r/facepalm May 17 '24

🤦‍♂️ 🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​

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23.9k Upvotes

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7.5k

u/Icy-Cockroach4515 May 17 '24

"wants to get married and have kids" and "wants to have five kids" has some overlap that could be shaved down

3.1k

u/OldGuyInFlorida May 17 '24

natural woman don't shave

(or did i no read that right?)

1.6k

u/P0ster_Nutbag May 17 '24

Though I don’t think that’s what the comment was saying… it is interesting to point out that a lot of people that insist on “natural beauty” are often repulsed by the idea of a woman having body hair.

614

u/GhostMug May 17 '24

They also can't handle a woman who doesn't wear makeup and have no concept what that even looks like.

474

u/UnraveledShadow May 17 '24

Even the cartoon woman they’re showing clearly has makeup on. Blush, lipstick and mascara for the “no makeup” look lmao.

289

u/HMWWaWChChIaWChCChW May 17 '24

Nah bruh she just has naturally red lips (as all real women have), anime-like eyes, and is embarrassed because everyone is looking at her and she’s a proper humble woman who understands that only her husband should be getting the attention.

My god these people are horrible to write about jokingly. Because it’s not a joke to them.

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u/OnWarmLeatherette May 17 '24

I once met a guy who said he would love to meet an objectively beautiful woman who actually didn’t realize she was beautiful— we were friends because I am objectively beautiful in the small ideal sense to many people, but I know it, so therefore he was never attracted to me.

I told him that in this society and culture, unfortunately for him and other men like him, it is impossible for an objectively very pretty woman to go through life without becoming painfully aware that she is very pretty. Life and society will show a beautiful woman she is beautiful, she will know when she’s a child, when she’s a teenager, when she is an adult, and whether you like it or not you understand that you are treated differently, move about the world differently, and have different challenges.

They dream of this gorgeous cave woman (with no body or lip hair, groomed eyebrows, perfectly sculpted body and thick glossy hair) that has no idea her beauty, yet that is impossible. It’s also insane, thinking someone who grew up so fucking sheltered and cut off from society as a woman wouldn’t 1) be extremely nonverbal and awkward and uncomfortable around socialized humans, especially in any close or intimate setting 2.) discover society and adjust to it as humans do, coming to understand her attractiveness simply through interactions with people like at a grocery store, on the street, or at a restaurant.

The issue isn’t there not being any women who are beautiful and don’t know it, it’s men feeling threatened by, distrusting of, and emasculated by the women who must know it. Those women are not the cheating attention whores you need them to be in your mind to deal with it.

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u/gjallerhorns_only May 17 '24

He's looking for the girls Hollywood told him about that got bullied and didn't know they were actually hot or fat girl who lost a ton of weight, became hot and magically has no stretch marks.

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u/joranth May 17 '24

Burqas. They want women in burqas. That way no one can realize if she’s pretty, including her. Don’t want an uppity slave, now do they?

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u/OnWarmLeatherette May 18 '24

Yet they want the ego boost of being seen with a pretty woman, so others KNOW he “has” a pretty woman, so burqas aren’t gonna work.

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u/The_model_un May 17 '24

Not condoning the attitude, but my great grandmother would get up before her husband and do her makeup + hair in the morning and get back into bed. 

She would also do this in reverse at night, waiting until he went to sleep before removing her makeup.

I think the attitude expressed in the posted image is mirroring this: these men don't want a literally magical woman that is pretty all the time, but they do want to experience that.

115

u/GhostMug May 17 '24

Not condoning the attitude, but my great grandmother would get up before her husband and do her makeup + hair in the morning and get back into bed. 

There was an episode of Marvelous Mrs. Maisel where the women had to do this. You're exactly right. They want the image.

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u/clockwork655 May 17 '24

I had no idea but one night I had caught the girl I was dating mid routine at like 3 in the morning putting makeup on and so naturally I asked her where she was going so early. That’s when she told me she was doing this, I had never and would never ask such a ridiculous thing of a partner and so I told her that she’s beautiful 24/7 and she never has to do such things and to come back to bed to snugs and she started to cry, it’s early so I thought I said something wrong and upset her by mistake but she was crying because she was happy/relieved/taken back that she could just be herself and not a perfect characterization of herself 24/7. The poor thing i can’t even imagine how exhausting and all the anxiety that would bring. This was something her ex had made her believe was normal and expected. he conditioned her by getting mad at her when he would wake up and she wasn’t “perfect” ...I wanted to go kick his ass at 315 in the morning but she talked me down and got me to see reason. Go figure that he was a loser who was intimidated by every guy so much that he was jealous and suspicious of her Brother and couldn’t handle that she was incredibly smart and self reliant and did everything to try to undermine her and make her doubt herself...these types never actually grow into Men they just grow into what a 10 year old boy Imagines a grown man to be

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u/GhostMug May 17 '24

This is really interesting and I'm glad to hear you were so caring and loving to your gf. I hate that any women would feel this is necessary.

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u/Chronocidal-Orange May 17 '24

They want a woman who is naturally hairless.

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u/islamicious May 17 '24

Iirc, people with androgen insensitivity syndrome have close to 0 body hair and appear as women…so the most wanted woman is male? Take that, females!/s

131

u/OnsetOfMSet May 17 '24

Listen up, guys! Do you want to be known as masculine, an alpha, and unquestionably straight? Well, the first step is to be gay!

72

u/[deleted] May 17 '24

They do talk alot about how soft men create hard men.

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u/GobLoblawsLawBlog May 17 '24

I think that's just called gay sex

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u/Sefirosukuraudo May 17 '24

I just read the OG novel of Ringu (which the film of the same name is adapted from, and more famously the American remake “The Ring”) and Sadako (psychic girl who was killed and thrown down the well) was actually male and had this syndrome. Was a wild revelation after somehow not seeing that spoiled over the last 20+ years :P

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u/hessian_prince May 17 '24

People who want trad wives also tend to want to marry them very young, so shaving won’t be an issue.

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u/ahack13 May 17 '24

Don't you see? A woman's only personality trait should be to have kids. Interests? Hobbies? What are those!?

511

u/Illustrious_Peach494 May 17 '24

Interests - having kids

Hobbies - having 5 kids

104

u/TheSadisticDragon May 17 '24

How often does she have 5 kids, that it becomes a hobby?

18

u/RevolutionaryOwlz May 17 '24

She’s from breeding fetish porn obviously and thus able to fit five at once every time.

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u/cgc3 May 17 '24

Interest are homeschooling, I suspect he should have added cook and clean as well.

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u/AspiringChildProdigy May 17 '24 edited May 17 '24

I suspect he should have added cook and clean as well.

This is the kind of guy that thinks a deep desire to cook and clean for a man is a standard installation on the most basic model of woman.

He wants deserves the hot (but natural) bang maid package with the deluxe Trad Wife add on. $10 says he's also looking for the elusive "pure and virginal but an also horny porn star who will do anything for you" edition.

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u/Dmmack14 May 17 '24

whats funny as hell is the person who thinks they want this is some basement dwelling nerdlet who has never spoken to a woman outside of their own family/church circle if they even go to church to begin with. I do not understand why dudes have this suden fascination with having some kind of little house on the prairie ass wife

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u/thecasualchemist May 17 '24 edited May 17 '24

My grandmother was a farmer's wife, and she was the wildest woman in our family. She brewed wine and moonshine, learned how to use a computer for the first time at 70 (to print labels for said wine and moonshine), and when she decided she'd had enough kids she got an IUD when the technology was still very, very new.

She smoked, drank, spoke three languages and took shit from nobody.

Edit: I forgot the wolf story. Their farm was in rural northern Canada, and one night when we were visiting, there were timber wolves on her porch. She went outside with a large pot and banged on it with a wooden spoon to scare them away, so my parents had a wolf-free path to their car.

These men couldn't handle a farmer's wife lmao.

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u/Complete_Elk May 17 '24

My northern Ontario grandmother had a similar story. She was at the family hunting camp, cleaning fish for dinner at the kitchen sink, when a black bear reached in through the open window to grab the fish. She grabbed my grandad's shotgun, which he'd left by the door, and nailed it between the eyes.

Later, she had it made into a rug.

You don't mess with rural women.

(My father used to torment me when I was little by telling me that the bear rug came alive at night, and would eat the toes of children who got out of bed after bedtime.)

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u/Cautious-Progress876 May 17 '24

Because they haven’t talked to women. They find them scary, and the least scary version of a woman to them is one that does everything they want and is completely submissive.

Fuck that shit, I want the independent, smart, ambitious woman that doesn’t take people’s shit.

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u/Paw5624 May 17 '24

I’m with you. The idea of a submissive partner who defers to me on everything sounds boring and exhausting. Plus like that means I have to make every decision and fuck that. A marriage is a partnership and these people don’t want a partner.

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u/ahack13 May 17 '24

Its because they look at the 1950s when racism and sexism were commonplace and more widely accepted and think "I wish we could go back." They think Feminism and civil rights are the cause of all of their problems.

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u/Jhamin1 May 17 '24

They don't even look at the actual 1950s. They look at 1950s movie and TV, an era in which the entire entertainment apparatus of the United States was working super hard to convince everyone that now that the War was over things were swell.

The message was that Women should stop complaining about losing their jobs and independence when employers went back to hiring men and men should shut up about what they saw on the battlefield. Have 2.5 kids and be happy! Everything is swell and we should all be happy!

These people don't want actual 1950s, they want TV 1950s

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u/Pussy4LunchDick4Dins May 17 '24

Little do they know they would have been undesirable back then too. Do they not know there were single men in the 50s too?

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u/KayD12364 May 17 '24

Which is also funny because farmers' wives worked and do work on the farm and thus would send their kids to school so they could get farm chores done.

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u/doubledgravity May 17 '24

‘Overlooks tautologies’

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u/thecraftybear May 17 '24

Stop using big words, you'll scare away all the ideal women! Nerd.

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u/Seigmoraig May 17 '24

"wants to get married and have kids" and "wants to have five kids"

No you need to be sure that's why they add in "Loves Children" too, if not that's a massive red flag if your fantasy woman wants to be married and have kids and wants 5 kids but doesn't actually love children

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u/EatsLeavesAndShoots May 17 '24

Whoever wrote this doesn't care about kids either. The number of kids relates only to their level of perceived masculinity

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u/AspiringChildProdigy May 17 '24

Quiverfull. 🤢🤮

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u/First-Squash2865 May 17 '24

Probably all need to be sons as well or he'd flip his lid

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u/MarthLikinte612 May 17 '24

What if I, a man, don’t want kids. Is this still the ideal woman?

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u/mitchellthecomedian May 17 '24

Also, “natural beauty,” “natural hair,” and “fit and healthy” seem redundant. Seems like this was made by a middle schooler who just finished Bible study and has a boner they don’t know what to do with.

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u/hadapurpura May 17 '24 edited May 17 '24

They’re not 100% redundant. They basically mean “I want a woman who looks like a supermodel without having to do the maintenance that supermodel looks require”.

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u/Frothylager May 17 '24

Could also condense the “goes to church” and “reads the bible”.

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u/Aeywen May 17 '24

Vast majority of people who go to church have never read the bible.

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u/snackynorph May 17 '24

Don't forget "loves children"

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u/Lanitaris May 17 '24

meanwhile search histiory of this dudes:

-big booty japanese hairy schoolgirl group interracial bukkake

760

u/xCuriousButterfly Jean-Luc Picard meme May 17 '24

This made me laugh more than it should

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u/what4270 May 17 '24

They are also openly homophobic, yet their hub search history has the word ‘lesbian’ on it.

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u/InTheButtPleez May 17 '24

That's because these idiots think "lesbian" means "girls that like to kiss each other when drunk but will still fuck me." They think pornhub is reality.

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u/Antonio1025 May 17 '24

That's because "two guys = ewwww get it away!" But also "two women = coooool"

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u/ConfusedAndCurious17 May 17 '24

What if it’s just one guy and a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

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u/NaughtyAccount69 May 17 '24

Wait, is there a search term on pornhub for "girls that like to kiss each other when drunk but will still fuck me" that's better than "lesbian"?

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u/ConfusedAndCurious17 May 17 '24

Bisexual women, but maybe not if they only like it when they are drunk. Maybe like “a little bit bi-curious when intoxicated women”??

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u/xhziakne May 17 '24

More like “femboy”

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u/TedzNScedz May 17 '24

This made me cackle

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u/itsmenettie May 17 '24

Sounds like they need an Amish woman. But they better be prepared to be an Amish man.

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u/SweatyMcGenkins May 17 '24

Of course not! That would take too much effort.

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u/snailbot-jq May 17 '24

Even outside of that, how is the average guy posting trad content expecting to be able to finance having one stay-home wife AND 5 kids? I know people who do have 5 kids and make that work, but damn I know a guy who makes 150k a year and money is tight even for him. The average ‘trad’ teen boy living rent-free with a comfortable middle class family, would be in for a rude awakening for the hours he has to work and lifestyle he can lead, with 7 mouths to feed off one income.

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u/WildFemmeFatale May 17 '24 edited May 17 '24

Speaking from experience

These dudes always WANT her to WANT be a stay at home mom

But they never ACTUALLY want her to be one (they just want her to have the desire to be)

Cuz these same fuckers WILLLLL:

Call her a GOLD DIGGER for proposing the idea of being a stay at home mom

These types of fuckers

ALSO

want her to be a virgin

BUT

they will want her to drop her virginity at the snap is his fingers within a damn week or month

Most of all:

These fuckers will meet a girl like the pic

And they’ll still give the whole “what do you even bring to the table ? Nothing. You better have sex with me or else”

😪😪😪 pov I’m the trad wet dream for those fuckers and it took an atheist man to be the man that those fuckers pretended to be

I love my bf so much, he’s my ideal man, none of those conservative wannabe men could be like my bf. My bf is everything like a Christian, he’s even the first man to genuinely want me to keep my virginity for marriage and not feel entitled to sex.

He even wants to be sole income provider and let me havs 6+ kids with him

I’ve met countless “TRAD” men. Countless. They’re not trad at all, they just wanted a “TRAD” woman to fuck and impregnate before marriage. Those dudes even are the type to say marriage is a trap and say they don’t even want to get married cuz it’ll risk their income. 🤦🏻‍♀️ they’re rly obsessed with the idea that all women are gold diggers especially if they have the audacity to want a family as a stay at home mom

They tend to be extremely toxic and emotionally abusive as well

Awful. So glad I could see the signs early enough to get away from those kinds of men.

I’ve never once seen a true trad man. They all said they were, but they never were.

They also didn’t care about a woman’s personality at all by how they spoke of them as mere vaginas meant to clean the house and never speak (they dont want to have conversations with her……) saying they don’t like talking to a woman and that’s why a woman can’t be a man’s friend. And that women are boring, unfunny, and can’t have intelligent conversation. Meanwhile they most commonly don’t know much of anything in regards to politics or science.

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u/Black_Prince9000 May 17 '24

That makes a scary amount of sense. Never really considered that perspective before. There really is no pleasing them even when you bring their "ideal gf" into reality. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

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u/Realistic-Sandwich55 May 17 '24

It’s because they don’t want a life partner, they want a bang maid baby incubator they can lord over so they feel like “the man of the house.” The abuse IS what pleases them.

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u/Charbel33 May 17 '24

Yes, some men have higher standards for women than for themselves. As a Catholic man myself, I can see this pattern. If a man wants his wife to go to church, read the Bible, and live a holy life, he better be ready to lead by example: go to church, say your prayers, fast, and grow in holiness. If a man isn't ready to do any of this, he should not expect a woman to do it. And even if he does all of this, he should not force his loved ones to follow him. All he can do is lead by example, and hope others will follow.

But I suspect that men who fall into the "traditionalist" lifestyle have a very hard time distinguishing what fundamentally matters from what is superficial. Most of the items on this list are superficial, obviously; since my wife and I are Christians, all that matters to me is that my wife goes to church, because it is the bare minimum in our religion (and, needless to say, she expects the same from me). All the rest is idiotic and irrelevant to salvation (from a Christian perspective). My wife works, she wears pants (apparently, it's not feminine enough for some idiots), she has male friends, she has social media, and she has no interest in homeschooling -- and none of that has any bearing on her feminity, let alone on her holiness.

Rant over, must get back to work!

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u/Mediocre_Crow6965 May 17 '24 edited May 17 '24

As an atheist, I just want to say you’re based and awesome.

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u/Charbel33 May 17 '24

Thank you for your kind words! 😊

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u/CardiSheep May 17 '24

Atheist here as well who’s happy to see others engaging in their spirituality without harming others and setting a good example.

My mom is Christian and goes to a modern Methodist church where this basically their ideology as well. I have ironically developed a friendship with her pastor’s daughter because there is a mutual respect between the two of us that at the end of the day, good people are good people regardless of their religion or lack there of.

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u/Charbel33 May 17 '24

Totally agree, respect is paramount! Most of my friends are not Christians at all, and yet we would take a bullet for one another.

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u/Remote_Sink2620 May 17 '24

I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain

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u/YEETAWAYLOL May 17 '24

But that's just perfect for an Amish like me You know, I shun fancy things like electricity

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u/CaptPlanet55 May 17 '24

At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin cows

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u/denim_teeth May 17 '24

Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows

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u/verymememuchwow May 17 '24

FOOL

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u/misakistar May 17 '24

And I've been milking and plowing for so long that

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u/LaPatateEpique May 17 '24

Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone

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u/Turbulent_Town4384 May 17 '24

Even Ezekiel thinks my mind is gone

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u/CZall23 May 17 '24

I'm a man of the land I'm into discipline

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u/runningskirtsnmanis May 17 '24

Got a bible in my hand and a beard on my chin!

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u/SearchCharming3552 May 17 '24

Sounds like they really want to date my grandma.

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u/Dr_____strange May 17 '24

Even my grandma had male friends and wanted her kids to go to school. Though i am from different religion so church and bible don't apply in this case,

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u/heydonteatmyfriends May 17 '24

My grandma had three different “suitors” before she met my grandfather and never called the three dudes again. She was also in college when she met him and had her own profession. My grandfather knew he’d met an independent woman, especially for the times, and he had no intention of trying to control anything.

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u/shavednuggets May 17 '24

Does your G-ma want you to attend a temple of religious education and read books of religious worship.

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u/Dr_____strange May 17 '24

Well she is dead now, for 9 years. But even when she was alive she would have encouraged but not forced me to go to temples, but not a religious school.

About reading books religious worship, i think i have read much more than my grandma. I just love all the stories in them. I always loved to read stories.

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u/Cossacker1799 May 17 '24

I’ll date your grandma but it ain’t cuz of anything on this list

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u/SphinctrTicklr May 17 '24

You know what they say, there's no substitute for experience...

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u/Acceptable-Cow6446 May 17 '24

Have you seen the new hips they make these days!?

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u/eatblueshell May 17 '24

It’s like having sex with a transformer!

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u/SlowInsurance1616 May 17 '24

And no teeth. Even better.

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u/Bozo_Two May 17 '24

If an old lady tells you "You have such nice eyes" she would have ridden you like a pony 40 years ago...

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u/Brainvillage May 17 '24

Oh shit is that what that means? You're telling me I could have bagged a few gilfs?

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u/Tailflap747 May 17 '24

[points at the guy with the eyebrow] Honey, I'm 60plus, I'd do him in a hot second. And he'd thank me.

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u/Bozo_Two May 17 '24

That's what I'm telling you, yes.

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u/Uchihakid86 May 17 '24

Solid and timely advice!

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u/Valenhart May 17 '24

Radiation is doing Kyle Hill good.

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u/Lofter1 May 17 '24

“And today, I’ll show how safe radioactive waste is by tackling OPs grandma in a Nuclear Power Plant!”

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u/MaximumOverfart May 17 '24

My gramma was divorced (grampa was her second marriage), was a lounge room singer (in the 40's), could not abide religion, and anyone who had a problem with that in her words "could go suck a dick".

God, I loved that woman and she loved all of us and her family from her first marriage with all the fire in her soul.

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u/RustyKjaer May 17 '24

I love your gramma too.

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u/NuclearWasteland May 17 '24

One of my grandmas went to church and taught Sunday school. One of my grandmas gave a cop a blowjob to get out of a ticket and preached salvation in the ghetto.

Both of my grandmas were practicing Christians, just from opposite sides of the tracks.

My family tree is like a Hawthorn, resilient and beautiful, and parts of it will absolutely stab you.

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u/MaximumOverfart May 17 '24

That is awesome.

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u/LunchO789 May 17 '24

Haha. Ah, the good 'ol early 30s/40s

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u/SailingSpark May 17 '24

in the 40s, my grandmother was in the Royal Signal Corps. He would have hated her!

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u/Proud-Cartoonist-431 May 17 '24

In the 40s, my great-grandmother was a military doctor.

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u/[deleted] May 17 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Satanicjamnik May 17 '24

Exactly that. Whether you choose to describe as a pet, sex butler, or a house servant you’d be correct. Remember, they don’t see women as people. Just a mobile, bipedal vagina. If they could institute Handmaiden’s Tale tomorrow, they would with a smile and a celebratory parade.

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u/[deleted] May 17 '24

Or, to quote Frank Reynolds, a "bang maid".

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u/persona0 May 17 '24 edited May 17 '24

They want this cause that means this woman would have to get married early or have to rely on their parents. ALOT of these guys are sexless losers so they think limiting woman's movements and options means that one will eventually pick them... But travel is always possible and is the internet. They'll find out the hard way they aren't desirable in today's reality at all.

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u/flyingfishstick May 17 '24

'sex butler's is killing me

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u/Flameball202 May 17 '24

I, you, damn that is accurate

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u/old-skool-bro May 17 '24

His grandma hoooottttt

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2.0k

u/Sidhion May 17 '24

I wonder if this was made by a Christian American..

1.3k

u/ArduennSchwartzman May 17 '24

I am 100% sure this was made by someone who will remain an incel until slavery has been reinstated.

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u/redefined_simplersci May 17 '24

Kinda what you expect when their entire perspective on slavery is based on Gone with the Wind.

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u/fryamtheeggguy May 17 '24

And "Song of The South."

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u/SongShikai May 17 '24

Being a TradWife kind of seems like indentured servitude, they’re backing into it I guess.

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u/SoundandFurySNothing May 17 '24

"My ideal women makes mother's milk for Dad" - The Trad Chad Rictus Erectus

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u/endergamer2007m May 17 '24

Europe something something and a lightning bolt, that is a nazi

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u/viola-purple May 17 '24

But obviously has no clue that homeschooling in Europe is not allowed on 90% of the countries

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u/Droidaphone May 17 '24

Nazis don’t care what Europe is actually like, they have a fictional vision of EVROPE they jerk off to just like historical Nazis had of “aryan tradition.”

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u/_VEL0 May 17 '24

Could also say Europa.. also, that last word looks like white - def a nazi

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u/coffeeandautism May 17 '24

Can I add "MASSIVE TITS" and remove everything else?

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u/Puzzleheaded-Age-638 May 17 '24

Shapely buttocks, dear sir?

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u/coffeeandautism May 17 '24

TITS! TITS! TITS! TITS! TITS! TITS! TITS!

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u/lydriseabove May 17 '24

As a woman, this image almost feels like an improvement due to the artist’s acknowledgement of a uterus. I’m curious, yet terrified to think how many comments mentioned that being an issue.

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u/Sk8rToon May 17 '24

Yeah, I was staring at that waist thinking, “wow, she’s not as skinny as Kate Moss or whoever” that’s one point in a column of -1 million points. Although that might be the artist’s way of drawing birthing hips. I’m not sure.

Either that or she’s already pregnant. This is about the one list that doesn’t demand virginity.

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u/Appropriate_Big_1610 May 17 '24

Based on the picture, add "severely depressed".

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u/ImprovisedLeaflet May 17 '24

“Dutifully takes her prescriptions”

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u/QuickRundown May 17 '24

Mother’s little helper.

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u/LuckyReception6701 May 17 '24

Nothing some uppers cant fix, you wouldnt want to keep what is basically a chattel slave sober would you?

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u/RealExii May 17 '24

No need. If all the other requirements are achieved, depression is basically a 100% guarantee.

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u/Abuse-survivor May 17 '24 edited May 18 '24

Why not simply genetically engineer her to have all kitchen appliances attached to her hands already?😂

He forgot: Has no opinion; Is bland like porridge, can birth out children like a salute cannon

EDIT: Holy-Moly, this comment exploded like one of Tesla's Cybertrucks

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u/mutantmonkey14 May 17 '24

Edwina spatula hands 😆

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u/Shadowmant May 17 '24

That scene where she decorates the cake and icing flies everywhere and falls around her like snow was beautiful.

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u/No_Elderberry7836 May 17 '24

Only 5 children though! Anything else is a deal breaker

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u/Kind_Committee8997 May 17 '24

Pictures other men while her husband sweats on her profusely during daily missionary sex. Wishes her husband would do more to help around the house. Wants a divorce because she's unhappy, but is too scared of what her family will think of her if she does. Is one mistake away from being abused.

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u/jonfe_darontos May 17 '24

You're describing a real person and her name is Lauren Southern, the notorious alt-right trad-wife endorser.

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u/gmano May 17 '24

She actually just did this whole interview on how much regret she has for trying to live this way. https://unherd.com/2024/05/lauren-southern-the-tradlife-influencer-filled-with-regret/

By the time she met her husband, she’d been condensing conservative values into “listicle” form as a media influencer for some years – to the point where it seemed possible to realise this framework in real life, too. So, when marriage beckoned, at 22, she tells me wryly: “I thought I’d won the lottery”. They were married within four months: arguably the equivalent, for the Right, of my Left-wing embrace of communes, anti-capitalist demos and niche sexual subcultures. She was quickly pregnant.

There were warning signs from early on. “If I ever disagreed with him in any capacity he’d just disappear, for days at a time. I remember there were nights where he’d call me worthless and pathetic, then get in this car and leave.” But she didn’t see them, thanks to the simplified anti-feminist ideology she’d absorbed and promoted: “I had this delusional view of relationships: that only women could be the ones that make or break them, and men can do no wrong.” So she didn’t spot the red flags, even as they grew more extreme. “He’d lock me out of the house. I remember having to knock on the neighbour’s door on rainy nights, because he’d get upset and drive off without unlocking the house. It was very strange, to go from being this public figure on stage with people clapping, to the girl crying, knocking on someone’s door with no home to get into, being abandoned with a baby.”

But as she tells it, the nightmare began in earnest when he was offered a work opportunity in his home country of Australia, a few weeks after the birth of their baby. She did not want to leave her support networks behind. But he used the political and religious importance she placed on lifelong marriage as a lever to force her to agree: “Whenever I wouldn’t do something, he would say: I’m going to divorce you.” So, feeling she had no other option, she assented.

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Then, thousands of miles from friends and family, she reports becoming “the closest thing to a modern day, Western slave”. With no income of her own, she had to do everything: “The lawns, the house, the cooking, the baby care, his university homework. And I didn’t know anyone. I didn’t have any support. There was no help changing diapers, there was no help waking up in the night with the baby. I’d still have to get up, to make breakfast before work. I’d be shaking and nervous, for fear I’m gonna get yelled at.” Then he’d berate her for spending all her time on tasks other than earning money: “I was told daily that I was worthless, pathetic. Deadweight. All you do is sit around and take care of the baby and do chores.” When Covid shut down all real-world public life, her situation became “hell on earth”. It was, she said, “the only time in my life where I idealised dying.”

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u/thackstonns May 17 '24

Hates communist. They really do want to go straight back to the 50’s.

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u/Eastern_Slide7507 May 17 '24

What do you think we can assume from a handle that's EUROP**************E WHI*** ⚡? Maybe it's more clear if we add another ⚡ to make ⚡⚡?

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u/Old-Biscotti9305 May 17 '24

Feel stupid that I didn't notice the white power thing (when has that ever been used innocuously?!?

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u/shoe_owner May 17 '24

When they say "communists" in this context, it's just a catch-all term to mean "anyone who disagrees with me." Since they lack the inquisitive spirit, empathy or open-mindedness to seriously engage with perspectives which differ from their own, any ideas which conflict with theirs are generically deemed "communism" and disregarded.

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u/SadnessMonster May 17 '24

I totally thought this was a meme about the pregnant woman in the fallout tv series.

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u/S7RYPE2501 May 17 '24

I hate to say it but this is just as big a fantasy as the neck beards and their wifus. They just want a woman that will do/agree with everything they say. The women that will do that a usually groomed to think that is all they need to be.

My wife is loud, opinionated, and disagrees with several of my opinions. I love her dearly. She has always been a friend/partner to me and while we disagree on things we grow as people while we sort it out. You can’t truly develop as a person if all anyone does is inflate your ego.

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u/beomint May 17 '24

And even funnier, they actually don't even want a traditional wife. They want an obedient dog who will fuck them and take care of them all while contributing to the household in a modern sense.

If you want a trad wife, prepare to be a trad husband and work 40+ hours a week to support her lifestyle while she stays at home and takes care of the kids. Too many guys say they want an "ideal woman" but have 0 interest in being the ideal man. Make it make sense.

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u/DaisyRage7 May 17 '24

These guys also invariably hate children. They insist a perfect woman must want masses of kids, but then they can’t be bothered to be fathers.

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u/EphemeralOcean May 17 '24

Exactly. They want a girl who wants kids because that means she’s willing to have sex with them. Once she has the first kid she’s too preoccupied with basically being the sole parent to do anything about her miserable life. And will stay in the marriage “for the kids”

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u/MagicDragon212 May 17 '24

Definitely atleast 50 because there's no way you are supporting another adult and 5 kids (maybe 1, 2 with government assistance) on just 40 hours of the average American income.

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u/Amathyst-Moon May 17 '24

In today's economy? Gonna have to be at least 60 hours. Probably more, especially if they expect 5 kids.

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u/pocahontasjane May 17 '24

My mother always told her to please a man and not to be smarter than them because 'men don't want to be with smart girls'.

My partner is the most amazing man I've ever known and he praises me for my intelligence and claims to love how opinionated I am. He says I've helped him become a better man who stands up for himself and feels more secure. He makes me feel like a better woman because we love each other and want to grow old together, not just exist in the same house.

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u/jambowayoh May 17 '24

They don't want a woman, they want a sex doll that they don't have to put in a warm bath for 30 minutes first.

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u/seeclick8 May 17 '24

I cannot for the life of me understand this desire to home school the kids and the arrogance for most of them to think they have the necessary knowledge and skill to educate their kids properly. Some do a good job, but they are generally educated and devote their existence to this endeavor. I won’t even comment on the stupid religious young earthers.

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u/Dumbiotch May 17 '24

My fundamentalist aunt and uncle who are totally young earthers have homeschooled my three cousins. They let their marital problems interfere with the kids schooling for two years at the end of middle school beginning of high school for them too… you’d think my aunt and former lawyer educated at Cambridge would know the importance of her kids’s education… nope. My one cousin is straight up a flat earther at 13… her dad flew jets in the Air Force and saw the curvature of the earth, but somehow let his daughter fully believe the earth is flat and we never went to space 🤦🏻‍♀️

Homeschooling is dangerous for even those who others think we’re smart

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u/Fabulous_Wave_3693 May 17 '24

Even if someone managed to correctly teach their child every subject they would need to learn in school, how would you teach them not to be a total weirdo who hung out with their weirdo mom 6 hours a day, 5 days a week, for 14 years?

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u/LittleWhiteBoots May 17 '24

I have been a public school teacher (and now admin) for 20 years. I cannot tell you how many times we enrolled students in 3/4/5+ grades who had been homeschooled up until that point and were FAR below grade level across the board.

My perception is probably somewhat skewed because I tend to deal with the homeschool kids whose parents “gave up” and turned to public school. Maybe the really excellent homeschooling parents stuck it out and that’s why we don’t tend to encounter them in the public school setting.

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u/Amathyst-Moon May 17 '24

That's the thing, they don't want them educated properly, they want a very specific lesson plan that they control. At least, if you take the most extreme examples.

As a real life case study on the extreme end, consider Varg Vikernes (sole member of former Black Metal act Burzum, until he went to prison for burning down churches and stabbing a guy 36 times in "self defence.")

Lives in the woods, makes cave music, and homeschools his kids so they're not "indoctrinated by the state." This is a guy who's an antisemitic white nationalist that claims to believe in Odin and doesn't identify as a Nazi solely because he thinks they were socialists. He also seems to treat modern rational/educated thought the same as a religion, referring to it as the alter of science. I heard he also created a roleplaying game filled with racist allegory, so yeah... You can probably guess the kinds of things he does and doesn't want his kids to learn.

I'm sure there are plenty of normal people who homeschool their kids too, but unless there's a specific reason, medical, for instance, I assume most of them are insane.

I suppose it could also be as simple as a childish fantasy of some American conservatives to live like they're in the frontier, like in the good old days that were totally just like the westerns they grew up watching.

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u/Gewgle_GuessStopO May 17 '24

The ideal woman for me is pretty much one box to check. Willing to touch my penis. If you check “yes” on that you have achieved ideal woman status. If you check “no” you clearly respect yourself. 🧐

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u/LovesFrenchLove_More May 17 '24

Now I really am considering posting this in the sub suicidebywords.

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u/abal1003 May 17 '24

The two aren’t mutually exclusive brother

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u/faloofay156 May 17 '24

same, my ideal woman is literally just anyone I get along with

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u/enogitnaTLS May 17 '24

Ooo “read” the Bible? Implying she can read? That’s some libcuck feminist shit there

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u/NoConsideration6320 May 17 '24

Im sure they mean after the man comes home from work he will read her The bible for an hour before bed.

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u/EmoExperat May 17 '24

The lightnig emojii is a nazi dog whistle

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u/Amathyst-Moon May 17 '24

It's not even subtle

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u/prismabird May 17 '24

A dog foghorn.

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u/Zwiebel1 May 17 '24

Apparently "has an interesting personality" is not a critical feature.

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u/ahack13 May 17 '24

Its not only not a critical feature, but a negative trait to them.

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u/pretty1i1p3t May 17 '24

They don't care about that part.

They can't stick their dick in it.

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u/badgerpunk May 17 '24

They really believe there are women out there waiting in line to do nothing but what men tell them is acceptable. This is why they're pushing for fuckable android wives now.

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u/T3knikal95 May 17 '24

These conservative men can't even get real women to like them, so they have to make up fictional women in their minds

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u/Horror-Trick9406 May 17 '24

"Has no social media."

Posted on social media and asking what to add.

Besides: it is everybodies right to be dumb, old-fashioned, ignorant or whatsoever. There are plenty of people thinking exactly the same about you, so just ignore others opinions if you can't accept them.

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u/delolipops666 May 17 '24

STAY AT HOME MOM? 5 KIDS??? IN THIS ECONOMY?

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u/meowdogpewpew May 17 '24

"Has no social media" Posted on fb

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u/Aggressive-Story3671 May 17 '24

At least her body is SOMEWHAT realistic so she wasn’t designed by a porn addicted weirdo

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u/sanchower May 17 '24

and he didn't throw in any gross shit about "total freak in bed" or "sucks dick on command" like these weirdos frequently do

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u/Amathyst-Moon May 17 '24

Aren't these the types that fetishize virginity? That's a whole different breed of Incel.

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u/Banaanisade May 17 '24

This is the target population for RealDolls.

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u/darketernalsr25 May 17 '24

Why do they obsess over this? They're never going to get a single date, anyway.

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u/ClubSundown May 17 '24

Sounds like the 19th century. Is the guy who made this list also trying to build a time machine?

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u/capeasypants May 17 '24

He's more than likely a virgin incel.

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u/Pillow_fort_guard May 17 '24

Who wants a fictional woman who doesn’t have social media… so there’s absolutely no way he’d even be able to meet this fictional woman if she did exist. We all know he wouldn’t be willing to log off and go the hell outside long enough to come across her

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u/Amarieerick May 17 '24

Now let's talk about the kind of husband she should demand he be...

A husband who can support his family on one income.

A husband who doesn't see her as a bang maid/mommy.

A husband who respects her for her, not for her cooking and cleaning abilities.

A husband who understands that he does not "control" his wife.

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u/Completo3D May 17 '24

Some say this is having a preference, I call it wanting a pet servant

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u/IReadStuff98 May 17 '24

Funny because marriage, kids and extreme Christianity are reasons for me to not want to go past the first date

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u/Strict-Childhood-629 May 17 '24

I'm my experience, women who live like this were raised in religious cults and were traumatized and brainwashed by the male leaders and their religious zeal. I like to call them house slaves. Whether the women agree to it or not, the men just want her to be indentured to him forever.

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u/kevbo714 May 17 '24

Some of these are actually red flags to me...

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u/NoxTempus May 17 '24

I consider well over half of these to be negatives, lmao.

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