r/TwoHotTakes 0m ago

Advice Needed AITA for getting married before my future sister in law?

Upvotes

My fiancé (20M) and I (19F) have been together for 2 years and recently got engaged. We plan on having our wedding next Spring and his sister is very angry at us for it. We were originally planning on getting married this Fall, but when she came to us with the concern of wanting to get married first, we decided to move it out of respect for her and her fiancé. However, things happened and they decided to move their wedding back to an undecided date and now expect us to move ours along with them.

When we announced that we were engaged in both of his family group chats (immediate and extended), she replied with "Congrats, but I'm still getting married first." We were both hurt by it but decided that we would discuss the issue with her the day after we came back from the trip that we were on when we got engaged. The day we got home from the trip, she approached us asking if we were going to move our wedding date. We said we didn't plan on it and she looked at me and said, "You do not want to ruin our relationship, do you?" She told us that what we were doing is shitty and that we are bad people because of it.

While we are aware that she could have reasons other than wanting to get married first, she had not voiced them until we had planned for a wedding date. Her reasons as why we should move it are:

  1. We are too young to get married:

I am aware that we are at a VERY young age to be getting married and that we have not experienced a lot of life yet. I know that our brains aren't fully developed and that there are many reasons to wait to get married such as finances. HOWEVER, my fiancé and I have had many in-depth conversations about the pros and cons and have personally decided that the pros outweigh the cons FOR US. We agreed that we are okay to struggle financially for a few years and have both been saving to move out, have a wedding and honeymoon, and pay for all the costs of living. We have both been living on budgets and get together twice a month every time we get our paychecks to go over spending and savings. We have been practicing meal planning and grocery lists. We feel financially prepared for the first few years of living as a couple and don't plan on having kids until we are settled in our careers. We have thoroughly discussed what we want in our lives: how we want to raise our kids, where we want to end up living, what we want in our careers, etc. We understand that marriage will not be all sunshine and rainbows and that there will be challenges that we will have to work through together. We don't see a point in waiting to start our lives together when we know that we will be together for the rest of our lives and whatever may come after that.

  1. She is worried that extended family will not have the funds to attend both our weddings:

We are not sure that she is actually concerned that extended family will not be able to attend her wedding as she does not like most of them and told us a couple weeks ago before we were engaged that she wants a destination wedding so that less of the extended family will fly in because it will be more expensive for them.

  1. She doesn't like the way that my fiancé treats me:

My fiancé and I have always had a very joking relationship where we make fun of each other in jest in public. She takes this as him being rude or attacking me. I have personally told her that he treats me the best that I've ever been treated by any guy and it's not like the guys before him treated me badly, they just didn't treat me in the way I deserved and he does and so much more. He is the kindest, funniest, caring, understanding, and driven person I have ever met in my entire life and I have no doubt that he will make an amazing husband and father. Yes, we have had our fair share of problems, but we have always been able to work through them without diminishing our love for each other in the process.

We are trying to handle the whole situation maturely, but we only have so much patience. How can we help her understand our reasons for getting married? Are we assholes if we don't push our wedding back again for her?


r/TwoHotTakes 42m ago

Advice Needed Newly married and considering abortion

Upvotes

Hello Reddit. I (f28) am coming here because I really have nobody to talk to.

The title really says it all. I got married one week ago, and two days before my wedding… I found out I was pregnant.

Due to the stress planning our wedding, the drama that comes that. It’s not weird for my period to be delayed. I know my body quite well, but always take a test for peace of mind.. well for the first time ever, my pregnancy test came back positive.

I peed on a strip, instantly saw one line, and dismissed it as negative. About 5 minutes later, my now husband(m27) walked into the bathroom, saw the strip and said “what does two lines mean?” My heart immediately fell into my stomach and I screamed “what!?”.

I had to go to my maintenance appointments. Him and I literally had 5 minutes together before both of us having to go. On my way home I grabbed another test, took another and it was indeed positive. I fell to the floor..

We had spent the last 9 months planning our wedding… and who ever tells you planning a wedding is fun. It is not. My MIL is a nightmare, and some of my cousins made the planning process hell. We have both spent the last 9 months, stressed out. Still clearly loving each other, and cheering one another on, and making sure we are on the same team, but this…. I can’t. I just want to enjoy him for a little longer.

Why the shock? Honestly I was convinced I had fertility issues. My husband and I have never used condoms, just the pull out method. We recently have been less careful pulling out. I have not been in bc since I was 22, and I have never had a scare. I was actually looking into fertility clinics for after our honeymoon (Asia in September).

Ultimately, my husband is on my team, and is supportive of what ever choice we make. He did say he does want more time with me before we have children. We had some big travel plans for the year, and if we choose to go through with this, we may never get the opportunity again. We just paid 35k for our wedding, and we wanted a chance to save a little more too.

I feel extremely guilty because I have two friends that are struggling to conceive.. and a MIL, and my mom that would be absolutely broken if they learned this and the decision we are leaning towards.

I always pictured finding out our pregnancy being the happiest day of our lives. But instead it brought sadness, stress, and the consideration of abortion. This also brings our first grief experience into our brand new marriage. Planning this wedding has put my head in a messy space.. I feel like him and I are not the best versions of ourselves for a child at this point.. if this was this time next year it would be a completely different feeling and story. We both just want to take the time to be just us, and enjoy one more year before children..

I also feel guilty because there are so many women that make having a baby work with a lot less, and even single. I just don’t want to look down at our baby and think “what if ?” I feel like no matter the choice there is going to be some regrets.

I’m only 5 weeks. I have an appointment booked but the opportunity to back out. My mind just keeps going back and forth. I feel so stupid. My husband is doing his best to ease my mind and provide comfort, but I think I need an outsider with either similar story, or just advice

I’ve never had an abortion before.. I am pro choice, but some of our family is pro life.. truly I and we are at a loss.. please be nice … hard love and being mean is not what I need rn.

Thank you


r/TwoHotTakes 1h ago

Advice Needed Would I be the asshole if I were to cut off my friend and former boss while he is going through a tough time?

Upvotes

I am 21f and there will be a lot of background info so I will do my best to explain. I don't know his age exactly, but at least in his 40s based on what I do know, and we will go with the fake name Simon. I moved to college at 18, and I met Simon within the first few weeks. He owned a local store in town and asked about working there. I was the only employee so we agreed to store credit instead of money, so I got "free" stuff and experience while also helping out a local shop.

Simon and I became friendly where we could talk about items in the store and joke. He would ask my opinion on nerd topics (his store sold comic books so it was a regular topic of conversation between us and customers). Over time we got relatively close, but the relationship never became personal and was strictly surface level friendly. After 4 semesters of this, I gradually pieced together a bit of his personal life through small fragments of conversation. After two years I learned he had a kid, which he never mentioned until one day she was just in the store. That was about as deep as it got, as he "hid" his personal life and never brought it up.

Over winter break, unfortunately the store shut down due to poor sales. One day over break, Simon calls me (he called occasionally so unannounced calls were not unusual). The conversation was normal until he abruptly says his life is really tough. He said his wife left him and his kid to "find herself", and that they were devastated. I felt flabbergasted because I didn't know he had a wife?!? He didn't know if there was another man, but she did give him permission "to have a one night stand and sleep with other people, but he doesn't want to do that" (which was odd because our conversations had never had sexual topics before).

During the semester he calls me again to talk, and brings up more about the situation. Tells me how she is avoiding them, being rude over text, etc. He then tells me how "he really needs a female friend" and "he prefers female company" and "he just needs a positive female influence to offset her negative influence". I told Simon he doesn't need a female friend right now, what he needs is to figure out his feelings and get his situation together first before seeking companionship in other people as that then becomes him relying on someone else to fulfill his emotional needs during a difficult time rather than actually dealing with and processing his emotions. He'd always respond with "I guess that's true" but keep saying the "female friend" crap. This same type of call happened 1-2 more times before summer, and he began to tell me how he is having a hard time being without his wife and how he "can't sleep without her next to him" and he "can't breathe without her there". I learned they have been together for 12 years, and she has done this similar thing before of leaving them once or twice but had come back.

Now for the present: I was going to a store and happened to run into him standing outside, and we started chatting He asked me if I was ever interested in babysitting his kid (10f), and I agreed as I wanted to help him out knowing he was struggling. He started again to tell me about the "needing a female friend" and I again told him about how the last thing he needs is female companionship to fix the situation with his wife (should be a no-brainer). He says he is super lonely, and goes on about how difficult it is to not be able to be with the person he loves. I tried to console him by telling him that me and my boyfriend have been doing long distance for 3 years (together for 5 so he's been there during the entirety of this and has met Simon), and how I understand that feeling of being lonely but it's important to be content with being by yourself. He agrees about how it sucks and we talk about how it gets hard being lonely for so long. He then says "I would invite you over to hangout, but I respect relationships so I'm not going to do that."

This is where it hit me that things had become weird. If we were to hangout, what would be his intentions if I WEREN'T in a relationship??? The conversation ended shortly after that, and I went home. I later told my boyfriend about this, letting him know the update of the situation and how I thought that was a strange comment. Immediately he says "Yeah no. You're not talking to Simon anymore, I don't trust that guy and he needs to figure out his own problems." He thinks this whole time Simon has been trying to get me to be the "female friend" for him and "help" with his loneliness and marital issues. Now that Simon "admitted he thinks of me that way" he doesn't want me around him or to talk to Simon anymore. I agree the hangout comment is weird, but I felt that Simon was coming from a place of being hurt and so it wasn't personal. I don't want to cut him off during this tough time, and I am nervous about letting him down about babysitting if he ever needed me to. He lost his livelihood and his wife all within 6 months. In me and my boyfriend's conversation, the word grooming came up due to Simon being my parent's age, and that had never crossed my mind as our friendship stayed truly friendly up until his wife left. I know that perpetuating the situation will not lead to anything good, but I feel bad for him. I just need to know if I would be an asshole for this? And I guess some insight on the situation to see if I have been misreading this friendship for 3 years?

(P.S. My boyfriend is not controlling, just protective. I also have one more year of college, so I can't really just leave the situation.)


r/TwoHotTakes 4h ago

Advice Needed AITA for getting into a huge argument with in-laws after they judged my parenting?

1 Upvotes

So I (f30+)am have been in a relationship with my partner (m40+) for over 6 years, we have two kids together (2m & I'm pregnant with another m) as well as his child from his first marriage (9f) my SD and I have a great relationship with the occasional hiccup, I've been in her life since she was 3. Her mom and I have come really far in co parenting and she appreciates that I'm not afraid to tell SD no when it's warranted.

When her mom dropped her off this time she told me my SD should have chores (she even suggested the chores she does when she's back home with her), and that she knows her daughter doesn't want to listen sometimes and plays deaf and she told me "if you have to yell at her, please do she's a very headstrong kid just like me and her dad, I know she's not easy to deal with, and I get it if you have to go there. Also be careful because she's really getting into telling lies, but you can usually tell when she's doing it because she can't look you in the eye when she does it" I said thank you for letting me know and we said our goodbyes.

The issue is the in-laws (MIL f60+ and FIL m70+), most specifically FIL. They both enable her bad behavior and spoil her to the point where they're crossing any and all boundaries her father and I try to enforce. She lives in another state with her mom so the longest visitation we have with her is over the summer, I know it hurts them and I have sympathy for their loss in this situation. Unfortunately they're stance of "she's only here for so long, she should be having fun" has caused major issues this time around.

We went to SIL's house for a fun pool day she was ready to go swimming for a second time but was asked by her aunt to please put on some more sunscreen, her dad had gone to the store, and she begrudgingly got out of the pool, dries off and begin to squeeze copious amounts of sunscreen into her hand as SIL, BIL, and I are telling her not to to do that, as a matter of fact the more we asked her not to do that the more lotion she sqeezed into her hand, I had to raise my voice to get her attention and when she finally looked in my direction I told her "honey, spread the lotion on both hands and dab it on different areas so you don't waste the lotion, she then says "I have my own method." and begins slapping it on her legs, lotion is flying everywhere making a mess, everyone is telling her not to do that and I again had to raise my voice to get her attention and I said "okay, since you don't want to listen, pool time is over, wipe off the lotion, take your phone and go sit inside until your dad comes back". Her aunt looked irritated and I said sorry but actions have consequences. When my partner came back he was told by two people that I has "snapped" on my SD. When we got home he asked me about it and it pissed me off I said I didn't snap on her she was ignoring 3 adults who were telling her not to do something and I had to raise my voice to get her attention.

The next day we had a get together with the in-laws, earlier in the day my MIL had taken SD to the beach so when she came back it was shower time, after she got out of the shower I reminded her that she needs to brush out her hair while it's still damp so it's easier to do (she doesn't want me or anyone else to help her detangle her hair, but she also doesn't want to do it herself, if we're not on her about she won't do and it'll turn into a matted mess, by the way her mother has asked me to help her with her hair which I do but I let her have the first go at it so that way I'm not doing it for her, I'm just helping her with her hair),, she huffed about just wanting a break and I said "Honey you know that your hair is harder to brush when it's dry, so brush it out now and you can take a break after you're done." Her grandmother had taken her brush to the beach and drove back home with it so we had to wait for her to come back with it before she could brush it. I peeked into her room and she had her brush but was watching her tablet, I reminded her again to brush her hair, a few minutes later I peeked in and she was again watching her tablet, this happened like 2 or 3 more times, and the last time I looked in ohln her she was full blown playing a game on her tablet not doing her hair at all so that time I took her tablet (again another action I had permission to take from her mother), and I told her she could have it back after she was done with her hair.

Well at dinner with the in-laws SD was pouting in her room saying she wasn't hungry, wasn't going to come to eat, I knew she was just throwing a tantrum bevause i made her beush her hair and she didn't want to, so I went in there and I told her come out to the table, we're having a family dinner, she tries to tell me she's not hungry, and I reminded her that she hadn't eaten since she came home from the beach and her grandparents are here to have dinner with her. She come out, sits at the table sulking.

Her grandparents ask her what's wrong and she says looking down at her plate, "All I wanted to do was give my dad a hug for father's day and stepmom didn't let me" at this her FIL blows up on me how I'm "always" yelling at her and brings up SIL's house where I told him "I didn't yell at her, I had to raise my voice because I was trying to get her attention while she was purposely ignoring 3 adults who were asking her not to do something", he tried to yell over me to yell at me, that I'm not her mother, and that was when I stood up and yelled back I am her parent, and I've been helping your son raise her for the last 6 years. I then look at my partner and ask him are you going to back me up or what? He looks at me and says, 'I'm on your side, of course I back you up." MIL is trying to calm FIL down and he just keeps yelling to my partner about "living with this lady", in the middle of all this my SD is eating just fine but not looking at anyone until her father tells her, "You see what happens when you don't listen". At which point I snap at FIL that he's her grandfather, not her parent, we pointing to partner and myself are the ones raising her. At which point he yells "She's a lady you don't need to talk to her like that", I respond, "Lady? She's 9! She's still a child who still needs boundaries and consequences and if we decide to give her those boundaries and consequences it's your job as her grandparents to respect them. He is her father, not you. We are the ones raising her, not you."

He's still trying to yell over me, this is all happening in my house, at my dinner table, in front of my toddler by the way. I try to gain a cooler head (again, I'm 7 months pregnant with a complication to boot, so I know this isn't helping me or the baby in the slightest) and I tell him, "I'm sorry if as a grandfather you felt like I was too hard on her yesterday but I needed to get her attention so she would listen, and after I did she still didn't listen so I had to take the pool away", but at this point he just wanted to yell at me and tell me how unfit I was to discipline his granddaughter so I walked away and went into my bedroom where I shed very angry tears. Partner followed me and asked to please come out to dinner, but at this point, I'm earnestly crying from anger and I told him "No thanks, you go enjoy your dinner with family, I'm good." He walked out and was having words with his parents in their native language so i have no idea what was said.

I put on some pants and walking shoes and took myself for a walk because I had to rid myself of the cortisol somehow, and I can't exactly go to a range right now. So as I'm walking partner calls me asks me where I had gone, I was about 2 blocks away from home, and he asked me to come back to the house because he threw his parents out for being rude to me. At that moment their car sped past me, so I turned around and walked back home, still seething, my only balm was seeing my son's happy smiling face.

My SD was sitting content as I've ever seen her eating like nothing happened, watching her tablet. I sat there for a minute, and I calmly asked her "Why did you tell your grandparents that I didn't let you hug your dad?" SD looking at her plate, "Because I just wanted to hug my dad" Me, "You said you wanted a break not that you wanted to hug your dad" SD still looking down at her plate, "I did say that after I said I wanted a break" Me, "look at me SD I heard you clearly, you said you wanted a break you never once mentioned hugging your dad." Partner said "Babe", I just told him to stop, which he did. Me: "When have I ever kept you from hugging your dad?" SD, "Never." Me, "If you would've said that you wanted to hug your dad, I would've let you right?" SD, "Yes." Me, "So why did you lie to your grandparents?" SD looks back at her plate and says nothing. Where I might be the asshole, Me: "Do you realize that your lie made a bad situation even worse?" SD, silence. I ate some food to feed my baby in my womb then got up feeling shaky, and emotionally drawn and quartered.

I slept maybe 2 hours that night. You'd think that where the story ends right? Sorry but nope it carries into the next day when MIL comes over and we talk about everything that happens and of course she tells me my voice is too strong, and I should speak more nicely to SD, and I tell her, "By the time my voice 'gets strong' I've already asked SD to do something, or not do something like 10 times nicely which she's chosen to ignore. If I'm going to get her attention and raising my voice is the only way I can, I'm GOING to get her attention." MIL, "She's only here for a little bit so go easy on her." I tell her, "This is as much her home as her mother's house and she needs to follow our rules the same way she follows her mother's rules, she's only 9 so we can still correct her behavior, in 4 years though we're not going to have a snowball's chance in hell, and I'll be damn if I'm going to have a teenager try to buck up to me in own damn house in front of my kids(SD is the tallest girl in her class and she is already wearing the same size shoe I am, she's going to be bigger than me by the time she gets to 8th grade, or H.S.) I'm also not going to have two sets of rules in my house: SD's rules, and my kid's rules."

I then told her about the conversation I had with SD's bio-mom the day she dropped her off and I told MIL how bio-mom warned me about SD lying, and that she recommended chores for her. I told MIL I was going to teach her to do her own laundry since her bio-mom has already started doing that and MIL looked at me like I said I was going to send her to the coal mines. MIL "She's only 9, I don't think you should teach her that yet" Me, "I'm not going to put everything in the laundry room and tell her 'that's the washer, that's the dryer, good luck kid' I'm going help her do it, show her how much washing fluid to use, how much softener, what goes where, and what button to push. Her mother told me to have her clean the baseboards of the walls, but I don't want to have her cleaning on her knees like Cinderella. Her responsibilities are to clean her room, read for 20 minutes, and when her dad asks, pass the vacuum."

I then explained to her that while I sympathized with their position of have limited time with their granddaughter, we are her parents and we are the ones raising her and correcting her. Opur boundaries need to be respected because they aren't doing her any favors by undermining us, especially when they do it in front of her because when they're around, especially FIL, she acts she has a pass to act and do whatever, however she pleases. I even told her how FIL also tries to undermine me with MY son.

I had laid my son down for bedtime and FIL went into his room at TWICE to pick him up and bring him back out to the livingroom because he was crying (he cries for like 3 minutes then he drinks his milk and falls asleep without incident, it's his "I'm tired bit I don't want to go to sleep" cry ritual) doing that messed up his sleep pattern for the night, and it took over 2 hours for us to finally get him to sleep. I tell him I don't want my toddler to play with cellphones because I don't want him to think "cellphones are my toys" and become one of those phone obsessed toddlers, I've had to say this to FIL everytime he came over because as soon as I would walk away to use the bathroom I would come back to my son playing with FIL's phone, and I have to ask him again to please take the phone away.

MIL left after our hours long conversation, I thought I had gotten through to her at least, but the next day she had sent me a text where she tried to emotionally blackmail me into not teaching SD how to do her laundry. She went so far as to say that she doesn't think I would do that with my boys, and if I believed in God I wouldn't do that to SD since she's only here for 2 months. I responded that I wasn't forcing SD to handwash her clothes, I was to going to help her step by step to load her clothes in the washer, put to soap in, and push a button. I then told her about SD asking to wash dishes for me but I didn't want her to have an accident washing glass cups so her dad asked her to pass the vacuum instead. We also had a few moments last summer where she asked I'd she could help me fold the laundry and I gave her her own clothes so I could teach her how to fold them, it wasn't a punishment it was a bonding moment. I then corrected her assumptions by telling her that I would in fact be teaching my boys to do their own laundry starting by having them help me do the laundry while they're small, learning to put away their own clothes, then learning to do their own once they're bigger so when they're all grow up they'll be more than capable of taking care of their own needs instead of waiting for someone else to do it for them. I concluded by telling her that everything I'm doing with SD is with the advice and approval her bio-mom, and the way we're raising her is between her bio-mom, dad, and myself.

Now both of my in-laws have told my partner they're never coming back to our house again which is not something I ever wanted to happen. I know it hurts him and I wish our otherwise good relationship hadn't imploded like this but at the same time I won't be disrespected in my own home, in front of my kids, while pregnant. So Reddit... AITA?


r/TwoHotTakes 2h ago

Advice Needed We have a spark going on between us but she's uncomfortable due to age?

1 Upvotes

I'd like to get a woman's perspective on this.

I (23M) have only ever been with girls my age or younger. Not by choice, that's just what it is. Women older than 24 have never really given me any attention. Like most guys, I don't care about age (within legal limits of course) but it actually doesn't make sense. 18 y/o freshmen often start grabbing me at bars but 25 year olds have unironically told me that I'm still a child to them?? I know women like their age and older but I didn't realize it was such a strict dealbreaker for so many

About a month ago, I met someone at a basketball watch party. Since then we've really developed a spark. She's really cute and fun to be around. Probably the only girl I've been with who can genuinely make me laugh. She's studying sports medicine so really smart as well. The other day we randomly went out at 11:30 pm on a workday to grab smoothies and made out in my car on the edge of a cliff. It felt like a movie. I really like her, but here's the "issue"...she's 26 turning 27 later in the year. I put it in quotes because it's not really an issue for me, but for her it is.

She's told me she feels conflicted. On one hand she enjoys being around me but on the other hand it feels "wrong" to her and she worries she taking avantage of me. To top it off she keeps bringing up some point about women being a few years ahead in mental maturity so a 4 year difference is more like 7-8 or something like that. She also hasn't told any of her friends out of embarrassment.

I've told my friends; the guys are all happy for me while the girls are split. Some are happy while others can't fathom dating someone "a day younger". I keep reassuring her that it's fine and I genuinely don't feel like I'm some sort of vicim, and she'll feel better for awhile, but of course she'll later overthink and bring up the stupid already debunked point about my brain not being developed so I can't actually tell what's going on. That feels sort of insulting tbh, and the fact that she hasn't told anyone makes me feel like I'm some dirty little secret. But I still want to make it work with her.

Anyone have any experience with this? I don't really know how else to convince her.


r/TwoHotTakes 2h ago

Advice Needed Am I being delusional for wanting my husband to stay home?

43 Upvotes

Okay, so tonight myself F (28) and my husband M (28) (we have been married for 2 years and together for 6) were scheduled to have a friend of mine and her husband round for dinner. Our daughter 19 months had a temperature last night and seems to have a cold. She’s very sniffly and has a temperature and when our daughter is unwell she wants to be held near constantly by myself and is very whingey and upsets easily (understandably so). With this is mind my husband suggested that we should cancel dinner tonight if she is still unwell by midday. I agreed, I think it is unwise to have people around if she isn’t herself, as she needs our attention and it wouldn’t be fair to potentially let our guests catch a cold/would be unfair to our daughter to not put her first and be available 100% to care for her. However, my husband then said, within seconds of suggesting we cancel the dinner.

‘If we are postponing dinner, and obviously I’m not pushing that. Fitstop has a trivia night on that I’d like to go to instead‘

My logic is, if our daughter is unwell enough for us to cancel dinner with friends, and a handful as he knows, he shouldn’t be making other plans to go out to trivia with his fitness group and leave me home alone with a sick child?

He should be staying home with us and helping out right?

I said I would prefer if he stayed home and helped. He said he would come home early and help tidy the house clean and feed her and then go out for the evening, but I said that wasn’t the point, it was more that I would prefer he be home and help out?

He hasn’t been to one of his fitness groups socials since December last year due to his own work commitments, which I sympathise with. But he works out 2-4 nights a week and goes to a trading session most a unday mornings with them, which I understand isn’t a social but he still gets to see them there.

I’m currently 6 weeks pregnant and going through significant fatigue, I’m studying to be a nurse and the past 2 weeks I’ve been on hospital placement shift working and I’m really burnt out, I feel like if wasn’t experiencing pregnancy fatigue, or had a really hard week I would maybe be okay with it, but my husband thinks I’m being unreasonable by asking him to stay home and says I’m delusional for thinking he isn’t putting me first by going out instead of staying home.

So I’m asking reddit to provide an opinion on this situation, am I being delusional by feeling that my husband should stay home?


r/TwoHotTakes 2h ago

Advice Needed AITA for not wanting to be a cash cow anymore?

4 Upvotes

I (19 F) am in the US for a short visit while exploring a possible job opportunity and getting little side jobs here and there to have some spending money/ savings while I’m here.

To make a long story short, my mom (54 F) and dad (54 M) are going through a NASTY divorce back in my home country. My dad has never had a job, so when he decided to leave he stole all the family savings, my college funds, and what little cash I had from my work there. My mom has always been the provider for the family and this divorce has been really hard on her both financially and emotionally, sometimes keeping her from making the right decisions on how to move forward with the divorce (exp. Spending money she doesn’t have but not following through with actions, etc) . Her bank account is bellow $1k at this point, I’ve given her all the money I had managed to save up while there, yet this is not enough. I came to the US with enough money to buy a plane ticket and I’m staying with friends while I got some work on the side (cleaning, cooking, etc). My mom called me in tears a couple days ago asking me for $3k to pay court fees and lawyers, leaving me with literally $0 in the bank account, she has even demanded I tell her how much money I’ve made so she can make sure I’m sending her every penny. I’d like to clarify that she is not a bad mother nor a bad person, she has always gone above and beyond for me and my siblings (I’m the youngest), we’ve had the best education in the country, but these expectations seem to all fall now only on me. Please kind people of Reddit help me move forward and help my mom without hurting my self in the process.

Side note: this job opportunity would allow me to work (legally) full time in the US, but my mom is against it…. She wants me to come back and be with her. I know I’m young but I graduated early from high school and have gone to culinary school since before I graduated.


r/TwoHotTakes 3h ago

Advice Needed Do I have a reason to be upset over my dad and his wife showing favoritism to my niece?

12 Upvotes

This might be a little long, so I am sorry in advance. This is a throw away account. Some family members know my username and use Reddit so I am using a different account that I made to write this.

My daughter ‘8/F’ is going to summer school this month. I have a niece ‘5/F’ that is going as well. My sister ‘21/F’ hasn’t been taking her since she doesn’t want to make the drive. She lives with her boyfriend and the drive is about 25 minutes one way. She uses our dad’s address for her to go to that school district.

I was in the pickup line and saw my niece. I saw my dad’s wife (let’s call her Amy) a few cars back and knew she was picking her up. My daughter came to the car first and got in. my daughter saw Amy and asked if she could give her a hug, but she already asked me to pull to the front to talk so I did.

I got back in the car and my daughter proceeded to ask if she could stay the night since my niece (let’s call her Lydia) was staying the night. I did not see the big deal of it because they both have to be there at the same time the next day and it’s summer school. She asked and they told her no because it would be to much to get both of them asleep and layed down at a good time. I understood that completely and explained it to my little one.

The next day comes, and my daughter comes out of the school and said “lydia wasn’t at school today, can I please call papa” I said sure and dialed the number and handed her the phone. He did not answer, but he called back within the first five minutes and she asked why she wasn’t at school. My dad ended up telling her that they took her with them for the day to his wife’s hometown to visit some of her family.

She hung up the phone and handed my phone back and did not say a word. She was visibly upset so I asked her why she was crying. She told me that they lied to her and only wanted to take Lydia with them like they always do. I did not call my dad back and I told her it was OK and tried to cheer her up and drove home.

I was pretty shocked he did not call back since she hung up on him. A few hours later, he called back to see if she wanted to come hang out for the day tomorrow. She heard me talking to him and asked if she could talk so I gave her the phone. He asked her if she wanted to come over and spend the day over there tomorrow and she asked if she could stay the night that night and she was told no again. She said Lydia is staying another night and she said it wasn’t fair that she always gets told no. I get not wanting a bunch of kids at your house so I’m still being understanding at this point and I’m telling her that she can in the next few weeks.

Before hanging up the phone with him, he told me that she stayed the night last weekend and that’s when I told him that Lydia did also. I reminded him that he told her no and she ended up coming later that night because Amy felt bad and she picked her up on her way home from work.

He brushed over what I said and just said that she can come tomorrow and she could play with Lydia and mentioned another little girl. I asked him if they were having company and that was when he told me that his wife wanted one of her other grandkids to stay the night since she doesn’t see her often. That is when I spoke up.

I told him If they had this planned they should have just spoken up and said something to me instead of lying to her to protect her feelings. He said they did not lie and was brushing the subject off and going back to saying she can come over tomorrow to play with Lydia and Gracie (other grandchild).

I said that it wasn’t fair to tell Kinsley no all the time but Lydia is always over there and is always out doing things with them. He told me that they were tired and had an hour drive back and he already said she could tomorrow. I told him that she was told no the night before and now she was told no again but they were letting Lydia stay another night and more children were coming over so I thought that they were doing her pretty crappy.

I told him it wasn’t right to tell her no and now another child is staying the night after she was told no because they were tired and they had a full house. He ended up feeling bad and saying he would come get her and that made her happy. Amy messaged me and said she could stay but they had a full house, but it would be fun. I said to my dad said to her because I was trying to stick up for my little one instead of them always slapping a bandage over everything.

A little information on Lydia is that my sister had her young and dad is completely out of the picture because my sister doesn’t want him around. My sister does not work and she isn’t responsible when it comes to her kid. Yeah, she takes care of her and what not but when it comes to taking her to school, buying school clothes, school supplies, or just anything that has to do with responsibility, she put it off on my dad and his wife. They act like it is a big inconvenience for them and they can’t keep doing it, but they will not tell her no and they say if they don’t do for Lydia, then she will go without. I wasn’t trying to be harsh when I said this, but I told them that just because Lydia doesn’t have her dad in the picture that doesn’t excuse them from treating both girls equally and stop showing favoritism because it is affecting my little one and she is starting to see. Lydia has a village around her and she has never gone without and when she is with her mom she is taken care of except they just don’t like how she isn’t responsible when it comes to certain priorities.

Anyways back to the issue, She got super defensive and was telling me she does not see Gracie that often and she would never tell her other grandbabies know since she doesn’t see them often. She proceeded to tell me that my little one deserves to know the truth, and she should never be lied to but she would have never known about Gracie staying unless someone rubbed it in her face. Little did she know, it was my dad that said something to her about it. She kept going on and then said my daughter was being influenced instead of being spoken to truthfully. She said my assumptions were wrong and off and I have no idea the reasons for what they do. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH GRACIE!

This next part really made my blood boil. She then proceeded to say “ you will never trust us or see our hearts if you don’t seek some therapy. My fear… it’s being passed onto your daughter because of your lack of healing from whatever you’re carrying”.

I snapped. I have opened up to her before about how I always felt like my parents showed favoritism toward my sister and how it would always upset me. When Lydia was born and when she got older she was shown favoritism. I understood because she was the youngest. I felt like she uses what I say to her and makes smart remarks about my “childhood trauma”. I don’t know if I am just being overdramatic or what, but all I was trying to do was advocate for my daughter when it came to Lydia. None of this had to do with Gracie.

I was trying to advocate for her and for her feelings. She misunderstood everything I said, and kept making it about the other kid coming over. I explained everything that happened that day and told her she needs to take some sort of accountability. I was petty right back I admit it. I told her my fear was that she was pushing all her first marriage trauma onto me and that she lost control with her own child so she is trying to make up for it by telling me how to raise my own my own. This woman is constantly diagnosing me and my siblings and makes those smart ass remarks all the time and this just so happened to make me snap.

Now she is on her Facebook making posts about no matter how badly someone treats you don’t ever dropped to their level and just walk away. She wrote that she is confident with who she is and all she does with her walk with Jesus. It comes natural to her and the peace will set you free and being close to Jesus is life changing. I am a Christian and I love him with my whole heart also. She told my dad I am lost with my relationship with Jesus and me not understand why they do what they do shows. It just feels very hypocritical and entitled.

Idk, maybe I am being dramatic. Am I being overdramatic with this whole situation or do I have a right to be upset? I really need an outsiders perspective on this. She truly believes I am the problem.

Again, I’m so sorry it’s so long.

.


r/TwoHotTakes 3h ago

Crosspost Update one year later - we broke up over aliens 👽

Thumbnail self.Waiting_To_Wed
1 Upvotes

r/TwoHotTakes 3h ago

Crosspost Had to keep my mom throttling a boomer woman.

Thumbnail self.BoomersBeingFools
1 Upvotes

r/TwoHotTakes 4h ago

Advice Needed My grandmother seeks connection with me but I am not so sure about it.

1 Upvotes

Hello, This is the first thing I write in Reddit ever but I fell really conflicted and need advice.

Here I will be talking about my grandmother on my dad's side of the family. To me, she just seems very vicious amd even evel. I know these are some strong words but I cannot help it, but fell like that. This woman is toxic and everybody in my family acknowledges that, even the people who defend her.

My issue with her is the fact that she has abused me mentally and physically my whole life (more so mentally than physically). It's probably important to note that I am 18 and a little over a year ago my mom and I moved to live with my grandfather (my mom's dad).

When I was little she would look after me a lot because my parents and I used to live with her, so when they would go to work they would leave me with her. One thing she has done is she would go out for coffee everyday and sometimes I wouldn't want to go out with her. In my country coffee culture is very different than the one in the US - here you can sit and drink your coffee comfortably for up to 3 hours or longer sometimes. When I wouldn't want to go out with her she have a tantrum and would start crying and hitting and hurting herself and would then go on the balcony where we used to have a table and chairs and would she would climb on to top of the table and try or predend she would jump of and treaten me with suicide, thus causing little me to have a breakdown and plead for her to step down and not do it. She would then start scaring me with religion (my family is muslim if that's important), which I know has now caused me a religious trauma considering how I feel about God now. She would do this same thing in other instances too, for example when she would command me to do something and I'd say no.

In one of these cases she had asked me to do the dishes and said I'd do them later because I was studying. She flipped out so much on me for not doing what she'd to do right at that moment that she tried to hit my head with her crutch. She couldn't because I reacted and tried to stop her with my had hand but when I did that she broke my thumb.

She's also tried to stab me with a knife in similar instances but than say it was a "joke".

Also on multiple occasions she would call me names and say I am not her granddaughter, that she doesn't claim me as one of her own. After my other grandma (mom's side) had died that woman dared cuss her and call her names to my mom. Then she called me names as well once again and claimed that I am not my dad's child. That is when my mom and I came to live with my grandpa. I have not seen or talked to her since then.

The issue now is that that grandmother has been very sick recently. She had kidney failure and one of her kidneys was removed. After surgery she had complications and was in coma for sime time. She now says she's changed and wants to reconnect and clear thing between us for some time now. Recently while on the phone with my mom she acted the same and has called us names, including my dead grandma, again.

Because of this I refuse to meet her or talk to her still, but some of my dad's family who, I will say again, acknowledge that her behaviour is toxic have started callinge and my mom saying in rude, inconsiderate and insolent for leaving her without her "dear granddaughter" (her words) in such moment, basically standing on her side.

Now I feel like they have gotten into my head and I am questioning my decision. What should I do?

Thank you in advance!


r/TwoHotTakes 12h ago

Listener Write In AITH For Not Keeping Up A Friendship After My Friend Called My Daughter Racist?

1 Upvotes

I, 37yo Female and my 39yo friend have been very good friends for 15 years out of college. We have matching tattoos, go on trips together with our families, talked about being Golden Girls when we are retired..you get the gist. We both have 2 kids. I have a 10 yo daughter and 8 yo son. She has a 11 yo son and 8 yo son. Our littler boys are very very similar and two peas in a pod. Even tk this day they play online games together. Our older kids are more quiet and introverted. Now, I always say parenting is like politics…everyone has a different way to parent and weather or not we agree with it isn’t our business. My friend and her hubby parent very differently from us. They are NOT bad parents. Just very different from us. We have gone on Spring Break and vacations together multiple times. We have a great time so the parenting differences haven’t ever made a difference in our friendship.

Well things finally came to a small head this past summer. This situation happened a year ago now and it’s been weighing heavy so I want THT and Reddits thoughts.

Every year we go up to my mother’s lake house for a long weekend. Last year was over 4th of July. Now; my mother LOVES the 4th at her Lake house. It’s a big deal for her. Fireworks, etc, my mother goes all out for us as well. She’s got a pontoon, jet skis, tubing, cotton candy machine, you name it. She has it. She also will never allow us to buy gas or anything while we are there. Even though we try. It’s always an amazing time!

With our friends we also have a friend, we will name him H, he has come on Spring Break with us and his daughter and we love him. He’s the best and a great time. Now since this story talks about race. It is important to not that I am white, my friend is white, her husband is Cuban, and H is Hispanic/black. His daughter who we can call T, is Black. It has NEVER EVER played a role in anything. Our friendships have been so strong we refer to each other as family.

On this particular long weekend we were there from Friday am - Sunday. My mother asked the kids if any of them wanted to sleep in a tent and she would set it up! My daughter jumped on it and my friend mentioned she should ask T if she wanted to sleep with her. Now, again, my daughter is very introverted and T is also very quiet. They know each other but don’t know know each other to where my 10 year old daughter would jump on asking her to sleep with her in a tent. My friend kept relenting until T said she wanted to sleep with her Dad. On Saturday night I noticed my friend being VERY distant. Not participating in things and hanging it with her older son and T just playing cards at the table. This played out all night and Saturday was a huge firework show on the Lake (again, this is important to my mother who hosts us every year and is a fantastic host). My friend and her older son and T didn’t come to the water watch the fireworks and just stayed back and were distant.

Then Sunday morning, we usually will still play in the water, go to the sand bar, and head home around 4-5pm. We woke up in the morning and we made breakfast. Again my friend was quiet, and just said they were going to take off. My mother, husband, and I were shocked and asked if they were sure. We could play on the lake or do whatever her and her boys wanted. She just said no, they said their goodbyes and left around 10.

I was really upset by this. It isn’t like her to take off and not talk to me really. I decided that whatever she was upset about. She would let me know but I was going to give her time. Again, she’s my BFF, she isn’t hot headed and always very understanding.

She finally calls me 4 days later to talk. She starts telling how after tubing one day. My daughter’s hair was super tangled and she was working on getting it unknotted when my friend said she should go borrow Ts hair brush since she has a detangling one. My daughter replied with “Oh no! I could get lice!” When she told me this I started to laugh and went “oh! We tell her that she can’t use other people’s brushes because of lice”. My daughter plays sports and the girls are always sharing brushes and there was an out break of lice. So, ever since then. We have told my daughter that! I explained this to my friend but she wasn’t having it. She simply replied “well that was a really racist comment”. I lost it! I told her that it had NOTHING to do with race and that I was so hurt she’d think something like that about my daughter. She stated she is just very overprotective of T and I said back: well what about my daughter? She wasn’t having it and I replied again that my daughter was 10!! Then she started going OFF about my kids and their flaws. My son called her other son fat (which he is very overweight, he’s been overweight for years and we have had many discussions regarding his weight) and I told her I would talk to my son about that and it’s not ok. Later to find out it was the brother that called his brother fat. She kept going on about how my kids do this and they do that. Now, every kid has flaws and her are not perfect but I made it a point to NOT bring up her kids in this conversation. It’s not about that. Regardless, I love her kids, they’re just kids! There were lots of tears, lots more said, and her shouting that she should have kept this to herself and I said “that you think my daughter is racist? Yeah. You probably should have!” We ended that I needed some space to process this. Never ever ever have I thought that she would say these things. There’s a line that she crossed and broke something in me.

Since then we haven’t been the same. I did call her a couple weeks later and it was all very superficial. I really didn’t know what to say, she crossed a line and it’s hard to get back over. She thought some pretty bad things about my kids and after talking to a few people who have known us our whole friendship. They said that she’s always held a little resentment toward my kids and has made comments over the years.

Fast forward to today. Our friendship is basically non-existent. We kept it up for a while but I’m still hesitant. She hasn’t reached out to me at all over the past 6 months. My family went through some hard stuff and I reached out to her and there was a single text back pretty much. I’ve even texted my feelings and she responded but she puts in no effort to maintain a relationship. I decided that I was no longer reach out anymore. She was the one who really broke my heart and trust. If she wanted to reach out and hang out. She would. Honestly, she should be the one reaching out. I’m sorry but she really messed up. I would never ever said horrible things about her kids. So it’s been pretty much 6 months with nothing. I did text her a month ago: My son wanted her son to go to a summer camp together. I asked her and she said she’d look into it. But never got back to me.

Am I the asshole for not putting effort into the friendship anymore? My family and friends says absolutely not and that she messed up and she should be trying harder but love to get other advice! Thoughts?


r/TwoHotTakes 5h ago

Advice Needed need help navigating anger towards an ex-friend

3 Upvotes

Hi everyone this is a personal repost from r/ advice but i was looking for any more pointers/advice people may have since I still struggle with these sentiments even after writing them down. + also because this podcast saved me from loneliness during my trip c:

Brief rundown on what happened: I (22F) went on a 3-week grad vacation halfway across the world with my then friend (23F). I caught a cold 4 days before the flight, and after our first night at the airbnb my friend was very off - being extremely short and dry with me to the point where I cried from the passive aggressive attitude she was giving despite me asking her several times if something was wrong. I’m pretty sure she heard me crying (she insisted on sleeping with the window open, where sound travels very fast, and had the AC blasting) or at least saw my swollen eyes the next morning but even then continued to be passive aggressive. I managed to ask her if it’s better we travel alone and she said yes, and after that through messages I finally find out she’s upset because she’s getting sick (and blamed me for it even though she said herself she always gets sick after plane rides and chose not to wear a mask herself). Anyways she ignores my following messages and attempts to reconcile and to the very end of our trip never once attempts to make things better and actually responds passive aggressively at some moments lol.

Anyways i’m having troubles getting over this event and to be the least dramatic possible it was a traumatizing isolating experience as i wasn’t familiar being by myself in a completely new place with a language barrier and being unable to contact anyone consistently due to the time difference i was in (she had other friends there so i get bitter about that as well). It completely ruined my trip as i experienced depressive symptoms such as no appetite, constant anxiety (physical pain), and crying everyday. I feel like I have so much pent up anger because I was never able to properly speak with her due to her ignoring my messages. I ended up blocking her at the end of my trip in efforts of moving on. But throughout the entire time i’ve been back home (1 month) I’ve had urges to rant on social media for malicious reasons like ruining her reputation because she seems like such a bubbly person (my first impression). Based on how she’s handled situations with her ex-friends I also know that she’s made me out to be the villain to our mutual friends and it bothers me so much (i met them through her, so they’re closer).

I’ve never experienced feelings like this so if anyone has any advice on navigating through this that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.


r/TwoHotTakes 5h ago

Crosspost AITA for telling my father he should try being a better dad to his younger kid instead of fucking her over too?

Thumbnail self.AmItheAsshole
1 Upvotes

r/TwoHotTakes 6h ago

Listener Write In My (34m) mother (54f) contacted a person I work with

12 Upvotes

Hi THT Fam!

I'm going to condense a lot of details just for post-length control, so if there is anything I mention that you need clarification on, let me know.

Back in December, my 10 year old niece was air lifted to a children's hospital due to heart failure, and soon placed on a transplant list. Niece is my mother's absolute world and heart, so this has been extremely tough on my mom. Due to...many, many reasons, my mom and I don't have the best relationship. I love her because she's my mom, but she can be a very mean, hateful person to say the least; so I've kept my distance since graduating high school, 115 miles to be precise. Prior to my niece being hospitalized, we would talk, mostly text, but pretty sporadically.

My niece has been in the hospital since the day after Christmas 2023, and since then, I've obviously been more communicative than normal so I could stay up to date. In May, one of my doctors (I manage a medical practice) put together a care package for my niece. It was an incredibly sweet thing for her to do, and my mom wanted to thank her. I offered to pass along her thanks, but she insisted on having her email to send a proper thank you. My mom has no shame, and will spend 45 minutes talking to a stranger, and will always make it about her. She has a tendency to over share and give WAY TMI. So I was obviously very hesitant to give her the email. I told her as much, also. I told her that I would give the email as long as she promised not to abuse it, or use it for anything other than saying "thank you". She acted so offended and appalled that I would even suggest that, and that she would never do anything like that. So, I gave her the email. That was about 2 months ago, at the beginning of May.

This week, while I was at work, I got a message from the same doctor.: "Insert crying laughing emojis here** I just got an email from your mother wanting to know if I would read a report if she sends you the screenshots and also she says to tell you to call her more." I was immediately SO angry, and walked back to her office to talk about it. When I got there, she pulled the email up and it filled the ENTIRE screen. I was embarrassed all over again and apologized profusely. Thankfully, the doc and I are very close, so we were able to laugh about it.

After work, I called my sister (not my niece's mother btw) to tell her about it. She had the same reaction I did, and said she would have called and unloaded on her. That was my first reaction, but once I had a second to process it, I realized that me calling her was exactly what she wanted to happen, so I didn't, and I haven't.

I'm still on the fence about whether I'm even going to acknowledge that I know what happened, or tell her how I feel. What do you think? I'm open to ANY and ALL advice. I've also scheduled and off-cycle therapy session just to talk about this.


r/TwoHotTakes 6h ago

Listener Write In This CANNOT be normal?!?!

0 Upvotes

I went to my friends house the other day to get ready for a lunch date with the rest of our friends and i opend her closet to look for something... she only owns 2 types of shoes Heels and crocs, No sneakers no flip flops NOTHING. She has 3 pairs of heels and at least 14 pairs of crocs. I asked her where her sneakers were and she said "oh i have no need for them" WHAT ?! Thinking back i have never seen her in sneakers. I feel like she is trolling me but she was dead serious

Am i friends with a complete phyco?? This CANNOT be normal?!?


r/TwoHotTakes 6h ago

Crosspost I think I was assaulted when I was a kid but I'm not sure

Thumbnail self.TrueOffMyChest
0 Upvotes

r/TwoHotTakes 7h ago

Advice Needed Am I the asshole for not letting my mom meet my baby?

284 Upvotes

I (f21) gave birth almost 6 months ago and my mom has yet to meet my baby. My mom (f44) and I have NEVER gotten along. My brother was the only boy so he was her favorite and got better treatment than both my sister and I. My sister was the smart/talented one and her and my mom got along pretty well despite my brother being her #1 lol. Then there’s me. I am not talented or smart or anything special, I’d like to think I’m kinda funny though.

Anyways, I’ve always felt like my mom treated me unfair all the time but she would deny it constantly. It even got to a point where my tia (moms sister), brother, sister, and step dad pulled her to the side and talked to her about how she treated me but she would deny everything. Until one day she finally admitted it and word for word she said “oh my fucking God my name I’m sorry I treated you unfair okay?!? I’m sorry I did it because I just can okay?!” She was crying and pissed off when she said that to me cause I kept asking her why she doesn’t come to my room to say goodnight and hangout but she does it with my other siblings. I had always stayed in my room cause I can tell my mom didn’t want me around but after that I didn’t even bother coming out for dinner.

So many things happened after that but fast forward to me getting married and having a baby years later (I love my life so much now!!) When I gave birth my husband and I didn’t want parents to be there (at the time there were issues with both sides of the family but we had just started making amends w/ my in-laws & I just didn’t want my parents there because my mom is mean to me) and my husband was the only one allowed in the room. After I had her my in laws bought me self care and hugged me told me how proud they were of me and stayed for hours helping both of us out and got us food. My mom on the other hand wanted to be the last one there and wanted everyone to leave when she arrived (she doesn’t get along with my in-laws).

Visiting hours were almost up and my mom wasn’t even on her way and I was exhausted cause I just gave birth that morning and just told her to come tomorrow. She told everyone that I didn’t want her around. The next day comes and she gets off early (11am) cause it’s a Friday and I get nothing from her. Finally when she does respond hours later (I was packing to leave the hospital) she tells me it’s just her and she dropped off my little sister (step dad and her daughter) at her cousins house even though she knew how bad wanted her to meet my baby. She said she took so long to respond because she “forgot”. I couldn’t answer cause I was on my way home and I didn’t want any visitors cause we were going to quarantine yet I told her we will go over to her house and let them meet the baby. She ignores me. Turns out she told my brother that I’m ignoring her and I’m lying on her to make her look bad. She also said she needs to “protect my fucking peace” like as if my daughter is just nothing but problems. My brother called her out and told her he knew she was lying and she got upset with him and hung up. I sent a message to her and basically said “if you didn’t want to meet her fine. But don’t fucking lie about it to make yourself look good. You treated me like shit for all these years but my daughter? Absolutely fucking not. I’m going to let you sit in this shit instead of constantly letting you back in my life and I don’t wanna hear shit about how you wish things were different.” There was more but it’s a lot lol.

Now 6 months later my sister visited me yesterday and mentioned how my mom wanted to meet my daughter (she wasn’t pressuring me or anything) but I made it clear my mom wasn’t meeting her. Am I being harsh?


r/TwoHotTakes 8h ago

Advice Needed Am I wrong for not wanting anyone to kiss our baby?

390 Upvotes

Hi! My son was born 3 weeks early and had to stay in the NICU for 1 month due to his breathing and lungs being underdeveloped. I was diagnosed with PPA and PPD and currently seeing a therapist. I have always had this agreement with my husband that we don’t want anybody to kiss our baby anywhere on the face (meaning not on the cheeks, forehead, lips, anywhere). We do not kiss him either. I would love for my son to meet his great grandma but according to family, regardless if I ask her to not kiss the baby, my wishes will not be followed as this greatgma would never listen to anybody and will do whatever she wants. My husband’s cousin said that a little kiss wouldn’t hurt the baby, but this is the only thing I’m requesting of them. Kissing is how you pass diseases to a baby with little to no immune system and even with immune system, you can pass hsv1 this way which is fatal to babies. I feel so so bad and feel guilty — I wanna give in and just let it happen but I know I’ll regret it and have resentment towards people that’s been making me feel like I’m being irrational. What should I do? I’m in a bind here. Am I wrong for my request???

Sorry if my grammar sucks. English is not my first language.


r/TwoHotTakes 8h ago

Listener Write In AITA for cutting off my entire family?

19 Upvotes

This has been haunting me. I feel like I have nobody to talk to...at all. I (31F) have 3 children and am one of 8 siblings, most of which are younger than me. The background is way longer than I could give info for here. I have siblings that are younger than my own children.

My father has been married multiple times. I've always been daddy's little girl my entire life despite him choosing women over his children and allowing it to affect our father/daughter relationship for years (which is weirder and more hurtful than I can ever imagine,,, not just as a daughter, but as a parent). I could go on and on about the trauma up to this point and what I've put up with (no SA or physical trauma from him), but the amount of mental and emotional anguish is unlike anything that can be explained.

He has trained all of us, all of his kids, to have his back and to lie for him whenever it suits the situation. It has been going on our entire lives after he divorced my mother, his first wife. He is the textbook definition of what a psychologist would probably tell me to go no contact with- (yes, I have an appt with mine). I know the background is too vague, I am sorry. Just know there has been an extreme amount of manipulation that has occurred for years and years. I am FINALLY seeing the other side of it.

Let's skip to Father's Day. Not only did my dad try to fight my fiancé for saying something he didn't want his own fiancée hearing (another one of his lies) and something completely innocuous, I had to physically insert myself in between them to keep it from escalating. Somehow, my fiancé kept his cool and had a conversation with my dad after. I was fully prepared to leave. We stayed. Big mistake.

My father and his fiancée argued outside for a moment. I have a baby sister (one of the many siblings mentioned) and she is the youngest of all. My dad was holding her as they argued. She was visibly upset. Not only am I her sister. I am a mother myself and know how detrimental it is for children to witness that.

It took maybe ten seconds before he fully realized I had grabbed her and kindly announced "Hey, I'm going to take her in to play so you two can work this out". Either the drinking or the ego got in the way. He grabbed my arm so hard I have fingerprint bruises almost a week later. I had to hurry and pass my baby sister off and tell everyone to get away. MY FATHER charged at me ready to punch me in the face before his fiancée grabbed him from behind and saved me from getting knocked out. He was an inch and a second away from knocking me out had she not saved me.

Cops came because a neighbor called. Long story short- brothers did whatever dad said to do. His fiancée and I didn't even write a statement let alone press charges despite them having enough evidence. Why let him win again? Who knows. So his life isn't ruined I guess. Let's just say he is very successful. I told them what happened so his fiancée did not get a domestic charge for marks on his neck for pulling him away from me and saving me. I simply said he needed to be told to leave so my baby siblings weren't around it the whole night.

At the time of the incident before anyone asks: MY children were playing with their uncles (who later claimed to see everything which was physically impossible, but we have all been trained to defend Dad). My fiancé came back maybe two minutes after it happened because I left my dad's gifts at home, and he wanted to ride his new motorcycle so went and grabbed them). After this, I immediately packed up all of our kids' stuff and got them ready to go ASAP so they wouldn't be around it. My fiancé and I are not perfect, but we CARE about what our babies see and hear. He was going to do... who knows... but I went to take bags to the car and saw the cops come up.

Since the incident, I expected the typical refusal to take accountability from my dad. What I could not believe was my brothers' reactions (specifically the 4 who are 18 and older). I was gaslighted and texted a myriad of things to try to make me believe a story- which may have worked every time before, but this one was literally against ME.

The texts I have gotten from who brothers trying to be on his good side or in his pocket are unbelievable. I spent enough time sending pictures of bruise, sharing story, etc. There is one brother who has the most to lose from my dad. I still could not have predicted how evil anyone could be. I was trying to heal while he tried to collectively turn my brothers from out of town, friends, whoever against me. They were told a completely different story before I even made it home.

I do not know what to think. I'm hurt. I've cried enough. i am done being hurt and crying. I've known who my father is. I've seen it through 2 marriages and his current relationship. I have seen it in what he does to us kids to make sure his stories are corroborated. I have now seen it against me.

I am done. I know that my brothers are in the state I was for so long where they will believe anything our father says and do anything for him. For once, I'm on the other side and finally see what it's like over here. I don't trust any of his previous stories at this point.

Regardless, I blocked all of them- my brothers included. As far as I've known and will teach my children, you are there for your siblings. The opposite happened to me.

A big part of me knows I am grieving the loss of who I tried to pretend my dad wasn't. Another part of me almost feels guilty for cutting off my brothers. They are intelligent adults. Hearing that Dad almost knocked out their sister should have caused a visceral reaction. I am honestly just beside myself.


r/TwoHotTakes 10h ago

Advice Needed I feel like im being punished by my bf

Thumbnail
gallery
0 Upvotes

My boyfriend of 3 years gets so upset whenever he sees that I’ve chatted with a male coworker. I keep telling him it’s nothing at all and he still says he’s sad and hurt. Every single time I have ever had a coworkers number saved it’s 1,000% for work purposes. I’ve only ever befriended girl coworkers. I’m not sure what it is I even did that made him so upset, but I feel as though I’m punished everytime I do message a coworker or respond. Here are screenshots of the text my bf got upset abt. It was after my bf asked me why my coworker just said dead by daylight and I said because he prob asked to play since I had mentioned on shift one time that I love to play that game. Idk. Need some good advice because I’m getting tired but I can’t tell if I did anything wrong and I don’t want to leave if I can fix something I didn’t know I was doing. :(((


r/TwoHotTakes 10h ago

Advice Needed The War

1 Upvotes

I wrote this out today, and honestly needed a place to vent and couldn't think of any other subreddit, but I love the podcast so if this fits any themes, that's perfect.

This comes from a place of fear, naivety, and the fact that so much is unknown about world affairs and what's truly going on.

I don't write much about what's going on in the world; though I guess I probably should;

Just as I don't write about the good things, the nice things. This is an escape and now the world's come into view of me, and God is it bad.

I woke up to crying. That's never happened before. We're scared of the war, Being taken from our homes, Jobs, Families, Lives; Yet we should still be happy? Under the threat of draft, Under the threat of bombs, Under the threat of Marshall law, People being shot protesting, What do we do? Do we sit and wait for that paper to come? Do we vote and hope it matters? Do we protest and assume we'll be lucky?

How can I work on myself, Get things better, Do things, Be something, Be someone, Under threat of annihilation. Called onto for Treason, Taken to jail for not wanting to shoot; And I don't want to shoot. Especially not someone I can't speak the language of, Someone fighting for the same reasons I am, Someone fighting to see their family one last time, Someone fighting bc they've been told I'm the enemy, just as I've been told they are.

The draft didn't affect women, Now it does. I was just as worried for my partner and myself before, But now what? Clearly they're desperate, The government needs candidates, But why is it the young people? There are people voting for this war, Praising this war, Claiming there's nothing to do but fight in this war, So why don't they go? Why do they get to be home, Be with their family, Have a job, Have a life, But I cannot?

What if I work on myself, Things get better for me personally, And I'm happy, because I choose to ignore the world, Am I supposed to wait until the world comes to me?

The world always comes. Are you ready? Are you prepared? Can you do what needs to be done, after years of doing nothing?


r/TwoHotTakes 12h ago

Advice Needed AITA for asking my boyfriend and his family to have respect for my time?

17 Upvotes

My boyfriend ‘30 M’ and I ‘25 F’ have been together for almost 4 years in October. We have been living together for about 3 years. Two years ago I moved with him to his house in a neighboring state to mine after we lived in an apt for a year. His family has been living about an hour away from us since we’ve been together.

For the first half of our relationship, his mother, sister, and nephew (who all live together) were very involved and we saw them quite often. Once his grandparents moved in with them from down south about a year and a half ago, they stopped coming to our house as often due to the responsibility of his grandparents (since his grandfather also has dementia). His family has always done things last minute. When they would come over or when we’d come over to their house, it was usually spur of the moment. When we first moved in together we were further away, so his family did not usually make pop-up or last minute visits as often. Once we moved to his house, we lived closer, so they started stopping by more frequently.

I would usually let my boyfriend know that I prefer to know some time in advance before they come by or before we’d go out to do something. In the past he’s respected my boundaries and has told his family when it was not a good time and to let us know in advance before they visit.

My Aunt and great grandmother also moved closer to us about 2 years ago. My boyfriend does not come with me to visit them as often and when we do, he likes to leave sooner than I usually would because he says “There’s nothing to do at your Aunts house”. I’ve respected that, and when we visit we only stay for a couple hours. I tend to go visit them by myself so I can spend as much time as I want when he’s not around. My boyfriend does not visit my other family members as often due to them living further away, but we both make effort to see them when we can.

Flash forward to today, my boyfriends sister ‘37 F’ , was stopping by to drop off her son (also his nephew) ‘13 M’, because he has usually stayed at our house every other weekend or so (sometimes every other month, it really depends on the school year and such). I love when he comes over and I honestly see him as my own nephew. I also pick up my own brother ‘13 M’ up who also stays over, and they get along really well. I am usually at work when his sister drops his nephew off.

Today I am off from work because we are having a big BBQ tomorrow and his sister is dropping his nephew off to stay for the weekend. My boyfriend is at work and he told me she was dropping him off later this afternoon. Since we are planning on going out and buying things majority of the day, I asked him what time she’d get at our house. He told me that she’d probably be at our house around 5-9pm since she said she’d be there in the afternoon.

I asked him if he could ask his sister for a time frame to be sure so I could plan ahead because I also have to pick up my brother 45 minutes away. Immediately he told me that it would be around the times that he said, and since we have a electronic lock they can just let themselves in, and that is just how his family operates. I asked him is he could just shoot her a text to be sure and get a smaller window of time. After a little back and forth, he texted her asking her what time she’d be here, and she said 7-9pm, I said that’s perfect. He let me know that he was upset with me, and that I am asking him to make too many changes to how he operates with his family. He told me how his family saying the afternoon, means they would probably be at our house from 5-9, because that’s how they’ve always communicated. He told me that he felt I didn’t have enough trust in him to believe the times he told me. I told him that I just wanted a shorter time frame and to be sure what time she was actually coming because “the afternoon” is very vague. I told him that asking her to be sure, just made me feel more comfortable. Am I being unreasonable? I didn’t honestly think that this would be such a big deal.


r/TwoHotTakes 13h ago

Advice Needed I have no clue what to do about my boyfriend's slob roommate from HELL

0 Upvotes

Hey Reddit, I posted on a roommate subreddit but wanted to try my luck here too for more diverse advice. (new to reddit)

I am fully at my wits end with my boyfriends roommate and need help on how to handle this situation. My boyfriend (19m) lives with 4 other people in a house. He shares the basement with a trans girl (18f) and occasionally her boyfriend (21m?) who doesn't live there but is always over.

They started off as friends but everyone in the house grew annoyed with some of her behaviours; she started by leaving her dirty pots, pans and dishes for WEEKS until someone else cleaned them. By dirty I mean "food was still in it" dirty. She was asked countless times to clean up after herself but didn't change. She started retreating to her room a lot and I thought she might be depressed so I suggested my boyfriend ask if she needs support or leave her be.

But her behaviours that followed have truly caused my boyfriend emotional harm (and I'm lowkey scared they're even a health hazard).

It is as follows:

  1. She leaves used bandages on their shared sink (on his side) and in their shower
  2. She still leaves her pots dirty and takes their shared bowls and plates and keeps them dirty in her room (the others sometimes don't have plates to use)
  3. Her room smells so bad that it's stunk up the entire basement
  4. She labels her eggs in the fridge and leaves nasty notes when people eat them (I wish they had a roommate agreement where they talked about this but it was kinda mutually agreed that eggs and milk are shared and they take turns buying it every week)
  5. Even though she's extremely possessive over her eggs, she took it upon herself to tell her boyfriend that she could use MY BOYFRIEND'S BODY SOAP. My boyfriend noticed hairs on his soap that didn't match his (he's ginger) and moved the soap, then 21m asks my boyfriend why he moved the soap...his soap...that he uses on his own body...cue the horrified looks from both 21m and my boyfriend. 21m gave my boyfriend 3 soap in return and apologized but 18f said nothing.
  6. Lastly, there's pubes on their shared sink...and they match the hairs on 18f's razor. My boyfriend is annoyed because the pubes are right next to his toothbrush and he's asked her before but she won't clean them.

We've tried everything like talking to her about but she continues being a dick and hides in her room as to not confront anyone. She fully doesn't even make eye contact with my boyfriend and acts passively toward him. I also think that she's making a bigger mess in the bathroom because she thinks my boyfriend is the one eating her eggs as revenge (he's not, it's another roommate) but then again that's just a theory. Everyone is upset with her but it irks be that she continues getting away with it. He can't move out for a few month. What should he do? I feel so bad because my boyfriend is so sweet and I can tell this bothers him.