r/TwoHotTakes 28d ago

AITAH if animals are a deal breaker? Listener Write In

Aitah(23F) if it's a deal breaker if I can't adopt a cat after his dog passes? My (26yo) bf absolutely hates cats. He has a 5/6 yo dog that I care for. (He supplies food) I did have a 7 month old puppy but I had to rehome him due to behavioral adjustment issues with his dog. I personally do not prefer a dog but it's manageable for me. He doesn't engage w his dog when he's home after work or on his off days. The dog all around annoys him. He has said I can rehome him but since he's aggressive w other dogs and due to his age I won't. And I also don't want to be hated for rehoming him either. My cat ran away while on vacation (strictly indoor) 3 yrs ago. He would have been the same age as his dog. Everyday I still wish my cat was able to be here w me. Is it insensitive of him to tell me I can never own a cat?

4 Upvotes

34 comments sorted by

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17

u/Cheap_Ice3126 27d ago

He had a dog that he finds annoying and you care for him?

2

u/Confident-Pea-7407 27d ago

Yes you heard that correct. If I don't want to take the dog out, I have to ask him to. He leaves first in the morning and doesn't take the dog out before he leaves. And on our days off it's usually me getting up first to take him out. I refill his bowls thru the day. When I say he just supplied food I literally mean it.

10

u/Cheap_Ice3126 27d ago

I think you will have other problems with him than him just not liking cats. A dog is not a toy; you can’t get it and the discard it once the novelty wears off. Is he like this with other responsibilities as well?

7

u/Creepy_Push8629 27d ago

So this is the kind of person you want as your partner?

I guess we'll see you here in a couple years when you tell us you have a toddler and are pregnant and he does nothing to help ever.

8

u/Calm_Investment 27d ago

How did the indoor cat get out of the house three years ago?

4

u/LovedAJackass 27d ago

I wouldn't advise another cat if this is likely to happen again.

5

u/Fire_or_water_kai 27d ago

I think animals are a symptom of a bigger problem.

You had to rehome your puppy over issues with a dog that he doesn't even like or engage with. Why does he have an animal just to ignore it? Obviously, the dog has behavioral issues that are related to how it's been trained (or lack thereof). You can rehome it, but you don't want to be resented, so why can't he do it? What time does he take with anything outside of himself?

You get to deal with things he doesn't want to (but hey, he supplies food, so he thinks that's good enough), but he gets aboslute veto power over pets?

I don't know if kids are something you want one day, but I hope you see what the future parenthood with him looks like.

This is a major imbalance in your relationship. Personally, I'd take my happy ass somewhere else and adopt a kitten, and find a more equitable partner, but you have to decide if you want to continue like this. He's showing you how all future perceived inconveniences will be dealt with, and it's not pretty.

3

u/Floofy_flareon 27d ago

Anytime an animal doesn’t like a person, or a person does not adequately take care of their animals, it is a huge red flag. Animals are a choice but also hard work. They are reliant on their owners. It’s not an asshole move to have this as a deal breaker. It’s a clear sign of underlying issues he has. If he can’t bring himself to care about his animals, let alone yours, who’s to say he won’t be like that with kids? Or with you? What if you had an accident that made you reliant on him? Would he just toss you because it’s no longer easy? You’re NTA. Please consider leaving sooner than later. If you think he’s actively mistreating his aggressive dog, there should be some organizations that can look into that. You’ve done the best you can.

3

u/AmbitiousReveal4806 27d ago

REHOME the BF. THIS IS ONLY GOING TO GET WORSE. TAKE THE DOG WITH YOU. HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU OR THE DOG.

2

u/RichInternational838 27d ago

Wondering if your cat actually ran away or your boyfriend let it out? Most people that hate cats hate them because they can't control them as you can a dog or person. And the fact that you have to take care of HIS dog is another red flag. If you have kids, you can likely look forward to doing all the work for them as well.

EDIT: just saw in your comments that the cat was from a previous relationship. So likely he did not let the cat out.

2

u/EyeRollingNow 27d ago

Why would you get a cat if the dog is aggressive? I wouldn’t worry about so far in advance. This relationship should be over soon. He sounds awful.

2

u/WillingMeasurement39 27d ago

NTA for wanting to have your animals loved and respected. Y W B T A H to yourself if you stay in this. How anyone can choose to stay in a relationship with another adult that neglects their own responsibilities to a living thing is beyond wild to me. Also most men that "absolutely hate cats" are usually walking red flags. Anyone that finds their own pet annoying is a walking red flag.

3

u/Prior-Concentrate-96 27d ago

A lot of dog owners are like this before getting a cat. Just get the cat and if he still a pos, then dump him

1

u/Glass_Ear_8049 27d ago

Anything can be a deal breaker for anyone. It’s your life. Personally I couldn’t be with someone who doesn’t love cats and dogs.

1

u/Minnieminnie727 27d ago

Is boyfriend lazy?

1

u/Confident-Pea-7407 27d ago

If by lazy you mean that the women are supposed to do all of the household work like it was the 1940s yes.

2

u/MurdiffJ 27d ago

Why do you want to be with someone like that? You do all the work but he tells you what you can and can’t do? Sounds miserable. It’s always easier to do nothing than to act, but it sounds like long term you will be much happier without him. People like that don’t change.

2

u/CSXrodehard 27d ago

I don’t like house work either, my wife does. I work probably 65 hours a week, and she probably does about 90% of the house work, but I do try to cook and do some cleaning on my off days, because I like the smile she gives me when I cook something she likes, or do a load of laundry, I even know that it’s a no no to put her panties in the dryer.

2

u/Confident-Pea-7407 27d ago

I wish he was like that. All the house chores are on me. He's never made a meal on his own either. And if he does make himself a snake he doesn't ask me if I want any. He's never helped me clean. The only reason why I was getting help doing laundry was bc we need a fuse for the dryer. So we've been going to the laundry mat. I had an appt last week nd asked him to go to the laundry mat nd wash the socks and underwear.(I put a clothes line up to dry clothes 2 weeks ago) He went to McDonald's, nd sat in the parking lot instead of doing what I asked on his own. He had an hr do to the undergarments which was closer than McDonald's:/

2

u/No_Secret_4560 27d ago

You continue to stay with a man who treats you like this and neglects his dog. You need to step out of this relationship and take some time to ask yourself, not why he would treat you this way, but why you would allow it.

I feel the worst for the dog. That poor little guy doesn't have a choice about who he ends up with.

1

u/DueMountain2601 27d ago

Info: how long have you been with this guy and do you really see a life together?

1

u/ChupacabraCommander 28d ago

You’re NTA for leaving but he’s NTA for having no Cats as a boundary. Honestly you do come off as TA for your question at the end though, it is not insensitive of him to not want an animal that he hates that could be around for a decade or more.

1

u/beepobbob 28d ago

Unless he's allergic I feel like maybe you could attempt to convince him more, if he thinks dogs are annoying and doesn't enjoy playing with them he probably would like having a cat. Do you know why he hates cats bc i feel like it's odd (I'm a cat person so i may be biased) to just straight up HATE cats. That being said- I enjoy other peoples dogs and I dog-sit for people often BUT I wouldn't want to own a dog simply because Im not a dog person, so he may be valid? If you really want a cat try to convince him but if he doesn't want one then thats when u get real & ask "owning a cat or living with boyfriend?"

3

u/r0oarimali0n 27d ago

Not me I find dogs disgusting. It's actually what brought me to reddit. The community dogfree

I don't dislike dogs I just find them disgusting and currently have one miniature shit beast running afoul in my house and the thing is fucking nasty on every level

1

u/beepobbob 27d ago

Fair enough , everyone is entitled to their own views but as you said you dont hate dogs you just find them gross which they absolutely can be. It's usually a red flag for me when people specifically hate animals with no reason, but thats just me Ik culturally people feel very differently about animals in their homes.

1

u/Confident-Pea-7407 27d ago

I tried to rationalize it to him but he's too selfish. And we can't disagree on when to have a child. (I would like to wait until I'm almost 30) his mom is a hoarder and a crazy cat lady. He ended up adopting a cat when he was 17 nd just got bored w it. Thats how the crazy cat lady started nd they multiplied. He says they're annoying nd load at night. He just hates everything about them. After reading everyone's comments, i know what I need to do. This man is not loving and caring enough for me to spend a lifetime w him. I want to be w someone that's an everything person and actually will take time out there day to properly train their dog. I think the only way I'd be able to slide a lifetime w him nd own a cat (I only want one darn cat) I think if I'd get a self cleaning litter box he'd ease up on it. But I want to be w a man that'll show affection.

2

u/beepobbob 27d ago

Yeah he seems like a bitter individual , you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders . I wish you the best moving forward! Someone who can simply discard an animal because it's inconvenient after being the one to bring said animal home is concerning behavior for sure

1

u/Confident-Pea-7407 27d ago

Thank you. I tell him all the time He's lucky he still has his dog at his age Because every day I wish my cat was still home. My cat was from a past relationship Anne came from his best friend's house. I have never ever had an animal show me love like my cat did. I actually never had a connection to cats before I had this cat. It deeply hurts that someone that supposedly me doesn't want me to have that type of bond w a cat again. I get told to have a child instead. I find it crazy that he tells me this after knowing the way he views his own dog. Yes I made a Dr appointment for birth control. He doesn't know.

3

u/beepobbob 27d ago

Yeah Im thinking it's more about control than anything. He isn't a nice man

1

u/r0oarimali0n 27d ago

What kind of man hates cats.

That isn't a man

1

u/dell828 27d ago

It’s not insensitive of him. He doesn’t like cats.

Personally, I refuse to live with a dog. It’s a dealbreaker. If my bf got a dog, and thought I would just adjust he would be dead wrong. I would be sorry, but I just cannot live with a dog. It’s a visceral aversion… but I love cats.

When someone tells you something like that you need to believe him. You are the one who is insensitive by telling your BF that he is a problem because he does not want a cat. He was up front. Respect him.

-1

u/Confident-Pea-7407 27d ago

Girl, he doesn't even like the 6 yo dog he's had since the dog was 12 weeks old. If i'm taking care of a dog that is aggressive and NOT MINE, Ive been accidently bitten from him being latching onto my dog 2x! After this dog passes Why wouldn't I be able to get a cat when I would be doing the same thing as i'm doing now with the dog. I just don't understand why someone wouldn't be able to put third differences aside for someone they love like I am doing w his dog.