r/TwoHotTakes 28d ago

How do I tell my partner my engagement ring is too fragile? Listener Write In

I (29f) got engaged last year (ooo-ahh-cuuute-yay!) to my fiancée (34m) (been together for 6 years) he proposed with a beautiful antique ring. It’s made with both of our birthstones and is very sentimental. He definitely went out of his way to find something that has meaning for us, and I love it! It definitely wasn’t what I was picturing when I imagined my engagement ring, but it’s lovely, matches us, and makes my heart flutter. Unfortunately as soon as I saw it, I was nervous to wear it, the band was really thin, and all the stones are super soft, it’s over 100 years old & I am NOT a gentle lady. I work a physically challenging job, and am constantly moving furniture or digging in dirt, or loading a truck etc, In the year that I’ve worn the ring it’s band has snapped and had to be replaced & beefed up ($$) and now this morning, I woke up to a missing stone. I’m just feeling a little deflated by being so cautious wearing the ring only to have it still break and get damaged. As much as I like the ring I received, like an energetic puppy and its elderly owner, my ring and I are mismatched. Ideally, to circumnavigate this dilemma I’d like to get a new ring that I can wear in its place. It’s not that I want to swap the ring for one that’s more expensive or frivolous, I just want something sturdier and stronger! I also want to avoid constant trips to the jeweller for repairs and replacements.

I think my big fear is that whatever the new ring would look like, it probably won’t look anything like the original ring- I’d maybe go for a moissanite stone in a different cut & setting, and I don’t want him to feel…. Disappointed when we’re out and people mention it, or ask about the upcoming wedding & I’m not wearing the ring he picked. Or self conscious that I didn’t like the original?

I’m sure I’m overthinking this, but how do I approach this without making him feel like I want to “replace” his ring, or make him feel like I’m ignoring his effort?

Also if I did get a new ring, how would it work for the wedding? Would I wear the ring with the missing stone for the day?

Thanks :)

38 Upvotes

54 comments sorted by

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100

u/SummerStar62 28d ago

Just tell him you’re concerned about damaging your beautiful ring, and it’s already become more fragile. You need something sturdier, that can handle every day wear and tear. And you can save your beautiful engagement ring for very special occasions.

58

u/schmowd3r 27d ago

The problem with sturdy rings is that, if you do a lot of physical labor (ESPECIALLY if you ever use power tools), the ring can become a hazard. If the ring gets stuck, jammed, or catches a moving object, it won’t break. Which can really mess up your finger. I HIGHLY recommend getting a silicone ring to wear while you’re working with your hands. Tell him that you love your ring and want to protect it, and that looking at your silicone ring will make your heart flutter just the same cuz it makes you think of him.

17

u/softshoulder313 27d ago

This is a really good point! A silicone ring is a great option for someone who works with their hands.

I've seen the degloving of a ring finger.

3

u/luckyartie 27d ago

Eeeeeek

5

u/ElectricHurricane321 27d ago

The silicone ring was my first thought too. Have a "work ring" and then only wear the actual engagement ring for nicer occasions where it's less likely to be damaged. I say this as someone who is rough on jewelry also. lol I wanted a very simple engagement ring and wedding band because I know how I am. I never wanted a super fancy/expensive watch for the same reason.

3

u/Ambitious-Island-123 27d ago

I am also very tough on my rings, and I bought a $7 titanium band off of Amazon to wear, and then I wear my wedding ring for special occasions. My husband doesn’t want my ring to get damaged either, so he’s fine with it.

4

u/pitizenlyn 27d ago

Some people in certain fields (like contruction) find a silicone band to be good for daily wear, the real ring comes out for special occasions. A silicone ring is not a hazard or expensive to replace.

1

u/Simply_me_Wren 27d ago

This is what my husband and I did. Nice rings for events, and the wedding itself, silicone for everyday.

1

u/namegamenoshame 27d ago

This whole time I was thinking Jesus lady I don’t even wear my wrong to cook, it’s a treasured item, not a finger.

1

u/Impressive-Many-3020 27d ago

I’ve heard of silicone wedding rings but not engagement rings?

1

u/No_Secret_4560 27d ago

I was going to suggest a silicone ring as well. That's what I wear.

17

u/factsnack 28d ago

I’ve done this. I adore my original ring and still get compliments on it after 30 years but it catches on everything and I’ve had it repaired countless times. I ended up not even wearing it for 10 or so years except to special occasions. In the end I told my husband I’d like to get a sturdier one for every day wear and I still wear my original when we go out. He had no problem with that so hopefully your partner will understand. The cost over time of repairs and replacing stones will eventually become more then the cost of another every day style ring not to mention the worry and disappointment each time it’s damaged

25

u/tdybr07 27d ago

Why not get a silicone band for everyday since you’re rough with your hands as you mentioned and save wearing the ring itself for nights out?

This is a solution until you get married and have the band.

6

u/TX_Farmer 27d ago

This.  I wear a silicone band almost everyday.  My ring is gorgeous, but I’m terrified of damaging it.

There’s a brand called Rinfit that has silicone “diamond” rings.  And they’re not that expensive.

6

u/RatioDisastrous1699 27d ago

I'm in lock step with you on this. I'm a nurse and an active farm woman and a silicone band was/is my perfect answer.

11

u/aaagje 27d ago

Just don't wear it for work?

6

u/Forsythia77 27d ago

Make this a you issue, not a him issue. "Honey, sweetie, darling. I love you. I love this ring and the thought you put into it. Every time I see it, it makes me happy to think about how much you care for me. But I am like a bull in a China shop. I keep damaging this gorgeous ring and losing stones. I'd like to wear this ring on special occasions only. Our anniversary. A special night out. I'd like to get a more durable setting for day to day wear."

Honestly, though, just tell him like you told us.

5

u/jadeariel12 27d ago

I would get one of those ring keeper necklaces so you can still always have your ring with you. Hands take a lot of damage but your neck is usually more protected lol

Personally I wouldn’t get another ring and I would just wait for the wedding band, but I’m not a big jewelry wearer so if you want another ring….get one! Even if you don’t get a necklace, you will still always have that special memory of your original ring.

3

u/LilyKateri 27d ago

I don’t think it’s any problem to get a sturdier ring. I’d call it a “placeholder ring,” while my husband prefers “stunt ring.” We’ve each got a few cheaper rings to wear in place of our wedding bands, and our original rings were all new! But we don’t like wearing them on vacation, or if we’ll be doing something that could damage them. I like a silicone ring for daily wear while looking after my toddler.

1

u/Extension_Laugh333 16d ago

Haha love the sound of a “stunt ring” 😂

3

u/GeneralAppendage 27d ago

I lost my engagement ring and the replacement. I knew it was a matter of time. I wear a thin gold band. It’s fine. The ring does not define the marriage

3

u/Hobbs4Lyfe 27d ago

I highly recommend fixing your current ring. Get another ring you can wear to work, moissanite and sterling silver. Something cheap and easy to cut off if necessary. Wear that one at work and when you're doing projects. When you come home, wear the one he bought you. If you're going on a date or to see family, wear the one he bought you.

2

u/Xandertheokay 27d ago

An option you could do is take the stone on the current ring and take them to someone to custom make you a newer, sturdier ring. That way your new ring still has your old stones, or even get them set into something like a brooch or a hair piece that you can wear on your wedding day and keep for years. Instead of just having an engagement ring that you almost never wear

2

u/assflea 27d ago

Now that a stone fell out is the perfect time to bring it up, really. Just say you love the ring but it's so fragile and you're afraid of it getting permanently damaged so you'd like to get another one that is a better fit for your lifestyle. 

Just fyi though, even rings meant for daily wear still need to be cared for. You shouldn't wear jewelry to sleep or to do any kind of physical labor, to the gym, while cleaning, etc. There are definitely options for people who are a little tougher on things (low profile bezel settings, thicker bands, etc) but when it comes down to it, fine jewelry doesn't belong loading trucks and digging in the dirt - that's why men with physically demanding jobs tend to go for tungsten or wear a silicone placeholder. 

1

u/mariruizgar 27d ago

You took the words out of my mouth. OP, you might want to keep the stones left and reset them or something but don’t load trucks or dig in the dirt with rings on, any rings.

2

u/loveleighiest 27d ago

My husband works at a foundry so he can't wear his wedding band to work for safety reasons. I got him those rubber band rings because he said he felt naked without a ring. Maybe get something similar to wear for work, that way you wont be stressing over damaging your ring.

2

u/runlikeitsdisney 27d ago

Why not a silicone ring? That is clearly only a place holder for the real deal, much less expensive than a second ring, and much safer for work.

1

u/Recent_Put_7321 27d ago

Tell him this. I love this ring I love that you proposed to me with it and it’s something I’ll always love. I’m to scared to wear this ring because it’s always breaking. Tell him you want a ring that you can always wear as a symbol of your love.

1

u/MissMurderpants 27d ago

I take mine off when I’m not at an event. I think you and him should go get a simple band with your names engraved on it and the date of your engagement on it. Make it stainless steel. That way you can have a band to wear and just switch it out when appropriate.

I’m a chef. I couldn’t bear to wear mine in a kitchen. But when we go out. It’s on!

Just say hey babe, I’m concerned about the safety of my ring. Let’s get a basic band etc etc.

Op, this is your future spouse. You should be able to bring up any topic with him.

1

u/Yiayiamary 27d ago

I worked similarly to you. I used hand tools, heavy equipment, etc. I left my ring at home. I wore it most of the time at home, but took it off when doing heavy work such as moving furniture or using the vacuum. I had ONE place where I put my ring so I wouldn’t lose it or damage it.

1

u/ResponsibleBrain2446 27d ago

I second this! My husband is a firefighter and he has seen many people need their fingers cut off because they can’t cut the rings off with their ring cutters. Just wear a silicone or a small band while working and your engagement ring while you go out!

1

u/More-Jacket-9034 27d ago

I work with all kinds of fabrics, especially delicate and fragile types. All too often jewelry can snag on it. My husband kept this in mind when picking out my engagement ring. In fact, he repeatedly said that he wanted to spend more and get a bigger and flashier ring. I emphatically declined.

You need to communicate with him that although you love what he chose, it's not working with your job. Of course he'll probably be a bit hurt and disappointed at first. But he's going to feel a lot worse if eventually that ring gets destroyed.

1

u/More-Jacket-9034 27d ago

I work with all kinds of fabrics, especially delicate and fragile types. All too often, jewelry can snag on it. My husband kept this in mind when picking out my engagement ring. In fact, he repeatedly said that he wanted to spend more and get a bigger and flashier ring. I emphatically declined.
You need to communicate with him that although you love what he chose, it's not working with your job. Of course, he'll probably be a bit hurt and disappointed at first. But he's going to feel a lot worse if eventually that ring gets destroyed.

1

u/More-Jacket-9034 27d ago

I work with all kinds of fabrics, especially delicate and fragile types. All too often, jewelry can snag on it. My husband kept this in mind when picking out my engagement ring. In fact, he repeatedly said that he wanted to spend more and get a bigger and flashier ring. I emphatically declined.
You need to communicate with him that although you love what he chose, it's not working with your job. Of course, he'll probably be a bit hurt and disappointed at first. But he's going to feel a lot worse if eventually that ring gets destroyed.

1

u/More-Jacket-9034 27d ago

I work with all kinds of fabrics, especially delicate and fragile types. All too often, jewelry can snag on it. My husband kept this in mind when picking out my engagement ring. In fact, he repeatedly said that he wanted to spend more and get a bigger and flashier ring. I emphatically declined.
You need to communicate with him that although you love what he chose, it's not working with your job. Of course, he'll probably be a bit hurt and disappointed at first. But he's going to feel a lot worse if eventually that ring gets destroyed.

1

u/More-Jacket-9034 27d ago

I work with all kinds of fabrics, especially delicate and fragile types. All too often, jewelry can snag on it. My husband kept this in mind when picking out my engagement ring. In fact, he repeatedly said that he wanted to spend more and get a bigger and flashier ring. I emphatically declined.
You need to communicate with him that although you love what he chose, it's not working with your job. Of course, he'll probably be a bit hurt and disappointed at first. But he's going to feel a lot worse if eventually that ring gets destroyed.

1

u/swbarnes2 27d ago

You have to be honest: the ring is not suitable for everyday wear, not on your hand.

If you want to wear an engagement ring every day, you need to pick a new one.

1

u/EyeAmAyyBot 27d ago

“I’m worried about the ring being too fragile”

1

u/No-Masterpiece-8392 27d ago

Ask a jeweler to make an inexpensive copy of the original.

1

u/rusty0123 27d ago

Start with a good jeweler that does custom work. Chain jewelers buy pre-made things. The most they do is mount a stone in a pre-made setting. You need a family shop with a good craftsman.

Take in the ring and explain what you want. The jeweler will give you several options, maybe things you haven't thought about.

Once you understand all your options, talk to your bf,

1

u/anon28374691 27d ago

Sounds like a ring that should only be worn when you’re going out or relaxing at home (NOT doing dishes or cleaning!). Get the ring fixed and then baby it going forward.

If you want a ring to symbolize your commitment, why not an easy band style ring without stones?

I’ve been married for a long time now and my original engagement ring is safely stored away. I now wear a band my husband gave me for Christmas a few years ago. It’s the third ring I’ve worn as my symbolic wedding ring over the course of our marriage. I’m still married and still committed to my husband. A marriage is bigger than a ring.

1

u/Acer018 27d ago

I would suggest getting another ring that can stand up to you rigorous activity and lifestyle and wear your engagement ring on special occasions and holidays.

1

u/FP11001 27d ago

I don’t wear a ring, never have. I carry it on my keychain in case a situation calls for it, but overall we’re both quite happy being ring free.

1

u/Confident_Station_49 27d ago

You’re a great writer, and funny too.

Just tell him the truth. It sounds like you have a great relationship and friendship. He will understand.

1

u/Ittybittytiddays01 27d ago

I think if I was you I would get a "work" band like the rubber ones and then maybe wear the original one on a necklace tucked under your shirt so you dont get it caught on anything. And you could wear the real one for special occasions (like your wedding) or dates and stuff. I am a sahm now and I usually take mine off because I keep accidently slicing everyone with it and snag it on EVERYTHING lol but I put it on a chain so I can still wear it. I plan on eventually getting his inital on my ring finger (people save your comments I am aware it isn't everyones cup of tea but it is mine lol) so that is the only reason I am not worried about getting a decoy band for myself but I know a lot of people that do that.

1

u/MedicalExamination65 27d ago

Just be honest! They make rubberized bands for men for the same reason. I, too, am rough on things.. managed to crack my stone and loosen the setting by whacking it on the car door, after just 4 months. I had to learn to just take it off!

1

u/Red_Eye_Jedi_420 27d ago

Can potentially use a placeholder of some sort for daily stuffs, the wear the OG one for special occasions? 🤷🏿 I'm not sure what the details would look like, but that's my immediate thought

1

u/ztigerx2 27d ago

I proposed to my wife with my great grandmother’s ring, and she loves it. Obviously had to beef it up to a degree as you did yours (went to a jeweler that same day to do this) out of this fear. Bought an every day ring for her on that same trip. Just tell him that the fancy antique ring is for occasions. I love the surprise of when my wife busts out the antique ring.

1

u/doggos_good 27d ago

Have an open conversation stating what you said so well here. Then tell him the ring he gave you means so much that you will wear it on a chain, close to your heart.

1

u/Juanitaplatano 27d ago

If you work a physically demanding job, you shouldn’t be wearing any ring with stones, possibly not even a simple gold wedding band, which could catch on things.

Fortify the ring as much as possible and keep it to wear outside of work.

1

u/TinySparklyThings 27d ago

Just be honest that you have tried to take care, but it's still getting damaged, and it hurts you to damage it.

Wear it on dates and special occasions, and get a silicone ring for daily wear. That's what my husband and I do.

1

u/yikesmysexlife 26d ago

I loved my engagement ring but it kept catching on things and snagging clothes and sheets. I asked for a super simple gold band for daily wear, and I'd wear my gorgeous engagement ring intentionally on special occasions.

I think having to replace a stone is a good time for this conversation. You love the ring and hate feeling like you're damaging it with daily use, so keep it safe and bring it out when you can really appreciate and admire it.

1

u/Signal-Complex7446 26d ago

Show genuine concern for its safety and preservation. This will mean a lot to the person who gave it to you. I know I know but it really not that big of a problem. He will understand and love you more for caring about it I mean really caring about it.

It is a nice and valid concern. :)

1

u/HighPriestess__55 26d ago

I had this problem with a beautiful emerald set in silver, both soft. The stone got a small knick, one that couldn't been seen without a jeweler's help at first. Eventually the stone was lost, my finger swelled during pregnancy, and the band had to cut off of me.

He replaced it with a stone set deeper and a white gold band. It was smaller, but kept the spirit, as he designed and made the original himself, to be a protective talisman too.

1

u/Abject_Push_9168 26d ago

It’s an engagement ring. So it doesn’t matter really. And second. You don’t need to talk to Reddit just talk to him and say I think the band might break let’s get a new one. Take your dog for a walk to the jewelry store and then once he’s bought u a nice little ring slop him up when u get home. Are relationships really that hard?