TA.

Her suicidal ideation is not your burden to carry, but you should consider speaking to someone in a role of authority about it. I recommend bringing it up to your doctor, who if they’re on the ball will take matters into their own hands to get her the help she needs, in addition to referring you to therapy, which you should definitely go to. It sounds like you have some issues with being manipulated in romantic relationships, and it would be good to correct that before it’s hard coded.

Respond to any threat of suicide with a call to 911 or a health professional. You can’t do anything about the threats to stop someone from harming themselves, and it’s often a manipulation tactic in itself. So leave that to the professionals.

1

u/Chrizilla_ 28d ago

NTA and yes you should break up. She’s a leech who will drag you down. I don’t even think she’s hiding her intentions to sabotage your athletic career.

1

u/joe-lefty500 28d ago

Never stay with someone who emotionally blackmails you. Time to find someone who is more compatible. This woman has to save herself. No one else can

1

u/DevilMan17dedZ 28d ago

NTA. She's manipulating the fuck outta you. It's shitty. It is what it is. I was with a woman way longer than I should have been because of multiple threats of self-harm/suicide if I left her. Best of luck to you.

1

u/Condensed_Sarcasm 28d ago

Honey, there's never going to be a "right time" to break up with somebody. Something is (usually) always happening and a break-up isn't a happy thing (most of the time) - just rip off the bandaid.

Anybody that uses "offing themselves" as a way to get you to stay or do what they want is manipulating you. My ex-boyfriend would do that to get me to stay and I was young and stupid so I fell for it for a year.

Guess what he didn't do when I finally broke up with him.

If you think she really would, there's people to call to get her help.

1

u/GraciousGladiator 28d ago

Hey OP! Athlete here.

I can sympathize with you, heavily. However, you're correct in stating that you two aren't compatible. It sounds like she's more introverted and you're more physically active. You're busy, but that doesn't mean you can't find a partner that fits your schedule and lifestyle.

My partner is a workaholic and a giant, and he's always busy working blue collar jobs that need his strength for convenience. This fits my schedule because I am also always busy. So although we don't get to spend much time together, the time we do spend is much more valuable than most couples, and keep us both pushing forward for the other.

It sounds to me like you're also a very disciplined man with a bush schedule, and your girlfriend is not. So you two should break up. I'd advise, once you're ready to date again, that you look for either a career driven woman, or a woman that shares the same lifestyle/discipline as you.

1

u/snickerdoodle_25 28d ago edited 28d ago

Being incompatible doesn’t make anyone an AH. It’s ok to move on. Thats dating. Maybe a gentle suggestion of counseling, like others here have suggested. An unexpected pregnancy and abortion could certainly take a toll. It’s certainly unfair of her to put all that on your shoulders. She needs to be a participant in her own life. Make friends. Find hobbies. She definitely could use some therapy I think. Are you guys in college? Can she get help there?

1

u/controlledmonster 28d ago

NTA, sounds like you don’t like her very much. Or at least not as much as she likes you.

2

u/controlledmonster 28d ago

WHICH IS OKAY. Just don’t drag it out and waste her time trying to make it work. When it works, it’ll be much more clear.

1

u/whycantibeafish 28d ago

Dude you are so young. Don’t waste time like this. Let her go as kindly as you can and go enjoy your life.

1

u/MerryStrategist 28d ago

If this isn't a match for you, move on. Do both of you a favor and let her go. It's that simple.

1

u/13d3ad3nddriv3 28d ago

Anytime someone starts throwing around the suicide threat. End it.

If someone will use that as a way to get their way or stop someone from leaving there is no relationship. That is one of the worst tactics. If a bf/gf only has their partner for keeping them alive, you leaving is the best thing for them. They have to learn to make their own happiness relying on an outside source is the quickest way to fail.

I have depression and anxiety and I have never used suicidal thoughts to make someone stay. It is not on them. That would be way too much pressure on a relationship. It’s not fair to the other person. Also, THAT is not depression OR anxiety. It is straight up manipulation.

ETA: judgment NTA

1

u/NaturalSerious1604 28d ago

Introduce her to some of your nice friends. She needs support. If you can't meet her emotional needs you won't be a good boyfriend. Tell her she's beautiful and a better person than you and tell her you need to be single and focus on your training.

1

u/hazyTHINKER 28d ago

break up

1

u/Hobbs4Lyfe 28d ago

NTA, but please let her family know what she has said regarding ending her life and ask them or a friend of hers to be present when you do break up/ leave. While I could be a manipulation tactic or for attention, you really shouldn't take it lightly.

She seems very co-dependent, and based on your life, you do not seem compatible. Best of luck.

1

u/dogonfire2020 28d ago

You only live once dude. One time. That's it. And in that one life, how many years will you get to enjoy the activities/sports you enjoy? Dude it sucks... But if she can't accept you for who you are and what you like... You should move on. Sounds like she's depressed and wants you to be depressed with her. She very well could try to pull you in to the lowest level you've ever been in. Thinking about this, it could be a lack of self confidence on her end as well. Mixed with depression. As others have said I would advise her to at the very least seek counseling. Maybe antidepressants. You might want to back off while she finds herself and in the end you may just want to be friends. Who knows. Wish you luck mate

1

u/PaleSandwich123 28d ago

NTA. You did that child a favor! Imagine the rest of your life! She would mooch off you and wouldn’t care for the child. That depression needs 24 hour care at a clinic and she’s not your responsibility. At all! I hope you don’t allow any guilt feelings over come you. Focus on yourself. Also, get a professional to help you break up with her. You don’t want her to have a meltdown and let that alone ruin your life! Go to a therapist with her so there’s a witness to her admitting you’ve never hurt her or anything. Like that when the break up happens with the mental health provider there, and if she accuses you, you’ll have professional back up. You may think I’m reaching but girls be saying anything nowadays.

1

u/mooglemethis 27d ago

NAH

Consider setting a deadline for yourself, by which point, you'll leave. It takes the pressure off and allows you to keep your cool when things get heated. Set it a couple of weeks/a month into the future or something like that, to create some space between the current situation and the break up.

You can use the time to reach out and establish a support network for her, or talk to her about the issues and her mental health. You can talk about what you both need from a relationship and see how your expectations match up and discuss your incompatibilities.

The deadline can help you take a step back and look at the relationship more objectively. Maybe you'll find that things aren't as bad as you thought and there's still something to salvage or maybe you'll see much deeper problems which can't be fixed.

1

u/WarmFuzzy1975 27d ago

A lot of people in relationships during their teens/early 20’s get strongly attached to their partner, and associate them with their happiness. This is not healthy, for them or their partner.

Just like people need to learn how to live on their own & manage their life (“adulting”), it is important for them to also learn how to make their own happiness.

It’s unfortunate that there are multiple variables involved here (the pregnancy, your different interests, your discipline for your sports), but regardless, she needs to be able to engage in activities that she holds interest in, with or without you, & be able to go for stretches without relying on you for her social interaction.

The threat of suicide may be manipulative, however, please take it seriously, as she may truly suffering from a depression.

Honestly, someone asking for more time with you isn’t usually a reason to end a relationship. It sounds like there’s more going on emotionally, & perhaps you are no longer as compatible as before.

If you end things, do so with compassion, and perhaps even consider seeing a counselor together (most universities have free therapists for students), to help either repair the relationship in a healthy way, or help support your GF thru the transition.

1

u/secretanonperson13 26d ago

Get. Out. That’s the whole first semester textbook for Red Flags 101. Suicide as an empty threat to manipulate you in to giving in to her is not only manipulative, it’s bat shit crazy.

Screenshot your messages, make sure you cross your t’s and dot your i’s. This is the type of girl that WILL ruin your life. It’s suicide threats now, fake domestic abuse/sexual assault claims later.

RUN

-1

u/Crazy-Excitement-684 28d ago

YTA, i have no idea what's actually going on with the gf. Is she manipulating? Is she struggling with her mental health and has little to no support? You clearly have not been a supportive partner. She was pregnant for weeks, got an abortion, and now her body is still confused and freaking out. She won't be hormone free for weeks longer.

Imi, You should have ended it much sooner. You have not been invested for a long time, possibly ever, and she has sensed it, and it's made her mental health worse. She deserves better, and you are not ready for an adult relationship. I don't think either of you are.

-1

u/Recent_Put_7321 28d ago

NTA I could never be with someone who threatens suicide. If she threatens that again when you break up contact the police and let them know what she said do not just take it as she just threatens. Hopefully that will make her think twice about doing it again.

0

u/mayfeelthis 28d ago edited 28d ago

Yeah you are giving off AH vibes overall.

You mention ‘after supporting her through the abortion’ as if it earns you credits. What did you think the baseline is, not doing that?

Yea, if you’re incompatible that’s that. You can breakup anytime. You’re not wrong.

But mentioning the sleep issue alone, lack of time with her (which you dismiss cause you’re satisfied), and your athletic prowess is rather tangential. I get the impression you’re threading together justifications. And maybe you simply dismiss her needs, are fine when things work in your favor, but have a couple things you rationalise to end it after a huge life confronting event.

Imho I think you maybe just realized you don’t want to be with her, have a kid with her, the long term vision is not there for you. Or some form of this type of thing. Big event > Big decisions.

Sometimes you can go from a big scare to norm. It doesn’t require you to make a bigger decision, so you know. Just remember why you are here together, and what you’d both want next.

It’s your call what you do, but skip the details - they come off as weak justifications imho. Keep it simple, reflect until you can express it to a child gently. Then you’ll know what you’re comfortable with imho (hopefully)…

‘This situation also made me realize I’m not ready for the long haul, I’m too focused on my own life and athletics. I tried to be supportive through the pregnancy and I know I’ve not been present as much as you deserve overall. I don’t think I can be that, and maybe it’s a good time to find our way apart, sorry. I know you’ll find the person who can be that.’ Simple. Do not do it over call/text! Lol be kind.

1

u/oldladyoregon 28d ago

If your GF is not seeing a therapist urge her to start. That said you are NOT responsible for her happiness. The added pressure of a unwanted pregnancy makes this doubly stressful for both of you. Give yourself some grace. NTA

1

u/AdultingThroughLife 28d ago

NTA but you need to breakup with her ASAP. She is starting to control you with her remarks of suicide and telling you she has no one but you! All super 🚩🚩🚩🚩

0

u/ArtemisTheOne 28d ago

Recently, we found out that she accidentally got pregnant out of the blue

lol shut up

If you’re having sex pregnancy is on the table, barring vasectomy or hysterectomy. Wear protection always.

1

u/Dramatic-Lavishness6 28d ago

never. Just be kind/respectful about it. Before going out with my mum, my dad supported his then girlfriend through her abortion. He broke up with her some time afterwards, because they were incompatible. Obviously them not working out benefitted us, but he showed how a boyfriend should be, while also teaching us that no one has to stay with someone if they don't want to be with them anymore.

She'll be upset, sure. She'll be ok though. You need to put yourself first now.

1

u/Dry-Crab7998 28d ago

NTA

Clearly you are not really compatible. Different interests and priorities.

She may need support for a little longer, you need to encourage her to get support through her family or friends.

If she threatens suicide again, contact someone you trust immediately and or call for an ambulance.

1

u/Kaym02 28d ago

You’ve gotten a glimpse at a responsibility you seem to be nowhere near ready for. Therefore, it makes you realize that having this serious of a relationship at a young age is something that you aren’t ready for, and that’s more than ok.

1

u/BigTwobah 28d ago

What are ya gonna do? Stay with her forever because she had an abortion even though you dont want to be with her?

1

u/Icy-Advance1108 28d ago

Time to shake my dude, maybe tell her parents so they can be close before hand.

1

u/Old_Willow4766 28d ago

It sounds like your lifestyles are clashing heavily.

What I will say is that staying sounds like a way for you both to end up miserable. Be respectful of her feelings but if you don't want to be with her you shouldn't.

1

u/Honest_Advice2563 28d ago

I'd have left after she brought up suicide if we're not together. That's extremely manipulative and not behavior anyone should put up with. On top of that, getting mad when you sleep? Yeah no. I dated a girl that got mad when I did things on my own cause she wanted to help me. That didn't last more than a couple months because I'm not a baby and didn't need her there to hold my hand.

1

u/accumdepression365 28d ago

NTA, you both are young and just had to go through a very tough life event. I think it might have made you wake up and see this is not the path you want to go down, nor the person you want to go down it with.

She will probably see you as breaking up with her due to the abortion, but that is just one factor. You two do not have the same goals and are at different stages in life despite only being 2 years apart.

Break up now so you both can start your healing journey and I personally would go as far as blocking her so she can’t guilt you into staying with her poor mental health. She needs to lean on her own support system and work on herself.

1

u/cleverlux 28d ago

Yeah, it is neither healthy nor fair of one partner to expect the other one to make them happy. No one can be responsible for the happiness of someone else, it is an impossible request.

Her having a higher need to spend time with her SO is not wrong in itself but yes it looks like you just might not be compatible if your desire for it differs too much from hers.

1

u/BBGFury 28d ago

Her bringing up not having a reason to live and suicide when she doesn't get her way are huge red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩

She should have other support people, hobbies, interests etc that don't have to be centered around you and the relationship.

NTA, but if you choose now to leave try to ensure she has someone she can talk to, or (worst case scenario) if she threatens suicide call EMS.

1

u/THOUGHTCOPS 28d ago

NTA, unless you keep having sex with her before you decide if you want to stick around. With one of your kids already aborted you would be a monster to put her through that again.

1

u/crazymastiff 28d ago

NTA it doesn’t sound like this is about the abortion at all. And she’s manipulating the hell out of you with suicidal threats. Run and thank god y’all aren’t bringing a kid into the world.

1

u/Rose_Wyld 28d ago

How did she get pregnant? Since you say it was accidental I assume you were using some form of birth control but it failed. Is that the case? Or were you not in the mood to wear a condom that day?

2

u/WetFoxTail 28d ago

she is on birth control, I should reside to also wearing condoms again because this was the perfect example that one form of birth control is not bullet proof

-1

u/Competitive-Dot-6594 28d ago

Excellent question. If its anything but his condom breaking "accidentally" than I'll understand what type of relationship this actually is.

0

u/wlfwrtr 28d ago

NTA You'll never be happy if you stay with someone over guilt. Are you sure that she had an abortion or even that she was really pregnant?

1

u/WetFoxTail 28d ago

Yes, I went with her to the clinic and have seen multiple positive tests, even had an echo made

0

u/bucknorus 28d ago

Help her to achieve stability and be on a positive mental path; then, start working on a separation.

0

u/[deleted] 28d ago

[deleted]

2

u/Comfortable_kittens 28d ago

Birth control can fail, it's not exactly uncommon.

-1

u/[deleted] 28d ago

[deleted]

1

u/Comfortable_kittens 28d ago

Out of the blue means without warning, or unexpected, which an accidental unplanned pregnancy definitely is.

-1

u/Arctic_leo 28d ago

This part bugged me too. While I agree leaving would be within both of their best interests, I feel like he glossed over this and I don't understand that lack of accountability. people don't "accidentally" get pregnant " out of the blue".

0

u/Comfortable_kittens 28d ago

Wtf are you talking about, people accidentally get pregnant all the time?

4

u/Yandere_Matrix 28d ago

Honestly, they seem the type to believe that every woman gets pregnant to baby trap. But if she was really trying to baby-trap, she wouldn’t have gotten the abortion which is why comments like that are so ridiculous

0

u/HighPriestess__55 28d ago

Women don't get pregnant "out of the blue." They get pregnant having unprotected sex with irresponsible partners. But please, catch up on your beauty sleep.

Otherwise, do you have any interests in common? Does she have other people in her life besides you? She needs some kindness now, but idk if this situation is healthy for either of you.

0

u/ThrowRAbunnny 27d ago

Op, this sounds like she has Borderline and this isn't about manipulating you. I think if she actually gets sad when you don't spend time, and has some.extreme reactions then this does sound like Borderline. In that scenario she just needs some care and love.

-5

u/Klutzy_Journalist_36 28d ago
  1. Break up 

  2. No one gets pregnant “out of the blue” 

-1

u/Sensitive-Ad-5406 28d ago

She has also brought up suicide at times when she isn’t getting what she wants, and I have a feeling she might be manipulating me

Listen to your gut. I've had two partners pull this shit, and I asked if they needed help to get up on the balcony wall/fence. It was immediately clear it was empty threats. Just manipulation.

If she can't deal with you having a busy schedule, she should break up, not try to manipulate you to change.

NTA

-1

u/AKA_June_Monroe 28d ago

NTA

Recently, we found out that she accidentally got pregnant out of the blue,

Rotflmao Are you serious with this. If you're having sex there's always a chance she's going to get pregnant.

She gets frustrated because she feels we don't spend enough time together, even though I feel we're spending a sufficient amount of time together.

What methods of birth control were you using?!

I feel she may have sabotaged whatever you were using.

-3

u/[deleted] 28d ago

Yes you are you told your gf to murder your mutual kid. And you want to leave at her worst possible moment. You’re not a man you’re a coward.