r/TwoHotTakes 28d ago

I’m in love with a good friend and I don’t think the feelings will ever go away Listener Write In

I (24F) am in love with a really good friend of mine (24F), let’s call her “Tina.”

First, a bit of background information. We don’t directly work with each other, but our offices are in the same hallway so we see each other fairly regularly. We met about two and a half years ago, but it wasn’t until less than two years ago that we became friends.

She is bisexual and I knew that, and although I was straight, I loved flirting with her. So we had a really flirty friendship. We hung out and always had a great time.

About three months into the friendship (~one and a half years ago) we were at a club together really drunk. I really wanted to kiss her, and I had been thinking about it for a few weeks at that point, so I did.

Now, keep in mind that I have never had an interest in women before this point. I have had two boyfriends, and never felt any kind of sexual attraction towards women.

But I liked flirting with Tina, and I could tell she was attracted to me. We made out for a while at the club that night, and it was fun.

Then, for months, we were just flirty friends. I wanted it to happen again but I didn’t know how to make it happen.

Until we were in her car and I had some liquid courage in me and I decided to kiss her. She reciprocated and things turned a little spicy.

It slowly became more common where we’d make out here and there, until one night, we had sex.

After that, we had sex a handful of times more, but we also hung out and acted just like friends alone. It was honestly an amazing situation. I was having the best sex of my life with someone that I was growing to deeply trust and care about. I felt more of a connection with Tina than with anyone else, ever before.

Two months after we had sex for the first time, she told me she didn’t think it was a good idea for us to hook up anymore.

It was around this same time that I finally accepted that I was sexually attracted to both women and men.

Now, of course my friendship with Tina mattered more to me than sex, but I was sad. I enjoyed the physical intimacy and emotions that came with it. Nevertheless, I accepted it, and decided to use this as an opportunity to explore my newly discovered sexual desires.

I dated a few other people, but didn’t find a connection yet. Meanwhile, Tina and I remained friends, but didn’t see each other nearly as much. When we did, there was almost no flirting, and we didn’t share as much about our lives with each other.

About six months ago, I realized I loved her. Like I was (am) in love with her.

We hadn’t been as close of friends for a while, and something happened in my personal life that upset me. In retrospect, it wasn’t a huge deal. But regardless, Tina spent an hour on the phone with me calming me down. She was busy, and we both knew that, but she insisted that we stay on the phone until she was sure I was okay.

See, the thing is, this isn’t really in Tina’s character. At least not the past few years. She’s one of the most closed off people I’ve ever met. I feel like I hardly know anything about her and we have spent a lot of time together over our last ~2 years of friendship.

She has helped me through some really hard and stressful times in my personal life. She used to drop almost anything to talk me out of a panic attack. She rarely voiced her feelings (of friendship, that is) to me, but I saw the ways that she treated me, and that was how I knew how much she cared.

But she treated me differently than other friends of ours. She is an incredibly generous person in general, but I could definitely tell that she did more for me than for some of her other friends who she knew for longer.

And it was truly how she made me feel that made me fall in love with her. She made me feel safe. She made me feel supported. She made me feel worthy. All because of the way she treated me.

I have NEVER been able to fall asleep while touching a partner. It makes me so anxious.

Yet Tina remains the only person I have ever slept soundly with all night, while she held me to her chest. And that feels like a sign.

There are other genuine signs (coincidences and such) that I don’t want to get into any detail about, but I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason and it really seems like Tina was meant to be in my life.

So anyways, I realized I was in love with her. And at first, I thought that I should just keep it to myself because no good could come from telling her. I knew she wouldn’t tell me even if she did feel the same way, and I didn’t want to make our friendship weird because it was really important to me.

But after a few days of thinking about it, I decided to tell her. I always struggle with the what if’s in life, and I never wanted to wonder what might have happened if I had told her. I also believe that people should never hesitate to say how they feel and to always live in the moment because life is short and you never know when you won’t be able to say something anymore, or they won’t be able to hear it. Lastly, I wanted to tell her, because I wanted her to know that she was loved so deeply.

I wrote down what I wanted to say, and I met up with her and read it to her. I told her I realized I had been falling more and more every day since we became friends. I told her all of the things I love about her: some of our common interests, her heart, her passion for her job. I told her I wanted her to know this, and that I didn’t expect her to say anything.

She thanked me for the kind things I said but she was shocked. (Understandably so). She knew I had feelings for her, and that was one of the reasons why she broke off hooking up with me. But I think she never knew they were this strong, and she didn’t want to lead me on. In the end, she didn’t really say anything in response. But that was okay. I just wanted her to know.

After the lack of response set in though, I was absolutely crushed. We didn’t speak for two months. I cried my eyes out for a few days, then decided to move on and focus on me.

I decided to reach out after 2 months of space from each other and we caught up. It went really well, and I was excited to hopefully start our friendship anew. And we did, but we weren’t as close. I wanted to be, but I didn’t try to be because I knew Tina didn’t want that.

I know Tina felt bad for hurting me (she didn’t do anything wrong, but she felt bad for not reciprocating my feelings), and she didn’t want to put me through that again. For this reason I knew she’d always keep me at arms length even if I tried to get closer to her.

For the past four or so months we have been texting occasionally, exchanging memes, and seeing each other around work every once in a while.

But a few nights ago, I spent time outside of work with her for an extended period. We were at a bar with some mutual friends. We had fun and laughed a lot. There was nothing flirty or anything like that. I drove her and her roommate home, and that was that.

But I can’t stop thinking about her again. My feelings feel as strong as ever. It’s been 3 days and I truly think I will be deeply in love with her for a while.

Obviously, she will have a place in my heart forever, but part of me also struggles to picture a future with a different spouse where I don’t think about her and imagine “what if?” for the rest of my life.


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u/Sensitive-Self-3803 28d ago

It’s a beautiful thing that you told her. Also, you even got to experience what it’s like to make love to her.

Unrequited love is difficult but you got more than most people in that situation.