r/TwoHotTakes 33m ago

Advice Needed AITA for getting married before my future sister in law?

Upvotes

My fiancé (20M) and I (19F) have been together for 2 years and recently got engaged. We plan on having our wedding next Spring and his sister is very angry at us for it. We were originally planning on getting married this Fall, but when she came to us with the concern of wanting to get married first, we decided to move it out of respect for her and her fiancé. However, things happened and they decided to move their wedding back to an undecided date and now expect us to move ours along with them.

When we announced that we were engaged in both of his family group chats (immediate and extended), she replied with "Congrats, but I'm still getting married first." We were both hurt by it but decided that we would discuss the issue with her the day after we came back from the trip that we were on when we got engaged. The day we got home from the trip, she approached us asking if we were going to move our wedding date. We said we didn't plan on it and she looked at me and said, "You do not want to ruin our relationship, do you?" She told us that what we were doing is shitty and that we are bad people because of it.

While we are aware that she could have reasons other than wanting to get married first, she had not voiced them until we had planned for a wedding date. Her reasons as why we should move it are:

  1. We are too young to get married:

I am aware that we are at a VERY young age to be getting married and that we have not experienced a lot of life yet. I know that our brains aren't fully developed and that there are many reasons to wait to get married such as finances. HOWEVER, my fiancé and I have had many in-depth conversations about the pros and cons and have personally decided that the pros outweigh the cons FOR US. We agreed that we are okay to struggle financially for a few years and have both been saving to move out, have a wedding and honeymoon, and pay for all the costs of living. We have both been living on budgets and get together twice a month every time we get our paychecks to go over spending and savings. We have been practicing meal planning and grocery lists. We feel financially prepared for the first few years of living as a couple and don't plan on having kids until we are settled in our careers. We have thoroughly discussed what we want in our lives: how we want to raise our kids, where we want to end up living, what we want in our careers, etc. We understand that marriage will not be all sunshine and rainbows and that there will be challenges that we will have to work through together. We don't see a point in waiting to start our lives together when we know that we will be together for the rest of our lives and whatever may come after that.

  1. She is worried that extended family will not have the funds to attend both our weddings:

We are not sure that she is actually concerned that extended family will not be able to attend her wedding as she does not like most of them and told us a couple weeks ago before we were engaged that she wants a destination wedding so that less of the extended family will fly in because it will be more expensive for them.

  1. She doesn't like the way that my fiancé treats me:

My fiancé and I have always had a very joking relationship where we make fun of each other in jest in public. She takes this as him being rude or attacking me. I have personally told her that he treats me the best that I've ever been treated by any guy and it's not like the guys before him treated me badly, they just didn't treat me in the way I deserved and he does and so much more. He is the kindest, funniest, caring, understanding, and driven person I have ever met in my entire life and I have no doubt that he will make an amazing husband and father. Yes, we have had our fair share of problems, but we have always been able to work through them without diminishing our love for each other in the process.

We are trying to handle the whole situation maturely, but we only have so much patience. How can we help her understand our reasons for getting married? Are we assholes if we don't push our wedding back again for her?


r/TwoHotTakes 14h ago

Advice Needed AITA for telling my friend not come to the bachelorette with her baby

2.4k Upvotes

I'm going to a bachelorette this weekend for a high school friend, and the whole original HS crew is attending (8 total girls). Everything has been very normal until yesterday - we received a text from one of the girls saying she cannot be away from her 7 mo. old baby more than 2 nights, so she'll have to bring him (We are all staying in the same Airbnb). The group chat was DEAD silent for a couple of hours until I chimed in and said "I think it's best you stay home... I don't think a bachelorette is any place for a baby" and directly following I was told I was "bold" and "too harsh" because the bride was OK with it...

I think this whole situation is bizarre... we are going to be taking tequila shots and going bar hopping with a newborn? What do we do during the day when he needs to nap or if he cries all night?

so... AITA?


r/TwoHotTakes 8h ago

Advice Needed Am I wrong for not wanting anyone to kiss our baby?

407 Upvotes

Hi! My son was born 3 weeks early and had to stay in the NICU for 1 month due to his breathing and lungs being underdeveloped. I was diagnosed with PPA and PPD and currently seeing a therapist. I have always had this agreement with my husband that we don’t want anybody to kiss our baby anywhere on the face (meaning not on the cheeks, forehead, lips, anywhere). We do not kiss him either. I would love for my son to meet his great grandma but according to family, regardless if I ask her to not kiss the baby, my wishes will not be followed as this greatgma would never listen to anybody and will do whatever she wants. My husband’s cousin said that a little kiss wouldn’t hurt the baby, but this is the only thing I’m requesting of them. Kissing is how you pass diseases to a baby with little to no immune system and even with immune system, you can pass hsv1 this way which is fatal to babies. I feel so so bad and feel guilty — I wanna give in and just let it happen but I know I’ll regret it and have resentment towards people that’s been making me feel like I’m being irrational. What should I do? I’m in a bind here. Am I wrong for my request???

Sorry if my grammar sucks. English is not my first language.


r/TwoHotTakes 8h ago

Advice Needed Am I the asshole for not letting my mom meet my baby?

300 Upvotes

I (f21) gave birth almost 6 months ago and my mom has yet to meet my baby. My mom (f44) and I have NEVER gotten along. My brother was the only boy so he was her favorite and got better treatment than both my sister and I. My sister was the smart/talented one and her and my mom got along pretty well despite my brother being her #1 lol. Then there’s me. I am not talented or smart or anything special, I’d like to think I’m kinda funny though.

Anyways, I’ve always felt like my mom treated me unfair all the time but she would deny it constantly. It even got to a point where my tia (moms sister), brother, sister, and step dad pulled her to the side and talked to her about how she treated me but she would deny everything. Until one day she finally admitted it and word for word she said “oh my fucking God my name I’m sorry I treated you unfair okay?!? I’m sorry I did it because I just can okay?!” She was crying and pissed off when she said that to me cause I kept asking her why she doesn’t come to my room to say goodnight and hangout but she does it with my other siblings. I had always stayed in my room cause I can tell my mom didn’t want me around but after that I didn’t even bother coming out for dinner.

So many things happened after that but fast forward to me getting married and having a baby years later (I love my life so much now!!) When I gave birth my husband and I didn’t want parents to be there (at the time there were issues with both sides of the family but we had just started making amends w/ my in-laws & I just didn’t want my parents there because my mom is mean to me) and my husband was the only one allowed in the room. After I had her my in laws bought me self care and hugged me told me how proud they were of me and stayed for hours helping both of us out and got us food. My mom on the other hand wanted to be the last one there and wanted everyone to leave when she arrived (she doesn’t get along with my in-laws).

Visiting hours were almost up and my mom wasn’t even on her way and I was exhausted cause I just gave birth that morning and just told her to come tomorrow. She told everyone that I didn’t want her around. The next day comes and she gets off early (11am) cause it’s a Friday and I get nothing from her. Finally when she does respond hours later (I was packing to leave the hospital) she tells me it’s just her and she dropped off my little sister (step dad and her daughter) at her cousins house even though she knew how bad wanted her to meet my baby. She said she took so long to respond because she “forgot”. I couldn’t answer cause I was on my way home and I didn’t want any visitors cause we were going to quarantine yet I told her we will go over to her house and let them meet the baby. She ignores me. Turns out she told my brother that I’m ignoring her and I’m lying on her to make her look bad. She also said she needs to “protect my fucking peace” like as if my daughter is just nothing but problems. My brother called her out and told her he knew she was lying and she got upset with him and hung up. I sent a message to her and basically said “if you didn’t want to meet her fine. But don’t fucking lie about it to make yourself look good. You treated me like shit for all these years but my daughter? Absolutely fucking not. I’m going to let you sit in this shit instead of constantly letting you back in my life and I don’t wanna hear shit about how you wish things were different.” There was more but it’s a lot lol.

Now 6 months later my sister visited me yesterday and mentioned how my mom wanted to meet my daughter (she wasn’t pressuring me or anything) but I made it clear my mom wasn’t meeting her. Am I being harsh?


r/TwoHotTakes 3h ago

Advice Needed Am I being delusional for wanting my husband to stay home?

63 Upvotes

Okay, so tonight myself F (28) and my husband M (28) (we have been married for 2 years and together for 6) were scheduled to have a friend of mine and her husband round for dinner. Our daughter 19 months had a temperature last night and seems to have a cold. She’s very sniffly and has a temperature and when our daughter is unwell she wants to be held near constantly by myself and is very whingey and upsets easily (understandably so). With this is mind my husband suggested that we should cancel dinner tonight if she is still unwell by midday. I agreed, I think it is unwise to have people around if she isn’t herself, as she needs our attention and it wouldn’t be fair to potentially let our guests catch a cold/would be unfair to our daughter to not put her first and be available 100% to care for her. However, my husband then said, within seconds of suggesting we cancel the dinner.

‘If we are postponing dinner, and obviously I’m not pushing that. Fitstop has a trivia night on that I’d like to go to instead‘

My logic is, if our daughter is unwell enough for us to cancel dinner with friends, and a handful as he knows, he shouldn’t be making other plans to go out to trivia with his fitness group and leave me home alone with a sick child?

He should be staying home with us and helping out right?

I said I would prefer if he stayed home and helped. He said he would come home early and help tidy the house clean and feed her and then go out for the evening, but I said that wasn’t the point, it was more that I would prefer he be home and help out?

He hasn’t been to one of his fitness groups socials since December last year due to his own work commitments, which I sympathise with. But he works out 2-4 nights a week and goes to a trading session most a unday mornings with them, which I understand isn’t a social but he still gets to see them there.

I’m currently 6 weeks pregnant and going through significant fatigue, I’m studying to be a nurse and the past 2 weeks I’ve been on hospital placement shift working and I’m really burnt out, I feel like if wasn’t experiencing pregnancy fatigue, or had a really hard week I would maybe be okay with it, but my husband thinks I’m being unreasonable by asking him to stay home and says I’m delusional for thinking he isn’t putting me first by going out instead of staying home.

So I’m asking reddit to provide an opinion on this situation, am I being delusional by feeling that my husband should stay home?


r/TwoHotTakes 15h ago

Advice Needed I’m a full grown adult but my parents want to control my sex life

233 Upvotes

I’m (F28) and grew up Mormon. I no longer attend or hold the same beliefs but the rest of my family does, especially my parents. If you know anything about the Mormon religion then you know how weirdly important sexual purity is to them. I grew up learning the whole “chewed gum” analogy in church.

Well I was sexually pure with my faithful Mormon husband who I was married to for 7 years until I got a divorce 5 months ago due to me not believing in the religion anymore. Soon after the divorce was final I went a little manic and got on the dating apps. I ended up sleeping with a couple different guys right away. Yes it was probably too soon but I never got to have a “wild” phase growing up. I recently met a guy who I really like and we decided to be exclusive. We’ve known each other for about 3 months now. While I met him at a weird time in my life I feel really happy and secure now. He’s a great guy and really cares about me.

So here’s the weird part… my parents live 20 minutes away from my house. I try to see them every couple weeks but they’ve been pretty weird ever since I left Mormonism. My mom has a cousin who is my neighbor. Well apparently this cousin spotted me in my yard with the guy I’ve been dating and CALLED MY MOM to ask if there’s been someone hanging out with me. I know this information because my parents sat me down last week and gave me “the talk” about sexual purity, the law of chastity, not having sex outside or marriage, drinking, and every other thing that disappoints them about me. They asked me to spend more time with them even though I come over every couple weeks and talk in our family group chat every day. It was a brutal discussion and they let me know how disappointed they were and seemed disgusted. They also said they see his car at my house quite often. I felt so much guilt and shame after this, even though I don’t believe sex outside of marriage is wrong. Now I feel like our relationship is doomed when it comes to my family. I am very upset with my parents but feel so conflicted and can’t shake the feeling of guilt. Where do I go from here? How can I make sure they don’t automatically hate him if I ever feel comfortable with them meeting? How can I feel comfortable with them meeting?


r/TwoHotTakes 14h ago

Advice Needed Aita for telling my trans friend to quit her job

135 Upvotes

I (27)F work for a mail delivery service and on my route I pick up and drop off at a small family owned office supply store, I always love going there because the girls that work there are so sweet and give me snacks and seeing them is the highlight of my day! The other morning I had just got to work and my coworkers were talking about how the owner of the supply store I deliver too told them one of the girls that work there was trans, I had no idea, she’s never brought it up, which I don’t really think she needs to in my opinion, my coworkers are older men and they where saying really disgusting things about her.. When I got to the store on my route I walked in, and the owner of the store was TELLING A CUSTOMER, about how Lizzy was trans. The customer was a man and he was very angry and disrespectful when he heard this.. lizzy is on vacation and has know idea any of this is being said and I’m honestly scared for her safety.. in my opinion she need to leave this job and maybe press charges? Would I be an asshole for telling her any of this?


r/TwoHotTakes 16h ago

Advice Needed Wanting to end a relationship with kids are so hard, need some real advice.

168 Upvotes

36m been with my gf for almost 10 years 33f. We have a 5yr son and 10month daughter together. Our relationship has diminished so much that we have sex only once a couple of months, no real affection, and I sometimes hate her. I hate her sometimes because I feel like because we have kids I cannot leave her and she holding me back from true happiness.

I feel like we are good parents but not compatible for each other. I am sure she may feel the same way. We are not married but I am so scared to leave her because our kids. My parents left me when I was 15 and I had a kid when I turned 18 - from another girl. I was into the wrong crowd and went to prison for 5 years. Most nights in prison my heart hurted so bad because my son was without me. I felt like shit. I was doing everything I promised myself I wouldn't do to my kids.

Fast forward to now, I am in the same crap. If I leave her then the kids will probably only see me on the weekends and I can't have that. I love love seeing them fall asleep and after work. Their innocent faces brings me so much joy. I am honestly numb with my gf. I care for her because we been through alot and have kids but I know I am not in love with her.

I do not know what to do. I will not have a affair because that's not the man I want to be but I also want to love and have a best friend. I make a good living and work remotely. A bad part of me wants to travel the world and sleep with various women, something like the movies, if I leave her. Another part of me wants to have a loving beautiful family I can come home to every night.

And I am aware that another woman may not bring me wholeness, fulfillment, true love , etc., but right now I am definitely not having that. I also thought about giving my all and trying hard with her to rekindle our love. But I pull and she pushes until I am drained. Then, I got into deep depression and hate her. Days later we sweep it under the rug. I don't know what to do and don't have much true friends to talk to.


r/TwoHotTakes 3h ago

Advice Needed Do I have a reason to be upset over my dad and his wife showing favoritism to my niece?

13 Upvotes

This might be a little long, so I am sorry in advance. This is a throw away account. Some family members know my username and use Reddit so I am using a different account that I made to write this.

My daughter ‘8/F’ is going to summer school this month. I have a niece ‘5/F’ that is going as well. My sister ‘21/F’ hasn’t been taking her since she doesn’t want to make the drive. She lives with her boyfriend and the drive is about 25 minutes one way. She uses our dad’s address for her to go to that school district.

I was in the pickup line and saw my niece. I saw my dad’s wife (let’s call her Amy) a few cars back and knew she was picking her up. My daughter came to the car first and got in. my daughter saw Amy and asked if she could give her a hug, but she already asked me to pull to the front to talk so I did.

I got back in the car and my daughter proceeded to ask if she could stay the night since my niece (let’s call her Lydia) was staying the night. I did not see the big deal of it because they both have to be there at the same time the next day and it’s summer school. She asked and they told her no because it would be to much to get both of them asleep and layed down at a good time. I understood that completely and explained it to my little one.

The next day comes, and my daughter comes out of the school and said “lydia wasn’t at school today, can I please call papa” I said sure and dialed the number and handed her the phone. He did not answer, but he called back within the first five minutes and she asked why she wasn’t at school. My dad ended up telling her that they took her with them for the day to his wife’s hometown to visit some of her family.

She hung up the phone and handed my phone back and did not say a word. She was visibly upset so I asked her why she was crying. She told me that they lied to her and only wanted to take Lydia with them like they always do. I did not call my dad back and I told her it was OK and tried to cheer her up and drove home.

I was pretty shocked he did not call back since she hung up on him. A few hours later, he called back to see if she wanted to come hang out for the day tomorrow. She heard me talking to him and asked if she could talk so I gave her the phone. He asked her if she wanted to come over and spend the day over there tomorrow and she asked if she could stay the night that night and she was told no again. She said Lydia is staying another night and she said it wasn’t fair that she always gets told no. I get not wanting a bunch of kids at your house so I’m still being understanding at this point and I’m telling her that she can in the next few weeks.

Before hanging up the phone with him, he told me that she stayed the night last weekend and that’s when I told him that Lydia did also. I reminded him that he told her no and she ended up coming later that night because Amy felt bad and she picked her up on her way home from work.

He brushed over what I said and just said that she can come tomorrow and she could play with Lydia and mentioned another little girl. I asked him if they were having company and that was when he told me that his wife wanted one of her other grandkids to stay the night since she doesn’t see her often. That is when I spoke up.

I told him If they had this planned they should have just spoken up and said something to me instead of lying to her to protect her feelings. He said they did not lie and was brushing the subject off and going back to saying she can come over tomorrow to play with Lydia and Gracie (other grandchild).

I said that it wasn’t fair to tell Kinsley no all the time but Lydia is always over there and is always out doing things with them. He told me that they were tired and had an hour drive back and he already said she could tomorrow. I told him that she was told no the night before and now she was told no again but they were letting Lydia stay another night and more children were coming over so I thought that they were doing her pretty crappy.

I told him it wasn’t right to tell her no and now another child is staying the night after she was told no because they were tired and they had a full house. He ended up feeling bad and saying he would come get her and that made her happy. Amy messaged me and said she could stay but they had a full house, but it would be fun. I said to my dad said to her because I was trying to stick up for my little one instead of them always slapping a bandage over everything.

A little information on Lydia is that my sister had her young and dad is completely out of the picture because my sister doesn’t want him around. My sister does not work and she isn’t responsible when it comes to her kid. Yeah, she takes care of her and what not but when it comes to taking her to school, buying school clothes, school supplies, or just anything that has to do with responsibility, she put it off on my dad and his wife. They act like it is a big inconvenience for them and they can’t keep doing it, but they will not tell her no and they say if they don’t do for Lydia, then she will go without. I wasn’t trying to be harsh when I said this, but I told them that just because Lydia doesn’t have her dad in the picture that doesn’t excuse them from treating both girls equally and stop showing favoritism because it is affecting my little one and she is starting to see. Lydia has a village around her and she has never gone without and when she is with her mom she is taken care of except they just don’t like how she isn’t responsible when it comes to certain priorities.

Anyways back to the issue, She got super defensive and was telling me she does not see Gracie that often and she would never tell her other grandbabies know since she doesn’t see them often. She proceeded to tell me that my little one deserves to know the truth, and she should never be lied to but she would have never known about Gracie staying unless someone rubbed it in her face. Little did she know, it was my dad that said something to her about it. She kept going on and then said my daughter was being influenced instead of being spoken to truthfully. She said my assumptions were wrong and off and I have no idea the reasons for what they do. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH GRACIE!

This next part really made my blood boil. She then proceeded to say “ you will never trust us or see our hearts if you don’t seek some therapy. My fear… it’s being passed onto your daughter because of your lack of healing from whatever you’re carrying”.

I snapped. I have opened up to her before about how I always felt like my parents showed favoritism toward my sister and how it would always upset me. When Lydia was born and when she got older she was shown favoritism. I understood because she was the youngest. I felt like she uses what I say to her and makes smart remarks about my “childhood trauma”. I don’t know if I am just being overdramatic or what, but all I was trying to do was advocate for my daughter when it came to Lydia. None of this had to do with Gracie.

I was trying to advocate for her and for her feelings. She misunderstood everything I said, and kept making it about the other kid coming over. I explained everything that happened that day and told her she needs to take some sort of accountability. I was petty right back I admit it. I told her my fear was that she was pushing all her first marriage trauma onto me and that she lost control with her own child so she is trying to make up for it by telling me how to raise my own my own. This woman is constantly diagnosing me and my siblings and makes those smart ass remarks all the time and this just so happened to make me snap.

Now she is on her Facebook making posts about no matter how badly someone treats you don’t ever dropped to their level and just walk away. She wrote that she is confident with who she is and all she does with her walk with Jesus. It comes natural to her and the peace will set you free and being close to Jesus is life changing. I am a Christian and I love him with my whole heart also. She told my dad I am lost with my relationship with Jesus and me not understand why they do what they do shows. It just feels very hypocritical and entitled.

Idk, maybe I am being dramatic. Am I being overdramatic with this whole situation or do I have a right to be upset? I really need an outsiders perspective on this. She truly believes I am the problem.

Again, I’m so sorry it’s so long.

.


r/TwoHotTakes 1d ago

Listener Write In AITAH for secretly using gentle parenting methods on my partner

513 Upvotes

This is so funny to me mostly because IT WORKS. My partner and I are both F in our 20s. We’re both neurodivergent, and I’ve found that she has a lot of demand avoidance. If I ask her or tell her to do something directly, she huffs or doesn’t want to do it, etc and it can put her in a mood for a while afterwards.

I’ve started using gentle parenting methods on her by offering two choices to her. “Hey honey! Do you want to either a)do the dishes right now so it’s done or b) do them after we watch an episode of our show?”, for example. This is working surprisingly well and her reactions are much more positive overall.

I feel like she may be a bit mad if she found out I’m using gentle parenting methods on her, but hey it works, and it’s made our communication better! I don’t believe it’s doing any harm, but a small part of me wonders if this is being manipulative somehow-even though it’s with good intentions..?

AITAH?

Edit: A couple common things in the comments - 1) I’m afraid to tell her this is the intention because I worry she’ll start to interpret it as a demand moving forward(I know she can’t help how her brain works but it’s tricky to navigate when she immediately associates demand with negativity) 2) I don’t ever “demand” in my opinion, it’s how she perceives it. Even requests such as “hey honey, can you please do the dishes?” or reminder “don’t forget to do xyz before work, please!” will trigger it. 3) I’ve only ever seen this method on gentle parenting tiktok and have never heard it by referenced by a specific name. I like the idea of just calling it an accommodating communication style lol


r/TwoHotTakes 8h ago

Listener Write In AITA for cutting off my entire family?

20 Upvotes

This has been haunting me. I feel like I have nobody to talk to...at all. I (31F) have 3 children and am one of 8 siblings, most of which are younger than me. The background is way longer than I could give info for here. I have siblings that are younger than my own children.

My father has been married multiple times. I've always been daddy's little girl my entire life despite him choosing women over his children and allowing it to affect our father/daughter relationship for years (which is weirder and more hurtful than I can ever imagine,,, not just as a daughter, but as a parent). I could go on and on about the trauma up to this point and what I've put up with (no SA or physical trauma from him), but the amount of mental and emotional anguish is unlike anything that can be explained.

He has trained all of us, all of his kids, to have his back and to lie for him whenever it suits the situation. It has been going on our entire lives after he divorced my mother, his first wife. He is the textbook definition of what a psychologist would probably tell me to go no contact with- (yes, I have an appt with mine). I know the background is too vague, I am sorry. Just know there has been an extreme amount of manipulation that has occurred for years and years. I am FINALLY seeing the other side of it.

Let's skip to Father's Day. Not only did my dad try to fight my fiancé for saying something he didn't want his own fiancée hearing (another one of his lies) and something completely innocuous, I had to physically insert myself in between them to keep it from escalating. Somehow, my fiancé kept his cool and had a conversation with my dad after. I was fully prepared to leave. We stayed. Big mistake.

My father and his fiancée argued outside for a moment. I have a baby sister (one of the many siblings mentioned) and she is the youngest of all. My dad was holding her as they argued. She was visibly upset. Not only am I her sister. I am a mother myself and know how detrimental it is for children to witness that.

It took maybe ten seconds before he fully realized I had grabbed her and kindly announced "Hey, I'm going to take her in to play so you two can work this out". Either the drinking or the ego got in the way. He grabbed my arm so hard I have fingerprint bruises almost a week later. I had to hurry and pass my baby sister off and tell everyone to get away. MY FATHER charged at me ready to punch me in the face before his fiancée grabbed him from behind and saved me from getting knocked out. He was an inch and a second away from knocking me out had she not saved me.

Cops came because a neighbor called. Long story short- brothers did whatever dad said to do. His fiancée and I didn't even write a statement let alone press charges despite them having enough evidence. Why let him win again? Who knows. So his life isn't ruined I guess. Let's just say he is very successful. I told them what happened so his fiancée did not get a domestic charge for marks on his neck for pulling him away from me and saving me. I simply said he needed to be told to leave so my baby siblings weren't around it the whole night.

At the time of the incident before anyone asks: MY children were playing with their uncles (who later claimed to see everything which was physically impossible, but we have all been trained to defend Dad). My fiancé came back maybe two minutes after it happened because I left my dad's gifts at home, and he wanted to ride his new motorcycle so went and grabbed them). After this, I immediately packed up all of our kids' stuff and got them ready to go ASAP so they wouldn't be around it. My fiancé and I are not perfect, but we CARE about what our babies see and hear. He was going to do... who knows... but I went to take bags to the car and saw the cops come up.

Since the incident, I expected the typical refusal to take accountability from my dad. What I could not believe was my brothers' reactions (specifically the 4 who are 18 and older). I was gaslighted and texted a myriad of things to try to make me believe a story- which may have worked every time before, but this one was literally against ME.

The texts I have gotten from who brothers trying to be on his good side or in his pocket are unbelievable. I spent enough time sending pictures of bruise, sharing story, etc. There is one brother who has the most to lose from my dad. I still could not have predicted how evil anyone could be. I was trying to heal while he tried to collectively turn my brothers from out of town, friends, whoever against me. They were told a completely different story before I even made it home.

I do not know what to think. I'm hurt. I've cried enough. i am done being hurt and crying. I've known who my father is. I've seen it through 2 marriages and his current relationship. I have seen it in what he does to us kids to make sure his stories are corroborated. I have now seen it against me.

I am done. I know that my brothers are in the state I was for so long where they will believe anything our father says and do anything for him. For once, I'm on the other side and finally see what it's like over here. I don't trust any of his previous stories at this point.

Regardless, I blocked all of them- my brothers included. As far as I've known and will teach my children, you are there for your siblings. The opposite happened to me.

A big part of me knows I am grieving the loss of who I tried to pretend my dad wasn't. Another part of me almost feels guilty for cutting off my brothers. They are intelligent adults. Hearing that Dad almost knocked out their sister should have caused a visceral reaction. I am honestly just beside myself.


r/TwoHotTakes 1d ago

Advice Needed I don’t trust my soon to be husband

381 Upvotes

My fiancé (28M) and I (26F) have been together for 5 years and will be getting married at the end of this year. I am madly in love with this man but tonight has shattered my heart and I feel so alone. I have no idea who I am suppose to talk to about this because I don’t want anyone to have a horrible opinion of him now.

We share our location with each other and earlier this evening he texted me saying he would be working late. I did not think anything of it and once he got home we hung out like normal, everything was great. He fell asleep on the couch so I went to our room (we live together in a house we own together) and saw his phone on the charger. I opened it and saw it was on safari and the google page read “how can I turn off my location”. My heart sank. I immediately went to wake him up and ask who he was seeing. When I woke him up from his sleep, I could visibly see his stomach move in a way that we both knew he had been caught. I begged him to tell me the truth and I was only giving him one opportunity to be honest with me.

He says he was going to get a “massage”. I am pretty sure we can all figure out what kind of massage that was going to be. I asked him why he felt he needed to hide this from me and if he could do this what else he was capable of. Turns out he is capable of much more. He slept with someone on his boys trip to Mexico in the first two weeks we started dating. Even better, it was on the night of my 21st birthday. No wonder I didn’t hear from him until 3 pm that day basically begging him to tell me happy birthday.

I don’t even know how to comprehend all of these emotions I am feeling. This is the man I am suppose to marry in a couple months in front of all of our friends and family. And you will never guess where.. that’s right, MEXICO. I feel like our whole relationship has been built on dishonesty. If he was to come back from that trip and had told me the truth would we even be here right now? Honestly, I would have dumped his ass and been on to the next. It is insane to think he cheated so quickly after asking me to be his girlfriend. It is so unfair he took that choice away from me.

I am proud of everything we built together but in my head I never knew the full him. I feel disrespected, I feel played, I feel broken. It is even harder to comprehend he has been getting these special “massages” many times over the past 5 years of our relationship. This is the first I have ever been cheated on. I also feel in my heart I forgive him, but just one of those things - forgive but never forget. I don’t know if I can ever trust him again. I still don’t know if this is everything he has done while we have been together or just the only couple things he wanted to clear off his chest. He told me he has been carrying this guilt around for the past 5 years of our relationship but I don’t see how. He has had 1800 days to tell me and slept next to me every night just fine.

I would never do that to him or honestly anyone bc I am not that kind of person. I can’t help but feel I deserved better and I deserve better!!! I keep debating if I should talk to my sister about this to at least have one person to help me get through this mess. Or should I reach out to a therapist? I have never felt so alone. Any advice?


r/TwoHotTakes 6h ago

Listener Write In My (34m) mother (54f) contacted a person I work with

12 Upvotes

Hi THT Fam!

I'm going to condense a lot of details just for post-length control, so if there is anything I mention that you need clarification on, let me know.

Back in December, my 10 year old niece was air lifted to a children's hospital due to heart failure, and soon placed on a transplant list. Niece is my mother's absolute world and heart, so this has been extremely tough on my mom. Due to...many, many reasons, my mom and I don't have the best relationship. I love her because she's my mom, but she can be a very mean, hateful person to say the least; so I've kept my distance since graduating high school, 115 miles to be precise. Prior to my niece being hospitalized, we would talk, mostly text, but pretty sporadically.

My niece has been in the hospital since the day after Christmas 2023, and since then, I've obviously been more communicative than normal so I could stay up to date. In May, one of my doctors (I manage a medical practice) put together a care package for my niece. It was an incredibly sweet thing for her to do, and my mom wanted to thank her. I offered to pass along her thanks, but she insisted on having her email to send a proper thank you. My mom has no shame, and will spend 45 minutes talking to a stranger, and will always make it about her. She has a tendency to over share and give WAY TMI. So I was obviously very hesitant to give her the email. I told her as much, also. I told her that I would give the email as long as she promised not to abuse it, or use it for anything other than saying "thank you". She acted so offended and appalled that I would even suggest that, and that she would never do anything like that. So, I gave her the email. That was about 2 months ago, at the beginning of May.

This week, while I was at work, I got a message from the same doctor.: "Insert crying laughing emojis here** I just got an email from your mother wanting to know if I would read a report if she sends you the screenshots and also she says to tell you to call her more." I was immediately SO angry, and walked back to her office to talk about it. When I got there, she pulled the email up and it filled the ENTIRE screen. I was embarrassed all over again and apologized profusely. Thankfully, the doc and I are very close, so we were able to laugh about it.

After work, I called my sister (not my niece's mother btw) to tell her about it. She had the same reaction I did, and said she would have called and unloaded on her. That was my first reaction, but once I had a second to process it, I realized that me calling her was exactly what she wanted to happen, so I didn't, and I haven't.

I'm still on the fence about whether I'm even going to acknowledge that I know what happened, or tell her how I feel. What do you think? I'm open to ANY and ALL advice. I've also scheduled and off-cycle therapy session just to talk about this.


r/TwoHotTakes 3h ago

Advice Needed AITA for not wanting to be a cash cow anymore?

6 Upvotes

I (19 F) am in the US for a short visit while exploring a possible job opportunity and getting little side jobs here and there to have some spending money/ savings while I’m here.

To make a long story short, my mom (54 F) and dad (54 M) are going through a NASTY divorce back in my home country. My dad has never had a job, so when he decided to leave he stole all the family savings, my college funds, and what little cash I had from my work there. My mom has always been the provider for the family and this divorce has been really hard on her both financially and emotionally, sometimes keeping her from making the right decisions on how to move forward with the divorce (exp. Spending money she doesn’t have but not following through with actions, etc) . Her bank account is bellow $1k at this point, I’ve given her all the money I had managed to save up while there, yet this is not enough. I came to the US with enough money to buy a plane ticket and I’m staying with friends while I got some work on the side (cleaning, cooking, etc). My mom called me in tears a couple days ago asking me for $3k to pay court fees and lawyers, leaving me with literally $0 in the bank account, she has even demanded I tell her how much money I’ve made so she can make sure I’m sending her every penny. I’d like to clarify that she is not a bad mother nor a bad person, she has always gone above and beyond for me and my siblings (I’m the youngest), we’ve had the best education in the country, but these expectations seem to all fall now only on me. Please kind people of Reddit help me move forward and help my mom without hurting my self in the process.

Side note: this job opportunity would allow me to work (legally) full time in the US, but my mom is against it…. She wants me to come back and be with her. I know I’m young but I graduated early from high school and have gone to culinary school since before I graduated.


r/TwoHotTakes 1h ago

Advice Needed Would I be the asshole if I were to cut off my friend and former boss while he is going through a tough time?

Upvotes

I am 21f and there will be a lot of background info so I will do my best to explain. I don't know his age exactly, but at least in his 40s based on what I do know, and we will go with the fake name Simon. I moved to college at 18, and I met Simon within the first few weeks. He owned a local store in town and asked about working there. I was the only employee so we agreed to store credit instead of money, so I got "free" stuff and experience while also helping out a local shop.

Simon and I became friendly where we could talk about items in the store and joke. He would ask my opinion on nerd topics (his store sold comic books so it was a regular topic of conversation between us and customers). Over time we got relatively close, but the relationship never became personal and was strictly surface level friendly. After 4 semesters of this, I gradually pieced together a bit of his personal life through small fragments of conversation. After two years I learned he had a kid, which he never mentioned until one day she was just in the store. That was about as deep as it got, as he "hid" his personal life and never brought it up.

Over winter break, unfortunately the store shut down due to poor sales. One day over break, Simon calls me (he called occasionally so unannounced calls were not unusual). The conversation was normal until he abruptly says his life is really tough. He said his wife left him and his kid to "find herself", and that they were devastated. I felt flabbergasted because I didn't know he had a wife?!? He didn't know if there was another man, but she did give him permission "to have a one night stand and sleep with other people, but he doesn't want to do that" (which was odd because our conversations had never had sexual topics before).

During the semester he calls me again to talk, and brings up more about the situation. Tells me how she is avoiding them, being rude over text, etc. He then tells me how "he really needs a female friend" and "he prefers female company" and "he just needs a positive female influence to offset her negative influence". I told Simon he doesn't need a female friend right now, what he needs is to figure out his feelings and get his situation together first before seeking companionship in other people as that then becomes him relying on someone else to fulfill his emotional needs during a difficult time rather than actually dealing with and processing his emotions. He'd always respond with "I guess that's true" but keep saying the "female friend" crap. This same type of call happened 1-2 more times before summer, and he began to tell me how he is having a hard time being without his wife and how he "can't sleep without her next to him" and he "can't breathe without her there". I learned they have been together for 12 years, and she has done this similar thing before of leaving them once or twice but had come back.

Now for the present: I was going to a store and happened to run into him standing outside, and we started chatting He asked me if I was ever interested in babysitting his kid (10f), and I agreed as I wanted to help him out knowing he was struggling. He started again to tell me about the "needing a female friend" and I again told him about how the last thing he needs is female companionship to fix the situation with his wife (should be a no-brainer). He says he is super lonely, and goes on about how difficult it is to not be able to be with the person he loves. I tried to console him by telling him that me and my boyfriend have been doing long distance for 3 years (together for 5 so he's been there during the entirety of this and has met Simon), and how I understand that feeling of being lonely but it's important to be content with being by yourself. He agrees about how it sucks and we talk about how it gets hard being lonely for so long. He then says "I would invite you over to hangout, but I respect relationships so I'm not going to do that."

This is where it hit me that things had become weird. If we were to hangout, what would be his intentions if I WEREN'T in a relationship??? The conversation ended shortly after that, and I went home. I later told my boyfriend about this, letting him know the update of the situation and how I thought that was a strange comment. Immediately he says "Yeah no. You're not talking to Simon anymore, I don't trust that guy and he needs to figure out his own problems." He thinks this whole time Simon has been trying to get me to be the "female friend" for him and "help" with his loneliness and marital issues. Now that Simon "admitted he thinks of me that way" he doesn't want me around him or to talk to Simon anymore. I agree the hangout comment is weird, but I felt that Simon was coming from a place of being hurt and so it wasn't personal. I don't want to cut him off during this tough time, and I am nervous about letting him down about babysitting if he ever needed me to. He lost his livelihood and his wife all within 6 months. In me and my boyfriend's conversation, the word grooming came up due to Simon being my parent's age, and that had never crossed my mind as our friendship stayed truly friendly up until his wife left. I know that perpetuating the situation will not lead to anything good, but I feel bad for him. I just need to know if I would be an asshole for this? And I guess some insight on the situation to see if I have been misreading this friendship for 3 years?

(P.S. My boyfriend is not controlling, just protective. I also have one more year of college, so I can't really just leave the situation.)


r/TwoHotTakes 15h ago

Advice Needed My MIL said she hates me

27 Upvotes

Me and my partner M 21 have been dating for over 2 years, when we first got together him and his mother 51 were VERY close and did everything together, this quickly became a problem in our relationship as she would involve herself in personal things between us. We have had multiple discussions about this and he agreed and tried to distance himself a little (i never pushed him into anything).

As an example when we moved out together he had seen the place i was working i had seen on video but we were desperate to have our own space so we went ahead, the day we got the keys we went to see it, he invited his mum, she pushed in front of me rummaged through the cupboards and her and her partner started pulling stuff out and claiming it as there own. This peed me off i wasnt rude but spoke to him after and explained this was supposed to be a special moment for US, i also am not close with my parents and have been very independent since i was 16.

Anyways lots of other small events happened but we moved 20 mins away and he got a busy job so there contact slowed a little which helped massively, she is still a little off with me but invited me for girls days and we got along well when over there (i am very polite and make a conscious effort to help her out). Now i have always thought she does not like me or expected there to be a conflict as MIL hates her other DIL 26 but i set firm boundaries with my partner that i was happy to see her once a week (he can as much as he wants) but didn’t want big personal details shared with her.

A couple months ago i had something awful happen to me by a supposed friend (would rather not share) and i told my boyfriend he reacted poorly but we got over it i have kept it to myself and we have worked through it. Recently his mum has made a few rude comments about me over the phone my partner said he would speak to her and he did, she got upset started crying denying she said anything and saying he has changed and thats he thinks we are making a mistake buying a house together (we are two weeks away from getting our keys, its been 10 months!!) he asked her why she said she hates me. When he came home i was working ig he spoke to his brother then spoke to me, he told me this and said that he had told her what had happened nd to me before and she used that as to why she don’t like me and she had also told his brother and multiple other members of his family, the story she told was twisted to make me look like i had cheated.

I am obviously upset at him and his mum, me and him have talked it out and he has cut contact with his mum for a while but i don’t know what to do, we have a family wedding in two days and i am so embarrassed, any advice?


r/TwoHotTakes 12h ago

Advice Needed AITA for asking my boyfriend and his family to have respect for my time?

17 Upvotes

My boyfriend ‘30 M’ and I ‘25 F’ have been together for almost 4 years in October. We have been living together for about 3 years. Two years ago I moved with him to his house in a neighboring state to mine after we lived in an apt for a year. His family has been living about an hour away from us since we’ve been together.

For the first half of our relationship, his mother, sister, and nephew (who all live together) were very involved and we saw them quite often. Once his grandparents moved in with them from down south about a year and a half ago, they stopped coming to our house as often due to the responsibility of his grandparents (since his grandfather also has dementia). His family has always done things last minute. When they would come over or when we’d come over to their house, it was usually spur of the moment. When we first moved in together we were further away, so his family did not usually make pop-up or last minute visits as often. Once we moved to his house, we lived closer, so they started stopping by more frequently.

I would usually let my boyfriend know that I prefer to know some time in advance before they come by or before we’d go out to do something. In the past he’s respected my boundaries and has told his family when it was not a good time and to let us know in advance before they visit.

My Aunt and great grandmother also moved closer to us about 2 years ago. My boyfriend does not come with me to visit them as often and when we do, he likes to leave sooner than I usually would because he says “There’s nothing to do at your Aunts house”. I’ve respected that, and when we visit we only stay for a couple hours. I tend to go visit them by myself so I can spend as much time as I want when he’s not around. My boyfriend does not visit my other family members as often due to them living further away, but we both make effort to see them when we can.

Flash forward to today, my boyfriends sister ‘37 F’ , was stopping by to drop off her son (also his nephew) ‘13 M’, because he has usually stayed at our house every other weekend or so (sometimes every other month, it really depends on the school year and such). I love when he comes over and I honestly see him as my own nephew. I also pick up my own brother ‘13 M’ up who also stays over, and they get along really well. I am usually at work when his sister drops his nephew off.

Today I am off from work because we are having a big BBQ tomorrow and his sister is dropping his nephew off to stay for the weekend. My boyfriend is at work and he told me she was dropping him off later this afternoon. Since we are planning on going out and buying things majority of the day, I asked him what time she’d get at our house. He told me that she’d probably be at our house around 5-9pm since she said she’d be there in the afternoon.

I asked him if he could ask his sister for a time frame to be sure so I could plan ahead because I also have to pick up my brother 45 minutes away. Immediately he told me that it would be around the times that he said, and since we have a electronic lock they can just let themselves in, and that is just how his family operates. I asked him is he could just shoot her a text to be sure and get a smaller window of time. After a little back and forth, he texted her asking her what time she’d be here, and she said 7-9pm, I said that’s perfect. He let me know that he was upset with me, and that I am asking him to make too many changes to how he operates with his family. He told me how his family saying the afternoon, means they would probably be at our house from 5-9, because that’s how they’ve always communicated. He told me that he felt I didn’t have enough trust in him to believe the times he told me. I told him that I just wanted a shorter time frame and to be sure what time she was actually coming because “the afternoon” is very vague. I told him that asking her to be sure, just made me feel more comfortable. Am I being unreasonable? I didn’t honestly think that this would be such a big deal.


r/TwoHotTakes 1d ago

Advice Needed AITA for telling my sister that there is nothing "positive" about her current weight

2.0k Upvotes

I know this may be triggering for some but hear me out. I 32 yo female, have notice that my sister, 29 yo female, has gained a ton of weight recently. She's always been a bit on the bigger side but never this big, she's close to 200lbs. She has embraced this. She posts on social media about how much she loves her body, she says things like " the bigger the better", posts pictures of her eating cake for dinner... and people praise her. But as usual, she leaves a lot of things out of social media. She has failed to mention that she recently got diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and is now on medicine for that. She has obstructive sleep apnea now, and has to sleep with a fucking mask to BREATHE at night. I'm worried about her. I work in healthcare, cardiology to be exact, and I've seen how obesity can lead to early heart disease. When I confronted her about this she told me I was body shaming her and that she loves her body and I should too. I told her I don't love her body, that there is nothing positive about getting diagnosed with chronic illnesses that could have been avoided, and that she really needs to make her health a priority. Maybe I was too harsh, but I'm worried she's loving the social media attention and is failing to see how unhealthy she is. AITAH for telling her that being obese is not " body positive"?

Clarification- she is 4'11 and my mom just confirmed she's actually 212 lbs. so morbidly obese. She used to weight more like 150ish.


r/TwoHotTakes 5h ago

Advice Needed need help navigating anger towards an ex-friend

3 Upvotes

Hi everyone this is a personal repost from r/ advice but i was looking for any more pointers/advice people may have since I still struggle with these sentiments even after writing them down. + also because this podcast saved me from loneliness during my trip c:

Brief rundown on what happened: I (22F) went on a 3-week grad vacation halfway across the world with my then friend (23F). I caught a cold 4 days before the flight, and after our first night at the airbnb my friend was very off - being extremely short and dry with me to the point where I cried from the passive aggressive attitude she was giving despite me asking her several times if something was wrong. I’m pretty sure she heard me crying (she insisted on sleeping with the window open, where sound travels very fast, and had the AC blasting) or at least saw my swollen eyes the next morning but even then continued to be passive aggressive. I managed to ask her if it’s better we travel alone and she said yes, and after that through messages I finally find out she’s upset because she’s getting sick (and blamed me for it even though she said herself she always gets sick after plane rides and chose not to wear a mask herself). Anyways she ignores my following messages and attempts to reconcile and to the very end of our trip never once attempts to make things better and actually responds passive aggressively at some moments lol.

Anyways i’m having troubles getting over this event and to be the least dramatic possible it was a traumatizing isolating experience as i wasn’t familiar being by myself in a completely new place with a language barrier and being unable to contact anyone consistently due to the time difference i was in (she had other friends there so i get bitter about that as well). It completely ruined my trip as i experienced depressive symptoms such as no appetite, constant anxiety (physical pain), and crying everyday. I feel like I have so much pent up anger because I was never able to properly speak with her due to her ignoring my messages. I ended up blocking her at the end of my trip in efforts of moving on. But throughout the entire time i’ve been back home (1 month) I’ve had urges to rant on social media for malicious reasons like ruining her reputation because she seems like such a bubbly person (my first impression). Based on how she’s handled situations with her ex-friends I also know that she’s made me out to be the villain to our mutual friends and it bothers me so much (i met them through her, so they’re closer).

I’ve never experienced feelings like this so if anyone has any advice on navigating through this that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.


r/TwoHotTakes 22h ago

Advice Needed Aita for leaving my partner on a sinking ship

56 Upvotes

Imma slap a trigger warning on this Also sorry in advance my punctuation game was terrible I tried to go back in and put them in but I don't wanna write a book or nothing.

Me (27M) and my partner (45f) recently broke up after we got into an argument about not doing enough together (side note we live together and work at the same company so we even see each other at work)

i asked if she was really so unhappy why is she staying and she said I love you. While that's enough for her I'm unhappy and love won't stop that from being a fact. we'd been arguing alot(I will address multiple diffrent fights as we go) for starters I recently started back up on a Hobbie I love and was really into but she hated because it required reading. (it's a card game for context) I tried going out on my own to play but she'd "have a panic attack" or cry (why not take her with me you ask she can't be around more then 6 people at a time without panicking) so I just stopped trying to go places without her.

over the last 2 years I've gotten annoyed that I can't do anything alone without an interrogation on what I did who was there was it fun next time I should take her I haven't even been able to visit my family without her. I also have to state specific blocks I'll be gone 4-6 if I ever go over she gets so mad. If it's longer then 2 hours she'll freak out.

my breaking point tho was in our bedroom I was grumpy and tired and she grabbed me and shoved her ice cold hands down my pants I told her to stop and she was breathing heavily on me it was so gross I hated I started trying to pry her hands off me while telling her to let go she laughed and said she was looking for a warm spot for her hand I started screaming at her to get the F off me and she started tearing up and rolled to the other side of the bed she cried and left the room I went to bed and started laying the groundwork to leave later that day.

when she got up she started telling me how I really triggered her rejection sensitivity and it wasn't ok. She said she was sorry for triggering my BPD I just let that slide cuz it made it easier to keep her arms length distance. I told her i wanted space and to leave me alone i went to shower as i was showering she hopped in with me for a talk she demanded to wash my back for me but i felt so violated with each touch But it made it easier to leave. As soon as she stopped i washed off and sprinted outta the shower.

she asked whats wrong and i yelled at her about not giving me space. She said "ok but you know i have rejection sensitivity." So I found someone renting a room jumped all the hoops and shot myself in the leg to take out a loan for the down payment. I signed All the paperwork on top of all that I'm also trying to help her pay rent before I leave.

I'm trying to be as kind on the way out as possible but today when I said I was leaving she started screaming how I shoulda not talked her out of killing herself then I coulda just been happy and of course I'm unhappy that's what adulting is all about.

she quickly started spewing all this bs about how I'm screwing her over and it's my fault she over extended herself because of me. And she couldnt afford the apartment without me while I love to help leave her in a better position I've paid 2600 in rent to get everything sorted. 1800 for the new place and 800 for all the bills at her place. I don't know I kinda wanna burn it all but my family is encouraging me to be as kind as possible on the clean up because it will make dividing shared assets easier.

Idk what to do anymore I'm not a billionaire or nothing so I could never actually solve this problem but it's exhausting for sure.


r/TwoHotTakes 14h ago

Advice Needed How do I (30F) express my feelings/needs to my husband (34M)without causing a fight

11 Upvotes

My husband and I have been together for 3 years, and married for about 8 months. Everything has been good, we take care of each other, make each other laugh and spend lots of time together when we can. Recently we moved into a new apartment, which has been great for the most part but it is about $500 more expensive than our last place to be in a safer and more secure building. He was on the fence about moving because of the increase but I assured him we could make it work, and we both really loved the apartment and wanted to move in so he agreed. My husband has been working a lot and under a lot of stress and pressure so I’ve been doing more around the house to help support him the best I can so there’s less on his plate. But I feel as if it’s going unnoticed and then on top of that he’s bringing a lot more work home, which is fine, I get that. But after his work is done we haven’t been spending any time actually together. He sits in front of the tv and plays video games and doesn’t pay attention to me & im starting to feel like I’m being taken for granted. I want to bring it up so badly but I feel like I can’t because in the past he gets upset because he works so hard to make money for both of us. We both work full time jobs but he makes a lot more money than I do, about double my yearly income. And because he’s gone off about this during similar arguments in the past, I know he’s going to go off about how stressed he is and the pressure and he can’t lose his job because we can’t afford to live on my money alone, and playing video games is how he wants to relax. And then he’ll go on about how I don’t appreciate how hard he works and what he does for me and for us. And once he’s done with his rant I’ll feel like I can’t say anything because I feel like he’s valid for at least wanting to relax how he wants to relax, but me feeling ignored by my husband is also valid. How can I approach the conversation without starting a fight?


r/TwoHotTakes 2h ago

Advice Needed We have a spark going on between us but she's uncomfortable due to age?

1 Upvotes

I'd like to get a woman's perspective on this.

I (23M) have only ever been with girls my age or younger. Not by choice, that's just what it is. Women older than 24 have never really given me any attention. Like most guys, I don't care about age (within legal limits of course) but it actually doesn't make sense. 18 y/o freshmen often start grabbing me at bars but 25 year olds have unironically told me that I'm still a child to them?? I know women like their age and older but I didn't realize it was such a strict dealbreaker for so many

About a month ago, I met someone at a basketball watch party. Since then we've really developed a spark. She's really cute and fun to be around. Probably the only girl I've been with who can genuinely make me laugh. She's studying sports medicine so really smart as well. The other day we randomly went out at 11:30 pm on a workday to grab smoothies and made out in my car on the edge of a cliff. It felt like a movie. I really like her, but here's the "issue"...she's 26 turning 27 later in the year. I put it in quotes because it's not really an issue for me, but for her it is.

She's told me she feels conflicted. On one hand she enjoys being around me but on the other hand it feels "wrong" to her and she worries she taking avantage of me. To top it off she keeps bringing up some point about women being a few years ahead in mental maturity so a 4 year difference is more like 7-8 or something like that. She also hasn't told any of her friends out of embarrassment.

I've told my friends; the guys are all happy for me while the girls are split. Some are happy while others can't fathom dating someone "a day younger". I keep reassuring her that it's fine and I genuinely don't feel like I'm some sort of vicim, and she'll feel better for awhile, but of course she'll later overthink and bring up the stupid already debunked point about my brain not being developed so I can't actually tell what's going on. That feels sort of insulting tbh, and the fact that she hasn't told anyone makes me feel like I'm some dirty little secret. But I still want to make it work with her.

Anyone have any experience with this? I don't really know how else to convince her.


r/TwoHotTakes 1d ago

Advice Needed I want to separate from my common law partner but he’s making it impossible

107 Upvotes

I (26f) have been trying to leave my partner (32m) on and off for YEARS now. We currently own our home together and have 3 children together, including an 8 week old baby.

Things aren’t always bad between us, he’s a good worker and loves our kids, but his expectations of me are just unrealistic and he’s unwilling to see things from a different perspective. He owns a business and works away from home frequently, leaving me home alone with our kids.

I’m currently not working so I am the primary caregiver for our children and do most of the chores around the house. Things are obviously more difficult to keep up with right now as I have a new baby to take care of on top of 2 other wild children. I try my best but I can’t do everything. He helps here and there but I ask him for specific help and he just doesn’t care to put in the effort unless it’s something he wants to do. It’s always causing fights between us because he thinks I ask too much of him.

On top of this, he has a drug problem. It’s not an addiction where he’s constantly getting high but will somehow find himself in a not so great situation, turn off his location and ignore his phone all night, all while I’m home caring for his children and wondering where he is.

He just pulled this again this past weekend and I told him he needed to leave. He refused. He claims he has nowhere to go and can’t afford rent on top of our other bills. We have absolutely no family near by so my only option is to take all the kids to my moms, 4 hours away from where we live which also means I have to take my kids out of school and daycare, plus all of their extracurricular activities.

I’m at a loss. I really don’t want to live with my mom for many reasons but I feel it’s unfair to take my kids away from their whole life here just so their dad can live alone in our house. But he won’t leave no matter what I say. He keeps his distance for a day or two after one of these big episodes and then tries to play nice again so I forget about what happened. I’m tired of the same things happening over and over again.

I honestly feel like being married would make this easier so I could just serve him divorce papers. Is there anything similar for common law couples? I’m in Ontario. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so unhappy I just can’t bear the thought of leaving everything behind 😢