r/TwoHotTakes 28d ago

AITAH for a guest wearing long white dress to my bridal shower? Advice Needed

I (23F) am getting married to my amazing fiancé (22M) coming up soon! It was a wonderful bridal shower, and everything was great. Family, friends, games, and fun! But the first thing I noticed was my soon-to-be sister-in-law (25F) wearing an all-white long dress. She is getting married soon as well. I am probably just stressed out by all the wedding planning and anticipation, but it did genuinely upset me that she wore it.

I didn’t say anything to her, but when I asked my immediate family about it, they thought it was ridiculous that I would care. They said that she’s getting married too, so maybe she just wanted to wear white. They also said that she probably didn’t know that wearing white to wedding events can be offensive to brides, and told me that wearing white to a bridal shower is normal.

I have been putting a lot of care and thought into whether I wear champagne or a light color to my friend’s and family member’s weddings, and it just hurt that someone wouldn’t even think twice about wearing a fully white dress to a bridal shower. My immediate family I asked about it all got married in the 80’s and they don’t understand the idea of not wearing white to a wedding. I mean, my mom even said her mom basically wore a wedding dress to her own daughter’s wedding! Is that just a generational cultural difference?

BTW, I’m not angry anymore, just more confused that my family doesn’t understand why I was upset. And I’m a bit concerned she would wear white to my actual wedding...

Also, can I wear champagne to someone else’s wedding? I don’t have a consensus on this...

UPDATE Her Bachelorette party was this weekend and she wore the same dress. She showed us pictures of more engagement photos and she was also wearing the same dress. None of the guests wore white. In my mind, either she's wearing it to every event she had going on in her life, or she wanted to be seen as a bride. I'm indifferent at this point, just thought the extra context should be added here.

1.0k Upvotes

1.3k comments sorted by

u/AutoModerator 28d ago

Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

→ More replies (1)

689

u/Expensive-Opening-55 28d ago

While I wouldn’t wear white to a shower, the rule really only applies to the wedding. I would assume she didn’t do this on purpose to hurt you unless you have other unresolved issues and just move on. Even if you didn’t get along, there are bigger things in life to focus on than what someone wore to your shower. Focus on the wedding, your fiancé, go be happy. Don’t dwell on this.

123

u/DelphiniumRiver23 28d ago

You're right :) Thanks for the encouragement!

159

u/Sassyza 27d ago

Do not wear champagne, which is basically off-white, colored dress to a wedding. For someone that was so sensitive about a person wearing white to a bridal shower, I was a bit surprised by your question.

29

u/Ladyughsalot1 27d ago

I was too til I realized she’s likely planning some sort of pointed revenge which would be ridiculous 

→ More replies (3)

10

u/Lupiefighter 27d ago edited 27d ago

I read it as her asking- if she questions herself about wearing colors close to white to a wedding shouldn’t others do the same. It does look like it could be interpreted differently though. I agree that the white rule typically applies to just weddings.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (4)

45

u/Dear-Attitude-202 28d ago

Yeah white to the wedding is bad. Because wedding dresses are white. Maybe Bachelorette parties often the bride has a special color.

But I dont think most people think about the other events since there isn't a "bride" color really for showers etc.

I'd put it down to a misunderstanding, and enjoy the future you are planning..

39

u/Known-Ad-100 28d ago

I think people are right but I've also thought only the bride wheres white to wedding events essentially bridal shower, rehearsal dinner, Bachelorette, and wedding.

I'm an elder millennial and have loads of friends getting mareied the last decade and typically in photos I see the bride always wears white to these events and no one else.

But times change, people change and who knows what's right or wrong.

Was it an all white dress or a mostly white dress?

I recently wore a very light peach dress to a spring wedding and was worried it was too close to white for a wedding until multiple people reassured me the color was fine! Lol.

64

u/soonx3 28d ago

It sounds exhausting. I don't like wearing white so it will never be an issue, but I just cannot imagine caring about what someone else is wearing. And just for color! People agonizing over the shade of champagne instead of enjoying themselves. If I were the bride and that's all my guests were thinking about, I'd be devastated lol

11

u/Rich-Imaginary 27d ago

Right! Honestly I feel there's other issues between OP and SIL.

→ More replies (2)

23

u/NecessaryClothes9076 28d ago

shrugs I didn't wear white to anything except my actual wedding. Bride wears white to all events isn't something I ever heard of, or would have done even if I had.

→ More replies (5)

27

u/keyboardstatic 28d ago

Its only an issue if she turned up at the wedding in white.

What a ridiculous non issue.

6

u/CountingMagpies 27d ago

The rule only applies to the wedding, not "wedding events". There is no traditional colour for the bride to wear at any other event aside from the wedding.

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (4)

17

u/Infinite_Trip_4309 28d ago

WHAT RULE? Is it a secret rule?

8

u/[deleted] 28d ago

You didn’t read the rule book?

7

u/Rescuepa 27d ago edited 27d ago

Even more important than focusing on the wedding is focus on the marriage . This is a long term commitment to your spouse. By extension it entails a long term relationship with his family as well. Ask yourself if your reactions to things you perceive as transgressions are building your relationship with family members or tearing them down. No, you don’t have to let people walk all over you. But allowing yourself to get worked up by something which at the end of the day is not going to change the alignment of the stars isn’t good for you or your family. Edit: syntax correction

→ More replies (1)

2.0k

u/forgiveprecipitation 28d ago

I’ve learnt that the rule only applies to the wedding itself and not a bridal shower.

Try and move on, if you’ve had an otherwise great time ;)

1.1k

u/littlescreechyowl 28d ago

I saw someone upset that her sister wore white nail polish to a family dinner. “White in the wedding month belongs to the bride”. Its insanity!

476

u/Jsmith2127 28d ago edited 28d ago

There was one where a bride got mad at her bridesmaid for wearing white to her own birthday party, because it was her "wedding month" and she "should have known" that "no one is allowed to wear white around the bride during HER month"

155

u/Massive_Ambassador_6 28d ago

What's crazy to me is, are they as pure as the white they are controlling? The whole idea about not wearing white is enough in itself. To say you can't wear it til after the bridezilla is married is ridiculous. I hope the bride is a virgin since wearing white is sooo important. I hope what it represents is just as important.

89

u/happybunnyntx 28d ago

Wearing white was never about purity. It was a tradition started by the royals who wanted to show off their money.

40

u/CookbooksRUs 28d ago

Miss Manners has always insisted that a white dress symbolizes a first wedding rather than advertising the state of the body inside it. And white wedding dresses only became a thing in the 1800s.

My dress was a pale shell pink.

16

u/SassyYetiSauce 28d ago

I got married in a black ball gown. 🤷‍♀️

→ More replies (1)

8

u/CallEmergency3746 28d ago

So what you're saying is you predate the 1800s

44

u/Timely-Youth-9074 28d ago

Queen Victoria wore white as a cheaper alternative (dyed cloth was more expensive).

I bet she never thought it’d become a global phenomenon.

21

u/moderately_neato 28d ago

It had nothing to do with it being cheaper. If anything, white was a show of wealth for royals, because they could afford to keep it clean. Her dress had tons of heavy satin and lace and was expensive. She wore Horniton lace to support Devon lacemakers, whose industry was being threatened by industrialization, and white was the best color to show off this lace. (She also ordered Horniton lace for the christening gown of her children). She also wanted to highlight that her wedding was about marrying Albert and not about her as queen (royals often wore robes of state to weddings previously).

30

u/Business_Loquat5658 28d ago

She wore it so as to be visible to the gathered crowds from very far away.

20

u/No_Editor_2003 28d ago

Bet she did… royalty were the influencers of taste before celebrities became a thing 😁 Fun fact… she also wore black for the rest of her life after her husband died

19

u/Timely-Youth-9074 28d ago

Yeah for most things I’m sure she did.

The unintended result of her wearing a white gown was that all of London was filthy and dirty but she was glowing in that white.

12

u/No_Editor_2003 28d ago

Yaaaaas that queen was glowing 😂 And you’re totally right. London was literally a cesspool then, right?

17

u/stargirl3498 28d ago

I wonder if we say purity when they meant purity of the fabric 🥴💀

27

u/Massive_Ambassador_6 28d ago

I was always told to wear white if you are a virgin so that's why I posed the question. But hey, I have a new question. Are they as royal as the white????

35

u/feenie224 28d ago

Pippa Middleton wore a white bridesmaid dress to her sister’s wedding. Assume Catherine, the current Princess of Wales approved of it.

→ More replies (3)

14

u/No_Editor_2003 28d ago

I don’t know about queen Vic’s specific reasons, but white was suuuuuuper labor intensive to keep white. It usually meant the wearer or their family more like, were wealthy.

→ More replies (1)

5

u/Ophiocordycepsis 28d ago

That doesn’t seem quite right (leaving aside the United States modern puritanical “virgin white” tradition). I recall learning that most monarchical/royal traditions involved a symbolic family color using a dye that was unique and hard to come by; hence all the royal family costumes of purple, scarlet, forest green, etc. in history, while the peasants had to wear plain bleached white wool. Am I wrong?

33

u/elf4everafter 28d ago

Queen Victoria started the trend of a white wedding dress when she married Prince Albert at the time england was going through a bit of a financial crisis. Victoria put a lot of thought into what her wedding would mean to the people and she found ways to save costs so that they were not draining the Treasury for something as frivolous as a wedding while also employing traditional craft people of England to highlight things like lace and the fabric itself. I am sure other people wore white gowns prior to Victoria, but our tradition of a white wedding dress can be directly traced back to Victoria's dress. As soon as she wore that, a lot of the upper echelon of English society started wearing white for weddings, and it caught on throughout Europe and America. And now most of the Western world uses white for wedding dresses.

Prior to Victoria, a wedding dress was just your best dress. Sometimes that would just be your Sunday best. If the family could afford to make a new gown, they would just make it in the bride's favorite color or a family color or the color that looked best on the bride. And then that dress would just turn into her best wear. It could be worn for parties, for church, whatever you need, but it was universally recycled.

5

u/dedpla 28d ago

Peasants wouldn’t have been bleaching wool, they would have been wearing grey or brown itchy smelly greasy wool. NB not all sheep are white. Wool is not white unless thoroughly washed. And/or bleached. They didn’t have the soaps we do now.

5

u/Ophiocordycepsis 28d ago

True, also I wasn’t thinking of London Town. As mentioned by others, most people there would have been wearing “coal dust gray”, whatever they started with 😄

6

u/Having_A_Day 28d ago

There were dyes, though what most commoners could afford would be muted colors. Just look at the wool tartans of Scotland for the types of colors and quality of wool available.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

3

u/menfearme 28d ago

Sort of, but I believe it was Queen Victoria whose dress was white lace to try and bolster the lace making trade when they were really struggling. Because a royal wore it, the rest of the cronies will follow suit... And follow they did.

→ More replies (6)
→ More replies (3)

3

u/dedsmiley 28d ago

No problem.

You will never see me wear white because you will never see me again.

→ More replies (16)

241

u/forgiveprecipitation 28d ago

A whole month? Woah bridezilla!

You get a day and that’s it…. Lol.

68

u/Significant_Planter 28d ago

They don't even get a day! They get from when the ceremony starts till the reception is over. They get all the stuff they pay for. Nothing else!

If after the wedding's over everybody wants to put on white dresses and run down the street screaming and yelling let them go! Who cares? wedding's over!

26

u/legallymyself 28d ago

Truthfully, if you are getting married, you should only be concerned about you and your spouse. Let everyone else to show themselves and you just enjoy. The wedding is the party. The MARRIAGE is what matters.

6

u/bluepanic21 28d ago

Strong agreement

33

u/alongthewatchtower91 28d ago

People go crazy over weddings.

My aunt said that the gender reveal done at my wedding was "taking focus away from the bride". It was the gender reveal for mine and my husband's baby. Instead of a traditional grooms speech we did a joint one and announced we were having a girl. She was also very confused by the two men in my bridal party as it was "very strange"

Two of my cousins don't speak to each other because they got married in the same year. The eldest cousin was furious that her sister planned a wedding six months after her own.

A friend of mine was mad at me for being a bridesmaid in a different friend's wedding a month before her own wedding. I wasn't even a bridesmaid in the later wedding, she was just mad that my focus was on the wedding I was a bridesmaid in.

The list goes on.

11

u/StrongTxWoman 28d ago

This is madness. People are so self centered

→ More replies (1)

6

u/Cat-Soap-Bar 28d ago

My husband and I got engaged about 6 months after his sister got engaged. First thing she said was “they better not get married in the same year as me.” We had no plans to do so but I was momentarily tempted to book a quick registry office wedding the week before theirs!

→ More replies (3)

11

u/New_Principle_9145 28d ago

Amen. A month, what loon thinks that is ok? The only person that is that important to is the bride and everyone else has other fish to fry than to be mindful to not wear white the entire month. That's a serious get over yourself scenario.

19

u/Trixie-applecreek 28d ago

A wedding month is at least better than those brides who think they should get a whole year.

→ More replies (5)

8

u/Yesidoo12 28d ago

Had a coworker who always celebrated her birthday week. She wore a crown everyday and SHE brought in goodies to share with all of us each day of that week. She was awesome!

11

u/forgiveprecipitation 28d ago

Ok but that kinda sounds like a fun person to be around! Not an energy vampyre.

85

u/insertnamehere02 28d ago

Dude people have to eff off with this "____ month" shit. Entitled five year old crap here. People need to grow up.

104

u/Immediate_Mud_2858 28d ago

What in the chocolate covered baby Jesus…..

46

u/missannthrope1 28d ago

What in the Kentucky fried batshit?

28

u/AvailableAd6071 28d ago

Holy Narcissists Batman!

20

u/Glittering-Wonder576 28d ago

Jesus H Roosevelt Christ!

8

u/Pleasant_Elephant737 28d ago

Oh a Sassanah fan too.

→ More replies (3)

27

u/missannthrope1 28d ago

I heard of a bride who got mad at men for wearing white shirts.

11

u/ScarletDarkstar 28d ago

And a high school basketball team wearing white socks to games in the same town!

8

u/il_fienile 28d ago

Tighty whities.

3

u/niki2184 27d ago

What the hell they were supposed to wear? Tf?

→ More replies (4)

22

u/Anxious_Cricket1989 28d ago

Wedding month lmao that’s like birthday month. Both utterly ridiculous

32

u/pac0pac0 28d ago

Look, I expect everyone to cater to me exclusively during my birthday year. My birthday years only come once a year and everyone needs to focus on me all the time and nothing else, ok????

3

u/kingfisherfire 27d ago

On her birthday, my friend's daughter tried to expand the idea of "we'll have your favorite meal for dinner on your birthday" to "On my birthday, I decree that the entire family must eat vegetarian that day, like me."

14

u/littlescreechyowl 28d ago edited 28d ago

I celebrate my birthday month, but that’s just for me. No expectations from anyone else! It’s really just a justification to eat out more.

6

u/aya-rose 28d ago

This is reasonable, though. I do that during my birthday month. I pick up a few extra treats and things that make me happy because it's a fun excuse to treat myself. I would never expect anyone to do it for me (though I wouldn't turn down an offered treat or two).

People just need to stop applying this "mandatory" nonsense to others.

→ More replies (3)

7

u/Turbulent-Buy3575 28d ago

When my grandma turned 95, we let her have a birthday month! It was fun!

→ More replies (2)

16

u/PrezConSioux08 28d ago

Honestly! 😂 I just don't understand the whole thing...I know for myself, clocking the colors and styles of guest's wardrobe would have never even been on my radar. Even now, after having read all of the hellacious Bridezilla posts & stories, I suppose the only reasoning for my go-to reaction to NOT be an immediate guffaw would be if there was obvious malicious intent behind the action. Like, I dunno...ex shows up drunk to object mid-ceremony, in a full wedding gown & veil-type shit 🤷

Otherwise, it's like: these people have all dressed to the nines to be there to support you on your special day, brought you a gift, etc...if you expected they were capable of "dirty-deeding" you, why would you have requested their presence in the first place? Because greedy, attention-seeking whiners demand quantity over quality, & it is never about the "union of two beautiful people in love"....? White nail polish, gtfoh 😂😂

→ More replies (3)

9

u/boneykneecaps 28d ago

White in the wedding month belongs to the bride.

Whaaaat? Weddings are mainly in the summer. If any bride thinks I'm not wearing ANYTHING white during the month of her wedding . . . oh yes I am, bridezilla.

5

u/bluepanic21 28d ago

These brides become so self obsessed it’s silly how can they not see that

→ More replies (17)

85

u/DelphiniumRiver23 28d ago

Yeah, that's what I'm seeing people say :) I guess either there trend where brides only wear white now, or that isn't common place at all. But yes, I have decided to just focus on remembering how wonderful my family is and not read into things. It can be hard with all the wedding stress, but I'm getting there!

96

u/Missscarlettheharlot 28d ago

White to a wedding (or champagne) is a definite no-no. White to a shower I'd only even think of because of stories on reddit, while I wouldn't risk it just in case the bride was a bit over the top I wouldn't think someone else wearing white was doing so with any malice, it really isn't a universal rule the way white at a wedding is. I suspect it is also generational, my very proper stepmom wore a cream outfit to my cousin's shower and no one in that very uptight side of my family batted an eye. Shower its probably fine as long as it doesn't have bridal vibes, wedding even white-adjacent is a bad idea (so ya, don't wear champagne).

59

u/mollybrains 28d ago edited 28d ago

Commenting to reiterate to OP: NO WEARING CHAMPAGNE TO A WEDDING. Drinking it is acceptable, nay, encouraged

9

u/Trick-Mammoth-411 28d ago edited 28d ago

My MIL wore a champaign dress to my SIL's wedding. Same cut as the bridal gown, which was form fitting, full length, very pretty.

The only time it didn't look white was when we were outside (indoor wedding and reception) and when she was immediately next to the bride.

A couple of SIL friends were beside themselves that MIL would wear "white" to the wedding of her own daughter.

MIL isn't the dramatic type, so everyone knows it's not intentional. There was no way to know it would look white with the venue's weird lighting.

Champaign isn't necessarily a no, but it's risky like off white.

→ More replies (4)

27

u/bgog 28d ago

You all keep making up new rules so you can have drama and fight each other. It's champagne now too? And now extending to other thinks like showers? If you guys want to fight why not just setup a time/place and have it out.

13

u/ScarletDarkstar 28d ago

The WWF - WHITE WEDDING FIGHTS! 

IN THIS CORNER WE HAVE COURTNEY, WHO HAS BEEN 10 MONTHS ENGAGED AND CHOSEN A SEPTEMBER DATE,  AND FIGHTING OUT OF THE CHAMPAGNE CORNER, LESLEY, ENGAGED FOR ONLY 3 MONTHS, AND PLANNING AN AUGUST WEDDING!! 

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (8)

41

u/JennaJ2020 28d ago

Ya people wore white to my wedding and it never even occurred to me as a bride to be upset bc my family was at my wedding and that was what mattered to me. Also pretty sure nana wasn’t going to upstage me regardless lol. But I don’t even remember what 99% of people wore to my wedding.

56

u/Barnard33F 28d ago

I wore white (with a blue jacket) to my aunts wedding. With her blessing: I had my confirmation a few weeks earlier and there I asked her if it was ok to wear the same dress to the wedding. Her answer: “honey, you are 15 and wearing a knee length dress. Nobody in their right mind is going to mix us up, and that is a far too nice a dress to only wear once, use it!” So I did

24

u/JennaJ2020 28d ago

I love that. She sounds like a lovely woman.

13

u/missannthrope1 28d ago

Some one with sense.

→ More replies (4)

25

u/oceansapart333 28d ago

I don’t remember a single thing anyone wore to my wedding except the one guy in a cowboy hat because my in-laws from the northeast US thought it was funny, but to me it was just a Texas event.

9

u/jethrine 28d ago

You just reminded me of a funny story. I went to college in Texas in the early 80s during the whole Dallas/JR era. My entire family was from the northeast. There was a function for grads & their parents one night & my dad bought a western cut suit complete with bolo tie to wear. I actually overheard a few people saying “I believe he’s in oil” while pointing to my dad. When I told him that he strutted around like JR the rest of the night!

3

u/oceansapart333 28d ago

Haha! That’s awesome!

And man, I was little, but I remember the JR era.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

10

u/QueenSalmonela 28d ago

Me too, if someone wore a white dress, I didn't notice, nor do I remember. Nor did I care. Unless some chick shows up in a n actual wedding dress, which would be purposefully done, everyone knows who the bride is ffs. This kind of shit is too petty. Now we are talking about showers? Oh please.....

8

u/Carpenter-Broad 28d ago

Idk my nana might have upstaged you 😝home girl was born and raised in Newark, NJ from the 30’s and I swear to you wore what looked like full on pimp suits to fancy Easter and Christmas parties. Complete with the biggest hats you can possibly imagine, and pearls. She was lookin fly as hell at 85, god I miss her haha

→ More replies (4)

9

u/notthemama58 28d ago

I could not tell what anyone else was wearing at my wedding. I was concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other, walking down the aisle. I was a nervous wreck. I'm also confused as to what does it matters what the guests wear. Unless one puts on a wedding dress with all the regalia and insists on standing next to the bride, or they are stark nekked, then maybe raise an eyebrow.

It used to be "Don't wear white to a funeral or black to a wedding." Now bridesmaids are dressed in black, any color is acceptable at a funeral, and some weddings ARE done sans clothing.

Now, the pettiness about how someone daring to come dressed in a long white dress, to a fricking shower for crying out loud, is the topper. What's next? Undies check at the door to the church? Can't let anyone in with lace panties, too much like a veil.

→ More replies (1)

27

u/Future_Literature335 28d ago

Seconding the zero champagne colours at a wedding. OP, champagne is just sneaky white :=)

Seriously though, don’t do it. (Gently, especially if you yourself think that wearing a white dress to a bridal shower is hurtful.)

8

u/QueenSquirrely 28d ago

I would have never done ALL white to a shower, but the internet absolutely has me terrified of wearing my favourite white floral print romper anywhere near any wedding related event, ever.

4

u/TomorrowNotFound 28d ago

If I ever get married, and I happen to invite you, you can absolutely wear your lovely romper to the wedding.

16

u/pastry_chef_al 28d ago

I have been to plenty weddings wear the Moms and grandmothers, even aunts were asked to wear off white, champange, and other close colors for the wedding. Its just normal.

Ive also seen this done where champagne was one of the major wedding colors and plenty people wore champagne, even it it was the color of the brides gown.

6

u/Missscarlettheharlot 28d ago

Being asked to wear champagne is fine, just showing up in it is a different issue.

12

u/helloeveryone0780 28d ago

My mom wore all white to my wedding. It wasn't done maliciously, she was beautiful and it took none of the attention away from me. Everyone knew who the bride was!

3

u/AnnaBanana1219 28d ago

Same. My Mother and MIL wore white to mine, and I wore cream. The photos came out beautiful.

3

u/Straight-Ad-160 28d ago

I always find that there's a difference in wearing something white versus wearing a wedding gown.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (2)

12

u/Sea_Concert_4844 28d ago

I'm so baffled op is upset about this and then has the nerve to want to wear champagne? Make it make sense.

4

u/Missscarlettheharlot 28d ago

Right? If the bride was the type I suspected would be bothered by a guest wearing white to her shower I wouldn't even risk wearing a floral on white dress to the actual wedding, nevermind a purely champagne dress. I'd give 0 shits if someone wore a (non-bridal) white dress to my shower, I'd be pissed if someone wore a champagne dress to my wedding.

3

u/Skylarias 28d ago

Quiet revenge 

→ More replies (1)

6

u/Zestyclose_Control64 28d ago

Agreed. I look a bit washed out in white (I'm pale, almost matched a dress or two), so I chose a not white dress. It was champagne. I'm not picky and didn't really care what guests wore. But I could see champagne being a faux pas for a guest in many cases.

→ More replies (7)

11

u/Slightlysanemomof5 28d ago

I got married on late 70’s and white or cream Was a no no. Though if it was a middle aged woman In beige you know it was mother of groom.

5

u/sometimes-i-rhyme 28d ago

Mother of the groom was advised to “Wear beige and show up” occasionally quoted as “Wear beige and shut up.”

4

u/Slightlysanemomof5 28d ago

That’s it! We were told wear beige and shut up! Guess it depends on MIL.

14

u/GrooveBat 28d ago

It’s worse than that. The Bridezilla Police are now also claiming that you shouldn’t wear florals to bridal showers because “that’s something a bride would wear.”

I can’t even tell you how much all this infuriates me. The point of the “no white” rule was always to not wear something that might cause people to confuse you for the bride. Period. Now it’s become this whole cult mentality that the bride owns the color white for all eternity, no one should look too nice or you’ll “upstage the bride,” and light colors might “photograph white” so those are forbidden as well.

It’s totally out of control.

4

u/NecessaryClothes9076 28d ago

The "photographs" white thing is dumb anyway, but it's especially dumb because it's not like guest #80, pthe plus one of the groom's college buddy or whatever, is gonna be in the formal portraits. Your light pink sun dress might look kinda off white in the background of a picture of the bride dancing with her friends? Oh no. The horror.

→ More replies (4)

12

u/Routine-Nature5006 28d ago

Wearing white to a wedding is considered rude in some cultures but there is no rule that says they can’t wear it to a bridal shower. Honestly the whole wearing white thing started because a Queen did it so it became a status thing. Only the rich could really afford white dresses and than it became a symbol for being a virgin on your wedding. Which is rather gross in my mind.

7

u/Fancy-Garden-3892 28d ago

The reason bridesmaids exist is bc they are supposed to confuse evil spirits trying to attack the bride (which is why she wears a veil), at least that's what I was told by my old-world great grandma.

Traditions are weird.

5

u/NatchJackson 28d ago

I like the saying: Traditions are just peer pressure from dead people.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (12)
→ More replies (15)

363

u/Grimalkinnn 28d ago

It’s only the wedding where it’s a problem. I had to shop for several events a few weeks ago and I saw tons of cute white dresses everywhere. Seems like cute white dresses are in right now.

51

u/DelphiniumRiver23 28d ago

That's true! Maybe white dress are a trend :)

80

u/isee33 28d ago

White dresses are definitely a trend right now - I just attended a graduation where at least 25% of the young women were wearing white dresses.

44

u/allisawesome7777 28d ago

I was told to wear white to my graduation

20

u/GaiasDotter 28d ago

Is that not a thing everywhere? Graduation and confirmation you wear white where I’m from. Also summer means white.

10

u/dwthesavage 28d ago

Interesting. We were not told/asked to wear white to our graduation. Had no idea that was even a thing.

5

u/allisawesome7777 28d ago edited 28d ago

Ya I thought so, almost everyone wore white

Edit: maybe it's a southern us thing?

→ More replies (15)
→ More replies (2)

18

u/midcenturyhag 28d ago

Yeah I'm not sure that's a trend as much as it's what schools instruct you to wear. I graduated over 20 years ago and we were instructed for all girls to wear a white dress under our graduation gown.

→ More replies (1)

11

u/PettyWhite81 28d ago

Women are supposed to wear a white dress for graduation. A lot of places require it because the women's graduation robes are white.

8

u/happybunnyntx 28d ago

At least where I'm at the graduation robes match the colors for the school. So they can be blue, green, red, etc. So here it would seem silly to insist on white dresses since the robes are always a different color anyway.

7

u/stoprobbers 28d ago

.....wut? my graduation robe - high school, college, and grad school - was always black, with school-based color accents.

→ More replies (5)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (4)

14

u/Hot_mess4ever 28d ago

They’ve been a trend for the spring and summer months for decades

6

u/Freedom1015 28d ago

I'm not even sure you could call it a trend. It's seasonal. White is popular in the warm months. There's even the old "fashion rule" of not wearing white after labor day, because labor day is more or less the end of "summer" fashion.

→ More replies (6)
→ More replies (1)

268

u/Busy_Weekend5169 28d ago

It was a bridal shower! Not wedding.

5

u/Faded-Creature 28d ago

People just wanna be mad?

→ More replies (3)

224

u/beelovedone 28d ago

Personally I don't wear white to any of the wedding events for this reason, unless the bride says to wear it or that she doesn't care I just go with another color.

That said, it's not unusual to wear white to the bridal shower. Some brides even ask everyone to wear white.

I think champagne is fine, but it needs to be CHAMPAGNE not a barely there champagne that photographs white.

50

u/DelphiniumRiver23 28d ago

Thanks, I've decided not to wear champagne to the wedding. I like the dress I have, but there's so many other colors and I can get a different one. I don't want her to feel bad on her wedding day in case it matters to her.

→ More replies (6)

39

u/Vox_Mortem 28d ago

I'm an old goth and I just wear black. It makes things so much easier, and as long as I don't go full-on clubwear vampire goth no one has ever said a word about wearing black to a wedding.

20

u/CrookedLittleDogs 28d ago

I was married in 1972 to a 1st generation Italian family. One woman wore black, an Evan Picone original ( the relative was Picone and wife) and she got flack from my mother in law down to the flower girls. “Bad luck” “casting a spell” etc. She was up to no good and made to feel unwelcome. I was only 19 and didn’t know I could have made her feel better. So if you’re around traditional Italian folks you might want to reconsider black.

13

u/kenda1l 28d ago

My grandma HATED my mom. At their wedding she wore all black, including one of those hats with the mourning veil, and sat at the back of the church boo-hooing like it was a funeral. Needless to say, she was escorted out pretty quickly. Luckily, my parents just found it amusing and it's become a fun story my family likes to tell.

7

u/Vox_Mortem 28d ago

My entire family are traditional Italian folk, they got used to me.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (15)

198

u/littlescreechyowl 28d ago

The whole “only the bride wears white to everything“ didn’t exist back when I got married. Thank goodness. I can’t imagine having the energy to focus on something like that.

It doesn’t matter. Let it go.

41

u/Goalie_LAX_21093 28d ago

People have really forgotten what the point of a wedding is. The energy that women spend on what does or doesn’t constitute an appropriate level of white to wear, or brides claiming no one else can wear ANY white all month…

It’s maddening!

12

u/dankarella666 28d ago

It’s almost like you’re supposed to focus on the happiness with your partner 🤣

9

u/life-uh-finds-a-way_ 28d ago

I have never heard of anyone saying no white for a month until this thread so I would have to assume it's not very common.

4

u/UnlikelyUnknown 28d ago

Same. It’s so over the top, but so are weddings now

6

u/kween-1214 28d ago

Exactly. If you need to wear white to wedding event so people know that you are the bride then you have the wrong guest invited.

3

u/Designer-Escape6264 28d ago

Yeah, in the olden days when I got married you were just expected to wear anything bridal. My sister wore a white sundress to my wedding, and no one mistook her for the bride.

→ More replies (41)

25

u/ScuzeRude 28d ago

My instinct is to ask whether you’re upset with your future SIL for something else and projecting it onto this issue because you think people are more likely to sympathize with you about this.

24

u/DelphiniumRiver23 28d ago

You know what... BASED. I do have something that was in the back of my mind that I am upset with her over. Gonna work on that.

10

u/ScuzeRude 28d ago

Hell yeah! Good for you! 🙌🏼

→ More replies (1)

11

u/AdministrativeRun550 28d ago

IDK my friend is a photographer and she has a ton of photos from bride showers with all-white or pastel dress code, just because it’s cute.

For your actual wedding, you should be very very clear about what you expect from your guests. Add dress code notes to your invitations, emails or better both. People have various ideas about what the wedding is… It’s not even rare when several relatives come dressed as if they were in the mall just a minute ago.

→ More replies (6)

10

u/bloodlikevenom 28d ago

Yes, YTA. You're already having a party to celebrate the big party that ALSO celebrates you. Everyone knows you're the bride. Nobody is stealing your thunder jfc

10

u/Aogenoren 28d ago

YTA. Come ooooon now, Bridezilla.

28

u/sleepyouroboros 28d ago

I think some people don’t think it’s an issue except for the actual wedding, and some do - I personally would not wear white to any bridal events whatsoever, and I can understand why it might have been a bit upsetting for you, but it’s a bit of a grey area since it’s not the actual wedding. Your feelings are SO valid but maybe she wasn’t thinking about it the same way. As long as no one does it at your wedding, I’m sure there is no ill-intent behind it. Hope the day itself is special and wonderful, congratulations!!

→ More replies (1)

9

u/cannakittenmeow 28d ago

This whole hurt feelings over someone who went to your event is pathetic. No one really wants to be there in the first place you are lucky she came, and you are def an ah for getting your feelings hurt. I hope she wears a white dress to the wedding that you waste your money on.

38

u/Relative_Reading_903 28d ago

Just wear all white to her bridal shower too. If she doesn't have a problem with it then it wasn't intentional if she does...

9

u/ThrowRAcarwoes 28d ago

I would second this, wear that champagne dress you like!

→ More replies (3)

8

u/ScubaCC 28d ago

People shouldn’t wear white to the wedding, but there’s no rule about the other wedding related events.

7

u/SpecificMacaroon 28d ago

I once wore a mostly white dress with blue flowers on it to my cousins wedding. For some reason, the rule did not even cross my mind. I was so focused on finding something I felt OK in. Worst part? I was working AS A WEDDING COORDINATOR at the time. I didn’t even realize it until I was reading through a thread on Reddit a year later and then I felt awful.

Just know, it’s not always done intentionally.

→ More replies (1)

39

u/sunny-days-bs229 28d ago

“No white”is NOT a shower etiquette. In fact, I’d say guests wearing light coloured clothes (dresses, pants, etc) would be most appropriate for a bridal shower.

47

u/Kjmuw 28d ago

Yes, you are overreacting. It was a bridal shower.

8

u/IceCSundae 28d ago

Yes. Relax.

24

u/Known-Basil6203 28d ago

It’s a bridal shower…there’s nothing wrong with her wearing white.

5

u/ProfessionalToo 28d ago

There's nothing new about not wearing white to a wedding. Several people are still very sensitive about even wearing black. This new practice of wearing white to showers and rehearsals is cute but definitely not necessary. And anyone can wear white to the aforementioned events. As for champagne color to attend a wedding? Might reconsider. I wore a light pink dress to a casual second wedding only after I asked the bride if it was OK.

5

u/Cute_Emergency_2712 28d ago

I wouldn’t wear champagne or other near white colours to a wedding because depending on the lighting or flashes it can look pretty much white on the photos.

6

u/lemurthellamalord 28d ago

Genuinely a depressing post. Literally couldn't imagine caring about something so insignificant in a world as forsaken as this one

4

u/MannyMoSTL 28d ago edited 28d ago

I’m, frankly, sick-and-tired of this post “Say Yes To The Dress” “Bidezillas” world we live in where engaged, pre-marital women are given carte blanche to treat the rest of the world like interlopers ruining their only-in-photos, “picture perfect,” pretend world.

Just … goddamn b:tches. Get over yourselves. Most of the world doesn’t know about, much less give a flying fuck about, your weddings.

Sorry OP … Your query is irritating, but not as bad as some of the selfish, my-way-or-the-highway, “I don’t care if I lose every friend I have,” bride-rants we see. I’m just tired of the ridiculousness of pre-marital women thinking they can dictate everything … even the color of clothing people wear around them during the entire year leading up to the actual wedding. Yeah, someone once posted about how their entire extended familieS weren’t allowed to wear white to events where she would be in attendance during the entire pre-wedding year because, as “the bride(!),” white was her color that year. JFC.

5

u/jennicarrz 28d ago

Wedding and a bridal shower are two different things, imo.

5

u/LifeIndependent1172 28d ago

In all my many years,, I've never, ever heard of not wearing white to wedding events, only for the wedding itself. I don't know who told you that, but they were mistaken. If you find such a rule in a contemporary etiquette book, let us know.

51

u/goddessofspite 28d ago

YTA. It was a bridal shower not a wedding. You have no right to police what she wears. If she wears a full length white dress to your actual wedding then yeah she’s in the wrong for that but the bridal shower and all other bridal events bar the wedding she can wear whatever she wants and you don’t have the right to be upset about that.

18

u/Whosker72 28d ago

It was not the wedding, and you did not indicate a dress code. Not everyone is savvy enough to know every intricate detail on such matter.

Be thankfully it was not Daisy duke's

→ More replies (5)

3

u/Lower_Addition4936 28d ago

I promise you, don’t let this be a lingering issue. It’s not worth it

5

u/wombatIsAngry 28d ago

I think it's best to err on the side of caution in both directions. Meaning: apply stricter rules to your own behavior, and give grace when judging the behavior of others. For example, when I fly, I don't recline, and I tell the people in front of me that they are fully welcome to recline. If we can all just add this little margin of error to our expectations, life will be so much better.

So, my recommendation:

Don't wear champagne to someone else's wedding. No dove gray, no blush pink, no pale ecru. Just stay safe. Why risk it? Just don't.

Don't get bent out of shape about someone wearing white to an event that isn't your wedding, even if it's wedding-adjacent. Just let it go. You will be happier.

That said, it's not necessary to be a complete doormat. If someone shows up in full white at your wedding, feel free to go nuts.

5

u/PsychologicalHalf422 28d ago

It’s such a small thing. Get over it and stop imposing your ideas of right and wrong on others. You’ll have a happier life. I guarantee it.

4

u/Healthy-Fisherman-33 28d ago

Is there a rule about not wearing white to bridal shower? I am sorry this is just such a silly thing to get upset over.

4

u/AI_Remote_Control 28d ago

Focusing on all the wrong things.

4

u/Super-Staff3820 28d ago

YTA. It’s not that big of a deal.

4

u/Lovelyday4aguinness_ 28d ago

You’re being a brat, get over it. There’s nothing to be upset about.

5

u/stickylarue 28d ago

If this had you so upset then maybe you are not mature enough to get married. Seriously.

This is such a small thing to be upset by that it has me questioning how you will manage real life struggles and an actual conflicts.

It’s only a white dress at the wedding ceremony that is a faux pas not any white dress at any other event associated with a wedding. Please try very hard to get over yourself.

4

u/AwkwardFortuneCookie 28d ago

It’s not the wedding yet. Relax.

4

u/Sandover5252 28d ago

It was a shower. Get over it. YATH.

3

u/anxiouslucy 28d ago

Get. Over. Yourself. It wasn’t even a wedding, Jesus fucking Christ.

25

u/dncrmom 28d ago

YTA it was a bridal shower not your wedding. Have a discussion with her to make sure she is wearing a different color to the WEDDING. Better yet ask her to wear x, y, or z color to coordinate with the bridal party. No do not wear a light champagne color to a wedding unless you get approval from the bride first.

7

u/Fun-Yellow-6576 28d ago

I wouldn’t wear champagne to someone else’s wedding unless I was the Mother of the Bride. Saying this because my daughter picked out a champagne dress for me to try on.

3

u/catterchat 28d ago

Everyone knows you're the bride so it shouldn't take away from it being your shower.

As for you wearing champagne at other weddings, unless a wedding has a dress code for guests, that should be fine too, everyone knows who the bride is there too.

3

u/pineychick 28d ago

I'm VERY old, so I can say that traditionally, it was considered bad taste for a woman to wear white clothing to a wedding. Just the wedding. Bridal shower, not so much.

However, as traditions and fashions change, some brides don't wear white now. If a bride chooses a different color, she may not even care about others wearing white on the wedding day.

So each wedding needs to be taken on a case by case event.

(If I was given a shower invitation and told I wasn't "allowed" to wear anything white, I'd probably think that bride was being over the top extra.)

3

u/Terrible_Track4155 28d ago

Weird. I always thought not wearing white to weddings was a pretty longstanding tradition, nearly as old as wedding dresses being white itself. Some people aren't as sensitive to etiquette. it is what it is. and this was a shower, not the wedding. there's more leeway when it comes to guests wearing white. if she didn't break a specific dresscode, only your expectations, you can't get mad. let it go. But Wear a similar dress to her own bridal shower. and tell wedding guests explicitly not to wear white.

3

u/lavendersagemint 28d ago

I wouldn’t think too much on it. But if it really bothers you, wear white to her bridal shower and see how she responds. If it’s negative, you know she did it to upset you. Or you could communicate. It’s up to you.

3

u/Zestyclose_Voice181 28d ago

YTA The rule isn't "Don't wear white to wedding events" it's don't wear white to the actual wedding. She did nothing wrong, you're choosing to be upset for literally no reason.

Also no, you don't wear champagne or any other very close to white colors to a wedding. Show a little class.

3

u/GossyGirl 28d ago

OMG! It’s really getting old the degree that brides on Reddit give a dam about what other people are wearing. This was never a thing when I was married and as long as it wasn’t a ball gown or wedding dress to the actual wedding it was absolutely nobody else’s business what you wore. Brides these days are so precious and so entitled that it is just infuriating. It wasn’t the wedding so get over it & stop being so precious. I don’t think a bride should have the right to decide what anybody wears to any event including her wedding, aside from saying dress code and once again unless somebody wears a wedding like a dress.

3

u/Boomerang_comeback 28d ago

You say you are getting married soon. But you are upset someone wore white? To what? Who cares, it's not the wedding. You are overthinking stuff way to much. Don't be bridezilla.

3

u/comebakqueen 28d ago

I had a surprise wedding. A select few people knew it was a wedding, one of my close friends included.

She rocked up wearing a fancy white dress.

I joked about it, she got slightly embarrassed and then we had a good laugh. It wasn't malicious, it was just a dress she liked and felt confident in.

Forgive, forget and move on; it's perfectly acceptable to wear white to anything that's not a wedding.

3

u/dumpstertomato 28d ago

Tbf, I never learned that it was wrong to wear white to a wedding until I was an adult on Reddit. I don’t think it’s universally known

3

u/IHaveALittleNeck 28d ago

My stepsister wore a white cocktail dress to my actual wedding. I gave not a fuck as I was the one in the ball gown. Sweet baby Jesus in the manger, people need to chill out.

3

u/InterestingNarwhal82 28d ago

I think the idea that any small, inconsequential thing can ruin the happiest time of your life is ridiculous. Who cares if someone wears white? I honestly didn’t care and am flummoxed that anyone lets it bother them so much.

3

u/Keep_ThingsReal 28d ago

This rule applies to weddings, not bridal showers.

Life is too short to be this overdramatic. YTA.

3

u/goblynn 28d ago

I have never heard of a color dress code for showers. Not wearing white to a wedding is one thing (or even colors that could “read” as white in different lighting or photographs), but to expect guests to walk on eggshells for a shower is absurd.

Pull back on your fixation. It’s your wedding, no one else cares remotely as much as you do. (That applies to all couples, everywhere, for all time.)

3

u/DaisywithAsideofSass 28d ago

YTA, And you kinda sound like a bridezilla.

3

u/givemeyourking 28d ago

I assure you that even in the 80’s, when we all rode dinosaurs everywhere and communicated by messenger pigeons, even then it was considered tacky to wear white at someone else’s wedding. NOT the bridal shower, only the wedding. You are being ungracious to take offense at someone’s outfit, especially since you are presumably the recipient of a gift that she put time and effort into for you.

3

u/MuzikL8dee 28d ago

It's only for the big day. They can wear white any other day

3

u/Relevant-Emphasis-20 28d ago

it was the bridal shower though. personally I think any woman that wears white to a wedding is a major c u next Tuesday. because why!?! you know the bride will be in white....wtf

3

u/ObjectiveStatus2269 28d ago

I thought it was common knowledge to not wear white to any bridal events. It’s rude and tacky. Apparently not everyone sees this…

3

u/SheWolf4Life 28d ago

NTA: The Bridal Shower/Bachelorette/Wedding is considered a white free zone for all, but the bride. I chose to wear a pink dress to my Bridal Tea Party, but wore white on the other two days. It's considered trashy and attention seeking to wear white at someone else's bridal events. No one cares if you're engaged, it's not your event.

3

u/Hot_Builder7345 27d ago

I wonder the age range of the people commenting here... because I would NEVER wear white to another bride's bridal shower. For millennials and younger, this is just known- Especially if you have social media. I'd be put off and honestly wonder if my future SIL had an issue with me or was just immature/attention seeking.

I wouldn't wear champagne to a wedding. My friend did this once and we all thought it was rude.

3

u/Silver-Pressure-5874 27d ago

Why does everyone keep saying it doesn’t apply to bridal showers. I have not found one source yet that says it doesn’t apply. In fact, it says that rule applies to all wedding-related events

4

u/NotUnhappy-24 28d ago

I think I would only care about the actual wedding. Or just wear a white dress to her bridal shower. If you’re worried about her wearing a white dress to the wedding maybe confirm what’s she’s wearing or wait and see what happens. I personally wouldn’t be mad about the bridal shower though.

5

u/ErickaIvette 28d ago

Move on but wear a white dress in her bridal shower 🤣… looks like she won’t care 🤷🏻‍♀️