r/TwoHotTakes Apr 06 '24

Advice Needed Am I the asshole for how I responded to a love letter?

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21.6k Upvotes

I 22F had received a love letter from a co-worker 43M, and I was wondering if I’m the asshole for how I responded. Some have said that I was out of line and over reacted and that I was an asshole for saying what I did, while others are on my side and agree with how I handled the situation.

Just a little back ground I have worked at said company for 3 years and he has worked there for almost a year. I have only had about 5 conversations with him that have only lasted around 5-10 minutes each retaining to work related things only and never about our personal lives.

He has expressed wanting to hang out with me outside of work but I had told him I’m pretty busy outside of work as I am still in school. He also had gone to a couple other co-workers that know me from outside of work and had pressed them for any personal information about me to give to him (They did all decline).

r/TwoHotTakes 21d ago

Advice Needed My fiance just confessed to being in love with my little sister

12.2k Upvotes

I've (26f) been with my fiance, Rose (27f) for the past nine years. We met in our freshman year of college and went on only three dates before we decided to make things official.

Rose proposed to me in July of the last year after getting my parents' blessing and did so with all of my family present.

Rose gets along with all of my family, but she's particularly close with my little sister, Aru (18f) who adores her since my fiance has similar interests as her and has one of her dream jobs (she's a software developer)

They go out on shopping trips, have spa days, trips to the movie theater, and museum, and Rose never fails to spoil Aru by getting her limited edition versions of her favorite books and the newest video games.

Rose has joked in the past that Aru is her favorite out of everyone in my family and that she was one of the best perks that come with being with me.

Two weeks ago, Rose had her bachelorette trip in Miami. Ever since then, she had been acting off. Just plain distant, distracted, and lost in her thoughts. I was scared that she got cold feet but didn't want to push her into talking about it.

The other night, Rose sat me down and told me that she was going to tell me something deeply important and possibly relationship-ruining.

She said that she would accept any decision made in terms of what she was about to tell me, which included leaving her.

Essentially, Rose realized during her bachelorette trip that she's been in love with Aru for a while now due to how much she missed her and wanted to see her. It far outweighed how much she missed me, and she even had multiple dreams about her during the trip. The implication being that they were wet dreams.

Rose thinks that it started around when Aru was sixteen and tried to reassure me that she didn't have those kinds of feelings for anyone else around Aru's age, that they were only for her.

She said that while she is in love with Aru, her love for me is stronger and she hoped that if I decided to stay with her, we'd be able to get past this with time.

At the end of it all, I just told her it was best that she stayed at her mom's place for the time being while I thought things over. To her credit, Rose stayed true to what she said and just packed a bag before leaving.

I got a call in the morning from her mom, demanding to know why I kicked her daughter out. Rose's mom is fiercely protective of her since her ex-husband, Rose's dad, kicked Rose out when she was fourteen and disowned her after she came out to him as a lesbian.

I just told her it was a personal matter, and that Rose would tell her what happened herself if she wanted to. I hung up before her mom could get another word in.

I haven't told Aru or my mom and dad what happened yet. I don't even know how to break this to them.

As for Rose, I know the logical and right thing to do is break up with her, but I still love her to death and don't know how to go on without her being in my life.

Edit: Just added my sister's age.

Edit: Aru is our maid of honor but she wasn't at the bachelorette party.

Edit: So you guys can stop asking, Aru is bi.

r/TwoHotTakes Mar 31 '24

Advice Needed My (35F) wife said I (37M) can go 'see a hooker' if I want sex

13.2k Upvotes

We've been married for 8 years and together for 12. We always had a really good sex life until our child was born 3 years ago.

I of course understand that sex life is not going to be the same after a child, especially since we don't have any family in this country. She also went through some terrible PPD which we worked on overcoming together. For the first 18 months after our child was born we had no sex.

In the past 18 months, her PPD has improved and we make it a point to get a babysitter and go on at least one date a month. We also had sex occasionally, like once in a couple of months. Again, no complaints from me. I love her and understand she might need time.

We went on vacation last week after her parents agreed to babysit during their visit here. She was super excited and said she couldn't wait to be with me and for us to have, in her words, a lot of sex again. It was a 3 day vacation and on the first night she said she didn't feel like it. The second night too, she said nope not feeling it. I was a bit disappointed which she picked up on immediately. She asked what's up and I said nothing and let's watch TV. Then she says "You know I've changed. I don't know when I'm going to want to have sex like before again. If you want sex, go see a hooker I don't care".

I was taken aback and said I would never do that! She said okay whatever and was visibly upset for the rest of our trip. We got back yesterday and she said she didn't want to talk about it.

I'm kinda sad and want to convey to her that I love her and don't see her just for sex. I told her as much but she didn't seem to think it was genuine. Is there a way I can handle this better?

r/TwoHotTakes Apr 03 '24

Advice Needed Update: My girlfriend dumped me after I told her I needed Viagra

11.7k Upvotes

I posted a couple of days ago about how I was nervous to tell my girlfriend I might need Viagra. It didn't turn out well.

We met last night at her place and as expected, things happened and we were going to have sex. We had great foreplay but when the time came, I could not stay hard. After 5 minutes of disappointment, I told her I've had this issue in the past and if she gave me 30 min, I could take some Viagra and be ready to go.

She flipped out and said it was super weird that I needed it at this age. She also said it's a health risk and can affect my heart and she doesn't want to be with someone who can drop dead any minute from a heart condition. She then also made some mocking comments about how embarrassing it must be for me. And then she said she couldn't go out with someone like me.

So..that ended pretty quickly. On to the next one I suppose while I try and build back my confidence.

Edit: Since people have asked and I should have mentioned it

  1. I'm 31 years old, she's 29
  2. My mother and sister died in an accident 3 years ago. This caused me (and still does) stress and trauma which led to the ED. I was fine before.
  3. I hadn't had sex for 2 years prior to yesterday. I thought I could do it without the viagra.
  4. I'm in therapy and continuing to get better

r/TwoHotTakes 22d ago

Advice Needed I’ve (F25) found shit stains in my boyfriend’s (M28) underwear multiple times... how do I approach this without causing tension?

6.7k Upvotes

i (25 female) and my boyfriend (28) have been together for six years. over this past year our intimate life has severely declined. The main issue I’m having is his hygiene. I personally am an extremely hygienic person. I shower every morning and every single night and I have a strategic body care and skin care routine. (Not saying i wash my hair twice a day- im talking about a quick rinse off in the shower)

My boyfriend showers maybe once every other day and really only brushes his teeth for a quick minute before bed without flossing or using mouth wash. I also often find his poop stained underwear on the floor of our bedroom and bathroom.

I believe I might even have a little bit of OCD when it comes to personal hygiene as I really overthink about germs and what not. (I work in medical so hygiene is extremely important) I’m finding it really difficult to be intimate with him when I’m worried about his bad hygiene affecting mine (poop getting on me) and it’s also really hard to be attracted to someone when there are odors.

I love him to death and he’s such a good man, but it’s really starting to bother me. I haven’t really brought it up because I don’t want to hurt his feelings. It also is a major turn off to me to have to lecture him on how to wipe properly. I need some advice on how to kindly bring this up without making him feel bad.

EDIT*

More information/ answering some questions:

I notice the poop stains on probably 8/10 pairs of his underwear

I just ordered a bidet. im hoping when it arrives that will spark up a conversation . I have put baby wipes on top of the toilet paper roll several times but he doesn’t use them.

I’ve noticed the poor hygiene this past year when we moved in together. He isn’t a big guy but he is very hairy. I dont think hair should be an excuse for not wiping properly though.

I do not do his laundry at all. He just leaves the underwear on the floor until he’s ready to do his laundry and thats why i see them

To the few people suggesting getting him black underwear??? That would just hide the problem?

To the person that said i am over the top— How is practicing good hygiene over the top? I never said my routine was 1 hour. Id say i spend about 20 minutes morning and night cleaning myself ( shower, oral care and skin care) Oral care should be done morning and night definitely not every now and then. I work in medical so i am constantly exposed to germs and find it really important to stay hygienic.

r/TwoHotTakes Apr 13 '24

Advice Needed My daughter tore apart my fiancée's wedding dress, ending our engagement. I've grounded her until she's 18, imposed strict limitations on her activities, and making her work to contribute to expenses

7.1k Upvotes

This is more of an off my chest post. I am not looking for advice but welcome some given with empathy and understanding in mind.

I (42M) have a 16 year old daughter “Ella”. 6 months ago, because of her, my partner “Chloe” (36F) ended our engagement.

To give some context, before my partner (now ex) was in my life, I was married to my late wife. For around 1.5 years, she was in a vegetative state and I had already grieved her death before she even passed on. Accepting her death was something I had already prepared ahead of time and I dipped my feet in the dating market 6 months after. I met my lovely partner, “Chloe” who also had a daughter from her first marriage and after dating for a year, I proposed to her. I was ecstatic to be with the love of my new life. Ella, not so much. Chloe tried to bond with Ella and did everything possible to make her feel like a welcome presence in her life. Ella wasn’t thrilled and had routinely messed with Chloe, such as guarding her mother’s territory, having an attitude when I got Chloe gifts, hid her stuff and generally becoming over-rebellious. It used to cause fights between Chloe and I, who felt that I should be able to discipline her appropriately so that it doesn’t impact our relationship.

Ella completely lost her mind when she heard I was marrying Chloe. Eventually a few weeks after that, she accepted it and Chloe even made her a bridesmaid. Because of this, she had access to Chloe’s wedding prep stuff and 3 days before the wedding, EDIT: Chloe had assigned Ella the duty to get her adjusted dress picked up from the tailor’s as she had lost some weight from the time initial measurements were taken.

To Chloe’s horror, Ella had completely ruined the dress on purpose and admitted as such. There were fabric patches missing, stains from coffee and almost looked like a dog chewed on the damn thing. Chloe broke down and called off the wedding. She didn’t speak to me for a whole week and went out of town and I frantically tried contacting her wishing we would work things out. When Chloe met me for the final time, she told me that she wants to end our relationship because she has unknowingly ignored a lot of red flags from the kind of behaviour I let go (from my daughter). Chloe said she cannot put up with this level of disrespect her entire life. I begged and pleaded and even promised I will send her to boarding school but she did not listen to me.

I was furious at my daughter for meddling in my relationship and completely tearing it apart like she did with my lovely fiancée’s dress. I grounded her until she turns 18 years old (at the time she was turning 16). She is now to come home straight from school, not allowed to have any relationships - she had no problem ruining my relationship and she doesn’t deserve one until she is old enough to consent, no trips, no social media, nothing. Ella’s then boyfriend also dumped her once he learned what she did (he was also a part of the wedding guest list). I even put restrictions on internet usage and she only is allowed one electronic - that is her desktop computer for school. I took her smartphone away and gave her a basic sim phone instead. She is also to work at a diner right across from the street and pitch in to household bills and groceries as a part of her sentence.

If she proves herself worthy, I promised to cover a part of her college tuition.

To address one more thing about grief counselling, yes my daughter was completing a program through her school’s health and counselling services however she left that midway and when I tried to convince her to go through it again, she rebelled, saying that they are simply getting her to accept the unacceptable in her life - which referred to Chloe. I even managed to convince her to try 3 more psychiatrists, but she did not want to engage with any after that. I couldn’t force her to do therapy if it made her uncomfortable so I didn’t enforce it. I regret doing that really. Had I been stern enough, I would have introduced consequences if she did not put effort into working on herself in therapy.

My daughter cries to me every day to reduce her sentence and let her live and lead a normal life but I refuse. She took the one good thing in my life away from me. And I feel horrible still and cannot stop missing Chloe. I wish she’d just come back. I feel so ANGRY at my daughter still and can’t stop resenting her. I cannot find it in me to forgive her

EDIT: I didn’t seem to imply that my daughter isn’t a part of the good things in my life. Clearly I misconveyed in my post. Here is what I said to her:

“Ella, I was in a very dark place from witnessing your mother’s death. It was extremely tough for me to lose my partner. And then, I had a good thing going on in my life. It felt wonderful, I had hope. And in your selfishness, pettiness and stubbornness, you took that one good thing away from me and I can not forgive you for that”

r/TwoHotTakes Mar 07 '24

Advice Needed My husband secretly gave my HS son’s weed vape back.

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14.2k Upvotes

My HS son is getting F’s, has no motivation, no job and hangs in his room gaming all day.

My husband used to do the same thing in HS. He stopped once he met me and he’s always known how much I’m against it.

We caught him with a bunch of vape pens and all the stuff all hidden 2.5 months ago and took it from him. We told him if he didn’t have a clean drug test he’d lose his car.

My daughter got in trouble today for something dumb, he took her phone. She got so mad she blurted out my son told her my husband gave him the weed vape back right after we took it. She asked him about it and my husband said, “you tell your mom and it means no Bahamas.” (We have a trip coming up.)

I confronted my husband as he’s lied to me for 2.5 months and he could care less. Says he’s never cared. Doesn’t even apologize for lying. Like we had conversations about watching for this again and he agreed while knowing he was still smoking.

r/TwoHotTakes Apr 08 '24

Advice Needed Girlfriend said something that made me feel weird

7.9k Upvotes

I (24M) have been saying this girl (21F) for about a month. It’s been great she stays over at my house all the time. Sex is great. But the other day she seen a cringe video of like Logan Paul or someone doing the carpool karaoke. And she said “ I hate white people. Like dude the song is by a black guy leave it alone. Gotta make every situation uncomfortable lolol”. When she said it I fell quiet. I was uncomfortable because I am, in fact, white. When I told her that it made me uncomfortable, she basically said ‘you can’t be racist towards white people. well anyways you know what I mean, besides you’. I ended up breaking up with her because it was just so weird to hear. And she texted me saying I was over reacting and doubled down on the you can’t be racist to white people.

I guess I’m just looking for a lil validation, was I wrong and she was just making a joke? Or was it actually kinda f’d up to say ?

A lil background she was adopted from Vietnam when she was a baby and has been in the US ever since.

r/TwoHotTakes Apr 25 '24

Advice Needed My ex-husband called me begging me to give him his old life back

8.1k Upvotes

Throw away because he uses Reddit regularly

Forgive any grammar mistakes this may have, I grew up speaking spanish because my parents moved to the US from PR.

Me and my husband were teen parents and had our oldest daughter when I was 16 and he was 18. He and I agreed we'd get married and start a family so our daughter would grow up with both parents. I know this wasn't a good decision but at the time I truly believed we would make it work.

We have 3 kids together, 2 sons and 1 daughter. My ex lived in Boston while I and the kids were in SF while he was in college. I finished high school but didn't go to college because he said he'd like for me to be a stay-at-home wife and mom, and I agreed because I wanted us to get along at the time and trusted his judgment.

During our marriage, I did most of the housework and dealt with the kid's school stuff, extracurricular activities, play dates, etc. He was very busy during most of it. So whenever he was home, he spent the time he wasn't sleeping playing with the kids so he didn't make much time for our marriage. I tried my best to entertain him, I wanted him to be interested in me a little more, and I just wanted him to spend time with me. But he refused me most of the time because he was tired from work and other stuff. Our main issue was that he didn't do anything with the kids besides playing with them a buying them things. I was the only one enforcing some type of discipline, and he was undoing all of it. If I scolded any of our kids in front of him, he'd side with the kid and disregard me. It was very frustrating but I loved him, so I stayed. I basically spent our entire marriage trying to appease him until 2021.

In 2021, I found out he slept with a co-worker of his. He begged to go to therapy but I said no. He never believed in couples therapy up until that moment. I was depressed for months because of this. I filed for divorce a week after I found out and after a lot of resisting, he finally agreed and we had a peaceful divorce, no fighting, no threatening, no nothing. He has the kids on the weekends and I have them on weekdays, so I see him only on the weekends. After the divorce, we barely talked, mostly because I avoided him, but when I started going out with friends, he started sending me angry messages about the way I was dressing at my age and as a mom. Basically, he started slut shaming me for going out and living my life without him.

He called me crying a few hours ago, begging me to go back to him, to give him his family back, to give him his old life back. He expressed how much he missed his old life and begged me to give it back to him. I didn't hang up, I just listened. I kept listening until he had nothing else to say and hung up. I cried for an hour, and now I'm just thinking of what to do now.

I know I can't go back to him because it isn't fair to our kids, or to me. But I don't know how to reject him without upsetting him.

Edit: I didn't mention this because at the time of writing this I didn't find it important. My parents are super religious, so a lot of my decisions through out my life have been mainly influenced by what I was taught growing up. I'm 31, I'm grown and I haven't stepped foot in a church since my youngest's baptism. I also wanted to clear up the confusion with how old I am. I got pregnant at 15 in (I think) november of my sophomore year, and I had my oldest when I was 16. My birthday is in december, I turned 16 while pregnant. When I first posted this, I misclicked the number on my keyboard because I'm a fast typer and I don't proof check before sending stuff.

Also edit: The grammar thing. My parents had me in PR, they moved shortly after to SF. I ran errands for my parents because they found a lot of thing to do difficult because of the language barrior, they don't speak english and they refuse to learn it. I spoke spanish at home, and most of my friends spoke it too. I also use grammarly because, like I said, I don't proof read before sending stuff.

Ty for the advice you've all given, I'll give an update as soon I can

r/TwoHotTakes Feb 16 '24

Advice Needed Am I the asshole going No Contact with my biological father over an inappropriate gift.

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12.7k Upvotes

My son’s (3 years old) grandfather tried to gift him an inappropriate gift.

Before Christmas my (28F) father (51m) bought my son a scooter for Christmas. The gift was fine with myself and my husband (30m). The problem I’m having is after he got the scooter he removed the original grip tape and added grip tape with an inappropriate photo on it. (I’ll attach photo below). I explained to his grandfather that I was uncomfortable giving my toddler a toy with a picture as risqué as the one placed. He did not respond well to this and went off on me about how he is the child’s grandparent and should be able to act like one he also texted my husband to question him on his sexuality saying “I’m trying to understand my daughter” I’ll post a few of the messages between us. But I ultimately ended the messaging because I felt I was talking to a brick wall. He wouldn’t listen. Last week he sent me a text (I’ll attach that at the end of the photos) I’ve decided to go no contact with him. Everyone I’ve asked said I’m not the asshole. I guess I just need validation for cutting him off.

r/TwoHotTakes 10d ago

Advice Needed Am i the asshole for not letting my brothers pregnant girlfriend use my bathroom?

4.9k Upvotes

I know the title sounds horrible, please try to hear me out 😅

Some backstory: So I (24F) live in an area where it’s impossible to find apartments/rentals, and when you do find them the rent is usually over $1500. I also have 2 big dogs and a cat. So renting is basically impossible for me. My parents have a house (my childhood home) in this area but they currently live in another city about 4 hours away for work. So for those reasons, i live in my childhood home. My parents and I are besties and this whole arrangement works great for all of us. They need someone to watch over the house, and i need somewhere to live. It’s the perfect solution. They come visit me about once a month.

My brother (23) was working in another state on a contract, so his job paid for him to live in a hotel. When his contract ended, he didn’t line another one up or find any other work to do. Also despite making great money and not having to pay for housing, he didn’t save any money from this last job he had. So he moved home with me, and he brought his girlfriend (22) and their dog. They were supposed to be here for “a couple weeks max” while he found another contract, most likely in a different state.

They’ve been here for 2 months now. They got a cat who they’re hiding from my parents. They don’t have jobs. They borrow money from my parents for everything. They sleep all day and leave the house trashed all the time. And a couple weeks ago we found out that she’s pregnant!

Mine and my brother’s bedrooms are right across from each others and we used to share a bathroom. When i found out they were coming here, i moved all of my toiletries upstairs to the guest room bathroom so I wouldn’t have to share with them. I always hated sharing a bathroom with him. My parents knew about this and were okay with me taking over the guest room bathroom.

Well a few weeks ago, before knowing she was pregnant, they went out for her birthday with my parents and she got drunk enough that my mom had to put her in the guest room bathroom bathtub to clean up after puking on herself.

Ever since she found out about the bathtub in “my” bathroom, she is constantly asking to use it. Their bathroom only has a shower. She will usually text me when I’m at work to ask and i never know what to say because i don’t want her to use it but i feel like an asshole for not wanting to share. I know that it’s stupid and probably makes me sound so spoiled, but i just want my own bathroom all to myself 😫 is that too much to ask?! They have taken over the entire house. Including what used to be my bathroom! I just want this one space untouched by them.

Most of the time when she asks and i don’t respond, she will just use my bathroom anyways. I assume my brother tells her to because it’s “not technically my bathroom anyways”. Today i came home from work and rushed to my bathroom to pee and i found her asleep in the bathtub. She had texted me earlier but i didn’t respond. I didn’t react other than telling my brother she was asleep so he could make sure she was okay. But would I be the asshole if i told them not to use this bathroom anymore? I talked to my parents about it and they are okay with me doing that.

If she wasn’t pregnant, i wouldn’t even hesitate to tell them not to use it. My sister thinks I’m an asshole because she said her baths were a lifesaver in her first trimester. And i don’t hate my brothers girlfriend, i like her and want to have a good relationship with her. But i also don’t want to be sharing my bathroom and all my good products with her 🥲 am i a horrible person for that? I would even give her some of my good products (im hairstylist so i have lots) if that would help her enjoy her own bathroom more. Hell, I would tear apart their bathroom, redo it, and add the nicest bathtub available for her if I could. I just want my bathroom to myself. AITA?

Ps. I know the obvious solution here is to trade bathrooms with them. Unfortunately that won’t work because my mom doesn’t want my brother destroying her guest room lol he’s a nuisance

r/TwoHotTakes Apr 05 '24

Advice Needed Do I tell my friends wife that he's cheating on her?

7.1k Upvotes

I am 33 years old and have been friends with this guy since we were toddlers. He has been married to his wife for 3 years and they've been together for 6. I know her pretty well, and the 3 of us hang out quite often, though less so after they had a kid last year.

He's been telling me how tough becoming a dad has been on his marriage and how he doesn't get to spend time with his wife any more. I'm neither married nor a dad but I try to listen to him while also reminding him that this is something he should have been at least somewhat prepared for.

2 weeks ago, he asks if he can hang out at my apartment to 'get a break'. He knew I'd be at work that day but said he just wanted a change of scene so I said sure whatever. I get back from work and notice he's a bit weird. Asked him whats up and he said he's been having an affair for 3 months and had sex with his girlfriend in my home that day while I was at work.

I was disgusted and upset and asked him to leave. He said I wouldn't understand, I told him I didn't want to have that conversation and he left. Since that day, I've been wrestling with telling his wife.

She of course deserves to know and needs to leave him or at least have a conversation with him. But I also know she's going through a lot being a new mom and my friend already does not do much around the house or with childcare. This will add to her stress and worries and she also is an immigrant without strong family support in this country. So that's telling me I shouldn't tell her and just let her find out when he slips up or when he feels the guilt and tells her. At the moment, he's able to justify it through some twisted logic.

What should I do? I want to do the right thing.

r/TwoHotTakes 4d ago

Advice Needed My (25M) girlfriend (24F) has changed quite a lot after starting professional bodybuilding, would I be wrong for breaking up with her?

4.4k Upvotes

Here is some context. We've been dating for 5 years. My girlfriend played hockey back in university. As a result she is a bit more muscular than most other women, but nothing crazy. She was still very feminine and attractive to me as a straight man. However, when she turned 22 and stopped playing hockey she took up a different hobby; weight lifting. I don't have any issue with that as I am also an avid gym goer and want both of us to be healthy.

However it went from being normal gym sessions where she'd do a typical PPL split with me, to full on bodybuilding. She expressed interest in bodybuilding shows and my initial thought was that she'd stay natural. But somehow, she started taking steroids without my knowledge until a few weeks into it. And a couple months in, she was starting to look a little different. Her voice sounded off, her skin got rougher, the muscle definition on her arms was starting to look sort of similar to mine, which doesn't sound bad at first but I've been lifting for almost a decade. Fast forward almost 2 years, she has competed in womens' bodybuilding shows and looks absolutely nothing like she had in the past. Her hands and skin are rougher than mine, her voice is deeper, her chest got smaller, her face no longer looks feminine to me. I have zero physical interest in her.

At work, there is a new girl (22F) who just graduated university. She is much more traditionally feminine. She's very kind, quiet, caring, and more attractive. We've been hitting it off pretty well and subtly flirts with me (she calls me her work husband lol). I want to pursue a relationship with her. Would I be wrong to break up with my girlfriend who no longer seems like the person she was when we first met?

r/TwoHotTakes 28d ago

Advice Needed My girlfriend of 5 years admitted I was not her first choice physically when we started dating

4.9k Upvotes

Edit: Update posted

I (26M) have been dating my girlfriend (26F) for 5 years, and was planning to propose to her next month.

Last night, my girlfriend and I were having a date night and we were talking about our first dates, and reminiscing how we met. We were cracking jokes, and it was a fun atmosphere. My girlfriend admitted that when we were in the talking phase, she was also in a talking phase with 3 other guys, and that I was not her first choice physically, and that there was this other guy who was very attractive, but he had the emotional density of a black hole. 

She was laughing about it, but I did not feel too great about what she said. In fact, I felt awful. Why would she even say that to me? My girlfriend sensed the shift in my reaction, and she apologized. I made an excuse and told her I was tired and was going to sleep.

This morning the whole atmosphere was sort of awkward. I was upfront with her this morning, and told her what she said last night hurt me, and that I needed some space from her and to rethink this relationship. She even cried, which for me was a bit dramatic considering she was the one who hurt me last night.

Can this relationship even be fixed? She has pretty much made me feel worthless after what she said last night. I'm really glad I haven’t proposed to her yet, and am going to hold off on the proposal for now. 

r/TwoHotTakes Feb 21 '24

Advice Needed I told my neighbors my brother is dating their minor daughter and now everyone hates me

12.4k Upvotes

Before you read this, yes all I SAW WITH MY OWN EYES was them kissing, if they did go any further... Should I have waited until he actually committed a crime. No I was not going to talk to him to give him enough time to come up with lies and delete proof of whatever they did. This is NOT the first time he's been caught assaulting someone in his life so was I going to take that chance and have a heart to heart with my brother who I caught kissing a child? He was HIDING IT. HE ruined his life, not me.

I (24F) have an older brother (25M). We have family dinners every Sunday. He came over talking about how he met this new girl named Ann "on campus” and how she’s so pretty and he’s been talking to her for a few months. I asked who she was and if I knew her and he goes kind of distant and says he doesn’t want to get too happy and talkative because it’s new which I thought was weird because he was Just boasting about it?

The next morning I noticed him talking to our next door neighbors daughter and it seemed innocent until I saw them walk from my view. Like sort of behind the fence… can’t really explain how our houses are connected. Anyway I had this urge to look on the cameras and they kissed. The problem? She’s 16. Her name is Mary Ann so it clicked. I felt sick to my stomach… she’s a child. I babysat her when I was in high school and she was a baby in my eyes. She still is.

I told my parents so maybe they can talk some sense into him and let her parents know that this was going on but they said it’s a harmless crush and to let it “phase out” whatever that means. I was not satisfied with that answer or their lack of action so I went and talked to her parents. They immediately came over and all hell broke loose. They threatened to call the cops which they did. Now my parents are mad at me saying I ruined his life and it was harmless but I’m like it was NOT harmless, they were kissing and who knows if it went any further.

I got tired of arguing with them after an hour so I went back to my place and my phone is getting so many calls and texts from his/our friends and our parents and the only one on my side is my aunt and her husband and a few of my friends… the ones who don’t see anything wrong with this are no longer my friends. I've been called a b*tch, Jealous (which isn't true, I'm engaged to someone in my age group) and trying to ruin my brothers chance at love.

AITA for letting her parents know? I don’t think I am but with the barrage of calls… It’s getting hard to keep my mind in the frame that I did the right thing. He’s my only sibling and I’d hate to fall out with him but THIS, I can’t and won’t be okay with. Ever. She's being taken advantage of and I don't want her to fall down a dark hole. They may hate me but I felt like I needed to do this. I Just need someone to talk to and tell me I'm not being crazy here. I originally posted in ATIA but they have so many rules.

*I was replying to a comment when her parents texted me and apparently she isn't the only girl... yes girl.. he's talking to. They looked through her phone and found out she has been arguing with some other girl from her school over him. They did thank me for coming to them and telling them. They said her behavior was different but they didn't know why so they're getting her therapy and it's not as punishment but her phone and laptop are going to be monitored so he can't contact her*

The gross people saying I should have left it alone... Was I supposed to Just leave it alone and wait for her to get pregnant and then him be charged with a more serious crime? I doubt they'll do anything today but what happened in one year when she's pregnant, dropped out of high school, and her life is on halt because some 25 year old got her pregnant? He HID the "relationship" so he knew it was wrong. Why should I have to talk to/convince a grown man not to be romantic WITH A CHILD. That isn't normal to be talking to two or more teenage girls and hiding it because HE knows it's wrong. "You should have talked to your brother first" about what? When their next date is?

I want to say thank you to everyone assuring my that I am not in the wrong and for calling me a hero and saying I'm brave. I didn't even think about it I knew she needed help coming from someone who was 16 and dating a 20 year old and the years of self esteem issues... If I had a super power to know when everyone teenage girl was about to make this wrong decision and I could save them... I would do it without a second thought

Also I am going low/no contact with my family except my aunt and her husband. I don't want to be connected to this in any way. He was wrong. My parents were wrong for trying to cover it up. This isn't the first time he's assaulted someone. Hopefully it will be the last.

r/TwoHotTakes Mar 18 '24

Advice Needed I found out why my boyfriend doesn’t want to have sex with me

6.6k Upvotes

Throwaway since my boyfriend follows me. Sorry for any grammar or spelling errors English isn’t my first language

I (22F) started dating my boyfriend (25M) a year ago. I was a pretty lean person and was very active when I met him. After being together for a while I decided to take extra precautions and use birth control. Due to stress and the birth control I gained a significant amount of weight. My boyfriend has been very supportive and we were having a lot of sex.

After having a horrible reaction I decided to take a break off birth control. That is when I noticed my boyfriend stopped taking the initiative and would only ask for oral. I was already feeling shitty because of how much weight I gained and just him not wanting to have sex just hurt me badly. I decided to have a conversation and see if I could change something. At first he just said the condoms were just so uncomfortable. My love language has always been physical touch so I obliged and tried birth control again. Due to having school and work, working out has been extremely hard so I kept gaining weight and sex was still almost non existent. But he kept telling me it’s because he is stressed and just a lot going on. So I was patient and supportive.

Yesterday we decided to play a little game, the blunt free trial. He would have to be 100% honest with me and I would try my best to not take it personal. I asked him what is the thing he really dislikes about me. At first he didn’t want to say it and I pushed him to tell me. Which is so stupid of me. He then looked at my tummy and said the reason why we haven’t had sex as often anymore is because of my weight. He assured me he still loved me and wants to be with me but that’s his preference. It broke me because that same day just a couple of hours ago we had sex. I just feel horrible and disgusting and I don’t know what to do. I love him and I saw myself spending my life with him. But I can’t stop thinking about what he said. What should I do? I don’t know if I should try to work this out. Our lease ends in may so I have some time to rethink my relationship with him.

Any advice would help.

Edit: many have asked about how mucho I have gained. I gained 20 lbs and I think most of it distributed to my butt and boobs some still went to my back and tummy. I have some tummy rolls when I sit and some back rolls. This weight journey has been so new to me because I always used to be very underweight. Then Covid happened and I was able to gain some weight. I started working out and I was at my perfect weight and was pretty confident. This year I graduate from college and I have been experimenting a lot with birth controls so my weight and mental health has been impacted.

Stress even when I have been little has always affected my weight. I am slowly getting the help I need but note I’m a college student and recently I have been getting more money to take care of myself. I take accountability that I probably could have a better discipline and not let it get out of hand.

r/TwoHotTakes Mar 29 '24

Advice Needed My wife doesn’t put thought into my birthdays anymore, and I’m falling out of love with her.

5.8k Upvotes

Edit: Update posted

My wife (34F) and I (35M) married many years ago. When we were initially dating, my wife loved to put a lot of thought into my birthdays or our anniversaries, and she planned the entire day out.

However, my last few birthdays, she has put zero thought into them, and just asks me where I want to eat. I still spend a lot of time on her birthdays and make it as memorable as possible. Why can’t my wife reciprocate? It’s the thought that counts, if I wanted to, I could just treat myself, since that's pretty much what my wife has been doing the last few years.

I actually had an amazing birthday last week, and that was because I did not spend it with my wife. That day, my wife again asked me where we wanted to go out for lunch. Lunch was not memorable at all. However, my favorite part was actually the evening when my sister invited just me to come, she had booked a place a surprise restaurant. My wife was out with her friends that evening, and I was actually thankful for that. Our son was at his friends’s place for a sleepover, so I was free to do whatever I wanted. I had dinner at a super expensive restaurant, and the food was amazing. It was so exciting having dinner at a surprise place, and I hadn’t felt like that in a long time. My sister opened my eyes to just how uncaring my wife was.

I have also realized how completely out of love I am with my wife, and am heavily in favor of an official divorce. Unfortunately, my entire family (except my sister) would be heavily against the divorce, especially for such a stupid reason. Decisions, decisions….

r/TwoHotTakes 2d ago

Advice Needed Found my girlfriend’s hinge account, should I send her the screenshot I took or just leave?

3.5k Upvotes

Hey yall. This is my first post ever and I’m needing some advice. So last night I was with my gf (F28) and we had been arguing over the weekend. She struggles with depression and anxiety and a few other things but that’s the main ones she battles with. I was sleeping next to her and I let my mind get the better of me and I found her hinge account along with her bumble. I didn’t see her bumble but I did see she had a message from a guy that said ( hey it’s blank from hinge) I don’t know what to do and I know the phrase (don’t get upset if you find what you’re looking for) but I also saw she had mentioned to numerous people that she’s thinking of breaking up with me. She downloaded the app on Monday and has it active. I know it’s scummy of me and I totally understand if I get ripped in the comments about it. But to be fair she also looked through my phone and found nothing when she asked. She’s always defensive with her phone and something was telling me to look. Any advice?

r/TwoHotTakes Mar 04 '24

Advice Needed My dad is trying to force my uncontrollable step sister on my trip and I told him I’d never forgive him

8.3k Upvotes

I (17F) am graduating and my friends and I have already planned a trip to a cabin for the summer before we start college. I have been a babysitter since I was 13 so I have saved up a considerable amount of money.

When I was 15 my dad got remarried about a year and a half after my mom passed away. My dad’s wife had a 13 year old daughter and as soon as we moved in together they started to push her off on me and force us to do everything together. I don’t like my step sister. She’s always throwing tantrums if she doesn’t get what she wants. She’s spoiled to the point that at my 16th birthday she got her own special cake so she wouldn’t feel left out and she also blew out the candles on my cake and when I complained my dad told me “it’s time to grow up, being a sister is about sharing things” I told him I didn’t have a sister and I guess she overheard and she went on a rampage. The party was ruined. I distanced myself more from them after that.

I’m forced to either take her with me to places or stay home with her if I can’t take her or my dad or dads wife can’t watch her or don’t want to deal with her. Imagine everything that I said she does with my dad and his wife on to a 15-17 year old me. I was forced to take her bowling with me and she would not stop tryin to dig her hands in the part where the balls come out and she tried running down the lane so I had to take her home and my night was ruined. This happens a lot but they don’t care.

I have tried to keep this trip a secret from her but when I was in my room on the phone talking about it over pizza and music. I found out she snuck in and hid in the closet and was eavesdropping. She bursted out asking if she could come and I told her no and to get out. She started stomping her feet and she ran out. My friends begged me to not invite her. My dad called me downstairs and asked if she could go because she could use a vacation and I told him I’m not taking her, they can take her on a vacation but I’m not watching her for almost 3 weeks alone.

My dad’s wife called me selfish and that my dad was paying for a portion of it anyway and if “Lily” doesn’t go then I don’t get to go. I told her she doesn’t get a say in any of this, she’s not my mom and to stop forcing her child on me when she created what she is. Lily starts yelling at me about not being a big sister and I don’t want to spend time with her. I snap and tell her I don’t. She ran away crying and my dad said he won’t pay for the rest of my trip if I don’t take her. So I told him if he does that I will not be talking to him anymore nor will I forgive him for it. He said I’m being dramatic and she isn’t bad. So I grabbed a bag and went to my aunts house (my moms sister) and told her what happened and she said she would put up what he took away and when I go to college, I can stay with her. I told my dad what I was doing and he blew up at me and said I was being a brat and they’re my family now and not my aunt.

As far as I know, she does not have any disabilities. She’s been to doctors and therapy. She’s Just insanely spoiled and that’s how she’s always gotten her way when told no. The first time I met her everyone agreed on Mexican except her and she was yelling in the car for 10 minutes before she calmed down by her mom appeasing her. Then she goes back on her phone texting. If she does then that explains why she acts that way and I can take it that she can’t help it but I still shouldn’t be forced to watch her 24/7

r/TwoHotTakes Apr 14 '24

Advice Needed My little sisters teacher has a crush on me

5.2k Upvotes

I (M19) always pick up my little sister (“Ari” F8) from school due to our parents usually working until 6 pm.

She goes to a very small school and the parents are allowed to go into the school to pick up their kid from the classroom. Which means I see her teacher Miss N everyday. She’s in her mid 40s, probably. She always talks to me way longer than she does for any of the other parents. She’s always complimenting me and her demeanor seems to totally change from before and after she realizes I’m there. She goes from talking normally and breifly to other parents to being overly smiley and giggly to me.

Ari tells me Miss N asks her about me. About what I do for work or for fun. She said to her that “she can tell we’re related because we are both so cute”

Okay, so this stuff made me raise an eyebrow, but it’s nothing that obvious.

Well on Friday Ari told me she asked if I had a girlfriend. And correct me if I’m wrong but— people only ask that about someone if they like them, right??

I am not interested in dating my sisters teacher at all and I am honestly starting to get super weirded out

Also, I’m sure she doesn’t know my exact age, but i definitely am not passable for a grown adult yet LMAO 💀💀💀💀

r/TwoHotTakes Apr 12 '24

Advice Needed My wife brought a fancy set of ling*rie a few months ago without telling me. AITA for being slightly suspicious of this?

4.1k Upvotes

My wife (34F) and I (37M) have been married for 6 years and together for 10. We have 2 children, and my wife is a stay at home mom.

So a couple of days ago, I was digging around our closet and our wardrobe for my wrist sleeves which I had lost. I really wanted to find these sleeves so I dug the entire place up, and luckily found the sleeves. However, whilst searching, I also found a hidden set of ling*rie. It was in a plastic cover, it had the box, and uh..the ling*rie. It clearly wasn’t a gift because the box had been opened, and the ling*rie was outside the box.

Now my wife has full liberty to purchase whatever she wants, and I usually never track what she purchases. However, for this particular item, I went through my credit card history to check for when that specific brand name purchase was made, and it was made 5 months ago! 

AITA for being slightly suspicious of this? Like I love my wife so much, and she loves me too. But clearly, my wife has been wearing this ling*rie for months, and I have never seen her wear it ever. Is this just to feel good about herself? Do women just buy a fancy set of ling*rie for themselves, and keep it hidden from their husband? What’s the purpose of this?

Side note: I didn't spell out ling*rie completely because it seems to be a banned word on this subreddit for some reason. So if you're commenting that word, your comment is probably going to be removed.

r/TwoHotTakes Apr 18 '24

Advice Needed My boyfriend has started becoming more and more insecure about my height and it's starting to drive me crazy

4.1k Upvotes

Throwaway and for context I'm 22F and he's 23M. We're both about 5'8. I'm slightly shorter so maybe he's 5'8.5. I'm tall for a girl. I was a shooting guard on the basketball team during my first three years of college. He knew this going into the relationship.

We've been together for 7 months. The first 6 months were smooth sailing. However last month we went to a more posh/boujee party and I wore heels. Of course I end out being taller than him by a decent bit. So instead of telling me how pretty he thought I looked the first thing he pointed out was "wow you look way too tall in those". Even asked if I had a shorter pair of heels, and then finally gave it up. I found that really weird and out of character about him.

But that was only the start. Ever since that day he bus me at least 4 times a week to assure that I feel "protected" around him. Literally yesterday he asked if I'd love him more if he was 6'0+. Whenever we take side-by-side pics he gets on his tippy toes to make it seem like he's much taller than me. He also randomly tries lifts me up, which he can with ease since he's strong and it catches me off guard every time. He tries straightening his back to the point where he looks weird. He's bought into some weird narrative that I see him as less of a man because he's not 4 inches taller. I've told him multiple times that I don't care about his height otherwise I wouldn't have gotten with him. No matter how many ily's I'll throw at him (and I mean all of them) he just can't stop talking about this issue.

Guys what do I do. He's been acting so immature about this

r/TwoHotTakes Feb 18 '24

Advice Needed My Husband stayed out all night and didn’t come home

5.9k Upvotes

I need some opinions on the following:

My husband went with an old friend out to a club to see a band they knew perform. The following is his version of the events.

His friend drove the two of them to the club and they left his truck at his friends house. While waiting for the band to begin, he decided drinks at the bar were expensive and they went next door to a liquor store. He put the liquor in his water bottle. He drank a bunch and then was happy when they went back that they let him in with his water bottle.

He went to the bathroom and exited the wrong door in the restroom and was somehow outside. (Since when do bar restrooms have exits that will allow patrons to exit to the outside?) He either couldn’t get back in, (Don’t bars stamp your hand and he was able to get back in earlier? If the band was important enough to go out to see and his friend of 20 years was inside wouldn’t he wait in line to get back inside?) or the line was long at that point so he just left. His phone was out of battery and dead and he couldn’t call his friend who was still inside. Instead he walked several miles inebriated to his friends home. There he got in his truck and charged his phone a little bit.

He then decided to sleep the night in his truck in his friends driveway because he was drunk and didn’t want a DUI. He didn’t call his friend to ask to sleep inside. He didn’t Uber home. He didn’t call me, his Wife to pick him up or tell me what was happening. He stayed out all night while I was home worrying. He said he didn’t want to call and wake me up.

He came home the next morning around 9:00 a.m. He says his friend told him he noticed his truck in the driveway. However I wonder why his friend wouldn’t call him when he disappeared, call when he saw the truck late in the night after the club closed, or knock on the truck window when he saw him sleeping inside to ask him to come in the house since they’ve been friends 20 years and it was cold outside. There weren’t any missed calls or voicemails from his friend.

This happened months ago and I was angry but let it go. Then last night it jumped out at me that he wasn’t with or at his friends at all. He was having a one night stand. I don’t know what brought this night to mind.

What would you think if this was your spouse? Would you believe he slept in a driveway all night? Do you think I’m overreacting?

He still says he was asleep in the driveway and didn’t want to bother me. I still say his phone was working and Uber was an app away. He stayed out the entire night and not even his friend knew where he was.

He says he’s sorry I’m worrying but there is nothing to worry about.

What is your take?

r/TwoHotTakes Apr 20 '24

Advice Needed My wife puts zero effort in our relationship and it is starting to irritate me

3.5k Upvotes

I (34M) have been married to my wife (32F) for 6 years. She is a stay at home to our 2 children. I appreciate all that she does for the house and for our children. She keeps the house functioning and I will always be grateful for that.

But over the past year, she has started putting no effort into our relationship whatsoever. Things like planning out dates, vacations, trips, movie nights. I am pretty much initiating everything, including sex. She has never rejected me for sex, but that is not the issue. I don’t like initiating it every time, or being the only one to plan surprise dates or vacations. I want to be surprised too. 

I feel like I am being taken for granted. I deal with a lot of work stress, and I still take some time to plan out romantic date nights, getaways, vacations. I am starting to get irritated, because a healthy relationship is a two way street, and right now, it only feels like I am the one who is putting effort into the relationship.

r/TwoHotTakes Mar 26 '24

Advice Needed Male friend who crossed my boundaries now sad about the consequences

5.7k Upvotes

Hi guys

So I have a male friend who disrespected my boundaries twice. The first time we went out to a club and tried to kiss me. I only see him as a friend and said no repeatedly. I live in the city and he had no place to stay so I offered him my couch however when we got back to mine he tried it again and I got very angry and pushed him off of me. After this happened he started sulking and was meant to come to my bday dinner but he didn’t even send me a text message to say he couldn’t make it but I’ve been there to support this guy.

He has now been sending me messages, dm’s trying to get my attention but I don’t care for the friendship anymore, so I haven’t responded. Am I reacting the right way?

Update: thank you so much for all of your advice and comments. I’m kinda overwhelmed by all of the responses but I’ve had some time to read them all. I ended up messaging him to let him know that I no longer want to be contacted and we should take some space. He responded saying that he’s not a bad guy and me not wanting to be friends is affecting him mentally & emotionally. He also said that he’s not my enemy and would never do anything to hurt me. Although he understands my stance.

Personally I’m over it so I’m not going to respond. I don’t like being emotionally guilt tripped. Another thing, I invited him to my birthday way before this incident when I thought we were friends.

Thanks again everyone!