r/TwoHotTakes 28d ago

Am I overthinking my husband’s coworker messaging him that she can’t wait for their business trip? Advice Needed

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493 Upvotes

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u/Old-Willingness3622 28d ago

Say.hey I saw the message your co worker sent can you explain what she meant?

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u/Team-naked 27d ago edited 27d ago

Yep. I think this will be a quick convo.  If he's emotionally present and physically intimate, then to me it seems doubtful he's cheating.  

Those seem to be the first things to go when they've been unfaithful.  I'd say the coworker sent an out of bounds text...

EDIT: autocorrect fix

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u/ValkyrieSword 27d ago

The husband needs to relay to her that it’s inappropriate to send messages like that to a coworker

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u/Winter-Pop-1881 27d ago

I would never text a married woman a heart lol

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u/Dependent_Buy_4302 27d ago

It's honestly something a lot of people do nowadays without even thinking about it. I'm totally with you but where I work we use Microsoft Teams and they have heart emoji on there. I never use it at all personally but I see it used ALL the time. Like almost daily during meetings and stuff. I know it's not quite the same as a text but I think it just shows the slope we are on where some people could easily just throw it on a text without thinking of how it could look to a spouse. It almost could be a muscle memory type thing.

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u/Ambitious-Island-123 27d ago

Boy it’s making me rethink my texts…I would have texted a message like this, meaning “I love the business trip”, not that I love the coworker. No more hearts for me 😳

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u/Dependent_Buy_4302 27d ago

Right. It could absolutely mean they are having an affair and she can't wait for the trip to be with him. It could equally mean she's really excited for the trip because she's excited to go to Texas. With the way OP describes her husband I'd lean toward him not having an affair but I also completely understand her concern.

My wife almost went to Texas for work but she changed jobs before the trip. I was so jealous because I want to go there and eat ALL the BBQ. So if I got the chance I'd be excited about this trip. I wouldn't use hearts because I would feel awkward. I recognize though that to other people they don't even think of it like that.

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u/Luhdk 27d ago

theres even a generational emoji meaning gap if that makes sense. Ive noticed that gen z throws hearts around almost like a x/millennial will end the most inane bullshit with an exclamation point just to appear "politely enthused about this inane interaction"

That all said and true tho, hearts a bit weird in this context. Might be nothing, might be something. Coworker still needs a talkin to, minimum.

Id say snoop a little 1st, then have a chat. If you chat first you really do give a cheater a big chance to cover their tracks. Logically it makes more sense to snoop a little 1st.

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u/Dependent_Buy_4302 27d ago

Yeah for sure I would think it's a little weird too. Just putting it out there though especially for someone who is a SAHM and wouldn't see the usage in the office by everyone. It's a plausible explanation that it doesn't mean what she thinks and is just something this person uses more to show excitement. Husband would have more insight into that. If she's a coworker who throws it around all the time to everyone then it becomes a lot more innocent and makes the husband saying something an awkward conversation.

It all depends on their relationship. He sounds like a really good guy and is present all the ways anyone could want. Not saying that precludes an affair but if anyone has earned trust and grace it might be this dude. That said I wouldn't blame someone for being driven to snoop after seeing this message. Then you run the risk of ruining the relationship if he finds out you snooped though maybe. It's a tough call to have to make and I don't envy OP.

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u/Winter-Pop-1881 27d ago

Enjoy the Microsoft orgy

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u/Dependent_Buy_4302 27d ago

Yeah it's not my favorite development but it is what it is. The meaning is changing to where it doesn't mean "hey lets get naked together".

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u/YuansMoon 27d ago

I work at a place where some of my coworkers and I have been toiling away for 25 years together. We have great platonic relationships. We do heart emojis to express “heartfelt thanks”, “I love this”, and “I care for you”. Ok that last one may sound weird but a colleague of ours died of cancer at age 42 and a female colleague texted that she’ll miss her. She got a heart emoji.

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u/Dependent_Buy_4302 27d ago

Where I work we use Teams and they have a heart emoji. It gets thrown around all the time. It could almost be a muscle memory type thing from that usage. When it gets used so frequently it almost changes the meaning. Personally I think it's weird so I don't use it but I see it used a ton.

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u/Haunting-Spite-3333 27d ago

Not true. Cheaters don’t all cheat because they are unhappy in the marriage or want to leave the wife. They can be physically intimate, they can love bomb pretty well too. That is why infidelity is so traumatic to the betrayed spouse.

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u/Last_Friend_6350 27d ago

I knew someone years ago who said her husband wined and dined her, always bought flowers every week and paid her compliments all the time. He’d been having multiple affairs at the same time he was with her for years. I was only young then and it wasn’t known as love bombing but that’s basically what she was warning me to look out for in relationships. She was happily remarried at the time of telling me this.

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u/[deleted] 27d ago

Or, can you please convince me I have no reason to question my trust of you. Her comment is causing me anxiety.

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u/Angelicwoo 27d ago

Yeah always get more information before deciding how you feel.

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u/MyLifeForAiurDT 28d ago

Office worker here. I have gotten along great with male colleagues, but I have never and would never message them something like that about a work trip with a heart emoji. It will 100% be take the wrong way, because sending that is not right.

Talk to him.

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u/VikingsStillExist 27d ago

I am an Office worker, and the use of heart emojis, especially on teams is out of hand.

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u/booksandplaid 27d ago

I "heart" comments if it's good news, or something positive from both women and men but I wouldn't send a heart emogi to a male colleague.

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u/Frimbop 27d ago

Yes same! I think the heart react is quite different to sending an actual heart emoji too . I work in a very corporate environment and often heart react via teams to positive news etc to both male and female colleagues. If the context of the message is professional in nature no issues imo . Would never send a heart emoji to colleagues in general haha

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u/booksandplaid 27d ago

Couldn't agree more!!

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u/lunchbox3 27d ago

Yeh I am seeing it regularly used as “thank you” basically. This message does seem off though 

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u/MyLifeForAiurDT 27d ago

I heart react to my female coworkers' messages as a thank you. Never in my wildest dreams heart react or heart emoji to male coworkers.

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u/11upand1over 27d ago

“Never in my wildest dreams” makes this sound so dramatic lol. It’s a silly heart reaction, not a confession of love. If my coworkers overthink a slack reaction to this level I’d be concerned.

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u/KrumpalDump 27d ago

Unless she loves being in Texas.

Or him being in her. I don't think that, I just wanted to spoil it for whoever was going to follow up with that.

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u/[deleted] 27d ago

How could you do this to me?

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u/Sad_Cryptographer689 27d ago

There is a difference in "hearting" a comment and sending a heart

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u/Code-Useful 27d ago

I see people using it like 'thanks' in teams as well. But it doesn't fit the context of this msg..

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u/TryItOutHmHrNw 27d ago

Yes! I always feel weird when a woman hearts my message.

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u/Ok_Bumblebee_2869 27d ago

Yeah if there wasn’t a heart emoji I wouldn’t be concerned. The heart puts it over the top.

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u/jenncc80 28d ago

A ❤️ emoji is so inappropriate to send a married man in any capacity but especially in a business relationship.

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u/ChumbawumbaFan01 28d ago

She’s been overreaching for a while and if it’s not followed up by “This is the last straw, Debbie, I’m reporting you to HR,” he damn sure likes the attention.

It’s such a gross move.

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u/Automatic_Role6120 27d ago

Nta. It's one of those things where she is flirting but willdeny if asked. Seeing if he willtake the bait.

Your husband sounds lovely and like he likes his life. I don't think he will want to destroy his happy family but who knows what alcohol and flattery might do?

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u/SissaSays 27d ago

Absolutely! Plausible deniability!

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u/Donglemaetsro 27d ago edited 27d ago

Depends on culture and upbringing tbh. I have a few from both genders at work that sling hearts around like drug dealers slinging weed in the 90s and they don't discriminate based on age or gender.

Usually it's the extroverts that just like hanging out and drinking after work in the most harmless ways tbh. So it absolutely can be harmless. If course in some cases it also could not be.

Anyway, I return the same vibe to those that do, they get hearts back and it's never been weird and there's certainly never been any tension or anything like that.

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u/AldusPrime 27d ago

Yeah, I have some friends who heart emoji everything that's good/nice/fun.

It doesn't mean anything other than they're happy about something. It almost functions like a period at the end of those sentences.

So, I think it totally depends on who it is.

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u/Key-Demand-2569 27d ago

Hey now this is Reddit. He’s definitely a monster who has been cheating on OP for years purely thinking about the emotional harm when it’s revealed.

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u/KevKlo86 27d ago

According to reddit, the kids probably aren't hers.

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u/SVLEM 27d ago

It could also be an age thing. Emojis, hearts and smileys make me feel young. I use them a lot when I’m gaming online. I’m a friendly extrovert (when I want to be) and the use of emojis helps keep things light. The woman is older and divorced. I think that she is just trying to reclaim some of her youth - harmless by my estimation.

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u/hilarioustrainwreck 27d ago

Hm I am in a weird Silicon Valley tech bubble whatever but when I really love an idea I’m like “YES PERFECT ❤️🙏🤌 LFG”, stuff like that. I’m a woman, I send to women and men, single or married. I have never meant it in any romantic or sexual way and I don’t think it’s been taken that way. Although also, I am very overweight so it’s not like I need to fight them off with a stick. So. Idk 

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u/Allyredhen79 27d ago

That’s if you love an IDEA. there’s an immediately obvious context. The context here is ‘I can’t wait to see you and am going to love being alone with you’…

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u/lunchbox3 27d ago

Yeh I travel a fair bit with work and can 100% imagine sending “can’t wait for Xxx!” But doubt I would add a heart - maybe like something more linked to where they were going

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u/SVLEM 27d ago

I think you’re reading too much into it. She said, “Can’t wait for Texas heart.” Nowhere does she imply being alone with him….

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u/inZania 27d ago edited 27d ago

Then what purpose does the heart serve?

I too work in an environment where the Youngs use a lot of emojis. But they use them to convey meaning; you can’t throw a random emoji in a sentence. And unlike most emojis, a single heart has an unambiguous meaning (“love”).

So either it was a thoughtless addition with no meaning, or the meaning is that she REALLY likes the idea of spending time with him. I mean, it’d be rather unusual for someone to be excited about a business trip (I’ve never seen anyone express this kind of excitement, even for SXSW business trips). Plus she is saying this specifically to one person, not making a general statement, and including a heart for emphasis. The nicest possible interpretation is “I want to spend time specifically with you.”

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u/JWJulie 27d ago

I also do this, and I am also older than many of my colleagues and very overweight so have never even considered it would be taken as anything other than enthusiasm

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u/rasmustrew 27d ago

Eh depends, my coworkers and I, of all ages, send hearts to eachother all the time. I have found that to be pretty normal here in Denmark. But ya probably wouldnt use a heart emoji in that context though.

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u/okaywhattho 27d ago

Curiously, would you be comfortable sending a message like OPs husband received? To me, the heart is worse becasue of the rest of the message.

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u/lunchbox3 27d ago

Yeh I sent a heart to my male colleague and I saw another colleague had seen on my phone screen - so I opened the messages to show her the one before which said “omg you are such a c**t”. Can’t even remember what it was about.

I suspect she was being inappropriate and flirty and hope he just shut her down.

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u/strongopinion4life 28d ago

I can imagine in a conversation saying "Cant wait for Texas" as in "I never been there" and stuff like that. However, I cant imagine someone sending that message with a heart to a privite chat with someone you work with. That oversteps work boundaries. I wNt to say that you should ask him but some friends of mine did that to find out latter that the guy lied and delated all their messages. So if you are going to talk to him I would look at the messages before or ask for his Phone to see the conversation at that moment.

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u/nigel_pow 27d ago

So if you are going to talk to him I would look at the messages before or ask for his Phone to see the conversation at that moment.

But is she does that, then that means she doesn't trust him. It sucks how their marriage can potentially be perfect but another woman with maybe bad intentions just threw a wrench at the foundation.

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u/Bubbly-Butterfly-724 26d ago

She wrote a wonderful update!!!

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u/koriltoriw 28d ago

When your gut is telling you to be on alert… you need to listen. Hoping you’re wrong! The message was inappropriate, even if he hasn’t done anything wrong, especially coming from a woman who is newly divorced!

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u/bitch-i-dont-care 27d ago

Where there's smoke, there's fire..

Totally inappropriate, and suggests to me they have a rapport where she felt comfortable sending it. Even if somehow this is innocent on the husbands end, he already fucked up letting it get to this point IMO.

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u/Gold-Reason6338 27d ago

As a female who has gone on many work trips, I NEVER text male coworkers anything of the sort, nor do they message me. In fact, I am sooo weird sometimes I always find out what floor my colleagues are staying on and then request to be on a completely different floor because I don’t ever want to run into them! It’s a work trip after all. I never go to happy hours which last longer than an hour and I just overall know my lane and colleagues know to stay in there. OP - you need to confront your husband casually and be like ohh I saw a text from someone with a heart emoji next to it what was that all about… see his reaction and see what he says back. Pay attention to his face and his words. I’d definitely express it’s weird a female colleague is txting you heart emojis. It could be he loves the attention but ppl are cray and this colleague could misconstrue things too. Be careful and hope it’s nothing OP, good luck!

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u/LovedAJackass 27d ago

 always find out what floor my colleagues are staying on and then request to be on a completely different floor 

I've done this. It's smart and professional.

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u/Ok_Friend_9735 28d ago

“Babe/honey/sweetie, I have something I want to talk about that’s been on my mind all week. It’s a bit uncomfortable but I really need to talk about it. Can we chat? … last week when I was using your phone a message from coworker popped up and it said ‘Looking forward to Texas’ with a heart emoji, and to be honest it has bothered me all week because XYZ. I just want to understand the relationship between you and coworker. Can you give me context on why she would send you that message?”

I don’t think you’re overthinking, but you definitely need more information. I personally wouldn’t be able to help myself from going through his phone for real when he’s in the shower, but having an adult conversation is probably healthier. The heart emoji is really what red flags for me. It’s totally possible she’s trying to get some attention from him and maybe he hasn’t shut it down appropriately but hasn’t cheated. Seems the most likely to me given how attentive he is, and the fact he let you use his phone to scroll instagram. A cheater who could get a text at any moment wouldn’t do that, and definitely wouldn’t have it set so the message preview pops up.

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u/kepsr1 27d ago edited 27d ago

This💯💯☝️

Updateme!

How did your conversation go?

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u/amaezingjew 27d ago

Psst you have a typo in “Updateme”

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u/lunchbox3 27d ago

Yeh so true - surely he would have her on mute at the least!

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u/UnreadSnack 27d ago

Congrats you have one of the only sane comments here

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u/XanniPhantomm 27d ago

What if you go through his phone and find nothing? Would you admit to it? Would you hide it? If you ever go through your partners phone, there’s no way there can be 100% trust and a problem for the relationship ship

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u/[deleted] 28d ago

A certain type of cheater comes off as perfect, to everyone... And yes, they would buy you lots of gifts to stop you from suspecting that they aren't genuine

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u/whatalife89 27d ago

Or because they feel so guilty, they try to make up for their conscience by being so "perfect".

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u/[deleted] 27d ago

I'm sure that's why some folks do the whole gift giving, but not the scum I'm referring too, they have no conscience 😅, they thrive from manipulation and control

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u/Wont_Eva_Know 27d ago

Yep, I bet if OP looked at his phone now that message would not still be on it.

Cheaters like that LOVE having a secret sexy life to go with their ‘normal family life’… 100% it’s just about them and their ego, they’re not in any way feeling guilty or tormented.

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u/[deleted] 27d ago

Yup, if he gets back, and The OW text thread is gone.... That will be very telling..

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u/ParkingOutside6500 27d ago

Actually, if he is a sane man, that message will be deleted, because he would find it creepy and wouldn't want his wife to see it and tell everybody on Reddit about it if he were being pursued by a coworker against his will.

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u/Sudden-Breadfruit653 27d ago

No. If he was sane he would have told her don’t send me those messages personally - full stop!

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u/OkMinimum3033 27d ago

Your husband sounds like an amazing man. He sounds like he's incredibly communicative with you. He sounds family orientated, loving and kind. He sounds like you're his world.

The coworker sounds like trouble. She's newly divorced and likely wanting to have some fun. She probably has made some advances on your husband. She may have been hoping for something to happen on this trip.

However, based on what you've said about your husband, I HIGHLY doubt that he's taken up her offer. The fact he clearly has no problem sharing his phone with you leads me to believe he has nothing to hide.

What I would say is give him the benefit of the doubt. Have a conversation with him and explain that you saw her message pop up and it made you uncomfortable. You should have spoken to him about it instead of stewing while he was away but you trust him and knew you were being silly and didn't want to come across as you didn't trust him. However, it's been on your mind and it's caused you to spiral. You feel she's crossing a boundary in your marriage and she's not a friend of the marriage. Can we have a conversation about this woman, why she messaged that way just before the flight, has she made any advances since her divorce? Did anything happen on the trip that he wants to tell you about? Can you look through their conversations to see how she messages him?

That way, you're not necessarily accusing him of anything. You're giving him an opportunity to confess and also looking at this as a problem that you can work through together.

I really, really don't think he would have cheated. Based on your description but I do think you need to have a conversation about how he interacts with her to make you feel more secure.

Wish you all the best ❤️

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u/Bubbly-Butterfly-724 27d ago

This, and chances are that he will have read the message when already gone and was gonna update her in person like he has done before when women hit on him. I hope he does that

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u/Recent_Put_7321 27d ago

I swear it’s like you are me! I had the great husband great father. Still intimate often ,still loving .caring. He was handsome and truly good looking and I felt like you did unattractive, tbh I always put him over me. Well ask anyone if they thought my husband would cheat and they would have told you he would be the last man on earth to. Well he did cheat and walked out on me and our kids without even caring and decided to have no contact with our kids and he moved in with the new women and played dad to her children. I don’t think I ever truly knew him. I’m not saying your husband is cheating but that’s something you need to find out. It’s not appropriate the co worker sending hearts and that.

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u/TheMau 28d ago edited 28d ago

A platonic work friend would never say they are looking forward to a work trip and follow it with a red heart emoji. Never. I am a woman in business and have been traveling on business with male colleagues for 25 years. There are generally accepted communication rules and red hearts are a big red flag no-no.

You talk to him when he gets home. You bring it up by telling him about the message you saw and ask him right then to see his phone. If he has nothing to hide then he will hide nothing. If he’s smart he’s deleted all her messages though so this isn’t fool proof. But when there’s smoke there’s fire and you should know by now to trust your gut.

You asked if a man who loves his wife and isn’t cheating would go through the trouble to have the kids buy you gifts. The answer is yes. He’s a man who loves his life and family but feels somewhat entitled to have a little extra on the side. I have seen this literally countless times. Especially when it’s a successful and good looking man with a stay at home wife. Not saying it’s a guarantee that he’s cheating but she is pursuing, and he needs to show you some proof that he shut that down immediately after receiving that inappropriate text message to prove he’s not romantically involved with her.

To add: if he’s on this Texas trip with her now, you need to know he could have / will be sleeping with her by the time he gets home. If you want to run interference, get him on the phone at night after his meetings are over. Tell him you saw the text. It might spook him enough to not go through with his fling.

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u/KinkyAndABitFreaky 28d ago

If the messages have been deleted, it's fairly obvious what's going on.

I agree with you all the way

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u/LarkScarlett 28d ago

This is great and accurate advice.

The only thing I’d add, is if hubby has deleted all coworker’s messages, the one with the heart will also be deleted. So OP knowing about that specific text is a good litmus for whether or not hubby’s cell texts are intact and accurate.

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u/Acrobatic_Stomach882 27d ago

As much as he sounds like a lovely partner, you obviously are getting some intuition alerts. Your best bet is to wait until he comes home and ask to see his phone. A good tentative father does not equal faithful.

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u/Allyredhen79 27d ago

THIS ⬆️ all day.

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u/Bossmann60 28d ago

Need to have a heart to heart and ask him to explain calmly.Ask if you can have access to his phone to see conversation threads with her or anyone else.upste me please.

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u/Donohou 27d ago

Tell him you trust him, love him, and don't want to doubt him in any way but you saw the message his coworker sent right before he headed out and just want to read the conversation to feel more at ease. If he gives you the phone without hesitation and you find nothing to be upset about besides the red heart, you're good. If the messages are deleted or he doesn't want to give you the phone, then you know what you need to do.

He may be the best husband and father ever but if he is disrespecting your agreement to be faithful then he is disrespecting you and you need to leave.

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u/Voidg 27d ago

It's the heart ❤️ that screams inappropriate. Doesn't mean your husband is guilty. For all you know she is testing the waters. However unlikely that is. I feel you need to approach the conversation with a bit fo strategy.

Tell him you were on his phone when the message came across from her followed by a heart emoji. Ask him to describe the relationship they have and why she would feel it is appropriate for her to send him that. If his answer isn't enough ask to see their text messages.

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u/Potential_Dentist_12 27d ago

To add to this point of testing the waters. If she is better connected with management/leadership at the company than he is then it makes sense why he can’t say anything. Especially being the sole provider for a family of 5 kids is a lot of pressure to risk rocking the boat at work. Comments above make sense, but seems like if he FaceTimes daily, good father, respectful husband, hard to imagine he’s cheating. Unless he’s a cold hearted mfer

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u/Voidg 27d ago

Agreed OPs partner is being far to much of an involved father to have an affair. Not saying it isn't possible but I would give him the benefit of the doubt here.

Also as someone that has had a coworker who isn't happy in their life test the waters with me. The messages come out of left field and are not expected. So if he has no lead up to this it could very well mean nothing transpired before and he wasn't covering his tracks by deleting messages.

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u/JMLegend22 27d ago

First ask to see his phone. If it’s deleted tell him that’s interesting that your coworker was excited for the business trip and the text is now missing. You have one chance to tell the truth about what happened or you won’t be sleeping in the house tonight.

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u/Ok_Bumblebee_2869 27d ago

Yeah I wonder if she could try that TikTok trend. The one where you just blindly ask for his phone and see if he just hands it over or questions you. I knew what my husband’s reaction would be - he’d hand it over no question asked. And he did exactly that. All I did was say, “Hey can I see your phone” and he tossed it to me. I didn’t do it to test him but because I just knew he’d have absolutely no issue with it.

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u/WinterFront1431 27d ago

Tell him the reason for you acting this way.. whether he was sleeping with her or not, that message was inappropriate, and he either encouraged her or not down right shutting her down.

You can get his phone company to send you a copy of numbers messages received and sent, so you can work out if they regularly text each other when they shouldn't be.

Don't let him tell you it's harmless blah blah, because even if he not fucking her, he is allowing another woman to feel comfortable enough that she thinks this behaviour is OK.

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u/[deleted] 27d ago

I'm an average looking guy. Not especially ugly; not hot. Physically fit, successful career-wise and balding. I get messages like that all the time, especially from women who have recently uncoupled. That woman is gunning for him, beware of that. The message clearly shows her intentions. However it doesn't mean he's cheating. It does mean he's been targeted. 

You should tell him you saw the message come in and that you believe he's being pursued. Then...let him talk.

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u/TabbyFoxHollow 27d ago

This post is so fake, they are in the process of deleting all their other fake posts where they say they’re 23. Google the username and you’ll see.

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u/Praise_Sub 27d ago

It sounds like she might be interested in your husband but that doesn’t mean he’s interested. That being said, boundaries need to be drawn by him asap. Sending a ❤️ isn’t normal for colleagues and is hella inappropriate to send to a married man

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u/Svelted 28d ago

there should be nothing deleted. period. full stop.

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u/Duderoy 27d ago

As a married male I would not be happy if I got that message. There's nothing good that can come of that.

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u/gwgrock 28d ago

I'm sick for you.

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u/humorineverysense 27d ago

That heart emoji indicates trouble.

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u/meh01141997 28d ago

This story made me so sick. Because he is so good at what he does. That message is 100 percent from a person he is having some sort of nonprofessional relationship with

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u/TheMau 28d ago

So, so many men in the business world develop a sense of entitlement as they become more successful. They retain their good looks, support a family and wife, and they have equally successful women colleagues making themselves available to them. They are smart enough to cover their tracks. It happens allll the time.

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u/TabbyFoxHollow 27d ago

It’s fake. They posted in other forums how they’re 23. They deleted their post history but if you search the username, you’ll find all the other fake stories they’ve posted.

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u/Whatifthisneverends 28d ago

The only answer to that wildly unprofessional text about Texas with a HEART EMOJI is “wrong person”

Honestly there was too much text after that that he would never cheat and I skimmed that, but that Texas heart text? It’s making you anxious because it was not okay.

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u/ChumbawumbaFan01 28d ago edited 28d ago

He’s fucking her. This is not a professional text. This is a “can’t wait to ride you, cowboy” text. She’s brazen.

As soon as he walks in the door you ask for his phone and review his messages. If it’s missing, they’re fucking. If he hasn’t responded to it, you tell him to shut that down immediately every time or he’s gonna lose his wife.

This is not a professional or appropriate text.

Check all his messaging apps and trash.

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u/[deleted] 28d ago

I'm sorry, but I do think he is involved with this coworker. It was a massively inappropriate messaging. There is nothing platonic about that message. But if he is cheating, the chances of him admitting it are close to zero. I hope I'm wrong, but I'm probably not.

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u/GraciousGladiator 28d ago

You're not. We know you're not. That's the saddest part about all of this.

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u/whatalife89 27d ago

Right? He's totally cheating.

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u/[deleted] 28d ago

Most the time ur not overthinking. Work is work and most the time it’s not fun.

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u/iknowsomethings2 27d ago

You need to talk to him and say you saw the message pop up when using his phone before he left and that it made you feel uncomfortable, please can you explain your relationship with her and why she thought that was appropriate and how you shut it down.

Depending on how he responds, tells you if you need to dig deeper and find out if he’s cheating and lying to you.

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u/Blacksunshinexo 27d ago

I would definitely be checking his phone. Any other female texting a heart emoji to my husband is up to no good. They're doing something, I'm sorry op

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u/sarah-exalted 27d ago

He can be the best father and husband in the world, he can do and say all the right things in a marriage, but if a person wants to cheat they will still find a way, regardless of their historically good behaviour in the relationship. Sending a heart emoji to a married man rings some alarm bells, in my opinion. Approach the conversation with a kind tone, ask if you can see his phone and discuss the message you saw on his phone as it made you uncomfortable and would like to know the dynamic of his interactions with her. Be kind and note how he reacts to your very valid concerns.

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u/Flightlessbirbz 27d ago edited 27d ago

First of all, the heart emoji makes this text completely inappropriate coming from an opposite-sex coworker. Period. On her part, she is definitely crossing a line that shouldn’t be crossed. What’s not clear is if they’re actually having an affair, or if this is one-sided flirting from her.

The latter scenario imo is the most likely given how you describe his behavior and the fact he was casually letting you use his phone. Someone having an affair generally is protective of their phone. However, what’s also likely is that he is entertaining this behavior for an ego boost when he shouldn’t be, even if he’s not acting on it. That’s something you need to talk about and draw a firm boundary on. The appropriate response is to let her know she’s being inappropriate, and he will be going to HR if it continues.

When he gets back, I would calmly ask to see his phone. If he hands it to you without issue, you can be pretty much reassured he’s not doing anything wrong. If he doesn’t want to, you need to gently but firmly confront him on what you saw.

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u/canyonemoon 27d ago

Talk to your husband, that's all you can do. I really hope he's not cheating, for you and your kids' sake. I really hope he's been shooting her down and asking her to not send hearts, for you and your kids' sake. But all you can do is talk to your husband.

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u/ThousandsHardships 27d ago

The heart emoji is concerning (not necessarily the text itself) and you're right to ask questions, but I wouldn't necessarily draw any conclusions unless there's reciprocity from his end.

By reciprocity, I mean actual flirting or dirty talk, because I'm almost certain he wouldn't block her over this even if he never cheated and never intends to cheat. If he's loyal, he'd probably just pretend he doesn't see it and play ignorant, pass any flirtatious comments from her as a joke, and continue treating her like a friend or colleague. That's how a lot of guys are, and especially the case since they still have to interact professionally.

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u/Bitchinstein 27d ago edited 27d ago

My personal opinion and experience? Married very attractive men cheat A LOT. I was single 25-38 and phew married men were the worst and always on tinder, always lied about their marital status. I had to start googling men to confirm they weren’t married… They love the attention from other women, and the security of a family.

Trust your instincts. Women have intuition for a reason.

First thing I would do is check your phone bill and see how often and what time they text… that will be a huge indicator into the type of relationship they have.

Do I text my work “sancho”? Yes but only occasionally and never in the middle of the night or anything. Does my partner know we have a running joke of sancho? Yes- everyone is included. Context matters.

Adding: I also never text him heart emojis. Our text are either work gossip, movies, or recently I did ask advice about teenagers since we both are raising kids. But never “I can’t wait to whatever ❤️”

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u/VADeb 27d ago

If he says nothing is going on, ask to see the text thread without him opening it first. If he refuses, you have your answer.

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u/GloomyDraw8914 27d ago

I feel like I'm reading my life. My husband is amazing and a great father. He is so enamored by me, he wouldn't notice a woman flirting with him. A woman who is recently divorced (husband cheated) told my husband how she was always attracted to him. He didn't know how to respond. He told me about it, and I said, "Her flirting with a married man makes her no better than the woman who slept with her husband." If I were in your position, I would tell my husband that "I have been very anxious lately because I saw a text on your phone from your coworker, and a million things have been running through my head. I trust you, but a woman made a statement like that and puts a heart after it, that's unsettling." If he saw that same message on your phone, wouldn't he question it?

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u/catmom22_ 27d ago

Baby a red heart….a “business trip” every 3 months for 3-4 days….youre feeling like this for a reason and all the signs are giving affair. I mean if she sends hearts and they’re just friends why don’t you know about her?

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u/ChipChippersonFan 27d ago

It could be that the coworker enjoys traveling and is looking forward to seeing a new city.

Or it could be that that coworker is saying "I can't wait to take our Affair to a new city"

Whichever one seems more plausible. ( In case it's not obvious, I'm saying the first one is more plausible.)

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u/DriftingWings 27d ago

Bruh. Even the picture perfect husbands stray. It’s kinda uncomfortable she feels comfortable texting that to him. But hopefully it’s nothing. The only reason my boyfriend has his coworkers number is for when one or the other wants to call in, but I guess that’s just him. Hope it’s nothing.

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u/Important-Donut-7742 27d ago

She sounds like a thirsty divorcee. The heart on the text is what throws the red flag. Ask your husband. It’s likely just her acting pathetic and it sounds like you have a solid marriage with a wonderful man who loves you. Please update us.

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u/GraciousGladiator 28d ago

You're fucked. The heart emoji is a dead giveaway. Nobody texts their coworker talkin' bout' sum' "Can't wait for Texas! ❤"

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u/Grand_Raspberry_609 28d ago

Girl my heart is breaking for you. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now. I’m eagerly crossing my fingers and hoping it’s some older lady who wants him, but he wants nothing with her.

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u/[deleted] 27d ago

That is a very inappropriate text to be receiving from a coworker, I would have brought it up before he left, flights can be rearranged.

No one knows if he is cheating but you need to find out, if you think he is honest ask him asap to look at those messages together and check the deleted folder.

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u/Belisaurios 27d ago

It could be he is politely brushing her off and deleting such mssgs to avoid confrontation, but maybe not. Tge only SURE thing is, you need to NOT take any action until you know for sure, otherwise you will just drive yourself nuts

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u/Dear_Parsnip_6802 27d ago

Maybe just say, hey I saw a message pop up on your phone before you walked out the door that confused me. Can I have your phone and I'll quickly find it so you can explain its meaning. If the message is deleted I'd be concerned. If there's more messages in that thread that are inappropriate you have a big issue. If there's not you could just show him the text in question and say this sort of text makes me uneasy can you tell my why she'd send you something like this with a heart emjoi and do you know what such a message implies.

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u/7thgentex 27d ago

Updateme!

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u/GameOvariez 27d ago

Updateme!

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u/Allyredhen79 27d ago

You definitely need to ask what the hell that message was about. The ❤️ is extremely suspicious as it’s so inappropriate to send to a colleague (an accidental ‘x’ I have put on a WhatsApp group message to my work team before, it’s easily done!)

The fact that she’s recently divorced is a red flag too. I’m really sorry OP, and I don’t usually jump right on the cheating train.. but o think he may be comforting this woman in a way he shouldn’t be. His behaviour reminds me of the men in that Ashley madison documentary on Netflix.. 😬😬

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u/mayfeelthis 27d ago

Just ask ‘hey babe, I saw a weird message as you left. Would you just tell me what that was about?’

And suggest you show him. Doesn’t sound like he is hiding anything so treat him like that.

If you act demanding or over explain, people get defensive and petty.

Hope for the best, know you’re ok whatever happens. You got this

It could be innocent as the last topic or a project/goal of the trip she’s excited for and loving.

If he acts weird af…then maybe he’s an expert at this and got caught out idk.

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u/Allyredhen79 27d ago

Updateme

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u/bookaholic234 27d ago

updateme!

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u/Ok-Personality-6630 27d ago

Has he deleted the message? If yes he's covering it up.

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u/Hour-Passage-4464 27d ago

You should be able to have a civil conversation of what you saw and let him explain. Don't wait too long as it's obviously eating at you. Feel the temperature and depending on the answers you can either proceed to drill or let it go and trust your husband. Slinging hearts can be innocent. Texas ♥️ could mean she loves Texas.

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u/chingness 27d ago

No one loves Texas surely 😂

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u/SepiaToneHitchhiker 27d ago

You should be worried. That was a flirty message.

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u/optipessimist 27d ago

UpdateMe!

2

u/Ginboy32 27d ago

When he asks what is wrong say give me your phone and I will show you. See how he reacts

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u/nikiley 27d ago

Well, he’s been home for two hours. I wonder how things are going.

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u/SandEon916 27d ago

girl even the way you talk about your husband is confusing me! you are making him sound like a really good and devoted guy, especially with the piggy bank and chocolates/flowers.

but.

:(

that is a really weird message to send a colleague, super vague, but also "❤️" is a choice.

For example and context, I was recently seeing a guy five months. I'm 31f. The red heart is reserved for when I want to be really serious, otherwise I have these ones all "💙🩵🤍" in my recently used emojis right now. I was uncomfortable using the red emoji with him, I didn't feel safe enough to do it. We broke up three days ago. I'm not just tossing that thing out to random guys, although I'm sure not everyone is as weird about as I am.

But that's certainly a fucking choice on her end, and very probably not an innocent one. Either she's sending it because she feels like their relationship warrants it, or she is sending it bc she wants to set a flirty tone for the convo.

One is obviously way worse than the other, but both are bad. There's a small chance that since she's in her early 40s, she just seriously sucks at using emojis, but imo it's a tiny likelihood.

Also edit to add: He probably knows you saw that message. He at least knows there's a strong possibility you did.

And the way you say his attractiveness makes you insecure makes me sad! I'm sure you're beautiful. For real. We are all way too hard on ourselves.

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u/Whiskey_Vinyl 27d ago

You have a very strong marriage based on the post. 99/100 people responding don’t have marriage figured out like you do.

So, the best advice you’re going to get here is from your own intuition.

I personally lean toward this being nothing. Some people/industrys are just emoji heavy. I’ve gotten heart emojis from co workers and they had 0 interest in me.

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u/TopN2023 27d ago

I don't know if this helps: I'm a handsome and masculine male, and I'm also openly gay at work. There's a single mother of two at my place of work, with whom I've worked on projects with. She has made statements in the past, alluding to she and I being married, but I ignored the statements. One time , she said this in public while we were working together: "that's why we can't get married because ...". She has called me her work husband on a few occasions. I've also received some Happy New Year texts and other texts, ending with ❤️. I'm not attracted to her sexually and I let all that fly.

Are you overthinking? I don't think so. Is your husband doing her? If he's not attracted to her, I'll say he's letting all that attention fly.

If you can help it, I'll say: keep an eye on the situation. If his behavior towards you and the kids hasn't changed - for the worse - don't bring it up. Once in a while, "glance" at his Instagram (or other social media and text messages). Don't let it bother you. If he's not attracted to her, she's just wasting her GD (excuse my French) time and being delusional.

Don't let hubby know that you are checking his messages. He sounds like a very good man. Don't put "bad" ideas in his head .... like: "my wife is checking my messages."

That's my 2 cents.

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u/ValkyrieSword 27d ago

No matter what her intent, it was still an inappropriate message. You are justified in being bothered by it. Now you have to dig to find out just how inappropriate it was.

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u/valr1821 27d ago

Not overthinking it. I’ve been a working professional for almost 20 years and I would never send a male coworker a heart emoji in any context. It may very well be innocent on his part, but you have to ask. A lot of happily married men live by the mantra “wheels up, rings off”.

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u/lord_scuttlebutt 27d ago

She's definitely more excited than she should be. Trust the hubby though. Explain your concerns and he will take it from there.

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u/boboyomamabaggins 27d ago

The heart emoji is inappropriate. I would just nicely ask him about it, and I say nicely because it’s possible that your husband has set boundaries and has not reciprocated at all and the female coworker continues to overstep them.

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u/Itwasdewey 27d ago

UpdateMe!

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u/DryBite9885 27d ago

You’re not overthinking. Hopefully this is completely innocent though. Let us know how it goes!

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u/seidinove 27d ago

It might be a case where the coworker has unrealistic expectations about what would happen on that work trip. Have a calm conversation with your husband about it.

Updateme!

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u/dawnyD36 27d ago

Update us

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u/Least_Gear_3379 27d ago

The text is weird but I would bet this was the coworker testing the waters. If he had something to hide he would avoid situations where you could casually have access to his phone.

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u/Myouz 27d ago

I'd like to get feedback from the convo with the husband however one thing tricked me. If he'd cheat on you, it wouldn't be by any means your fault or you not being a good enough wife. Please get that out of your mind. You seem to have genuinely the best family possible, best marriage, best husband and to make it all work, it's also because you're the best wife.

For the rest, hope it was only a misunderstanding but the flowers/chocolate box is the sweetest intention and you seem to have many like that, you're so lucky and keep enjoying each other because I'm sure he feels the same about you.

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u/ExplanationUsed2769 27d ago

See if the message is still on his phone before you ask him about it. (Don't let him know you checked his phone though)

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u/groovilicious78 27d ago

Very curious indeed, because my gut reaction would be negative, not very good at all. However, lots of people made valid points about conversation. So updateme!

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u/BlueDolphins1221 27d ago

Check the phone prior to speaking to him about it. You will never know the full truth until you do.

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u/BitterMistake9434 27d ago

First thing you need to do is contact his company and find out if this trip is even a real company trip. And if it is, ask how many employees are actually going. Then ask for his hotel. Then you need to call the hotel and ask if Mr and Mrs ___ have checked in. Do your due diligence. After you get the information you need message your Husband that there is no need for conversation but you unfortunately happened to see the text from his co-worker and that you hope this was worth your relationship. If he trys to gaslight you, tell him to send the whole text threat. Complete with timestamps because you know how much you have seen and now its time to test his honesty

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u/Edlo9596 27d ago

That message was inappropriate. I’m a woman who occasionally travels for work, and I can’t imagine ever texting a male colleague ❤️, unless I were romantically interested in them. That’s honestly a big red flag, even if your husband hasn’t done anything wrong. The right thing to do would be to communicate with him; tell him you saw the message when you were looking at Instagram wheels and it’s been bothering you. However, it’s worth noting that if anything is going on, he’ll probably delete anything incriminating on his phone immediately. So if I were you, I would ask him to see his communications with that particular coworker. It sounds like he isn’t secretive about letting you use his phone, so that shouldn’t be a problem. If he hesitates, there’s definitely a problem.

Also, I noticed you said you’re not contributing financially to your household. That’s just not true. You’re literally saving your family well over 6 figures in daycare costs, so please don’t consider your contribution as a SAHM as not being financially beneficial!

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u/Only-Bag1747 27d ago

My advice to OP would be to talk to your husband in a non-accusatory way. This message does seem inappropriate, but it could mean a lot of things, and most of them don’t involve the husband cheating.

It is possible that the message wasn’t intended in a flirtatious or romantic way. I personally would never send a heart emoji to a female colleague, but I have seen it done. I have female friends (including some who are or have been work colleagues) who have sent me messages that included a heart emoji in response to something I said, and I didn’t interpret it in a flirtatious way - it was more like they were using it interchangeably with “hearting” my message. Again, I probably wouldn’t do it, but I know that some people do.

It’s also possible that the woman does have bad intentions, and OP’s husband doesn’t. If that’s the case, then he should shut it down, but he has to do it in the right way, and he might be figuring out how to do that without blowing it up into an HR nightmare.

Or, he could be cheating…but based on OP’s own description of his behavior, that actually doesn’t seem likely to me.

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u/mattdvs1979 28d ago

Updateme

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u/nicholsonsgirl 27d ago

The fact that he had to have seen it since and he hasn’t told you makes me think he’s hiding it and having an affair. I’d FaceTime and tell him you saw it. See his reaction and start prepping for divorce if needed

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u/shrubhomer 27d ago

This won’t work. These guys can come up with something on the fly no problem and will only tip him off to cover his tracks carefully. The best chance at actually finding evidence (if there is something going on) is to catch them off guard. Ask to see the messages when he gets home after the trip after a short discussion when he hasn’t had time to delete anything.

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u/Bozacke 27d ago

Does he have a smart watch? If so, he may have seen the message alert on his watch, but possibly not the emoji.

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u/notliketheothers85 27d ago

Breathe. You have zero context here. Perhaps she has a date, or even just a meeting with a crush, lined up in Texas that Hubs knows about. Or she just really likes Texas. Or is just a bit wayward with her emojis…

The sooner people get to grips with the fact that men and women can be friends and colleagues without bumping uglies at every available opportunity the happier we’ll all be. I was swapping messages last night with a married former colleague - his are littered with kisses and he calls me “sweetie” - Reddit would have his wife reaching for the shotgun and/or divorce lawyer… it would break your tiny minds that not only has nothing happened in 15 years, but she and I have become good friends and she sometimes calls me to take him out and cheer him up…

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u/Wide-Buddy-9755 27d ago

Update me!

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u/SAMIYAT 27d ago

Updateme!

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u/clairvoyant69 27d ago

Definitely ask to see his phone when you confront him. If the messages are deleted I think you have your answer.

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u/Advanced_Passage_492 27d ago

Sorry OP - hope it was one sided. Updateme

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u/Formal-Ad7701 27d ago

Update me

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u/KeyUnlikely721 27d ago

Would love an update whenever you have one

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u/Exact-Barracuda-8319 27d ago

We need a follow up.

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u/mesaluna_ 27d ago

Updateme

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u/RobotDoodle 27d ago

Regardless of what the truth is, you know one thing for sure: that text was wildly inappropriate, and there’s almost zero percent chance that it wasn’t suggestive. No matter good of a husband and father he is, it’s not a good look. You know that and that’s why you’re feeling the way you are can’t just let this go. I’m not sure what I’d even recommended… part of me wants to suggest just calmly addressing him about it. But if something IS going on, he has clearly been hiding it very well until now, so it could be better to hold off and see if you can check his messages when he gets home to see if there are other messages to clue you in, to see if he’s deleted messages, etc.

I’m really hoping that this isn’t the worst case scenario for you, and that everything works out. But you deserve the truth either way. Good luck ♥️.

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u/nikiniki0 27d ago

Go thru his phone as soon as he’s back and without giving him warning

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u/Ok_Original_9063 27d ago

On the one hand I say no problem. On the other hand I would tell him you saw the message and it frightened you. If he cheated on you,you will never know If your agreement with himhe would let you know if he was being hit on let you know he doesnt well dont know

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u/peachez728 27d ago

I would say something like “we need to talk about this..” and ask for the phone, and go to the original message from him. If it’s there, you can see his response. If it’s not, you have your answer. Sorry you are going through this. I hope she’s just inappropriate. UpdateMe

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u/ryadolittle 27d ago

Updateme!

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u/sugarmag13 27d ago

I'd get hold of the phone when he gets home.

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u/AymieGrace 27d ago

How is the actual world did you not say "Yep, ok. Just hold on one quick sec." and go directly to the text thread between the two of them to get at least a quick look at the history/context? You have the restraint of a Saint, honestly. Late for the plane or not, I would have needed to see before he left. That being said, I can only imagine how difficult these last few days have been for you and I am so sorry. I hope this is cleared up soon with a positive outcome. 🤗

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u/PeaAltruistic7915 27d ago

She may be overstepping and being flirty which is not cool, but that doesn't mean necessarily that your husband is doing anything to promote this type of behaviour or that he is having an affair. Some people just like flirting and causing trouble. You are not overthinking, you should definitely talk to him because if this isn't something he himself is supporting then you need to push him into making her stop. He could tell her "coworker, I know you mean well but you know I am married and heart emoji could be misinterpreted so please refrain for sending those and lets keep texts more professional". I know he "risks" making things awkward with said coworker, but is better than risking hurting or worrying you, so he needs to keep his priorities straight. Of course, I hope nothing worse comes out of your talk to him. Wish you luck!

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u/Jeddi83 27d ago

Updateme!

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u/AdShot8713 27d ago

Just because she did something inappropriate by sending the message doesn’t mean your husband did anything inappropriate. I don’t hear any red flags here. Tell him you saw the message and ask him what’s up with her

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u/PopGroundbreaking853 27d ago

Husband 39f? He?

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u/aspralav 27d ago

You should also ask to read their messages to each other just for peace of mind because him saying that it was nothing is going to do very little.

Please update me.

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u/Archangel1962 27d ago

A lot of people are hung up on the heart emoji but I’d be more concerned with the message itself. I don’t know of people who text their coworkers and tell them how much they’re looking forward to a work trip, heart emoji or no heart emoji.

Hopefully she’s just clueless or she is trying to flirt with him but your husband is as loyal as you’d like him to be and has refused her advances.

Just be open and honest and tell him that you’ve seen the message, it came across as highly inappropriate and you’d like to know why she sent him such a message.

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u/[deleted] 27d ago

Updateme!