r/TwoHotTakes 16h ago

Advice Needed Wanting to end a relationship with kids are so hard, need some real advice.

171 Upvotes

36m been with my gf for almost 10 years 33f. We have a 5yr son and 10month daughter together. Our relationship has diminished so much that we have sex only once a couple of months, no real affection, and I sometimes hate her. I hate her sometimes because I feel like because we have kids I cannot leave her and she holding me back from true happiness.

I feel like we are good parents but not compatible for each other. I am sure she may feel the same way. We are not married but I am so scared to leave her because our kids. My parents left me when I was 15 and I had a kid when I turned 18 - from another girl. I was into the wrong crowd and went to prison for 5 years. Most nights in prison my heart hurted so bad because my son was without me. I felt like shit. I was doing everything I promised myself I wouldn't do to my kids.

Fast forward to now, I am in the same crap. If I leave her then the kids will probably only see me on the weekends and I can't have that. I love love seeing them fall asleep and after work. Their innocent faces brings me so much joy. I am honestly numb with my gf. I care for her because we been through alot and have kids but I know I am not in love with her.

I do not know what to do. I will not have a affair because that's not the man I want to be but I also want to love and have a best friend. I make a good living and work remotely. A bad part of me wants to travel the world and sleep with various women, something like the movies, if I leave her. Another part of me wants to have a loving beautiful family I can come home to every night.

And I am aware that another woman may not bring me wholeness, fulfillment, true love , etc., but right now I am definitely not having that. I also thought about giving my all and trying hard with her to rekindle our love. But I pull and she pushes until I am drained. Then, I got into deep depression and hate her. Days later we sweep it under the rug. I don't know what to do and don't have much true friends to talk to.


r/TwoHotTakes 21h ago

Advice Needed My ex-bestfriend may have an eating disorder. I'm worried about her, I don't know what to do.

1 Upvotes

Me (f22) and my ex-best friend f(22) who we will call Monica and I were best friends for 13 years. We lived together for 2 years in our sophomore and junior years of college with 3 other friends we'll call C, K, and G. Me and K had a very toxic relationship with C and G which ended with a giant fight leading to C, G and Monica moving out ditching the last month of our lease and threatening to get me and K evicted and harassing us for weeks. I felt genuinely threatened by G for a number of reasons which could get their own Reddit post.

While I never blamed Monica for most of the events that occurred she decided to move out and is now living with G which has soured our friendship. I still want the best for her but just cannot stand the anxiety of having G in my orbit any longer. I now have not talked to her in almost a year. My boyfriend was on Hinge today (we're poly) and saw Monica on his hinge. He brought it up to me since one of her pictures was from recently. She has lost a significant amount of weight. While she was on the curvier size it was seemingly healthy for her and her body. She has had issues with her relationship with food in the past, extreme food restriction specifically. I'm worried that she has relapsed with her eating disorder. I want to say something to her just so she knows I care about her still and am here for her but I'm worried about rocking the boat of our already tenuous relationship. I also don't want to make anything worse by mentioning her weight. If anyone has experience with eating disorders could you give me some advice?


r/TwoHotTakes 6h ago

Listener Write In This CANNOT be normal?!?!

0 Upvotes

I went to my friends house the other day to get ready for a lunch date with the rest of our friends and i opend her closet to look for something... she only owns 2 types of shoes Heels and crocs, No sneakers no flip flops NOTHING. She has 3 pairs of heels and at least 14 pairs of crocs. I asked her where her sneakers were and she said "oh i have no need for them" WHAT ?! Thinking back i have never seen her in sneakers. I feel like she is trolling me but she was dead serious

Am i friends with a complete phyco?? This CANNOT be normal?!?


r/TwoHotTakes 10h ago

Advice Needed The War

1 Upvotes

I wrote this out today, and honestly needed a place to vent and couldn't think of any other subreddit, but I love the podcast so if this fits any themes, that's perfect.

This comes from a place of fear, naivety, and the fact that so much is unknown about world affairs and what's truly going on.

I don't write much about what's going on in the world; though I guess I probably should;

Just as I don't write about the good things, the nice things. This is an escape and now the world's come into view of me, and God is it bad.

I woke up to crying. That's never happened before. We're scared of the war, Being taken from our homes, Jobs, Families, Lives; Yet we should still be happy? Under the threat of draft, Under the threat of bombs, Under the threat of Marshall law, People being shot protesting, What do we do? Do we sit and wait for that paper to come? Do we vote and hope it matters? Do we protest and assume we'll be lucky?

How can I work on myself, Get things better, Do things, Be something, Be someone, Under threat of annihilation. Called onto for Treason, Taken to jail for not wanting to shoot; And I don't want to shoot. Especially not someone I can't speak the language of, Someone fighting for the same reasons I am, Someone fighting to see their family one last time, Someone fighting bc they've been told I'm the enemy, just as I've been told they are.

The draft didn't affect women, Now it does. I was just as worried for my partner and myself before, But now what? Clearly they're desperate, The government needs candidates, But why is it the young people? There are people voting for this war, Praising this war, Claiming there's nothing to do but fight in this war, So why don't they go? Why do they get to be home, Be with their family, Have a job, Have a life, But I cannot?

What if I work on myself, Things get better for me personally, And I'm happy, because I choose to ignore the world, Am I supposed to wait until the world comes to me?

The world always comes. Are you ready? Are you prepared? Can you do what needs to be done, after years of doing nothing?


r/TwoHotTakes 13h ago

Advice Needed I have no clue what to do about my boyfriend's slob roommate from HELL

0 Upvotes

Hey Reddit, I posted on a roommate subreddit but wanted to try my luck here too for more diverse advice. (new to reddit)

I am fully at my wits end with my boyfriends roommate and need help on how to handle this situation. My boyfriend (19m) lives with 4 other people in a house. He shares the basement with a trans girl (18f) and occasionally her boyfriend (21m?) who doesn't live there but is always over.

They started off as friends but everyone in the house grew annoyed with some of her behaviours; she started by leaving her dirty pots, pans and dishes for WEEKS until someone else cleaned them. By dirty I mean "food was still in it" dirty. She was asked countless times to clean up after herself but didn't change. She started retreating to her room a lot and I thought she might be depressed so I suggested my boyfriend ask if she needs support or leave her be.

But her behaviours that followed have truly caused my boyfriend emotional harm (and I'm lowkey scared they're even a health hazard).

It is as follows:

  1. She leaves used bandages on their shared sink (on his side) and in their shower
  2. She still leaves her pots dirty and takes their shared bowls and plates and keeps them dirty in her room (the others sometimes don't have plates to use)
  3. Her room smells so bad that it's stunk up the entire basement
  4. She labels her eggs in the fridge and leaves nasty notes when people eat them (I wish they had a roommate agreement where they talked about this but it was kinda mutually agreed that eggs and milk are shared and they take turns buying it every week)
  5. Even though she's extremely possessive over her eggs, she took it upon herself to tell her boyfriend that she could use MY BOYFRIEND'S BODY SOAP. My boyfriend noticed hairs on his soap that didn't match his (he's ginger) and moved the soap, then 21m asks my boyfriend why he moved the soap...his soap...that he uses on his own body...cue the horrified looks from both 21m and my boyfriend. 21m gave my boyfriend 3 soap in return and apologized but 18f said nothing.
  6. Lastly, there's pubes on their shared sink...and they match the hairs on 18f's razor. My boyfriend is annoyed because the pubes are right next to his toothbrush and he's asked her before but she won't clean them.

We've tried everything like talking to her about but she continues being a dick and hides in her room as to not confront anyone. She fully doesn't even make eye contact with my boyfriend and acts passively toward him. I also think that she's making a bigger mess in the bathroom because she thinks my boyfriend is the one eating her eggs as revenge (he's not, it's another roommate) but then again that's just a theory. Everyone is upset with her but it irks be that she continues getting away with it. He can't move out for a few month. What should he do? I feel so bad because my boyfriend is so sweet and I can tell this bothers him.


r/TwoHotTakes 23h ago

Listener Write In AITA for not letting you pet my dog?

0 Upvotes

TW: Dog reactivity

Hey Morgan, Justin, Lauren, dad, Holly, or anyone else on the show. I am a long time listener and could use some advice or words of encouragement for an extremely stressful situation my partner and I have been dealing with for almost five years.

My fiancé and I have two dogs. Both were rescues. One is an Aussie doodle and one is a (surprisingly) small Pyrenees mix. The Pyrenees dog was found on the streets by a family member, and we took her in when she was about 8 weeks old. The Aussie doodle came from a “family farm” where we later found out dogs were being bred in a sad way.

Due to the Aussie doodles breeding, he is prone to seizures and has hip displacia. My fiancé had the Aussie doodle before we lived together. Let’s call the doodle Max. Max was always socialized when he was a puppy. He was never reactive when he was a puppy from what I’ve heard. He has never bitten anyone. The only thing that changed was that my fiancés family who he lived with at the time started taking care of Max more when my fiancé started working years ago.

Unfortunately, his family did not do well with Max. Neither me nor my partner was aware of how bad the circumstances were when Max was living at that house. I know Max was my partners dog, but when he lived at home it was considered the family dog and everyone helped out with him. Otherwise he would not have left max behind. Even when he was working 50-60 hour weeks doing construction, my partner made the effort to spend a lot of time exercising Max, taking him on walks, on long car rides and getting pup cups, etc. Part of what attracted me to my partner was his love for his dog.

When I first met max, my partner warned me that he didn’t like meeting new people and that if I did, it would basically have to be on Max’s terms lol. I followed my partners guidance. The first time Max met me, he barked at me. It didn’t phase me as I had grown up around dogs and wasn’t scared. Max ran away barking. He never lunged at me, tried to bite me, nothing like that. I think that was another reason I was so comfortable around him.

After giving max a while to cool off in his kennel bed, my partner and I tried again. We let max follow us into the house. I didn’t acknowledge him and just remained as relaxed as possible. We all three sat on my partners family couch and watched a movie. I didn’t attempt to look at or pet max, I just let him do his thing.

About an hour into the movie, max sat up and started sniffing me. Again I didn’t react, and he licked my cheek. I smiled and my partner laughed. We didn’t push it any further that night. Max and my partner went to bed later and I went home. Eventually Max got used to me and I could pet him. Then he was hanging out with my partner and I and over the years, I’ve built a lot of trust with the sweet dog.

He is truly one of the sweetest dogs you could ever get to know. I’ve learned over the years that Max loves cuddles and pets. He is a very affection-driven dog. My other dog is more food motivated. Max couldn’t care about a treat if you’re petting him.

As mentioned, max has hip displacia. He is still able to walk normally, but when he runs he hops off his back legs at the same time like a bunny hop almost. We give him a supplement to help with swelling and I give him daily massages to help with mobility and muscle tightness. My partner and I have considered surgery, but it does not seem that it is affecting him to that point. We learned from our vet that the hip issue is most likely another issue from his breeding.

Max is a highly reactive dog. Most people cannot get max to warm up to them as when they first meet, people tend to run up and try to touch him or yell at him/try to play, etc. and Max will freak out and bark and pull away.

I found out soon into dating my partner that his family was not being great to Max. It still makes me sad to think about. They would lock him in his kennel for hours and hours when my partner went home, or kept him on a perimeter fence in the yard with a shock collar.

They would yell at the dog and make him sleep under the bed and god knows what else. I told my partner we needed to move in together and take max with us (this was long before we got our other dog). We had already been thinking about moving in together as things were going well, and by then I had fallen in love with Max and couldn’t stand the thought of him staying there and being treated like that.

We moved out and took Max with us. Our bond has only grown since we have lived together the past 4 years. I understood the perimeter fence at the time until we found out that Max has a neurological condition (also due to his breeding) that makes him prone to seizures. We threw away all of his shock collars and perimeter fences. Our new apartment had two lovely dog parks where max could run around and feel free. We would take him there at least three times a day.

The only issues with the dog park were kids who would try to come in the gate and pet Max without asking or adults who would try to reach over and pet max without our permission. There were a few instances where people came inside the dog park with us and max without asking. Nothing ever happened, bedsides some barking and us quickly removing our dog from the situation. We always tried to warn people, but sometimes people just don’t listen or think they’re entitled to pet your dog.

Once we were going on a drive with our dogs and had the windows about halfway down. We stopped at the front entrance to wait for the gate to open. Max hopped out the window and ran towards another dog and owner. We were horrified. But again, nothing happened. Max just wanted to play with the dog- and about gave us a heart attack doing it. We ran out and grabbed ahold of maxs leash and toon him back to the car. (Needless to say, after that we kept the windows up and the AC blasting on dog ride alongs). We made sure that never happened again.

We always tried to be as careful as possible with max, even though he had never bitten anyone. We knew it was our responsibility to protects others, ourselves, and max from any bad situation that could occur. Around the time we started training max, I started working as a delivery driver.

While on the job, a customers dog got loose from their house and attacked and bit me. The owners could not get ahold of the dog and it ran around the neighborhood.

I sprinted back to my delivery van and called the police. An ambulance came as well as animal control. I had a panic attack but the first responders calmed me down and patched up my arm. I had to go get a tetanus shot and my arm was bruised and cut up and swollen for months.

It could have been worse, but the situation freaked me out immensely, and I soon found a new job. This incident made me even more aware of my own dog, Max. While he had never tried to bite anyone, he did have some problems that I wanted to work on. I never wanted max to be the dog who attacked someone.

My partner and I buckled down on training. We spent years working with a trainer to help Max. We implemented rules at home. We opted to remove triggers like the kennel and use a dog bed instead for training. We worked hard and continue to. We eventually broke a lot of habits like the sad habit where he thought he had to sleep alone under our bed :( ). We realized he has a lot of anxiety, and tried medications.

We thought something to take the edge off might also help with his reactivity towards people he didn’t know. Unfortunately, medications never worked. He reacted very badly to several medications for anxiety and seizures. He would be out of it. Hardcore. Sometimes it seemed like he was very confused and off balance. At times he didn’t seem to recognize us. He slept way more and was barely eating and throwing up.

Eventually we took him off the medications, and researched natural medicine and food that would help Max.. We changed his diary to a special formula help with his conditions. We also now have him on a dog CBD supplement that helps a lot with his anxiety and overreactive barking It also has other natural additives that help with other things like the swelling in his hips. He can walk better than ever and his back legs seem stronger than ever.

The anxiety is part of why we adopted our other dog. Having a friend at home with Max while my partner and I am working or gone from the house during the day has helped Max tremendously with separation anxiety. Max is great with other pets.

We have gotten a few people acquainted with max over the years. My mom, sister, partners mom (not just the stepmom he lived with), partners sister, some neighbors at our old apartment, and a few friends.

We once introduced max to one of my best friends boyfriends (max was already used to the friend but had never met the boyfriend). Things went well. We had Max on a leash with a muzzle on.

At first he barked at the boyfriend, until the boyfriend stopped staring Max in the eyes and let max come to him. The next thing you know, the muzzle is off, we’re all watching a movie and the boyfriend is petting max who’s laying down next to him soaking up the attention.

Then the boyfriend tried petting max on his hip and max jumped up and barked at him. He never tried to bite at the boyfriend or lunge at him. Max backed away barking. We removed him from the situation and apologized. Boyfriend was chill and we moved on. (This was before we found out about the hip displacia, which made sense in the aftermath).

We also found out later on that Max’s seizures while in part due to his breeding were deemed as being brought on by stress inducing situations. My partner and I changed a lot to help make our home more peaceful and to remove Max from any stress possible. Including introducing him to most people outside of training sessions.

He is now (knock on wood and thank god) seizure free for almost a full year. We love our Max so much and have jumped through any hoops to give him the best life possible because he is a truly awesome and special dog, even if he takes a while to warm up to people. We are happy with our life with Max.

The only problem we are currently having is our new neighbors. We recently moved cities and are in a new apartment. It is much cheaper so we can finally save for a house. Our dream is just a house with a yard big enough for the dogs to play and have a great life. I don’t really care about the house size or any of that.

Until then, we are stuck in an apartment for at least the next 10 months. When we moved in we met a lot of our neighbors on the first day. One old man introduced himself as the neighborhood “dog whisperer.” Literally his own words. He said he loves dogs and plays with and pets all the dogs in the neighborhood.

I had my Pyrenees on a leash and let him pet her. I explained that our other dog wasn’t easily warmed up to people and we kept him away from people due to his reactivity unless it was in training. Over the few months we’ve been here, it seems the “dog whisperer” has grown to hate us.

He always glares at us from his back porch while he’s smoking cigarettes with his wife. He whispers to other neighbors in front of us. He has stopped saying hi to us since a time when I was walking my Pyrenees and I tried to get her to come over so he could say hi.

She would not come. Honestly, sorry dude but if my dog isn’t feeling it, I’m not gonna force it. I apologized to him and said “sorry, I guess she’s feeling a little antisocial today” and went back to our apartment. I wasn’t saying it in a rude tone or any kind of way. I was trying to be polite and just move past it. Maybe he didn’t see it like that.

Since then he has been rude and weird to us. He is always at the foot of the stairs gossiping to the guy who lives next to him. Said guy has a lab who barks at you nonstop from their window if you walk past it. The lab seems fine on walks though.

Once I was getting a load of laundry from our apartment laundry room. As I was walking on the sidewalk back to my apartment, I saw the guy, his lab, and his girlfriend walking up the path. I stopped to wait for them to pass.

Their dog had never done anything to me, but I do this with every dog. Coming from my position, I always find it appropriate to not assume that a dog is well behaved or well trained or not reactive. I try to be as considerate to other dog owners as possible.

As I’m waiting and they walk past the guy says “it’s okay, she’s good with people” I said oh okay gotcha, you never know. Then his girlfriend snapped at me and said something along the lines of “we wouldn’t take her out for walks if she wasn’t.” I didn’t respond, or care to since I was confused as to why she was being weird.

The guy was nice enough but for some reason, the girl just was rude. She’s never met me, my partner, or my dogs. Her comment seemed backwards. I wasn’t trying to be rude, I was just trying to be polite and let them pass. Any dog could get triggered for any reason. I think it’s more rude to assume that you can just go up and pet someone’s dog without their permission! Still, I just let this roll of my shoulders like every other situation.

I felt a little vindicated because today as I was sitting on my balcony, I saw the girlfriend walking with the lab. An older lady did the same thing as me - stopped and waited to let her and her dog pass and apologized. The girlfriend was super nice to the older lady and said the dog was great with people. It also made me wonder though, why the girlfriend had been so nice to the older lady yet had just bit my head off for doing the same thing a few weeks before.

I feel like the whole apartment is judging us and trying to be gossipy and rude. Today my partner was taking Max for a walk. After he did his business, my partner went to take him back up. As he was, some other random neighbor who was sitting on her patio snapped at my fiancé and said “you know you have to pick that up right?”

My partner was pretty frustrated at this point and snapped back saying something to the effect of “yeah, I know what I need to do. I need to put my dog up first like I always do before I come back and get it. Stop harassing me.” She kept on and on, even saying in her rebuttal that she wasn’t harassing him lol. He just walked away, put max in the apartment, then went out and picked it up. (Like he always does!)

No one has gotten even within 20 feet of max since we have moved in. We are very careful with him. If anyone is around, we move away. We warn people to not pet him and try to be friendly with everyone. It’s just hard to explain to a stranger in 30 seconds that no you can’t pet my rescue dog with medical problems because you will scare him and could possibly send him into a stress seizure.

We do have one neighbor who has been so kind and understanding that we have hung out with a few times. He used to be a dog trainer and even tried to meet Max. Unfortunately the attempt scared Max, and he retreated. Our neighbor apologized for pushing us to meet him, but we said it was fine, and thanked him for being understanding of our boundaries.

He said he has worked with a lot of dogs over the years and with some dogs you can only go so far with training. That sometimes all you can do is work to get through/around triggering and high-anxiety situations. Some dogs will never outgrow these triggers, and sometimes just learning how to manage them is the best you can do. It was refreshing to meet someone understanding, as most people are not.

We have come a long way with our training sessions and implementation with Max. He can see someone on a walk and not get triggered or bark. He even has met a few more people and dogs. We just remain cautious and always put safety first. It’s exhausting but it’s top priority to keep everyone safe.

I am so tired and frustrated. At the end of the day, I don’t care about people who are just going to be rude and judge. We are doing the best we can for our family and for our dogs. We are trying to get a house with a yard so we won’t have to worry about this anymore.

We take all the precautions and then some. We even used a muzzle on walks until the seizures began. Then we stopped because our vet warned us about asphyxiation. We opt for a short leash and a lot of awareness now.

Is there anything I am missing? If there is more I can do, I will do it. We have already been on such a journey with max and come such a long way. He genuinely is just scared of people he doesn’t know and we are tired of worrying about our dog injuring himself trying to get away from a stranger danger situation. People are always pushing our boundaries, but we remain firm to keep everyone safe. We are scared that one day Max could snap if pushed too far. We never want that to happen, and make sure it doesn’t.

I am tired of the dirty looks and judgement from people who do not know our situation or what we have been through. Max brings so much joy to our lives. We thought a long long time ago about getting rid of max to get rid of all the stress of other people. But we could never do that. Max is a part of the family.

Any suggestions are welcome. Advice, training resources, anything I may be missing. Even words of encouragement to get over the judgement of others and stop stressing out so much about it. It’s hard out here. Thanks in advance if you made it this far ✌🏼


r/TwoHotTakes 13h ago

Advice Needed Slowly cutting contact with my parents and my mental health isn’t doing well.

2 Upvotes

Hi THT Community & Morgan,

I've been a follower of THT since the beginning and only recently of Father Knows Something. For a long time, I subconsciously resisted listening to the podcast because, due to my childhood, I couldn't understand Jerry's gentle and heartfelt manner. After listening to a few episodes in the background while sewing, baking, cooking, shopping, and cleaning, it has now become one of my favorite podcasts. Thanks to you, I have grown immensely, and through Jerry, I have learned many things that my parents never taught me.

I've been thinking for a long time about writing to you and hearing Jerry for his advice, and now I'm finally doing it. Sorry if this is a bit jumbled, there's so much to tell, and I don't want to take up too much of your time. If you'd like to know more, I'd be happy to provide more input.

Since I was little (about 7-9 years), I've struggled with my mental health (depression, SH, suicidal thoughts). As long as I can remember, I grew up with a depressed mother and an aggressive father. My mother was my world, but she was so deep in her depression and self-pity that we were only there to take care of her. We were just a short dopamine rush for her, giving her the feeling that she had created two beings who loved her unconditionally because we were her flesh and blood. For us, she was everything; for her, we were fillers. We were not cuddled, and love was not something we experienced. I didn't know love and affection. To this day, I struggle with physical contact, affection, and compliments. I only knew hate, shouting, and owing favors, because since they gave birth to us and we live under their roof, we owe them everything. We have no rights, because they made us.

My whole life turned upside down when I started therapy three years ago and began taking antidepressant medication, thanks to a friend, and the gaslighting from my mother began to fade, making me realize how messed up my childhood and mental health really are.

I have a sister, Michelle, who is now 26, and I am 24 years old, engaged, getting married to my soulmate in September, have a charming dog (we had two, unfortunately, our Bella recently passed away), and soon we're building our dream home. From the outside, one might think this is the life everyone wishes for.

Two years ago, I was officially diagnosed with depression, ADHD, and borderline. And it's hard. To get confirmation in black and white from multiple therapists that your brain is so broken and you've been so destroyed by your parents to receive this diagnosis.

When I was little, my mother was my world. Dad was the tyrant. He came home late from work and beat us. He was the one who said no to everything. He was never there. And when he was, everything was gloomy, and we felt like we were walking on eggshells. Now, at 24, I know better. With the help of my therapist and my sister, I've realized that all these years, my mother is highly narcissistic, and Dad is a victim of her narcissism. Due to the length, I won't go into details about what happened; I think my diagnosis and that of my parents leave enough room for imagination about how my childhood looked.

At 18, I moved out and called my mother every day and talked to her. I came home every weekend because my guilty conscience of leaving her alone at home almost killed me. She taught us so well that her life depended on us that I panicked if I wasn't near her, thinking she would kill herself.

Today, at 24, I still suffer from the effects of massive emotional, psychological, and partly sexual abuse and am slowly cutting off contact with my parents. But not because I'm doing it intentionally, but because if I don't reach out, my parents don't reach out.

Soon, I'm getting married after a six-year relationship, and every day I hear my mother's words in my head when she told me as a child, "You're so cheeky and stubborn, no one will love you like this, you will die alone. If you don't do things the way I want, no one will ever love you for who you are."

And now look at this. Since I was 18, I've been living with my soon-to-be husband, together we raised two dogs and overcame many ups and downs. He helped me get out of my hole and gave me a reason to live again.

And thanks to you, I get advice and learn how social life should be because my parents never taught me. Thank you!

The last few weeks have been tough. Very tough. My 12-year-old dog passed away, leaving a hole in my heart so big that it's hard to breathe and keep going. Now I've also learned that the friend who motivated me to go to therapy back then has cancer. I feel empty; I feel like I don't want to exist anymore. Your podcast distracts me—thank you for that.

My guilty conscience for not reaching out to my parents and the thought that they might be sad about it is killing me, but I can't bring myself to spend more time with them because it destroys me even more.

Thank you all for listening and I’d be happy to hear your thoughts. 🤍


r/TwoHotTakes 14h ago

Advice Needed Aita for telling my trans friend to quit her job

131 Upvotes

I (27)F work for a mail delivery service and on my route I pick up and drop off at a small family owned office supply store, I always love going there because the girls that work there are so sweet and give me snacks and seeing them is the highlight of my day! The other morning I had just got to work and my coworkers were talking about how the owner of the supply store I deliver too told them one of the girls that work there was trans, I had no idea, she’s never brought it up, which I don’t really think she needs to in my opinion, my coworkers are older men and they where saying really disgusting things about her.. When I got to the store on my route I walked in, and the owner of the store was TELLING A CUSTOMER, about how Lizzy was trans. The customer was a man and he was very angry and disrespectful when he heard this.. lizzy is on vacation and has know idea any of this is being said and I’m honestly scared for her safety.. in my opinion she need to leave this job and maybe press charges? Would I be an asshole for telling her any of this?


r/TwoHotTakes 14h ago

Advice Needed How do I (30F) express my feelings/needs to my husband (34M)without causing a fight

8 Upvotes

My husband and I have been together for 3 years, and married for about 8 months. Everything has been good, we take care of each other, make each other laugh and spend lots of time together when we can. Recently we moved into a new apartment, which has been great for the most part but it is about $500 more expensive than our last place to be in a safer and more secure building. He was on the fence about moving because of the increase but I assured him we could make it work, and we both really loved the apartment and wanted to move in so he agreed. My husband has been working a lot and under a lot of stress and pressure so I’ve been doing more around the house to help support him the best I can so there’s less on his plate. But I feel as if it’s going unnoticed and then on top of that he’s bringing a lot more work home, which is fine, I get that. But after his work is done we haven’t been spending any time actually together. He sits in front of the tv and plays video games and doesn’t pay attention to me & im starting to feel like I’m being taken for granted. I want to bring it up so badly but I feel like I can’t because in the past he gets upset because he works so hard to make money for both of us. We both work full time jobs but he makes a lot more money than I do, about double my yearly income. And because he’s gone off about this during similar arguments in the past, I know he’s going to go off about how stressed he is and the pressure and he can’t lose his job because we can’t afford to live on my money alone, and playing video games is how he wants to relax. And then he’ll go on about how I don’t appreciate how hard he works and what he does for me and for us. And once he’s done with his rant I’ll feel like I can’t say anything because I feel like he’s valid for at least wanting to relax how he wants to relax, but me feeling ignored by my husband is also valid. How can I approach the conversation without starting a fight?


r/TwoHotTakes 21h ago

Advice Needed Aita for leaving my partner on a sinking ship

53 Upvotes

Imma slap a trigger warning on this Also sorry in advance my punctuation game was terrible I tried to go back in and put them in but I don't wanna write a book or nothing.

Me (27M) and my partner (45f) recently broke up after we got into an argument about not doing enough together (side note we live together and work at the same company so we even see each other at work)

i asked if she was really so unhappy why is she staying and she said I love you. While that's enough for her I'm unhappy and love won't stop that from being a fact. we'd been arguing alot(I will address multiple diffrent fights as we go) for starters I recently started back up on a Hobbie I love and was really into but she hated because it required reading. (it's a card game for context) I tried going out on my own to play but she'd "have a panic attack" or cry (why not take her with me you ask she can't be around more then 6 people at a time without panicking) so I just stopped trying to go places without her.

over the last 2 years I've gotten annoyed that I can't do anything alone without an interrogation on what I did who was there was it fun next time I should take her I haven't even been able to visit my family without her. I also have to state specific blocks I'll be gone 4-6 if I ever go over she gets so mad. If it's longer then 2 hours she'll freak out.

my breaking point tho was in our bedroom I was grumpy and tired and she grabbed me and shoved her ice cold hands down my pants I told her to stop and she was breathing heavily on me it was so gross I hated I started trying to pry her hands off me while telling her to let go she laughed and said she was looking for a warm spot for her hand I started screaming at her to get the F off me and she started tearing up and rolled to the other side of the bed she cried and left the room I went to bed and started laying the groundwork to leave later that day.

when she got up she started telling me how I really triggered her rejection sensitivity and it wasn't ok. She said she was sorry for triggering my BPD I just let that slide cuz it made it easier to keep her arms length distance. I told her i wanted space and to leave me alone i went to shower as i was showering she hopped in with me for a talk she demanded to wash my back for me but i felt so violated with each touch But it made it easier to leave. As soon as she stopped i washed off and sprinted outta the shower.

she asked whats wrong and i yelled at her about not giving me space. She said "ok but you know i have rejection sensitivity." So I found someone renting a room jumped all the hoops and shot myself in the leg to take out a loan for the down payment. I signed All the paperwork on top of all that I'm also trying to help her pay rent before I leave.

I'm trying to be as kind on the way out as possible but today when I said I was leaving she started screaming how I shoulda not talked her out of killing herself then I coulda just been happy and of course I'm unhappy that's what adulting is all about.

she quickly started spewing all this bs about how I'm screwing her over and it's my fault she over extended herself because of me. And she couldnt afford the apartment without me while I love to help leave her in a better position I've paid 2600 in rent to get everything sorted. 1800 for the new place and 800 for all the bills at her place. I don't know I kinda wanna burn it all but my family is encouraging me to be as kind as possible on the clean up because it will make dividing shared assets easier.

Idk what to do anymore I'm not a billionaire or nothing so I could never actually solve this problem but it's exhausting for sure.


r/TwoHotTakes 20h ago

Crosspost Am I the asshole for letting my daughter keep her room?

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7 Upvotes

r/TwoHotTakes 7h ago

Crosspost I think I was assaulted when I was a kid but I'm not sure

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0 Upvotes

r/TwoHotTakes 6h ago

Crosspost AITA for telling my father he should try being a better dad to his younger kid instead of fucking her over too?

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1 Upvotes

r/TwoHotTakes 14h ago

Advice Needed I (25F) am struggling with mother-daughter enmeshment and I don't know what to do

1 Upvotes

I (25F) have been struggling with processing the fact that my mom has been manipulating me most of my life. My cousin (32F) is a therapist and her mom (my moms sister) and mine are very similar.

All my life, I was told that I was the problem, that I was disrespectful when I spoke my mind, that everything I did needed punishment. My punishments were kind of extreme in my opinion. Like one of them was to send me to my uncles house for 2 years to live with him. This was because I cheated on my homework. And then another time, I was locked in a room for 2 weeks straight without any contact from anyone until "i changed my viewpoints and got my life on track." And this happened because I got into a car accident and went on a date without telling my mom. It was around the time I was trying to gain more independence on my life as well. Not to mention, that during that time, I was applying for medical schools and part of my punishment was that I wasn't allowed to be on the internet so I missed the deadlines for secondaries. All that work for 4/5 yrs and taking the MCAT for nothing lol. But thats besides the point, I don't even really want to go through 8 more years of school anymore.

It's hard for me to process enmeshment and manipulation between my mother and I. It just doesn't feel real. Right now, my moms and I relationship is good because I always give in to her demands. And they're not normal ones like do the dishes. They're like "you can't marry or date this person or bring him around our church community because he doesn't fit the vision i had for you'" and also like "you can't go to this college you have to stay with me and you can't live more than an hour away from me." My mom also has my location and she checks it a lot. Like if im in the parking lot for more than 15 mins (which i usually am bc i dont wanna go home lol) then she'll blow up my phone and say its rly unsafe for me there. She's also extremely convinced that I've had sex and got an abortion which I have no idea why. I haven't, I'm waiting till marriage but that my choice not hers, and when she acts like I'm being a slut its really annoying.

My mom and dad aren't together, and their relationship was tumultuous and abusive. My dad hit us all the time and I've seen him almost kill my mom a couple times (he didn't kill her bc both times he saw me watching and ig he felt bad? idk lol) Anyways, my personality is more like my dads from what I hear. And my cousin thinks that she treats me like this because I remind her so much of my father and I guess it triggers something in her.

I'm not really sure what to do or how to continue on with my life without allowing this to affect me. I'm in therapy but it can only do too much. What am I to do? I wish I could move out I need that independance. Right not I'm living at my aunts house, I wasn't kicked out again lol but I just got really fed up and left. But I stay with my mom on the weekends. I still feel like its not far enough. But at the same time I love my mom and I want her to be happy. And she has made it clear time and time again that she can only be happy if im with her and near her. It's hard for me to cause her the kind of hurt she feels when I say I want to move out. And I also can't afford it right now. I'm still in school and im getting paid less than minimum wage. I feel stuck, but also I feel like I'm in denial a bit, like it's not fully real. My mind and heart are struggling and they have been for a very long time. I'm not sure what the solution is or really where to go from here.


r/TwoHotTakes 14h ago

Advice Needed AITA for telling my friend not come to the bachelorette with her baby

2.4k Upvotes

I'm going to a bachelorette this weekend for a high school friend, and the whole original HS crew is attending (8 total girls). Everything has been very normal until yesterday - we received a text from one of the girls saying she cannot be away from her 7 mo. old baby more than 2 nights, so she'll have to bring him (We are all staying in the same Airbnb). The group chat was DEAD silent for a couple of hours until I chimed in and said "I think it's best you stay home... I don't think a bachelorette is any place for a baby" and directly following I was told I was "bold" and "too harsh" because the bride was OK with it...

I think this whole situation is bizarre... we are going to be taking tequila shots and going bar hopping with a newborn? What do we do during the day when he needs to nap or if he cries all night?

so... AITA?


r/TwoHotTakes 12h ago

Advice Needed AITA for asking my boyfriend and his family to have respect for my time?

17 Upvotes

My boyfriend ‘30 M’ and I ‘25 F’ have been together for almost 4 years in October. We have been living together for about 3 years. Two years ago I moved with him to his house in a neighboring state to mine after we lived in an apt for a year. His family has been living about an hour away from us since we’ve been together.

For the first half of our relationship, his mother, sister, and nephew (who all live together) were very involved and we saw them quite often. Once his grandparents moved in with them from down south about a year and a half ago, they stopped coming to our house as often due to the responsibility of his grandparents (since his grandfather also has dementia). His family has always done things last minute. When they would come over or when we’d come over to their house, it was usually spur of the moment. When we first moved in together we were further away, so his family did not usually make pop-up or last minute visits as often. Once we moved to his house, we lived closer, so they started stopping by more frequently.

I would usually let my boyfriend know that I prefer to know some time in advance before they come by or before we’d go out to do something. In the past he’s respected my boundaries and has told his family when it was not a good time and to let us know in advance before they visit.

My Aunt and great grandmother also moved closer to us about 2 years ago. My boyfriend does not come with me to visit them as often and when we do, he likes to leave sooner than I usually would because he says “There’s nothing to do at your Aunts house”. I’ve respected that, and when we visit we only stay for a couple hours. I tend to go visit them by myself so I can spend as much time as I want when he’s not around. My boyfriend does not visit my other family members as often due to them living further away, but we both make effort to see them when we can.

Flash forward to today, my boyfriends sister ‘37 F’ , was stopping by to drop off her son (also his nephew) ‘13 M’, because he has usually stayed at our house every other weekend or so (sometimes every other month, it really depends on the school year and such). I love when he comes over and I honestly see him as my own nephew. I also pick up my own brother ‘13 M’ up who also stays over, and they get along really well. I am usually at work when his sister drops his nephew off.

Today I am off from work because we are having a big BBQ tomorrow and his sister is dropping his nephew off to stay for the weekend. My boyfriend is at work and he told me she was dropping him off later this afternoon. Since we are planning on going out and buying things majority of the day, I asked him what time she’d get at our house. He told me that she’d probably be at our house around 5-9pm since she said she’d be there in the afternoon.

I asked him if he could ask his sister for a time frame to be sure so I could plan ahead because I also have to pick up my brother 45 minutes away. Immediately he told me that it would be around the times that he said, and since we have a electronic lock they can just let themselves in, and that is just how his family operates. I asked him is he could just shoot her a text to be sure and get a smaller window of time. After a little back and forth, he texted her asking her what time she’d be here, and she said 7-9pm, I said that’s perfect. He let me know that he was upset with me, and that I am asking him to make too many changes to how he operates with his family. He told me how his family saying the afternoon, means they would probably be at our house from 5-9, because that’s how they’ve always communicated. He told me that he felt I didn’t have enough trust in him to believe the times he told me. I told him that I just wanted a shorter time frame and to be sure what time she was actually coming because “the afternoon” is very vague. I told him that asking her to be sure, just made me feel more comfortable. Am I being unreasonable? I didn’t honestly think that this would be such a big deal.


r/TwoHotTakes 21h ago

Advice Needed My (24m) girlfriend (22f) started self-harming in the middle of an argument

20 Upvotes

Title explains the majority of it, but I hid all of the blades in my house after she asked for a knife several times after harming herself. I didn’t think it would be good to have more blades in the house, and hid a few knives and wine keys away so she wouldn’t hurt herself. She says I’m treating her like a child, that I’m worried if she saw a blade she’d start slicing. I don’t believe that, but I just wanted to make sure these things were out of the way.


r/TwoHotTakes 8h ago

Advice Needed Am I wrong for not wanting anyone to kiss our baby?

409 Upvotes

Hi! My son was born 3 weeks early and had to stay in the NICU for 1 month due to his breathing and lungs being underdeveloped. I was diagnosed with PPA and PPD and currently seeing a therapist. I have always had this agreement with my husband that we don’t want anybody to kiss our baby anywhere on the face (meaning not on the cheeks, forehead, lips, anywhere). We do not kiss him either. I would love for my son to meet his great grandma but according to family, regardless if I ask her to not kiss the baby, my wishes will not be followed as this greatgma would never listen to anybody and will do whatever she wants. My husband’s cousin said that a little kiss wouldn’t hurt the baby, but this is the only thing I’m requesting of them. Kissing is how you pass diseases to a baby with little to no immune system and even with immune system, you can pass hsv1 this way which is fatal to babies. I feel so so bad and feel guilty — I wanna give in and just let it happen but I know I’ll regret it and have resentment towards people that’s been making me feel like I’m being irrational. What should I do? I’m in a bind here. Am I wrong for my request???

Sorry if my grammar sucks. English is not my first language.


r/TwoHotTakes 3h ago

Advice Needed AITA for not wanting to be a cash cow anymore?

5 Upvotes

I (19 F) am in the US for a short visit while exploring a possible job opportunity and getting little side jobs here and there to have some spending money/ savings while I’m here.

To make a long story short, my mom (54 F) and dad (54 M) are going through a NASTY divorce back in my home country. My dad has never had a job, so when he decided to leave he stole all the family savings, my college funds, and what little cash I had from my work there. My mom has always been the provider for the family and this divorce has been really hard on her both financially and emotionally, sometimes keeping her from making the right decisions on how to move forward with the divorce (exp. Spending money she doesn’t have but not following through with actions, etc) . Her bank account is bellow $1k at this point, I’ve given her all the money I had managed to save up while there, yet this is not enough. I came to the US with enough money to buy a plane ticket and I’m staying with friends while I got some work on the side (cleaning, cooking, etc). My mom called me in tears a couple days ago asking me for $3k to pay court fees and lawyers, leaving me with literally $0 in the bank account, she has even demanded I tell her how much money I’ve made so she can make sure I’m sending her every penny. I’d like to clarify that she is not a bad mother nor a bad person, she has always gone above and beyond for me and my siblings (I’m the youngest), we’ve had the best education in the country, but these expectations seem to all fall now only on me. Please kind people of Reddit help me move forward and help my mom without hurting my self in the process.

Side note: this job opportunity would allow me to work (legally) full time in the US, but my mom is against it…. She wants me to come back and be with her. I know I’m young but I graduated early from high school and have gone to culinary school since before I graduated.


r/TwoHotTakes 3h ago

Advice Needed Am I being delusional for wanting my husband to stay home?

57 Upvotes

Okay, so tonight myself F (28) and my husband M (28) (we have been married for 2 years and together for 6) were scheduled to have a friend of mine and her husband round for dinner. Our daughter 19 months had a temperature last night and seems to have a cold. She’s very sniffly and has a temperature and when our daughter is unwell she wants to be held near constantly by myself and is very whingey and upsets easily (understandably so). With this is mind my husband suggested that we should cancel dinner tonight if she is still unwell by midday. I agreed, I think it is unwise to have people around if she isn’t herself, as she needs our attention and it wouldn’t be fair to potentially let our guests catch a cold/would be unfair to our daughter to not put her first and be available 100% to care for her. However, my husband then said, within seconds of suggesting we cancel the dinner.

‘If we are postponing dinner, and obviously I’m not pushing that. Fitstop has a trivia night on that I’d like to go to instead‘

My logic is, if our daughter is unwell enough for us to cancel dinner with friends, and a handful as he knows, he shouldn’t be making other plans to go out to trivia with his fitness group and leave me home alone with a sick child?

He should be staying home with us and helping out right?

I said I would prefer if he stayed home and helped. He said he would come home early and help tidy the house clean and feed her and then go out for the evening, but I said that wasn’t the point, it was more that I would prefer he be home and help out?

He hasn’t been to one of his fitness groups socials since December last year due to his own work commitments, which I sympathise with. But he works out 2-4 nights a week and goes to a trading session most a unday mornings with them, which I understand isn’t a social but he still gets to see them there.

I’m currently 6 weeks pregnant and going through significant fatigue, I’m studying to be a nurse and the past 2 weeks I’ve been on hospital placement shift working and I’m really burnt out, I feel like if wasn’t experiencing pregnancy fatigue, or had a really hard week I would maybe be okay with it, but my husband thinks I’m being unreasonable by asking him to stay home and says I’m delusional for thinking he isn’t putting me first by going out instead of staying home.

So I’m asking reddit to provide an opinion on this situation, am I being delusional by feeling that my husband should stay home?


r/TwoHotTakes 15h ago

Advice Needed My MIL said she hates me

29 Upvotes

Me and my partner M 21 have been dating for over 2 years, when we first got together him and his mother 51 were VERY close and did everything together, this quickly became a problem in our relationship as she would involve herself in personal things between us. We have had multiple discussions about this and he agreed and tried to distance himself a little (i never pushed him into anything).

As an example when we moved out together he had seen the place i was working i had seen on video but we were desperate to have our own space so we went ahead, the day we got the keys we went to see it, he invited his mum, she pushed in front of me rummaged through the cupboards and her and her partner started pulling stuff out and claiming it as there own. This peed me off i wasnt rude but spoke to him after and explained this was supposed to be a special moment for US, i also am not close with my parents and have been very independent since i was 16.

Anyways lots of other small events happened but we moved 20 mins away and he got a busy job so there contact slowed a little which helped massively, she is still a little off with me but invited me for girls days and we got along well when over there (i am very polite and make a conscious effort to help her out). Now i have always thought she does not like me or expected there to be a conflict as MIL hates her other DIL 26 but i set firm boundaries with my partner that i was happy to see her once a week (he can as much as he wants) but didn’t want big personal details shared with her.

A couple months ago i had something awful happen to me by a supposed friend (would rather not share) and i told my boyfriend he reacted poorly but we got over it i have kept it to myself and we have worked through it. Recently his mum has made a few rude comments about me over the phone my partner said he would speak to her and he did, she got upset started crying denying she said anything and saying he has changed and thats he thinks we are making a mistake buying a house together (we are two weeks away from getting our keys, its been 10 months!!) he asked her why she said she hates me. When he came home i was working ig he spoke to his brother then spoke to me, he told me this and said that he had told her what had happened nd to me before and she used that as to why she don’t like me and she had also told his brother and multiple other members of his family, the story she told was twisted to make me look like i had cheated.

I am obviously upset at him and his mum, me and him have talked it out and he has cut contact with his mum for a while but i don’t know what to do, we have a family wedding in two days and i am so embarrassed, any advice?


r/TwoHotTakes 15h ago

Advice Needed I’m a full grown adult but my parents want to control my sex life

238 Upvotes

I’m (F28) and grew up Mormon. I no longer attend or hold the same beliefs but the rest of my family does, especially my parents. If you know anything about the Mormon religion then you know how weirdly important sexual purity is to them. I grew up learning the whole “chewed gum” analogy in church.

Well I was sexually pure with my faithful Mormon husband who I was married to for 7 years until I got a divorce 5 months ago due to me not believing in the religion anymore. Soon after the divorce was final I went a little manic and got on the dating apps. I ended up sleeping with a couple different guys right away. Yes it was probably too soon but I never got to have a “wild” phase growing up. I recently met a guy who I really like and we decided to be exclusive. We’ve known each other for about 3 months now. While I met him at a weird time in my life I feel really happy and secure now. He’s a great guy and really cares about me.

So here’s the weird part… my parents live 20 minutes away from my house. I try to see them every couple weeks but they’ve been pretty weird ever since I left Mormonism. My mom has a cousin who is my neighbor. Well apparently this cousin spotted me in my yard with the guy I’ve been dating and CALLED MY MOM to ask if there’s been someone hanging out with me. I know this information because my parents sat me down last week and gave me “the talk” about sexual purity, the law of chastity, not having sex outside or marriage, drinking, and every other thing that disappoints them about me. They asked me to spend more time with them even though I come over every couple weeks and talk in our family group chat every day. It was a brutal discussion and they let me know how disappointed they were and seemed disgusted. They also said they see his car at my house quite often. I felt so much guilt and shame after this, even though I don’t believe sex outside of marriage is wrong. Now I feel like our relationship is doomed when it comes to my family. I am very upset with my parents but feel so conflicted and can’t shake the feeling of guilt. Where do I go from here? How can I make sure they don’t automatically hate him if I ever feel comfortable with them meeting? How can I feel comfortable with them meeting?


r/TwoHotTakes 8h ago

Listener Write In AITA for cutting off my entire family?

18 Upvotes

This has been haunting me. I feel like I have nobody to talk to...at all. I (31F) have 3 children and am one of 8 siblings, most of which are younger than me. The background is way longer than I could give info for here. I have siblings that are younger than my own children.

My father has been married multiple times. I've always been daddy's little girl my entire life despite him choosing women over his children and allowing it to affect our father/daughter relationship for years (which is weirder and more hurtful than I can ever imagine,,, not just as a daughter, but as a parent). I could go on and on about the trauma up to this point and what I've put up with (no SA or physical trauma from him), but the amount of mental and emotional anguish is unlike anything that can be explained.

He has trained all of us, all of his kids, to have his back and to lie for him whenever it suits the situation. It has been going on our entire lives after he divorced my mother, his first wife. He is the textbook definition of what a psychologist would probably tell me to go no contact with- (yes, I have an appt with mine). I know the background is too vague, I am sorry. Just know there has been an extreme amount of manipulation that has occurred for years and years. I am FINALLY seeing the other side of it.

Let's skip to Father's Day. Not only did my dad try to fight my fiancé for saying something he didn't want his own fiancée hearing (another one of his lies) and something completely innocuous, I had to physically insert myself in between them to keep it from escalating. Somehow, my fiancé kept his cool and had a conversation with my dad after. I was fully prepared to leave. We stayed. Big mistake.

My father and his fiancée argued outside for a moment. I have a baby sister (one of the many siblings mentioned) and she is the youngest of all. My dad was holding her as they argued. She was visibly upset. Not only am I her sister. I am a mother myself and know how detrimental it is for children to witness that.

It took maybe ten seconds before he fully realized I had grabbed her and kindly announced "Hey, I'm going to take her in to play so you two can work this out". Either the drinking or the ego got in the way. He grabbed my arm so hard I have fingerprint bruises almost a week later. I had to hurry and pass my baby sister off and tell everyone to get away. MY FATHER charged at me ready to punch me in the face before his fiancée grabbed him from behind and saved me from getting knocked out. He was an inch and a second away from knocking me out had she not saved me.

Cops came because a neighbor called. Long story short- brothers did whatever dad said to do. His fiancée and I didn't even write a statement let alone press charges despite them having enough evidence. Why let him win again? Who knows. So his life isn't ruined I guess. Let's just say he is very successful. I told them what happened so his fiancée did not get a domestic charge for marks on his neck for pulling him away from me and saving me. I simply said he needed to be told to leave so my baby siblings weren't around it the whole night.

At the time of the incident before anyone asks: MY children were playing with their uncles (who later claimed to see everything which was physically impossible, but we have all been trained to defend Dad). My fiancé came back maybe two minutes after it happened because I left my dad's gifts at home, and he wanted to ride his new motorcycle so went and grabbed them). After this, I immediately packed up all of our kids' stuff and got them ready to go ASAP so they wouldn't be around it. My fiancé and I are not perfect, but we CARE about what our babies see and hear. He was going to do... who knows... but I went to take bags to the car and saw the cops come up.

Since the incident, I expected the typical refusal to take accountability from my dad. What I could not believe was my brothers' reactions (specifically the 4 who are 18 and older). I was gaslighted and texted a myriad of things to try to make me believe a story- which may have worked every time before, but this one was literally against ME.

The texts I have gotten from who brothers trying to be on his good side or in his pocket are unbelievable. I spent enough time sending pictures of bruise, sharing story, etc. There is one brother who has the most to lose from my dad. I still could not have predicted how evil anyone could be. I was trying to heal while he tried to collectively turn my brothers from out of town, friends, whoever against me. They were told a completely different story before I even made it home.

I do not know what to think. I'm hurt. I've cried enough. i am done being hurt and crying. I've known who my father is. I've seen it through 2 marriages and his current relationship. I have seen it in what he does to us kids to make sure his stories are corroborated. I have now seen it against me.

I am done. I know that my brothers are in the state I was for so long where they will believe anything our father says and do anything for him. For once, I'm on the other side and finally see what it's like over here. I don't trust any of his previous stories at this point.

Regardless, I blocked all of them- my brothers included. As far as I've known and will teach my children, you are there for your siblings. The opposite happened to me.

A big part of me knows I am grieving the loss of who I tried to pretend my dad wasn't. Another part of me almost feels guilty for cutting off my brothers. They are intelligent adults. Hearing that Dad almost knocked out their sister should have caused a visceral reaction. I am honestly just beside myself.


r/TwoHotTakes 8h ago

Advice Needed Am I the asshole for not letting my mom meet my baby?

301 Upvotes

I (f21) gave birth almost 6 months ago and my mom has yet to meet my baby. My mom (f44) and I have NEVER gotten along. My brother was the only boy so he was her favorite and got better treatment than both my sister and I. My sister was the smart/talented one and her and my mom got along pretty well despite my brother being her #1 lol. Then there’s me. I am not talented or smart or anything special, I’d like to think I’m kinda funny though.

Anyways, I’ve always felt like my mom treated me unfair all the time but she would deny it constantly. It even got to a point where my tia (moms sister), brother, sister, and step dad pulled her to the side and talked to her about how she treated me but she would deny everything. Until one day she finally admitted it and word for word she said “oh my fucking God my name I’m sorry I treated you unfair okay?!? I’m sorry I did it because I just can okay?!” She was crying and pissed off when she said that to me cause I kept asking her why she doesn’t come to my room to say goodnight and hangout but she does it with my other siblings. I had always stayed in my room cause I can tell my mom didn’t want me around but after that I didn’t even bother coming out for dinner.

So many things happened after that but fast forward to me getting married and having a baby years later (I love my life so much now!!) When I gave birth my husband and I didn’t want parents to be there (at the time there were issues with both sides of the family but we had just started making amends w/ my in-laws & I just didn’t want my parents there because my mom is mean to me) and my husband was the only one allowed in the room. After I had her my in laws bought me self care and hugged me told me how proud they were of me and stayed for hours helping both of us out and got us food. My mom on the other hand wanted to be the last one there and wanted everyone to leave when she arrived (she doesn’t get along with my in-laws).

Visiting hours were almost up and my mom wasn’t even on her way and I was exhausted cause I just gave birth that morning and just told her to come tomorrow. She told everyone that I didn’t want her around. The next day comes and she gets off early (11am) cause it’s a Friday and I get nothing from her. Finally when she does respond hours later (I was packing to leave the hospital) she tells me it’s just her and she dropped off my little sister (step dad and her daughter) at her cousins house even though she knew how bad wanted her to meet my baby. She said she took so long to respond because she “forgot”. I couldn’t answer cause I was on my way home and I didn’t want any visitors cause we were going to quarantine yet I told her we will go over to her house and let them meet the baby. She ignores me. Turns out she told my brother that I’m ignoring her and I’m lying on her to make her look bad. She also said she needs to “protect my fucking peace” like as if my daughter is just nothing but problems. My brother called her out and told her he knew she was lying and she got upset with him and hung up. I sent a message to her and basically said “if you didn’t want to meet her fine. But don’t fucking lie about it to make yourself look good. You treated me like shit for all these years but my daughter? Absolutely fucking not. I’m going to let you sit in this shit instead of constantly letting you back in my life and I don’t wanna hear shit about how you wish things were different.” There was more but it’s a lot lol.

Now 6 months later my sister visited me yesterday and mentioned how my mom wanted to meet my daughter (she wasn’t pressuring me or anything) but I made it clear my mom wasn’t meeting her. Am I being harsh?