r/facepalm 29d ago

Oops 🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​

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62.7k Upvotes

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u/nothxnotinterested 29d ago

They’re gonna be so pissed when they realize no one woke them up in the future

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u/FartFignugey 29d ago

"You mean I was back, in POG form, and no one told me?!?!"

Yeah, I'd be pissed, too.

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u/RandomTask100 29d ago

Look! A freezer geezer!

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u/Muffinshire 29d ago

What a time to be alive!

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u/FutureFirefighter17 29d ago

Moon Pie

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u/TBShaw17 29d ago

We actually have moon pies in the house. And my wife hates it because every time anyone says “moon pie” I follow up with “What a time to be alive.”

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u/More-Ear85 29d ago

Oh Apu, how time has ravaged your once youthful looks...

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u/Dodahevolution 29d ago

Remember Alf? He’s back, in POG form.

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u/FantasticAnus 29d ago

The Milhouse reference I needed.

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u/GrimTiki 29d ago

“Welcome… to the world of tomorrow!”

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u/AlistarDark 29d ago

My only regret is... I have boneitis

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u/SharrkBoy 29d ago

lol my first reaction was “damn that’s not what they were hoping for” but like they’re fucking dead

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u/Now_Wait-4-Last_Year 29d ago

I swear that’s the plot of Resident Evil 6.

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u/stifledmind 29d ago

Were there any redeemable factors?

Like instead of having an urn of ashes, could we use the fluid to make a lava lamp or something?

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u/trocarkarin 29d ago

The small mountain town of Nederland, CO created a festival called Frozen Dead Guy Days due to some old Norwegian grandpa whose family put him on dry ice in the shed in the back yard. People weren’t ok with backyard corpse storage, so they banned it, but he was grandfathered in. At some point, his shed needed replacing, so Tuff Shed donated a new one. Eventually people found a sense of humor about it, and now there’s a documentary and a yearly festival with a parade and beer garden and people plunging into an icy lake.

Is that a redeeming factor?

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u/Zachariot88 29d ago

Frozen Dead Guy Days is a blast -- turkey bowling, coffin races, and often in the middle of a snowstorm.

I love how weird the towns get between Golden and Boulder.

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u/birdiebegood 29d ago

Wait that is REALLY close to where I live! This is a REAL THING??? I've only lived in CO for about 4 years but I don't really leave Denver...

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u/SnootsAndBootsLLP 29d ago

If you don’t leave denver you’re missing out on living in CO it is a real thing!

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u/Dry_Substance_7547 29d ago

Definitely take a trip out into the mountains. To this day my favorite trip ever was up to Crested Butte, the view from the mountains ip back of the town are phenominal. If you're not that adventuresome, Estes Park is a reaaonable drive from Denver. Or go hit the Flatirons near Boulder if you want to get away from people. Ftr, I no longer live in CO, but still have fond memories.

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u/gandalf_el_brown 29d ago

FDGD moved to Estes Park now

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u/Zachariot88 29d ago

Wait, really? Did... they move the dead guy?

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u/ImprobableAvocado 29d ago

No. Nederland couldn't handle the crowds so the Stanley hotel bought the festival.

Edit: Actually it seems like they moved him earlier this year. My bad!

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u/nellirn 29d ago

"He was grandfathered in" I see what you did there.

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u/Aramor42 29d ago

I'm from the Netherlands and this comment confused the hell out of me.

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u/trocarkarin 29d ago

I can see how those sentences could sound like complete nonsense. It’s already a bizarre story on its own. Add in the cultural shift, and I’m just picturing somebody sitting in front of a screen going “I can recognize those are all words, but this doesn’t parse.” Sorry about that.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nederland,_Colorado

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frozen_Dead_Guy_Days

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuff_Shed

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grandfather_clause#:~:text=A%20grandfather%20clause%2C%20also%20known,apply%20to%20all%20future%20cases.

https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0245139/

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u/Aramor42 29d ago

At first I thought you were just taking the piss out of the Netherlands because it's so flat and then calling it a mountain town would be funny. But that didn't hold up about half a sentence later and then I realized what CO stands for and I Googled it and it all made sense.

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u/Hammurabi87 29d ago

The United States has a long, long history of stealing place names from across the globe to reuse locally. You're hardly the first person to get confused by such shenanigans, and certainly won't be the last.

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u/Clear-Present_Danger 29d ago

Specifically a mountain town being named after the Netherlands is hilarious.

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u/fothergillfuckup 29d ago

This is my "granny Mavis" lava lamp. I feel awkward about turning her on.

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u/Final_Winter7524 29d ago

She always had a bubbly personality.

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u/gordito_delgado 29d ago edited 29d ago

She was all the rage in the 70's but later was just used by old stoners and ex-hippies.

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u/Murder_Bird_ 29d ago

My 6 yr old daughter is fascinated with lava lamps. Keeps asking for one for her birthday LOL

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u/LegalizeRanch88 29d ago

I too went through a lava lamp phase at 7 or 8.

Maybe we adults are just too jaded and conditioned by society to believe that cool things are not cool.

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u/Eliermo 29d ago

I'm 30 and I still think lava lamps are cool! I just can't justify spending money on one, though... Maybe that's the problem.

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u/Cobek 29d ago

I need a lava lamp that heats up the moment I get home and turns off the moment I leave.

It created some cool primordial structures midway through but heating it was always a pain to wait on.

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u/Kiltemdead 29d ago

I'm sure you could get an electronic home assistant thing and hook a lava lamp up to it and just say "Dobby, turn on my goddamn magic floaty lamp. I'll be home in five minutes."

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u/[deleted] 29d ago edited 28d ago

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u/ChaosPLus 29d ago

So she's an ex-hippie already?

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u/Creepy-Mortgage9183 29d ago

Hope they make them better now because in the 90’s when I had one I got some pretty bad burns from them 😂😂

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u/Murrayland1 29d ago

Yo I’m bored, should we get high and turn on your granny Mavis?

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u/Destaleth 29d ago

Don't worry though granny Mavis was a “level five laser lotus” in the church of “Neo-Reform Buddhism.” She’ll be back to life before you know it!

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u/Seliphra 29d ago

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u/Quick_Pangolin718 29d ago

I fully expected it

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u/doktorhollywood 29d ago

that's because you're streets ahead.

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u/Solid-Twist- 29d ago

Stop trying to coin the phrase streets ahead

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u/doktorhollywood 29d ago

coined and minted my friend.

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u/akluin 29d ago

Depend what you are doing in front of that lava lamp

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u/MsPreposition 29d ago

Limited Edition. I like it.

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u/UnbentSandParadise 29d ago

It might feel a little awkward at first but after a while it'll just help you feel closer to her, it might even be somewhat cathartic once you get used to it.

/uj I'm really sorry that I'm not sorry.

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u/Informal-Ad8066 29d ago

Turning on grandma… 😂😂😂

Take the upvote.

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u/Siolentsmitty 29d ago

Is that you Pierce?

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u/TacticalyInteresting 29d ago

Nah, this guy is clearly much higher than just a level five laser lotus.

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u/CleanOpossum47 29d ago

Clearly they can see the color blurple.

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u/Guilty-Nobody998 29d ago

He's also streets behind.

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u/Powerful-Company9722 29d ago

You’ve reduced me to level four just by asking me that question.

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u/Diormouse 29d ago

Funny you should say that, water cremation is a thing that exists and is legal in 24 states. It’s said to be greener than burial or cremation.

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u/aaron2005X 29d ago

last time they used bodyparts as lampmaterial it didn't go to well.

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u/ricabobby25 29d ago

Well you have to be Fragile. "Must be Italian"

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u/MarinLlwyd 29d ago

It really added some kick to my protein shake.

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u/lampshade2099 29d ago

Wow, you’re really a glass-half-full person looking for upsides in human-fluid-plugs.

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u/wytherlanejazz 29d ago

The worst fates of all occurred at a similar underground vault that stored bodies at a cemetery in Butler, New Jersey. The storage Dewar was poorly designed, with uninsulated pipes. This led to a series of incidents, at least one of which was failure of the vacuum jacket insulating the inside. The bodies in the container partially thawed, moved, and then froze again — stuck to the capsule like a child’s tongue to a cold lamp post. Eventually the bodies had to be entirely thawed to unstick, then re-frozen and put back in. A year later, the Dewar failed again, and the bodies decomposed into “a plug of fluids” in the bottom of the capsule. The decision was finally made to thaw the entire contraption, scrape out the remains, and bury them. The men who performed this unfortunate task had to wear a breathing apparatus.

Context and sources are important, best I could find was: https://bigthink.com/the-future/cryonics-horror-stories/

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u/velinn 29d ago

Yeah, this is where the entire concept falls apart. Even if the science was viable you have to rely on other humans to do their jobs correctly, essentially forever. And more importantly, continue to have the budget to do their jobs correctly. Even if you hand the management over to AI to minimize human stupidity, that doesn't solve budget constraints with construction and maintenance.

Let's face it, once you're over 70 society stops caring about you, and if you're frozen on top of that, it's purely an "out of sight, out of mind" situation. We can't even get elderly group homes to treat actual living humans with decency and respect much less frozen ones.

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u/MedChemist464 29d ago

The Neal Stephenson book 'Fall' addresses this. Basically - you sign your body over to a company to be frozen, but considering the overhead of keeping this much bio material at cryogenic conditions is ENORMOUS. What happens when the company goes bankrupt? What happens when they run out of space and someone misses a maintenance bill?

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u/Annath0901 29d ago

The "Bobiverse" books kind of address this - the protagonist (Bob) dies after having purchased a cryogenics policy.

I don't remember if it was always just to preserve his head, or if they were supposed to preserve his body and decided later to just do the head.

Regardless, eventually the company running the cryogenics goes bankrupt, and their assets, including the frozen heads, are sold to a research firm. The firm copies his personality into software (which destroys his brain as it scans the neurons) and he's put into a little robot.

This is all the set dressing, and culminates in Bob uploading himself to a rocket and launching into space on a satellite. The series progresses from there as he basically becomes a Von Neumann Probe and has countless adventures.

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u/Urabrask_the_AFK 29d ago

Could have turned out worse for Bob

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u/jermkfc 29d ago

Lol, They actually mention this. He was worried he was going to end up running a garbage truck or something.

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u/scramblingrivet 29d ago

Probably one of the least horrifying 'corporation uploads your mind' stories, considering that this is probably the only way that an almost-eternal hell is plausible.

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u/Annath0901 29d ago

Yeah, the whole bit with him becoming an AI is basically just the setup for the series.

The rest of it is pretty lighthearted.

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u/[deleted] 29d ago edited 1d ago

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u/DrBoomkin 29d ago

IIRC, this is just one copy of "bob" that becomes a probe. "Bobs" are used for various tasks, many much less interesting...

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u/7URB0 29d ago edited 29d ago

you remember very incorrectly. every single one of them is a self-replicating spaceship.

ETA: there are other replicants who get get revived for other purposes, but none of them are Bob. At least as far as we're told.

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u/STFUnicorn_ 29d ago

It is kinda the situation in the stupid lands right now with frozen fertilized eggs being considered full humans. People could face manslaughter charges for an accident power surge.

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u/arsapeek 29d ago

To be fair, you would hope that we build medical facilities like that similar to a data center. Redundant power supply, battery backups, etc. 

To be realistic, we probably don't 

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u/bullwinkle8088 29d ago edited 29d ago

The actually do, and they are always on the top of the list for restoration. Sometimes even including contractual fines for the power company if power is not restored in x number of minutes/hours.

Many are fed from multiple separate grid sections so that a single blown transformer will not take them down.

Where do you think Data Centers got some of their ideas from?

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u/Bob_stanish123 29d ago

The fertility industry is basically unregulated.  However that doesn't mean it's garbage.  Most facilities will hold themselves to a set of industry standards.

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u/Fun-Distribution1776 29d ago

Once you're 70? Shit society never cares about you.

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u/TacticalyInteresting 29d ago

Not unless it can fuck you or exploit money out of you, then it can pretend to care on the short term at least.

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u/elibusta 29d ago

Yeah, even then they couldn't give two shits

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u/Ripoutmybrain 29d ago

Society is really like a strip club.

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u/Mr__O__ 29d ago

Or just an abusive relationship of the rich with the poor.

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u/TacticalyInteresting 29d ago

Yeah just like a strip club. Or did you think those woman really want to be there for anything other than money?

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u/RevvyDraws 29d ago

The Transmetropolitan issue on cryogenics was probably the most realistic idea of what 'successful' cryogenics would look like. Basically explained the story of one woman - her husband died after her in an 'unretrievable' location, so she was alone. Can't remember if didn't have any remaining descendants, or if they were just so far removed at that point that they didn't even know she'd ever been frozen/who she was.

She was essentially pushed out the door with a bit of clothing and some 'savings' she'd left herself, which were pretty much worthless now, and immediately collapsed from culture shock. There were no support systems in place, so she was left homeless and PTSD-riddled.

So yeah, even if we managed to perfect the 'freezing' bit... there's a whole lot else to go very wrong.

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u/AmazingAd2765 29d ago

I can't remember the series, but there was a short "episode" from a show where they discover a cryogenic chamber and revive the person/people they found. World has advanced, but overpopulation has made it where resources are very scarce.

Two guys are discussing one guy they woke up, and what he could contribute. I think it is mentioned that all he has really done is doodle since they woke him up. It is decided that he isn't worth keeping around, so he will be disposed of. After they take the guy away, the camera pans to the desk where he was doodling. He was drawing Mickey Mouse...

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u/ShepherdessAnne 29d ago

Metal Hurlant! Aka Heavy Metal.

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u/littlebitneuro 29d ago

Compounding interest for all those years tho, if you can afford the freezing in the first place wouldn’t you have enough set aside to be thawed super rich?

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u/phantompowered 29d ago

As Futurama put it:

Teller: "You had a balance of 93 cents..."

Fry: "Alright!"

Teller: "And, at an average of two and a quarter percent interest over a period of one thousand years, that comes to four point three billion dollars."

Fry: *uncontrollable shaking*

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u/RedMephit 29d ago

proceeds to buy anchovies

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u/RevvyDraws 29d ago

Assuming the currency is still the same by the time you get thawed out. And inflation hasn't gone wild. And the bank you put it in still exists. Etc Etc....

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u/Rougarou1999 29d ago

Don’t forget banks potentially closing accounts due to the owner being technically deceased.

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u/ImpulsiveApe07 29d ago

Man, I just watched the star trek tng episode about that (last ep of season one iirc)!

There's three 20th century corpses found in a space wreck - they're thawed out and revived. One of them was an obnoxious financier who keeps pestering the crew about his money.

Eventually Picard has enough, takes the piss out of him and puts him in his place, basically telling the financier that his 'money' is worthless and that he has to fend for himself lol :D

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u/Destroyer4587 29d ago

That was a great episode, it was nice that the lady was able to discover how her family tree had progressed despite her missing out on her children.

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u/firelight 29d ago

Apparently in the books that obnoxious guy becomes ambassador to the Ferengi. Which is kinda nice, that he eventually finds a place for himself where he can put the skills he has to productive use.

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u/STFUnicorn_ 29d ago

That’s only one way it could go. Transmet had a somewhat bleak take on the future in many ways.

It could certainly go a much more supportive way. If you bought the premium freeze package that is…

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u/RevvyDraws 29d ago

To be completely fair, calling Transmet's take on the future 'slightly' bleak is a wild understatement XD

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u/Runktar 29d ago

I think it was incredibly optimistic. After all we were still alive.

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u/lord_geryon 29d ago

Still alive, colonized Mars to the point it was rebellious(why is Mars always rebellious in sci-fi?), have sufficient technology that brain-uploading to a cloud of nanites is possible and so accessible a side-character's boyfriend did it with no seeming obstacles like money or availability or even available technicians; it just seemed plug and play.

Transmet is about the unwashed masses left to their own devices after the truly wealthy fucked off to some mystical paradise who knows where.

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u/producerofconfusion 29d ago

It’s easy to imagine Mars being rebellious because that’s often what happens to long term colonies.

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u/CelestialFury 29d ago

Or Faye Valentine from Cowboy Bebop, where she was unsuspended and the support staff around her just immediately scammed her, which set her up for basically a life debt she couldn't repay.

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u/The_republican_anus 29d ago

Rich people want to be immortal so bad in hopes that they’ll tell future people what to do.

They really think that humanity on its current trajectory will care about releasing the robber barons of the 20th century into another one

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u/TacticalyInteresting 29d ago

The key is getting them to pay for all that then just turning them into dog food anyway.

Eat the rich

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u/jesonnier1 29d ago

I've seen this phrase twice, in two days. I don't see it very often. Guess I'm gonna go listen to Aerosmith.

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u/Escaped_Mod_In_Need 29d ago

Antarctica doesn’t require a budget to remain cold. (for now)

Build an international storage facility that could house these bodies deep in a cavity in the ice. Worst thing that could happen is you may accidentally overfeed The Thing.

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u/WindyAbbey 29d ago

Antarctica does not have cryogenic temperatures. The warmest cryogenic temperature is -130degrees F. The closest Antarctica got this year was -90F, and at one point was just -9F .

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u/MsPreposition 29d ago

I can’t tell you how quickly after the first sentence I had to skim to the bottom to make sure “In nineteen ninety-eight the undertaker threw mankind off hell in a cell” wasn’t how your reply ended.

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u/gringo-go-loco 29d ago

I would have just cremated them in the bag.

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u/Thors_meat_hammer 29d ago

Wow I live near there. Thanks for this new information! I hate it

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u/dfb_jalen 29d ago

Lab worker in a cryobiology research facility here: we can preserve whole bodies via Vitrification (freezing without the formation of ice crystals), but we are no where near able to safely thaw them out.

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u/furezasan 29d ago

What would happen during the thawing process currently? Any theories on what would need to be solved to make it safe?

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u/dfb_jalen 29d ago edited 29d ago

The major hurdle is preventing the formation of ice crystals. As the water molecules settle into their lattice structure, they push out all other substances, which can start to squeeze the cells and make the surroundings hypertonic, which further shrinks the cells as well. The company I work for develops compounds that can block the formation of ice but there’s other hurdles involving the prevention of osmotic stress and being compatible with your cell’s complex micro environments as to not inhibit their natural functions.

The way we prevent the ice crystals forming is by “freezing” faster than the ice crystal can form. The same is true for thawing, as we need to thaw the samples faster than the ice crystals will form

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u/furezasan 29d ago

Thanks for sharing. Didn't realize ice crystals were pivotal to the whole process

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u/dfb_jalen 29d ago

It’s sorta the same reason why frozen meat doesn’t taste the same as non frozen meat when cooked.

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u/4tran13 29d ago

What do we know about long term storage? Like, literal decades? From what I've seen, ice cream/meat left in the freezer for just a yr or so will lead to significant changes in texture. Non reputable sources claim that water/etc can still rearrange itself over time, even if frozen.

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u/goodknight94 29d ago

They basically pump you full of antifreeze to minimize ice damage and also freeze you much, much colder than a household freezer. If you froze your meat in liquid nitrogen, it would last for decades without significant changes in texture. Also the changes are often affected by exposure to oxygen. Like ice cream is normally exposed to oxygen in a freezer, causing dehydration and microbial activity

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u/dfb_jalen 29d ago

In simplistic terms, this is basically what we do. Except for the fact that “antifreeze” is typically toxic, and we develop and sell biocompatible versions of “antifreeze”. In this field of study though, we call them cryoprotectants. We sure do use a hell of a lot of liquid nitrogen however.

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u/abitwired 29d ago

If I was frozen today using your company, what are the chances (in your opinion) that my body would ever be able to be resurrected with a functioning brain (either bionic, AI, or flesh)? What does your company do to help ensure my brain doesn't rot between the time of my death and the time of my freezing? Doesn't brain damage occur within 6min?

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u/dfb_jalen 29d ago

With current technology, less than 1% chance, but our research has already come a long way in the past 50 years, so future tech is very promising.

There was a MIT grad who used to have my position at my job who started his own company looking into preserving consciousness digitally. I don’t know the current state of his research, but from what I learned in my neurobiology classes in college, brain-computer interface (BCI) technology is already in development and already making good headway.

Immediately after your death (assuming no brain trauma) your brain would be taken out and perfused with substances that contain oxygen and all the necessary metabolites for your brain, in addition to non-toxic “antifreeze” that prevents the ice formation during the vitrification process. After that? Deep storage in some liquid nitrogen dewar that you will hope doesn’t fail like in the Original Post until we develop technology to safely thaw you out

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u/dfb_jalen 29d ago

With vitrification, preservation is theoretically possible forever. As mentioned earlier, this is a different process than freezing as the water molecules retain their normal distribution and random patterning as during their liquid phase, instead of forming patterned ice crystals as a result of their hydrogen bonding properties.

Your overly frozen ice cream tastes different because the water is no longer mixed with the other substances that give it its proper flavoring.

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

So your telling me these cryogenically frozen people would have a better mouth feel than my run of the mill defrosted human corpse?

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u/TheJenniStarr 29d ago

So what I’m hearing here is “pop it in the ol’ cremation furnace for 15 minutes or until the skin is golden brown.”

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u/RooR8o8 29d ago

There are a couple companies that freeze people but they cant thaw them yet... one of the bitcoin contributors was already preserved and a couple more

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u/dfb_jalen 29d ago

One of those companies is Alcor, who we work with closely. But the facility I work at has a few human brains that we are admittedly not certified to have.

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u/ziggy3610 29d ago

There's a Larry Niven story about a future in which cryogenically frozen corpses are woken up a bit at a time, to have their organs transplanted into the living.

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u/LandosMustache 29d ago

Does it involve a hilariously obvious self-insert main character and a problematically young/outrageously hot girl who has lots of sex with him?

I read Ringworld late enough in life that I was more bothered with the mediocre writing than I was awed at the cool sci fi concepts. Guess a childhood of reading Arthur C Clarke and Isaac Asimov books spoils you a bit

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u/IKnowGuacIsExtraLady 29d ago

I was more bothered with the mediocre writing than I was awed at the cool sci fi concepts

Unfortunately that's just how it is with older sci-fi/fantasy. Someone has a really cool idea and writes a book/movie about it that blows everyone's minds at the time. Then over time other people take that concept and iterate on it with better and better writing to the point where those cool concepts are just basic tropes of the genre. As a result the only thing that made the originals good and unique on release is gone. There are very few books published before 2000 in sci-fi/fantasy that I can stand to read and it is definitely worse for sci-fi.

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u/OnasoapboX41 29d ago

This reads like something that would happen at Aperture Science in Portal 2.

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u/4onen 29d ago

"Cave Johnson here. If you were coming in for the cryogenic storage future revival program, I've got good news and bad... Wait, it's all bad news. For you. Good news for me though: first, the fact you're already legally dead and can't hear this message. Yep, lawyers wouldn't let us freeze you until you were dead, so that's out of the way, which is important because we won't be freezing you. Yeah, yeah, technically we made a contractual obligation, but that was before you were dead, and we had to write quite a few extra pages into that contract to make sure that didn't transfer to your executor or next of kin. So, why aren't we freezing you? Well, turns out freezing people is easy. Keeping them frozen? Hard. We had some people for a similar experiment in the 70s. Turns out their cooling systems failed and they wound up liquefying and pouring down the drain. Caused a clog that took out drainage across half the facility. Took us a week to get 'em out and we're still not sure we got all of 'em. So that freezing program? Yeap, cancelled. So, ah, take the bodies apart for organs and anything we can't use dump in the acid pools I guess. Cave Johnson out."

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u/RedMephit 29d ago

I had to go and look to see if this was an actual quote from Cave Johnson. It read perfectly in his voice. Bra-fucking-vo to you [insert name here] you captured the spirit well.

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u/NoTop4997 29d ago edited 29d ago

A plug of fluid? What the fuck is a plug? How big is a plug?

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u/[deleted] 29d ago

About 1 human sized object liquefied.

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u/Masturbutcher 29d ago

in plug form

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u/ewok_lover_64 29d ago

Is that the same as Pog form?

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u/Kradget 29d ago

You ever collected bacon grease in a bowl? 

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u/goldencrayfish 29d ago

I am imagining a frozen hockey puck shape at the bottom of the capsule

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u/Doxonvic 29d ago

"Americans will use anything but the metric system" /s

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u/NoTop4997 29d ago

But I am American! What the fuck is this?

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u/wytherlanejazz 29d ago

It actually was a refrozen frozen circular glob after the device had failed multiple times. Circumference the size of whatever the DEWAR device measured

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u/Chewbacca22 29d ago

An adult size drink from Paunch Burger

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u/Hannicka 29d ago

How big is that measured in Ford F150’s?

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u/Thorough_Good_Man 29d ago

I.C. Wiener

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u/TripleEhBeef 29d ago

Here's to another lousy millennium.

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u/NewTexasMarshall 29d ago

Welcome, to the world of tomorrowwwwww

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u/ThatWasCool 29d ago

“Oh, crud…”

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u/yoko_OH_NO 29d ago

Do not tip delivery boy 

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u/Adept-Elephant1948 29d ago

Everyone in the cryogenic industry knows the most important piece of equipment is the wallpaper scraper.

You learn that on day one

Day two they teach you not to put your frozen lunch in with the frozen clients

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u/The_Dukenator 29d ago

Is this from the idiots who claim that Walt Disney was cyrogenically frozen and that they'll thaw him out at some point?

Or that there is a real story of someone who was just frozen?

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-05-23/sydney-man-first-cryogenically-frozen-holbrook-regional-nsw/103879454

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u/StickBrickman 29d ago

It's been decades of fringe pseudoscience, IIRC. They froze a guy back in the 70s as essentially a proof of concept, though I don't know if he's one of the few that's still a popsicle or if he succumbed to power outages or bankruptcy by now. Famously, Ted Williams had just his head frozen, because his son was a big proponent of the promises made by one of the companies. There were some allegations that the company was less than professional with how they transported the head.

It's not backed up by any serious scientists, it's pretty much 100% SciFi wishful thinking, but that hasn't stopped a few wealthy investors or desperate people.

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u/DragoonDM 29d ago

The whole concept has basically just been, "we'll freeze your corpse now and hopefully maybe possibly figure out how to thaw and revive you later, while also fixing the horrific cellular damage caused by the freezing process. Fingers crossed! Money please."

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u/_mulcyber 29d ago

There is some scientific background behind cryogenics. Scientists managed to freeze hamsters and unfreeze them (literally microwaved), still alive and (somewhat) healthy. It created a craze around cryogenetics (that was in the 60s if my memory serves me well).

This issue is that: - 1. it does not work on large animals, because you need to freeze them super fast for it to work (and avoid the cellular damage you're talking about), and it's very difficult for large animal (like humans) - 2. they froze them alive, there is no guaranty that you can revive someone after brain death

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u/BaziJoeWHL 29d ago

Easy, take the big body apart, froze them individually, then unfeeze them and finally put them together

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u/Extension_String_497 29d ago

Until that kid from Toy Story decides to swap peoples heads and other parts for fun

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u/Appropriate_Plan4595 29d ago

For the dead person though it's a no-lose situation (other than costing money for any family they've left behind), they're already dead, it's just a case of them being frozen with a very, very slim possibility of waking up one day rather than being buried/cremated and guaranteeing that they won't.

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u/Poetry-Schmoetry 29d ago

The trippy bit to me is that if it did work, they would, from their point of view, wake up as soon as they die.

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u/The_Dukenator 29d ago

Like we'd need a wall of heads like in Futurama.

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u/originalbrowncoat 29d ago

It is a life of quiet dignity

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u/EpicBruhMoment12 29d ago

Hah more like “fridge” pseudoscience

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u/SilverDem0n 29d ago

Q. What's the difference between the creator of The Simpsons and the creator of Mickey Mouse?

 A. Matt Groening still goes outside on a hot summer day, but Walt Disney  (This joke only works in a Glaswegian accent)

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u/internetmaniac 29d ago

What?

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u/UngusChungus94 29d ago

Walt dis nay (does not… in certain accented dialects of English)

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u/LewHammer 29d ago

"Dis nay" is colloquial Scottish speech meaning "does not"

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u/WaitingForMyIsekai 29d ago

Disney = disnae

dis nae

does not

Source: am male checkered skirt wearer

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u/shortyjizzle 29d ago

John Wayne's not dead, he's frozen! And as soon as we find a cure for cancer were gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well multiply that by 15 million times, that's how pissed off the dukes gonna be!

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u/SewGangsta 29d ago

I'm gonna get the Duke, and John Cassavetes and Lee Marvin, and Sam Peckinpah, and a case of whiskey and drive down to Texas and, Hey! You know, you really are an asshole!

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u/yendrdd 29d ago

Why don’t you just shut up and sing the song, pal?

https://youtu.be/UrgpZ0fUixs?si=bx3urpEfnsO8VsP5

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u/Broad_Respond_2205 29d ago

Are you telling me a cool sci fi concept that has never been proven to work in real life doesn't work in real life? 😱😱

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u/Swipsi 29d ago

The concept works and is proven, just not on the scale of a human being.

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u/Direct-Reflection889 29d ago

So the concept of freezing people in unproven and doesn't work?

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u/ReaperEDX 29d ago

You can freeze people. Defrosting them without problems is the hard part.

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u/TheLittleBadFox 29d ago

Something something, water expands when frozen rupturing the cells in process.

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u/donobinladin 29d ago

It’s more about the sharp crystal shards that are generated at the cellular level that slices everything… to shreds you say?

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u/danicalifornia882- 29d ago

The process of the freezing is called Vitrification. They use cryoprotectants that does not produce ice crystals when thawed. The same technology is used on human embryos. However, the body is already dead from the beginning. The plan was to buy the dead body some time while the scientists discover a way to bring them back to life. It’s a total scam.

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u/petrichorax 29d ago

It's not a scam, it's a hail mary, and the customer knows this. We have to get this wrong a lot before we get it right.

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u/Swipsi 29d ago

Yes. But the concept of freezing and waking up other, usually microscopic but still complex lifeforms, has been proven and does work, which implies that it is possible, and a matter of how, not if.

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u/Entety303 29d ago

You can freeze and thaw hamsters that then wake up.

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u/Titanium_Eye 29d ago

I learned that in Day of the Tentacle.

You had to put it in a microwave to thaw. That also worked.

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u/Entety303 29d ago

They used a hot spoon before. The microwave was preferable as it didn’t leave them with burns

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u/tha_rogering 29d ago

On the plus side "disney on ice" has never been funnier.

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u/beauh44x 29d ago

My dark sense of humor was activated upon reading that

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u/malakon 29d ago

I think they did this with frogs, but they had to replace nearly all water in the body with antifreeze somehow. If that is not done it is a waste of time, as the 80% water in our bodies freezes crystallizes, expands, and destroys every cell. absolute waste of money.

The only way it could work is is all molecular/atomic movement could be immediately stopped by some kind of field that effectively stops time. And that is pure sci-fi.

Suspended animation for long spaceflights may be possible as long as the body was not frozen. It would be more reducing body metabolism a low as possible without causing cell death. But this would likely more be like a 10x slowdown, you would just age very slowly and be unconscious.

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u/Eggbert_the_Eggest 29d ago

The problem when freezing tissue is the forming of ice crystals. As they grow inside the cells, they pierce the cell walls. Once you thaw the tissue, the cells basically fall apart. That's why you either add freezing agents to reduce the forming of crystals or you have to freeze the tissue very fast so the crystals stay small enough

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u/cile1977 29d ago

They managed to revive hamsters frozen solid and pumped up with antifreeze in 1950s - they didn't have any health problems after revival. It didn't scale up to bigger animals because it's impossible to get antifreeze to so many cells in small amount of time: https://youtu.be/2tdiKTSdE9Y?si=xnhH5-AsOpwqCwfZ

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u/drstmark 29d ago

And what water increasing 10% in volume when turned to ice? Thats big brain time and brain not gonna like that.

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u/EddieSpaghettiFarts 29d ago

I remember this being all the hype years and years ago and eventually just stopped hearing about it. I guess now I know why.

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u/TheLambtonWyrm 29d ago

It's funny how laboratories etc suffer power outages bad enough to defrost a human corpse, but I had a snowball in my Nan's freezer from 2004 until 2023 and it never defrosted once.

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u/Lembueno 29d ago

Seems like a lot of fancy words to say that they melted

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u/TripleEhBeef 29d ago

Applied Cryogenics. No power failures since 1997.

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u/RegularAvailable4713 29d ago

One day, hopefully, we will have the technology to bring corpses back to life without complications. Getting to that day without decaying is the hard part.

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u/Giocri 29d ago

Realistically we will get ways to make incredible repairs to the body while it's alive maybe even in circumstances that are now being considered as the initial death stages but I don't think we will ever be able to bring back to life anything in which cells have fully stopped working

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u/spokeca 29d ago

I hope that pizza delivery boy is OK!

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u/khajiithasmanywares 29d ago

Probably not enough Dimethyl sulfoxide, Phineas Welles has been hogging all of it

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