r/facepalm May 22 '24

Are you guys okay? 🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​

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40.2k Upvotes

3.0k comments sorted by

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5.4k

u/Spirited-Arugula-672 May 22 '24

#1 was Jeremy Clarkson, by the way.

2.6k

u/Hereiam_AKL May 22 '24

Who was #2? BJ or Mr. Bean?

1.9k

u/[deleted] May 22 '24 edited May 23 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

905

u/donsimoni May 22 '24

He was banned in 2003, because it became too boring to always have the same winner.

980

u/Rum_N_Napalm May 22 '24

Apparently before the ban, the list was consistently:

  1. Mr Bean

  2. Blackadder

  3. Johnny English

497

u/Parsley-Waste May 22 '24

It’s a shame that Rowan Atkinson has never won anything

291

u/demandred_zero May 22 '24

He won a place in my heart for being an excellent performer.

47

u/Enough_Worry4104 May 22 '24

I love the man's work. But Man vs Bee.... I lost some respect.

19

u/12sea May 22 '24

My husband liked it. I thought it was annoying

15

u/vlad259 May 22 '24

Apparently working on it was even less enjoyable than watching it

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13

u/Rejestered May 22 '24

Sometimes you got bills to pay, I respect the hustle.

26

u/demandred_zero May 22 '24

Michael Caine, when asked about the filming of Jaws 4, responded "I don't really remember shooting that film, but I remember the house it bought me".

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19

u/nasandre May 22 '24

Blackadder is just comedy gold!

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28

u/TrollForestFinn May 22 '24

He got a masters degree in electrical engineering at Oxford University, became world famous by having fun and making other people smile and laugh, he's performed on the opening show of the Olympics, and was appointed Commander of the Order of the British Empire. He is loved by millions of people he's never even met. He won at life.

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20

u/HumanInProgress8530 May 22 '24

He won "national treasure" for several decades

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54

u/Maryland_Bear May 22 '24

Please tell me Baldrick came in 4th.

52

u/Robestos86 May 22 '24

No, lord flashheart nipped in at the last second and bumped them all down one, WOOOF!

23

u/Yorksjim May 22 '24

But Baldrick does have a cunning plan.

10

u/Final_Winter7524 May 22 '24

It’s so cunning, you can put a tail on it and call it a weasel.

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9

u/Cheapntacky May 22 '24

He wouldn't know a cunning plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on a harpsicord singing cunning plans are here again

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44

u/Magomaeva May 22 '24

Aw man 😔 being the sexiest man in England is a curse.

16

u/goodpolarnight May 22 '24

Yeah, for real... imagine being too sexy people can't handle it anymore... damn.

15

u/mexican2554 May 22 '24

"I'm too sexy for this award." - Mr Bean

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80

u/SparkyDogPants May 22 '24

More like Mr Flick my Bean

21

u/N6T9S-doubl_x27qc_tg May 22 '24

Learning to read was a curse

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13

u/LotharVonPittinsberg May 22 '24

The lists are treated as jokes. British humour can be strange if you aren't used to it.

Rowan Atkinson is actually an extremely attractive man, so that would defeat the point.

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7

u/moneymattersyes May 22 '24

yes sir! i think that will be hilarious

7

u/sugah560 May 22 '24

Absolute POPPYCOCK!

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111

u/Big-Sheepherder-5063 May 22 '24

Pretty sure number 2 was Boaty McBoat Face.

23

u/Hereiam_AKL May 22 '24

He is a rather good looking chap.

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51

u/SUPERKAMIGURU May 22 '24

Mr. Bean was ranked at T:0 because he required an entirely different classification system in a tier that can't be quantified properly.

21

u/J_Fidz May 22 '24

Mr Bean isn't allowed to compete anymore, he wins every time.

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70

u/Worlds_Greatest_Noob eurovisionary May 22 '24

Tom Holland iirc

193

u/Hereiam_AKL May 22 '24

Yeah, but he got disqualified, because his name sounds Dutch and they didn't want someone who sounds like he's from the EU

31

u/gordito_delgado May 22 '24

Brexit hit pretty twinks the hardest.

6

u/Rejestered May 22 '24

Lies of B

15

u/Hisplumberness May 22 '24

Fucking remoaners again ./s ……..hate having to put that /s there but brexiteers are a bit touchy

15

u/dontmentiontrousers May 22 '24

They're so angry, despite getting what they wanted. It's weird.

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12

u/ProgrammerMission629 May 22 '24

dafyd the only gay in the village

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202

u/darkrai15 May 22 '24

That's because he drives a jaaaaaag

46

u/krambo23 May 22 '24

It's because of his gravity generating genius

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11

u/Boot_Shrew May 22 '24

Oh it seems I've forgotten my wallet...

4

u/Warsaw44 May 22 '24

Would you mind sorting this out while I go and warm up the jaaaaag.

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80

u/SuperJonesy408 May 22 '24

And on that bombshell, goodnight!

20

u/angryitguyonreddit May 22 '24

And on that terrible disappointment, goodnight

310

u/Cynykl May 22 '24

Imagine if this poll was done in the US. People would be post "are you OK in the US" because Danny Devito was #1.

125

u/Exotic_Adeptness_322 May 22 '24 edited May 22 '24

He would probably pose on the picture with a pack of monster condoms for his magnum dong and win all the votes.

39

u/Theoderic8586 May 22 '24

He is always ready to plow.

31

u/defnotevilmorty May 22 '24

So anyway, he started blasting

20

u/Biscuits4u2 May 22 '24

Between two women with luscious heaving breasts

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219

u/[deleted] May 22 '24

[deleted]

68

u/Silent_Relation_3236 May 22 '24

And he has a massive dong

18

u/Frisnfruitig May 22 '24

You should see him feast, he's like a mantis.

9

u/MohatmoGandy May 22 '24

And he's loaded.

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24

u/Economind May 22 '24

Ahhh, Officer Goodbody

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11

u/jrh_101 May 22 '24

"America is finally OK."

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55

u/Greg2227 May 22 '24

You may not like it but this is what peak UK performance looks like

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17

u/L0nesometrader May 22 '24

Welcome to Bottom Gear mates.

39

u/Karukash May 22 '24

Sexiest man….”In the WURLD”

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14

u/cfcollins May 22 '24

SPEED AND POWER!!!

26

u/Mega-Steve May 22 '24

He's a self-aware sack of manky potatoes. What's not sexy about that?

5

u/keybored13 May 22 '24

alright yeah i can see that

3

u/mizirian May 22 '24

The correct decision was made in that case.....

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3.1k

u/Krisuad2002 May 22 '24

Pretty sure that whole list is a massive satirical piss take, no way they're being serious about this

997

u/ApprehensiveSlip5893 May 22 '24

I love British humour. They are trolling the entire thing and they won’t even acknowledge it or even crack a smile.

318

u/DanTheLegoMan May 22 '24

The most we’ll give is a 😏

127

u/LuxLoser May 22 '24

But you obscure it by doing it as you sip your tea.

107

u/DanTheLegoMan May 22 '24

Exactly! We’re very surreptitious that way. The same way we fucked up a poll to name a new ship Boaty McBoatface

😏☕️

57

u/Suspicious-Oil-4381 May 22 '24

Ah yes, Boaty McBoatface. A very fine lead boat indeed. 😏☕️

39

u/DanTheLegoMan May 22 '24

May god bless her and all who sail in her. 😏☕️

8

u/Chang-San May 22 '24

Many fine seamen have boarded that fine vessel

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26

u/KCBSR May 22 '24

Scottish Gritters are great:

Mr Plow

The Ice Destroyer

Gritallica

Ready, Spready Go!

Sled Zeppelin

Veruca Salt

My Name is Doddie

Sprinkles

For Your Ice Only

My Name’5 Doddie

I Want to Break Freeze

Blizzard BEAR

Basil Salty

Polar Patroller

Snow Dozer

Licence to Chill

Sir Salter Scott

Snow Connery

Nitty Gritty

Grit-Tok

The Incredible Ice BEAR

Walter The Salter

BFG – Big Friendly Gritter

BEAR-illiant

Polar BEAR Express

17

u/Manxy-42 May 22 '24

You missed the best one 'Gritsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Anti-Slip Machiney'

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26

u/Ok_Space2463 May 22 '24

You think I don't like the curves of our lord and saviour, Jezza Clarkson?

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22

u/_ryuujin_ May 22 '24

was brexit just British humor

9

u/ApprehensiveSlip5893 May 22 '24

Stubbornness probably

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47

u/11nealp May 22 '24

The British love to mess up a poll

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528

u/ihateyulia May 22 '24 edited 28d ago

Yeah but would a satirical pisstake have a sizzling slice of gammon like Jeremy Clarkson in pole position? 🥵

Edit: This was just a joke. I do not fancy Jeremy Clarkson or older Gents. Please stop with the DMs 💀

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u/el_biguso May 22 '24

Of course it's satirical. James May should be first.

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u/kisirani May 22 '24

You can tell the majority of Reddit is American when they don’t understand British sarcasm

Especially since Tom Hardy, Christian Bale, Henry Cavill etc are all British. Clearly this isn’t a real vote

76

u/superchonkdonwonk May 22 '24

British people are simultaneously considered ugly whilst making up half of Hollywood heart throbs 🤷‍♂️😂

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666

u/Pepperoni_Dogfart May 22 '24

The Brits are fine, they just really enjoy ratfucking idiotic polls.

200

u/creativename111111 May 22 '24

Yep a candidate called count binface got 24000 votes in the recent London mayoral election lol

199

u/One_Of_Noahs_Whales May 22 '24

The best part is he beat the social democrats, the women's equality party, and UKIP.

To be fair he has pretty solid policies...

  • Bringing back Ceefax, the teletext service.
  • Nationalising model railways.
  • Allowing any Czechs on the Irish border to remain.
  • Nationalising Adele, the English singer.
  • Making Piers Morgan zero emissions by 2030.
  • Renaming London Bridge to "Phoebe Waller-Bridge".
  • Introducing a minimum voting age of 16 and a maximum of 80.
  • Proroguing Jacob Rees-Mogg.
  • Banishing Katie Hopkins to the Phantom Zone.
  • Moving the hand dryer in the men's toilet at Uxbridge's Crown and Treaty pub to a "more sensible position".

74

u/SuperSonicEconomics2 May 22 '24

Lol this is hilarious. Must be Britain's version of vermin supreme

30

u/One_Of_Noahs_Whales May 22 '24 edited May 22 '24

British politics has always been fun, this guy is a comedian, he crowd sources the deposits (to run as an MP it is £500 so you get plenty of fun people, London mayor is £10,000 so a bit more of a risk, if you get more than 5% of the vote you get your money back) with anything left over being donated to charity.

Used to be Lord Buckethead, but due to a copyright dispute had to give up that one.

EDIT: He was a member of the Monster Raving Looney Party There was another candidate with the same name!, which at one point was run by a cat, "Catmando" and his interpreter Howling Lord Hope.

13

u/creativename111111 May 22 '24

Never knew count binface was a member of the looney party although it doesn’t surprise me

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u/Narradisall May 22 '24

Count Binface is the man the city needs!

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437

u/JakeBradley46 May 22 '24

No we're not, thanks for asking.

103

u/an_ill_way May 22 '24

Neither are we. And I don't feel the need to specify where I'm from, it still applies.

20

u/Infinite-Ring-151 May 22 '24

We are very very much not ok. And I also am not going to state whether I am even talking about a country

17

u/Jehoel_DK May 22 '24

I don't like to get others involved, but I'm very much not ok either

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u/Falcrist May 22 '24

Just hanging on in quiet desperation, are you?

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922

u/Pro_Moriarty May 22 '24

Given our ability to not take things like this seriously, it stands to reason that our top rankings are clearly pisstaking.

273

u/LithoSlam May 22 '24

You should stop doing that when it comes to deciding who should run the government

132

u/Pro_Moriarty May 22 '24 edited May 22 '24

Well normally we would.

Except the last few PM inc current one have been unelected.

We're just waiting (with baited breath) to determine who does run it.

Cameron was voted in by the electorate

May succeeded him after he quit re: Brexit referendum result

Johnson got in brexit and won the mandate because of that.

Truss got in because Johnson was a liability

Sunak got in because Truss was less useful than a wet lettuce.

76

u/JJW2795 May 22 '24

You guys are going through PM’s like cheap beer at Spring Break.

58

u/Pro_Moriarty May 22 '24

Difference is cheap beer will be useful..eventually

23

u/Savagecal01 May 22 '24

and probably would last longer than truss

10

u/Faerco May 22 '24

Still piss anyway

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u/MoeTHM May 22 '24

So, you all make a list of the “Sexiest” people, while everyone knows it’s a joke, then put the ugliest people on it. You all are assholes.

67

u/ButterMeBaps69 May 22 '24

Because I’m sure Prince William is crying himself to sleep knowing he was jokingly ranked the 3rd sexiest man in the UK.

40

u/Nabbylaa May 22 '24

Drying his tears with £50 notes with his dad's face on them.

14

u/MisoRamenSoup May 22 '24

We have plastic notes, so good luck with that.

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u/thatscoldjerrycold May 22 '24

Wasn't he unironically considered sexy like 20 years ago? Back when he had a full head of hair at least. I remember a joke about his good looks in that Anne Hathaway movie where she becomes a princess.

21

u/ButterMeBaps69 May 22 '24

He was definitely one of the less inbred looking members of the royal family.

6

u/nuxxism May 22 '24

But he was also clearly Charles' son, so you knew what was coming. Harry though...

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u/Cullly May 22 '24

Prince William was definitely the heart throb when he was like 18-24 or so, but his brother definitely aged like fine wine.

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u/Pro_Moriarty May 22 '24

Thank you :-)

34

u/Lala_in_LA May 22 '24

The most UK-American dialog I’ve seen

30

u/Pro_Moriarty May 22 '24

I could've added "you prick" for geniune UK authenticity, but I figured I retain UK-US relations

14

u/1337sp33k1001 May 22 '24

As a yank I find it rather insulting that you withheld “you prick”.

7

u/Pro_Moriarty May 22 '24

Exceptions can and will be made.

Bellend!

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u/Resident_Pop143 May 22 '24

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u/Outrageous-Divide472 May 22 '24

Ahh, now there’s a sexy man. Captain Picard had it all - he was dignified, smart, calm, reasonable, moral, and completely fictional, but damn, what a role model. I’ve loved me some Captain Picard for many years.

17

u/ThisLucidKate May 22 '24

Picard will always have a spot on my hall pass for all of those reasons. Fictional is a bonus.

(Recently saw Patrick Stewart on his book tour. He’s aged incredibly well, and what a life!)

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u/3-I May 22 '24

Nah, see, he's a frenchman.

And a pompous ass.

And a damn sexy man.

12

u/jmurphy42 May 22 '24

I never understood why they thought a Frenchman with the most British accent ever made sense.

12

u/JeffSergeant May 22 '24

We obviously won the war of 2166

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u/No-Amphibian689 May 22 '24

Now he’s a fine man. I’ve always had a crush on Patrick Stewart

16

u/Holmes221bBSt May 22 '24

I’d follow Picard to the fucking gates of hell and back.

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u/Sinnsearachd May 22 '24

To this day, if Patrick Stewart came up to me, I would.

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u/infinitebyzero May 22 '24

You don't know British as Spaniards do. They just vote for laughs.

The troll under the bridge? British.

67

u/Trygve81 May 22 '24

Bridge trolls are Norwegian, actually. The origin is a Norwegian fairy tale.

80

u/Weak_Sloth May 22 '24

Are you suggesting bridge trolls migrate?

42

u/Veryegassy May 22 '24

Not at all. They must be carried.

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u/Rimrul May 22 '24

A norwegian tale about the british.

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u/1minormishapfrmchaos May 22 '24

As voted by Women of a Pensionable Age Magazine

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u/[deleted] May 22 '24

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52

u/FaceRidden May 22 '24

Dropped cheesecake.. I’m stealing that shit homie.

94

u/Future-Muscle-2214 May 22 '24

At least you got David Beckam and Henry Cavill.

44

u/Stucklikegluetomyfry May 22 '24

We also have Ewan McGregor, Ben Whishaw, Idris Elba, Colin Firth, Andrew Garfield...

5

u/trpclshrk May 22 '24

Yeah, that should have been most of the top ten. I think y’all have Ben Barnes too?

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u/fuck_ur_portmanteau May 22 '24

I (British) have an Argentinian friend, who, after spending two weeks here proclaimed “David Beckham is the best looking man in the UK, and the best looking woman”

I had to take that one on the chin.

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u/Dazzling_Dish_4045 May 22 '24

No they left for america. They're ours now fuckers.

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u/joseoconde May 22 '24

I had no clue Henry Cavill was British 🤯

8

u/Mr_nudge89 May 22 '24

What gave it away? His incredibly British accent?

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u/thebeattakesme May 22 '24

lol that description…u have a lot going for you.

5

u/DexyBRD May 22 '24

Crazy thing is, if you look at his pictures of him from when he was 20 you’d have no idea he’d age this badly!

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u/Fraggle987 May 22 '24

Typical British respone to everything we are given the opportunity to participate in.....sarcasm and lunacy 🇬🇧

47

u/WerewolfNo890 May 22 '24

Seriously, don't people remember BoatyMcBoatface? The same sort of people voted for each.

38

u/tandemtactics May 22 '24

Or Rage Against the Machine winning Best Christmas Song as a rebellion vote against Susan Boyle...

6

u/PastelPumpkini May 22 '24

Joe McWhateverhisname is. Not Susan.

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u/culturedgoat May 22 '24

So true. So proud 🇬🇧

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u/Palidor May 22 '24

Well he was a real handsome lad back in the day. As a boy he looked like his mother, now he looks like his father

21

u/mizzurna_balls May 22 '24

People aren't realizing this. He was the heartthrob, "cute" one back in the day before he got older and lost his hair. Look it up on google ya'll

7

u/TheeShaun May 22 '24

Twink death is a very real thing

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u/Unlikely-Health9014 May 22 '24

The US had a show where bitches were fighting over Flavor Flav. We aren’t any better.

28

u/Veganbabe55 May 22 '24

None of them were sexually attracted to him. It was about the money.

14

u/Hisplumberness May 22 '24

None of them were sexually attractive either

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u/Unlikely-Health9014 May 22 '24

Same thing. Money and power. It’s easy to overlook physical appearance when he’s got everything else.

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u/HamHusky06 May 22 '24

Was in Iceland once, asked a person, “why is everyone so good looking here?”

Icelandic woman responded, “at birth, if you are an ugly baby, we just throw you in the ocean. The ones that swim go to England.”

5

u/AVeryBlueDragon May 22 '24

💀💀💀

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u/Riddlepop May 22 '24

hey, give him a toupee and I'd say he's a decent lookin lad

9

u/Woolfus May 22 '24

William was a definite teen heart throb when younger. I’m sure he’s not investing into a hair system in part because people would absolutely lambast him for being vein. He can’t win no matter what he does. People are the worst.

15

u/Loifee May 22 '24

I really do think he would be decent looking, it's crazy how people are acting like he's hideous, he does need to learn to smile like he's not in pain though

6

u/Hisplumberness May 22 '24

Yeah but chicks don’t want things falling off when you’re on the job so to speak

6

u/MarxJ1477 May 22 '24

That's what those hair clubs are about. It's basically a toupe glued to your head so you can shower and do other things and it doesn't have to come off.

Personally I just shaved my head...too much bullshit to bother with being vain over hair. Then again I was lucky enough to look good with a shaved head so.

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u/Drunk_Cat_Phil May 22 '24

If you think this was serious, you don't know the British.

Look up Boaty Mcboatface

48

u/knowledgeable_diablo May 22 '24

Straight teeth, bulging bank account, them UK chicks thinking about the support he can provide their unborn future tax widgets I’m thinking.

32

u/dumpmaster42069 May 22 '24

Huge tracts of land

6

u/alexmikli May 22 '24

If you cover his scalp, he actually does look very good. He should shave off the rest of his hair and maybe grow a nice old 19th century mustache.

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u/KaziArmada May 22 '24

So I feel there's a point missing here. This isn't ran by the BBC or an equivalent sized org like, I don't know, TIME or anything else.

It's ran by a website called IllicitEncounters, which claims it is, and I quote “the best online dating site for married people”.

They have a bunch of their members vote on it. It's Ashley Madison but for the brits choosing who they'd want to cheat on their partners with.

40

u/AdvanceSignificant86 May 22 '24

Believe it or not that’s a British 9

12

u/Proud_Smell_4455 May 22 '24

A 9 for a British person over 30*

I'd say William is actually a good example of how we age horribly lol

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u/DeadliestViper May 22 '24

Americans voted trump for president, americans can never judge anyone for voting for anything for the rest of time.

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u/4me2knowit May 22 '24

I believe it was a pretty niche survey

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u/wosmo May 22 '24

You're not kidding. "IllicitEncounters", a dating site for married people, surveyed 2000 women.

So you have a small sample size from a self-selecting and not very representative set (or at least, I hope "married people on a dating app for married people" isn't very representative!)

You'd probably get a better sample from an askreddit "how do sex?" botspam.

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u/abandonsminty May 22 '24

He looks like a polished bollock.

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u/Moukatelmo May 22 '24

This is the British way of saying “I don’t care about your stupid poll. Leave me alone!!”

6

u/GHLeeroyJenkins May 22 '24

Yanks don’t understand the lowest form of wit

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u/BUSTABOLT May 22 '24

Clearly people are voting for the jokes lol

12

u/FatChicken22-YT May 22 '24

We are fine, we just have a sense of humour lol

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u/SteveArnoldHorshak May 22 '24

If my dog looked like that, I’d shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards.

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u/Major_Chard_6606 May 22 '24

Relax Reddit chads. It’s a typo. *shiniest.

5

u/Liljdb0524 May 22 '24

This is a whole thing with them. They don't vote seriously for shit like this.

5

u/jamaican-black May 22 '24

I can't tell if he's happy, stressed, taking a shit, or all 3 at once

5

u/therealolliehunt 29d ago

Donald Trump was once voted most suitable to head up the most powerful country in the world so that puts things in context a bit.

4

u/Bepulk7 May 22 '24

The US had a publication say Blake Shelton was our Sexiest Man of the Year one year. There might b some ppl who agree, but news publications do NOT speak for the majority when they do sh** like this

3

u/Finsfan909 May 22 '24

Wallace and gromit looking MFER

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5

u/Rex_Mundi May 22 '24

David Attenborough was not allowed in the running.

3

u/CorpseDefiled May 23 '24

Yes British people are okay. They’re living in a world of honesty and truth with the understanding wealth and power are more attractive than a 6 pack and hair.

Which is an unpleasant truth.

3

u/Business-Ranger4510 27d ago

I have hope ! Moving to the UK!